01x16 - The Case of the Absent Anteater

[bunniefuu]

[MOUSETRAP SNAPS]

Yee-ouch!

[theme music]

Top Cat!

The most effectual Top Cat!

Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C.

Providing it's with dignity

Top Cat!

The indisputable leader
of the g*ng

He's the boss, he's a pip
he's the championship

He's the most tip top

Top Cat

Yes he's a chief
he's a king

But above everything

He's the most tip top

Top Cat!

BENNY: Step right up, folks.
Who's next?

Only 5 cents apiece
and they're going fast.

Step right up
and form a line, folks.

Hey, T.C.,
this is your last chance.

Look, Benny, can't you
see I'm busy freezing?

What are you doing out
in weather like this?

And what's my last chance?

Your last chance to buy
a frozen Fudgsicle.

Sorry. Try me next summer.

Frozen Fudgsicle? What are you,
some kind of a nut or something?

Benny, I realize you never
finished kindergarten

but certainly you know that
nobody sells frozen Fudgsicles

in the winter.

That's just it, T.C.
No competion. I'll clean up.

CHOO-CHOO:
Hey, T.C., we're back.

Well, if it isn't
the task force.

Alright, let's have it, fellas,
without the chilly details.

Did you find a warm place
to spend the winter?

No luck, T.C.

Yeah, like,
they all want money, you know?

Why don't we stay
with Officer Dibble, T.C.?

-His place is nice and warm.
-Oh, sure it is.

And Dibble would be delighted
to have us as guests

because Mrs. Dibble just loves
to cook for seven hungry mouths

three meals a day plus snacks.

Boy, you're full
of brilliant ideas today.

Ain't you heard, T.C.?

Mrs. Dibble went to Florida
for the winter.

-On account of it's so cold.
-Good for you, Brain.

Uh, thanks, Fancy.

What are you guys, tipsters
for a gossip columnist?

Where did you get
that information?

From Dibble.

He kicked us out
to drive her to the station.

We were padded down
for the night when it happened.

Forget it.

It would take an act of Congress
to get us into Dibble's place.

Hey, wait. Why not?
That's it! Of course!

You're gonna run
for Congress, T.C.?

Uh, what's Congress?

Forget it, Brain. Don't think
too much, you'll get a headache.

The library, that's it.

There must be some old law books
down at the library.

-Benny, go find a sled, quick.
-Right, T.C.

Just go along with the bit,
you guys

and this very night
we shall rest

in the quiet warmth
of Dibble's room.

-Here's a sled, T.C. Now what?
-Everybody on.

Go, go, go, you guys.
We gotta keep moving.

Keep the blood circulating.

We can't have frozen corpuscles,
now can we?

Are, uh, frozen corpsicles
like Benny's frozen Fudgsicles?

TOP CAT: Please, just get
on the sled, Brain.

Alright, now give us
a blastoff, Benny.

Then meet me back
in the alley with Dibble.

Okay, but I sure wish
I knew what was going on.

Where we going, T.C.?

We're going to a place you never
heard of: the public library.

Alright, hang on, everybody.
We're going down a hill.

Okay, Fancy, hit the brakes.

- Hit the brakes, Spook?
- Yeah, the brakes, Chooch.

Quick, Brain, the brakes.

Brakes? Uh, what brakes?

That's what I like about you,
Brain, you think of nothing.

[SLED CRASHING]

Uh, what happened?

Do me a favor, Brain.
Don't tell anyone I know you.

Lemme see now.

"Civil Code Statute 2347: It is
unlawful for anyone to reside

on municipally-owned property."

That's it! It took three hours
to find it, but it'll work.

Now for the second part
of my master plan.

And soon it'll be a cozy home,
a loaf of bread, and wow!

Alright, Benny. So I'm here.

-Now where's Top Cat?
-I don't know.

He just said have Officer Dibble
meet him in the alley.

Yeah? Well, it won't do him
any good. I'm flat broke.

-And besides--
TOP CAT: Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

-Prisoners, halt.
-Prisoners?

Alright, you clydes, look sharp

and keep those hands up
or Dibble will drill you.

Here you are, officer.

The whole kit and caboodle
wrapped up nice and neat.

Okay, T.C.,
give it to me nice and easy.

-What's going on?
TOP CAT: It's simple, officer.

As a dedicated and alert citizen
of this glorious community

I felt it my duty to make a
citizen's arrest

on these criminals.

Criminals? I sure hope
T.C. knows what he's doing.

Of course, I'm also turning in
myself as an accomplice.

DIBBLE: Ringleader would be
more like it.

Alright, I'll play your silly
game. What's the charge?

To quote
Civil Code Statute No. 2347:

"It is unlawful to reside
on municipal property."

Ergo, this alley. Ipso facto
with habeas corpus delicatessen.

Is that so?

Well, it won't work, Top Cat.

I ain't gonna arrest
any of you guys.

You're trying to pull
something on me.

TOP CAT: May I remind you,
officer, Statute 231:

Neglect of duty, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.

The word is that the
commissioner takes a dim view

of officers who are derelict
in their duty, know what I mean?

I've always dreamt
of this moment.

But somehow,
I thought it would be different.

Okay, Clarence Darrow, you win.
You're all under arrest.

But it's against my better
judgment.

DIBBLE:
Hello, sarge?

Send the wagon.

I'm making mass arrests
down at the alley.

Yeah, that's right.
Top Cat and his whole g*ng.

I had such big dreams about him
putting up a great battle.

[SIREN WAILING]

What's the matter, Dibble?
You look sick.

You finally got T.C.,
didn't you?

Yeah, and that's the trouble.
I think I'm being framed.

-Yeah, how do you know?
-T.C. turned himself in.

Even dug up the charges. I tell
you, Sully, I don't like it.

Maybe I could get him locked up

before he pulls
whatever he's up to.

Well, just let him try to pull
something on the captain.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Six prisoners, eh?
Okay, Dibble, what's the charge?

Residing on public-owned
property, captain.

A violation of Statute number


Hey! I don't remember
that law, Dibble.

Glad to see you're up on things.

Eh, sorry, fellers, you'll have
to find a new place to live.

Well, why don't we just
lock them up in--

Your house, Dibble? Never.
Never, never, never.

I couldn't think of imposing,
kind sir.

Thanks for your generous and
noble offer but it's too much.

Too much. It's just too,
too, too much.

Hey! Just a cotton-picking
minute.

Were you about to suggest
something, Dibble?

I think, sir, Officer Dibble
was about to suggest

we share his house until we find
a refuge of our own.

Why, that's one of the kindest
acts I've ever seen, Dibble.

I'm touched.

I suggest you accept
this kind man's offer, Top Cat.

TOP CAT: Oh, no, no, no.
I couldn't, Your Honor.

- No, it just wouldn't be right.
- Now, hold on, Top Cat!

But as long as you insist,
Dibble, we'll put it to a vote.

All those in favor
of spending the winter--

I mean the night
with Officer Dibble, say aye.

ALL:
Aye!

TOP CAT: You win again, Dibble.
My hands are tied.

We accept your generous offer.

That's a wonderful thing
you're doing, Dibble.

I'll recommend a gold star
for your record book.

Well then, we mustn't waste
any more of the captain's time.

Besides, it's getting close
to dinnertime.

Uh, what are you serving
tonight, Dibble?

[DIBBLE GROANING]

[DIBBLE CRASHES]

Oh, my. Officer Dibble seems to
be overcome with emotion.

Oh, but have no fear, captain.
We'll look after him.

And they say us cops
are hard-boiled.

[SNIFFLES]

Nice place you got here, Dibble.
Very nice. Very nice, indeed.

Never mind that.
And get this straight, T.C.

You tricked your way
into my house

but I ain't standing
for no more of your shenanigans.

You understand?

One night is all you can stay,
then it's out.

O-U-T, out!

Of course, Dibble.
One night and out we go.

Goodnight, sir,
and pleasant dreams.

And a couple of nightmares
to you, too.

Oh, no!

[ALL SNORING]

What do you guys think you're
doing? Get out of my bed!

TOP CAT: Officer Dibble, please,
can't you see they're sleeping?

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'll join my comrades
and see you in the morning.

I suggest you hit the sack
too, Dibble.

Remember: Early to bed, early
to rise, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, uh, by the way, close all
the windows, will you, Dib?

I don't like to sleep
in a draft.

DIBBLE:
Yeah, I better.

The temptation to drop you out
of one would be too great.

[ALL SNORING]

[SNORING]

Mr. Dibble.

Excuse me, Mr. Dibble.

[MUTTERING]

BENNY:
Mr. Dibble, wake up!

Oh, Benny.
Uh, what's the matter?

I'm thirsty, Mr. Dibble.
Can I have a glass of water?

DIBBLE: Water?
-Yes, sir.

I always get thirsty
in the middle of the night.

DIBBLE:
Okay, Benny. Just a minute.

Water?!

What do you think this is,
Buckingham Palace?

You're getting as bad as
Top Cat. Now beat it!

Yes, sir.

Next thing you know,
I'll be tucking them in

reading bedtime stories,
the whole schmeer.

Could you keep it down, sir?
I'm trying to sleep.

[SCOFFS]

Boy, what a nerve.
He's trying to sleep.

[SNORING]

Wha--? Wha--?
Who--? Who's snoring?

Spook? Chooch? Fancy?

Oh, it's Dibble.

Sounds like the Berlin Express.

Hey, Chooch, wake up.
Come on, Brain, snap out of it.

How can you sleep
with all this racket?

-Uh, what racket?
-Dibble's snoring.

Now get over there
and shut him up.

Come on, I'm losing
my beauty sleep.

Hey, Officer Dibble, wake up.
Uh, wake up.

It's no use, T.C.
He won't wake up. What'll we do?

What'll we do? Stick him
in a closet or something.

I don't know. Just stop him.

CHOO-CHOO:
There. I hope he doesn't mind.

Why should he? It's his closet.

[SNORES ECHOING]

Hey, I thought I told you guys
to squelch that noise.

How, T.C.?
He's in the closet now.

TOP CAT:
Well, stick him someplace else.

How about the fire escape,
Choo-Choo?

Hey, that's a good idea, Brain.

We might get some complaints
from neighbors

but at least it'll be,
like, quiet in here.

[DIBBLE SNORING]

How about that?
He never even missed a beat.

Yeah, I even put his alarm clock
next to him

so he could feel at home.

That's a good idea. No reason
for us to get up so early.

Well, goodnight, sweet prince.

[SNORING]

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[ALARM RINGING]

DIBBLE: Oh, boy,
it's freezing in here.

I better turn the heat up
before I catch a cold.

[DIBBLE DROPS]

Yee-ow!

[DIBBLE CRASHING]

What the--?

I don't get it.

Wait a minute.
Of course. Top Cat!

Alright, alright, I give up.
What'd you do with him, Spook?

-Who, T.C.?
-Yeah, who?

-Who?
-Who?

What are you, a bunch of owls?
Dibble, that's who.

Uh, we put him out
on the fire escape, T.C.

TOP CAT:
Oh, that was shrewd.

There must be 800 icles out
there. Which one is Dibble?

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Good morning, Top Cat.

Well, well, well. Look who's
here, fellas. It's Dibble.

Say good morning to our host,
you guys.

ALL:
Good morning, Officer Dibble.

Fine. That was fine, fellas.
Excellent.

And now, Dibble, what's for
breakfast? Lamb chops? Steak?

Or can you fix a kidney stew?

If you like, Benny can help
you with the dumplings.

[SHOUTING]

I'm gonna make a dumpling
out of you, Top Cat!

Dibble! Control yourself.
Remember, I'm your guest.

DIBBLE:
Out, out, out!

This means the end of our
friendship, you know.

If I get my hands on you,
it'll be the end of you.

Alright, have it your way, pal.
We're through. Finished. Kaput.

And if I never see you again,
it'll be too soon.

Now what, T.C.? We're out in
the cold cruel world again.

TOP CAT:
Relax, fellas.

This phone call will
have Dibble on his knees

begging us to come back.

Hello,Strife magazine?
This is T.C. talking.

Stop the presses.

I got a fabulous human-interest
story for you.

Just listen to this:

Noble Policeman Befriends
Forlorn Unfortunates

and Saves Them from
Freezing in Alley.

Huh? Huh? Pretty good, huh?

Oh, there's lots more too.
You can get all the details

from the captain
down at the 13th Precinct.

Well, that'll do it. Dibble
ought to be here in 20 minutes.

Okay, you guys, beat it.
I'll call you later.

Right, T.C.

Strife magazine?

Oh, you must mean
Officer Dibble.

You want to print the story
in your magazine?

Big spread? Pictures?

Sure. I'll take care
of all the details.

So long.

Boy, if Top Cat has the nerve
to show up at the alley today

I'll throw him in irons.
I'll drag him downtown and--

[PHONE RINGING]

Officer Dibble's residence.

Oh, good morning, captain.

[MURMURING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]

Strife magazine wants to do
a story on me?

Well, gee, that's great.

With who?

Top Cat and his whole g*ng?!

The photographer will be here
in an hour?

Yes, sir. I understand.

No, sir. I won't forget
to mention your name.

Yes, sir. Goodbye, sir.

Well, I got two choices.

I can beg T.C. to move back in

so the captain can have
his publicity

or I can commit suicide.

But suicide is a felony
and I could lose my job.

I guess I'll have to apologize
to T.C.

What a revolting turn of events.

Boy, am I glad to see you.
I wanna talk to you, pal.

Look. Look, it's me,
your friend Dibble.

Dibble? Dibble? No, I don't
have a friend named Dibble.

I'm-- I'm sorry about throwing
you guys out last night.

I want all of you to come back.
My house is your house.

It's too late, sir.

You have shattered our dignity
by casting us out into the--

[SNEEZES]

--cold cruel world.

DIBBLE:
Uh, look, uh, T.C..

Strife magazine is coming over
to do our story.

It'll be curtains for me
if you're not there.

TOP CAT: Sorry, Dibble. I really
would like to help you out

I'd probably keel from hunger
before I got to your house.

I know. I'll buy you
some hot soup.

Your offer is most generous,
sir.

I could never eat, knowing that
my friends are out here starving

dragging themselves through the
snow, searching for a bone.

Alright, alright, I'll feed
them too. But let's go.

You know something? You should
be in the diplomatic corps.

You talked me into it.
Okay, guys, chow time!

Dibble, that was excellent
Chateaubriand.

You really should have tried it.

Hey, how about a show of
appreciation

for Officer Dibble, g*ng?

ALL:
Thank you, Officer Dibble.

What's the matter?
You ain't eating.

And such an expensive
restaurant too.

You should know. You picked it.

Now let's get out of here.

Now, just a couple of
personality shots

and I'm all finished.

Let's have one of you
and Officer Dibble, Top Cat.

-How's this?
PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, that's swell.

Smile, Dibble, will you?

There. Good, good!

Now, let's get one of Officer
Dibble feeding Top Cat.

That always gets the readers.

Oh, let's see a smile, Dibble.

Dibble.

[DIBBLE GRUNTS]

PHOTOGRAPHER:
There we are.

Uh, you can stop smiling now,
Officer Dibble.

Uh, by the way, how did you
find out about this story?

Oh, some guy called in.
I just caught the initials.

Uh, T.C. or something.

I should have known. Who else
could rig a magazine spread?

Think of the publicity, Dibble.
We can't disappoint the public.

The captain would take
a dim view of that, right?

Besides, it'll be nice and cozy

just the seven of us here
all winter.

Real togetherness, right?

DIBBLE:
Right!

[MOUSETRAP SNAPS]

Yee-ouch!

[SIGHS]

[TOOTING AND RATTLING]

Happy New Year, Officer Dibble.

New Year? Bah!

[CHUCKLING]

I did it. I did it. I got
the bathroom all to myself.

BRAIN:
Morning, Officer Dibble.

Uh, can I borrow
some of your toothpaste?

Toothpaste?
Sure, here you are.

March 21st.

Top Cat and his bunch
have been here over four months.

Seems more like four years.

Oh, there you are, Dibble.

Well, sir, spring is here
and in the spring

a young man's fancy turns to
thoughts of you know what.

There's not much of that around
here. So we're gonna leave.

Oh, say it again. It sounds
wonderful. You're leaving?

Okay, you guys. In spite of
Officer Dibble's protests

we're gonna have to leave
this Shangri-La.

Now, I want everyone back
in the alley in 15 minutes.

Now, let's move it, men.

And now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to my summer home.

Back to the alley, huh?

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

He thinks I've forgotten
about that old law:

Living on municipal property.

But a good cop never forgets.

[DIBBLE LAUGHING]

[DIALING PHONE]

Hello, sarge.
Dibble speaking.

Send the wagon down
to the alley.

I'm gonna haul in Top Cat
and his whole mob again.

Well, fellas, I got a great
social calendar

outlined for us this season.

We'll start off with a bingo
game to raise some dough and--

Yeah, Benny, you raised your
hand. What is it?

Excuse me for interrupting, T.C.

But here comes Officer Dibble,
and he looks awful mad.

Alright, this is a raid.
Don't anybody move.

Why, Officer Dibble,
I don't understand.

You're all under arrest.

And I promise you won't wiggle
out of this one.

I hate to resort to
constitutional rights

- but what's the charge, Dibble?
- You know what's the charge.

That old law about living
on public property.

Hello, sarge, that wagon
on its way down yet?

Oh, yes, here it is. Civil Code
No. 2347, repealed in 1936.

The charge is violating Civil
Code No. 2347, repealed in 1936.

"Repealed"?

Never mind the wagon, sarge.

Top Cat did it again.

Well, you win again, T.C.
It happens every time.

I'm no good. I might as well
turn in my badge and give up.

Oh, come, come, Dibble.
Let's not go soft.

It's no use, Top Cat.
I'm a miserable failure.

Look, Dib, if it'll make you
feel better

I'm three months overdue
on this library book.

Why don't you arrest me? It must
be a misdemeanor or something.

You mean it? Gee, that's awfully
nice of you, Top Cat.

Don't mention it, I'm sure.

DIBBLE: Alright, out of the can!
On your feet, you lawbreaker!

Gee, Top Cat is being run in.

Ten to one, he talks Dibble out
of it before they get downtown.

[ALL LAUGHING]

They'll throw the book at you
this time, T.C.

I got you dead to rights.
Keep moving.

You gotta let him win sometimes.

Gives him a lift, boosts morale
and all that therapeutic jazz.

You know what I mean?
Ha-ha-ha!

[theme music]

Top Cat!

The most effectual Top Cat!

Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C.

Providing it's with dignity

Top Cat!

The indisputable leader
of the g*ng

He's the boss, he's a pip
he's the championship

He's the most tip top

Top Cat

Yes he's a chief
he's a king

But above everything

He's the most tip top

Top Cat!