Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare (2024)

[bunniefuu]

My name's Kirat.

I'm keeping you company

until six o'clock today.

What happened to me

is just one big crazy story.

You can't even make it up.

I had a busy social life in London.

I was very focused on my career.

I'll probably wait a few minutes

before I get round to answering your call.

But one day, I get a friend request

from Bobby that changes my life forever.

If I'm going to do

a message to the man of my dreams,

I should really sort my face out.

I never thought I would be

in an online relationship.

I love you

from the bottom of my heart.

So many people

told me he genuinely loves me.

How was I fooled by them?

What I wouldn't give to hold you.

I love you so much.

What was a lie?

I've been waiting every day

for you to come.

What was the truth?

I never doubted

the person that he really is.

I needed Bobby to see me face-to-face.

Can we go

right back to the start?

Tell me about

the first time you meet Bobby.

I first met Bobby in 2011...

...in the city on the south coast

of England called Brighton.

I was out

for my friend's hen weekend.

I was 32, in a long-term relationship.

All my friends are getting married,

and I just felt,

"When's it gonna be my turn?"

I want to dance, let off steam,

have a good laugh on the dance floor.

But then I see this tall man in a turban.

I'd been talking to him online

for the last few months.

His name's Bobby Jandu.

I'm just, like, shouting,

"Bobby! Bobby!"

And he was like, "Yes."

It was like...

He's acknowledged it was him.

And I'm like, "It's Kirat."

And he's like, "Who?"

And I was like, "Kirat. From Facebook."

"We've been talking."

But the music was loud, and I was like,

"Maybe he can't hear me properly,

and he's drinking."

So, I just assumed, like,

he was a bit smashed.

So I was like, "Do you know,

I don't want to embarrass him."

And I remember going back and saying,

"I can't believe

I've just bumped into him in Brighton."

I never mentioned it

to Bobby until many years later.

I just thought it wasn't a big deal.

I'm born and raised

in West London.

I've lived here all my life.

I'm a Punjabi Sikh woman.

My parents are born in Kenya.

And the Kenyan South Asian Sikh community

is very small, very tight.

And everyone knows everyone's business.

Bobby started messaging me

about four months

before I met him in Brighton.

I didn't automatically add people

on Facebook because they talked to me.

But we became friends on Facebook

because we had mutual connections.

Bobby's younger brother,

JJ, was dating my baby cousin, Simran.

They were both teenagers,

and I was giving them advice.

I've always tried

to be there for all my cousins.

Bobby comes from a well-respected family

in the Kenyan community.

He has quite

a hoity-toity kind of lifestyle.

A well-to-do lifestyle.

He's happily married.

He's based between Kenya and the UK.

And he's a cardiology consultant.

He was working all the time.

But around 2011,

I also had a lot going on.

If you wanna be big,

you need to get out there and perform.

I was progressing

with my marketing career.

I was doing huge events.

Festivals, music events.

Giving emerging artists a stage.

Over that period of time,

Bobby and I became good friends online.

I've got lots of male friends.

And Bobby and I seemed to have

a shared sense of being responsible people

within our own circles.

But after a while, things

started to go wrong in Bobby's life.

His wife cheated on him.

All I can do is be a shoulder for him.

But because he's sharing so much,

I ended up sharing a bit

about my own relationship as well.

I was 32, and me and my partner had been

together on and off since I was 18.

But as soon as we got close

to getting married,

he'd just get cold feet.

He'd disappear for a year.

And then, as soon as I kind of tried

to move on, he would reappear.

And I would always go back to him

because it was, like, that whole loyalty,

that whole... how I'd been brought up.

Marriage is a big deal

in our culture.

From a very young age,

I dreamed of getting married

and having a family early.

That's what matters to me

more than anything else.

There's a picture of me

as I think I was two.

My auntie dressed me up

in my mum's wedding outfit.

That's their hopes and dreams as well.

Marriage is important. I've always said,

"Kirat, look, you have to get married."

And every parent wishes

to be a grandparent, you know?

She had quite a number of proposals,

as soon as she came back from uni,

and she always declined.

It's not that we haven't helped.

It's for her to make up her mind.

I want to make sure she's happy.

But if the girl does not get married,

I think you're looked down upon.

And, erm, I think she feels pressure

from the community,

from the friends, from the families,

when they think,

"Oh my God. Why is she still not married?"

Kirat is my cousin, but really,

I think of her as my older sister.

Just someone that you can go to

for advice.

Not just me, but all of the cousins.

I've been with Kirat

when she's received comments, sort of,

"Have you found someone yet?"

Or, "Do you need us to find you someone?"

A couple of weddings,

I've been at the kids' table.

I would vent my frustrations with Bobby.

Bobby was the person saying,

"No, you're fine.

There's nothing wrong with you."

Over the next few months,

I didn't hear from Bobby.

And obviously,

I just thought, after his divorce,

he's getting on with his life.

And then he messages me out of the blue.

He's like, "Hey.

I've got something to tell you."

So...

Her name's Sanj.

I cannot imagine being happier

than I am with you.

I want to spend

the rest of my life with you.

Will you be my wife?

Is that a yes?

I was concerned

that it was a rebound

because it happened

within a year of breaking up with his ex.

But he seemed happy,

and as long as he was happy,

then who was I to say anything?

Bobby wanted me

to meet Sanj and get to know her.

And we became friends on Facebook.

I am invited to the wedding.

And due to family circumstances

at that time, I just couldn't go.

They got married

in Kenya in December 2012.

As time goes on,

I stay in touch with them.

The sounds of the 5 Rivers.

That is Desi Radio on 1602 AM.

Thursday is radio day.

My show is called the Bhangra Roadshow.

My name's Kirat.

I'm keeping you company until six o'clock.

...020 854 173.

I'll probably wait a few minutes

before I get round to your calls,

but I promise you, I will do my very best

to do so because all these people...

I'm doing my show.

Hello, Desi Radio.

And I've got Facebook open

'cause people message me. They shout out.

Okay, ji. Bye.

On my Facebook Feed,

Sanj has posted

a photo of Bobby with a comment,

saying Bobby's been shot

several times in Kenya.

He's in a critical condition,

and he's in a coma.

I feel sick seeing something like that.

And I was so worried about him.

But I've got a show I need to finish.

I've got listeners that I'm talking to,

and I've still got to carry on

and get through the show.

I'm fearing the worst.

Thankfully, my cousin Simran

is in Kenya as well.

Simran and Bobby's family

were old family friends,

so they were quite close.

She was providing me updates,

so that was helpful.

Bobby's in a serious condition.

All I can do is pray

that he makes it through.

My daughter Roshni

and I had popped round Kirat's house.

You could tell that she was quite upset,

and I said, "Are you okay?"

And she said, "No. Bobby's been shot."

It was just absolutely mental.

Like, so many questions

sh**t through your head.

You're like, "Is he okay?

What's gonna happen now?"

I gave her a hug,

and she just let it all out.

She was crying,

and it was then that I realized

that even though their friendship

was on Facebook only,

it obviously was a very deep friendship.

I'd been friends

with Bobby for three years.

It's just sad

that I hadn't got to meet him again

before all this happened.

And then, one day, I'm at work.

I get a call from Simran...

...that changes everything.

Absolutely everything.

She tells me Bobby's in witness protection

in a hospital in New York,

recovering from his awful injuries.

Witness protection?

New York?

What is going on?

I didn't understand.

Ever wonder what happens

when you disappear in plain sight

with the help of the federal government?

Apparently, he was escorted from Nairobi

to New York with the support of Interpol.

It's a program

shrouded in secrecy,

run by the US Marshals Service.

Witnesses in danger are protected,

relocated, and given new identities.

It's just something

like out of a movie

and quite a hard thing

to get your head around.

I understood for someone

to be in witness protection,

there had to be

some kind of threat to life.

Bobby's from a well-known family,

and some of the photos and things

that I've seen online show wealth,

which is why he might be targeted.

Just in the last few minutes,

we have heard heavy g*nf*re.

People being shot

in Kenya wasn't unusual.

It's less common now,

but even in my own friends

and family circle,

people have been m*rder*d or k*lled.

I just thought,

after the sh**ting incident,

his powerful family

had to get him out of danger.

Bobby messages me

but from a new Facebook profile.

He tells me that he's

in witness protection

because of a failed business deal

that he'd done.

And ultimately,

he was the one that paid the price.

I'm terrified,

because if anyone caught

him communicating with me,

I might put myself in danger.

But Bobby wasn't coping.

His mental health has deteriorated.

And, under the pressure

of everything that's happened...

Bobby and Sanj's marriage...

starts to fall apart.

And eventually end up getting divorced.

Bobby had nobody.

I'm really, really concerned.

He's clearly dealing

with a lot of negative things in his life.

I try to be there

for him as much as I can.

But then I have

a very horrible breakup with my partner.

After 18 years, we broke up for good.

And I was scared of

letting my parents down

and doing the wrong thing by them.

I felt very upset

because they had dreams together.

They were planning the wedding.

Kirat was thinking

that she's going to let us down

because we were always hoping

for her to just get married and settle.

I always say it's not her fault.

We are always there to support her.

I am distraught.

I'm 35 already.

Took away a massive part

of my future plan.

And it takes time to

come to terms with that.

But Bobby

would always check in on me,

even though he was struggling

with his health.

Bobby introduced me to a couple of

his friends and family online as well.

Somebody from witness protection

had okayed for him to talk to us.

There was a particular cousin

of Bobby's called Yashvir.

Everyone called him Yash.

Yash was a bit of a clown.

He was a bit of an entertainer.

We are constantly speaking to Bobby

to keep his spirits up in hospital.

There's another person

who I'm beginning to speak to a lot more.

His name's Rajvir.

Like Bobby, he's also a medic,

and he's managed to get himself

on the medical team

to help Bobby in witness protection.

He starts asking me a lot of questions

about things Bobby might have said to me

and how he's feeling

to check in on his mental health.

But he's also talking to Yash.

So eventually the three of us

set up a Facebook group.

We become the Three Amigos.

Bobby and I have been speaking

for four years now.

We've sent thousands of messages.

One day, he tells me...

he loves me.

Ugh, just... it was...

I totally ignored that comment.

I was adamant

he was not in the right headspace.

I know I wasn't in the right place

to start a new relationship.

Yashvir and Rajvir were both saying,

"No, he really loves you.

It's so obvious."

I was taking time to process everything,

when something happens.

He starts to experience

symptoms of a stroke.

And there's no reply.

Eventually, Rajvir shares

a picture of Bobby in his hospital bed.

It was just wires everywhere.

He asks me to record a farewell message.

He says, you know,

there's a chance that he can hear you.

I love you so much, Bobby.

Whatever it is we have,

it's special.

I wish things could have been different.

If I could just hold you once.

I'll never forget you.

I love you, Bobby.

I just can't believe

it took him being on his deathbed

for me to realize

that it was a special friendship.

Incredibly, he manages to pull through.

I just try to imagine

how he must be feeling,

being alone in a hospital,

where he didn't have people

he knew and loved around him.

Because of the stroke,

he was paralyzed on one side,

and he lost his voice.

But at that moment, he's alive.

Luckily, he had some movement,

so he's able to actually message me.

And on Valentine's Day, Bobby sends me

the first romantic message.

He says, "With a woman

like you in my life,

I really am the luckiest man

in the world."

"You should be told how amazing you are

every day, all year round,

my beautiful Kirat."

"I love you. Happy Valentine's Day."

From this moment on,

we're now in a relationship.

We're committed to each other.

And that means

I'm in it for the long haul.

Because if I commit, I commit.

Kirat mentioned about

her relationship with Bobby.

His family was quite popular,

very well-known.

I didn't know them personally,

but we knew the family was really good.

Kirat was quite confident

that what she knew about him was fine.

I said, "Do you really think

you want to go ahead

with, uh... with somebody

who's not very well?"

Kirat's answer was something can always

go wrong even once she's married,

so she wanted to move forward.

So, tell me...

what are you doing?

Like you'd do in a normal relationship,

you get to know each other better,

and we tried to make it

as normal as you can online.

I want you to make a big deal

about absolutely everything

because I want to hear every tiny detail.

His vocal cords were damaged,

so he couldn't speak at all.

It might be boring to you,

but for me, it makes me feel

like I'm a part of your life.

I'd record a voice note,

and he would reply, typing.

We started doing things like date nights.

You watching anything good?

We both supported the same football team,

Manchester United.

So, if you're well enough...

And we'd watch games online together.

This is very much

the nice honeymoon period.

I am falling in love with him, maybe.

But the only thing that I had

were old pictures of him online.

You make me smile every single day.

You make me feel loved every single day.

Is there a sexual side

to your relationship with Bobby?

Well, that's rather private.

Is that an appropriate question to ask?

Do you know

what I always think about?

What amazing stories

we're going to have to tell our babies.

Bobby had always wanted to be a dad.

We both knew

how much it meant to each of us.

We'd been together for three months.

His rehabilitation program was working.

Bobby has got hope.

I think some people would think,

"Oh my God,

you've still only met him

in person once in Brighton."

But I think with Bobby, I was thinking,

it's just nice

to have something I've never had,

which is that respect

and to be loved unconditionally.

That's how it felt.

Like, it didn't matter what I did,

Bobby was always there.

I love you from the bottom of my heart.

One day, while we're messing around

on a new feature on Facebook,

Bobby proposes to me.

I mean, it's quite an unusual way

to do it,

but I don't need

a big, extravagant proposal.

Of course, all girls dream of them,

but lots of things seem

like they're superficial and for show,

so an understated proposal is good enough.

Hey, sweets.

You believe it can happen?

Because I'm gonna cry.

At 36, the clock's still ticking,

and I want to have kids.

That's a big thing.

I thought to myself, "Yes. This could be."

So I said yes.

He's really, really keen.

Like, he's already looking

at wedding venues and outfits

and sending me

what he wanted to wear and everything.

He showed me a very bling ring.

"What do you think of this

as your engagement ring?"

It was very nice.

But for me, it wasn't practical

because I wanted to wear it all the time.

It had lots and lots

and lots of diamonds.

I told Rajvir about all the wedding stuff.

The proposal is unofficial

because the families haven't met,

but that promise has been made between us,

and that's still important.

Bobby and I discuss telling our families.

I was really nervous,

but I speak to my mum.

I was over the moon

because I was thinking,

"At last, Kirat is going to move forward."

But then I did mention, I said,

"This cannot go ahead

without your dad's permission."

Bobby did not want me

to tell anything to my husband

because Bobby wanted

to break the news himself

and give my husband a surprise.

He wanted to come all the way

from New York and see him face-to-face

and break the news to him.

With Bobby's family,

Bobby thought that being introduced

to his cousins first

was the best way to do it.

He set up a group.

I think there were about 30 of us.

Everyone was like,

"Hi, Kirat. It's so nice to meet you."

I felt really happy for her.

Like, this is my cousin.

Like, she's finally found

someone who is right for her. Like...

I was really looking forward

to meeting him.

Roshni also starts

talking to Bobby.

Hey, Bobby!

I miss talking to you. Well, Facebooking.

- You don't talk to him.

- Facebooking you. Same thing.

When Kirat was speaking to Bobby,

sometimes she'd send voice notes,

and I would be around,

so I would say some random stuff,

be playful, you know, like...

Hello, it's just me.

That was Roshni.

She's on my floor with me.

I was a classic teenager. Super angsty.

Bobby was a doctor.

So I started to speak

to Bobby about how I was feeling.

And he gives good advice,

and I feel like

I've been listened to and heard.

Instead of messaging,

Bobby and I had started using Skype.

Yes, you do.

Many times have I caught you out.

But because he was in witness protection,

we weren't allowed to video call.

It was just too risky.

Ooh!

Even though Bobby couldn't speak,

he would communicate

just by making some kind of noise,

whether it was a tap,

a grunt, or whatever it was.

And we'd just fall asleep

with the line... open.

Good morning, sweetheart.

We've been Skyping all night.

I stayed with you all night.

That was so lovely.

Eventually, we start speaking

on the phone.

With speech therapy,

he was able to whisper.

Like a hoarse whisper, like half a voice,

like this kind of thing,

but it's never ever

his normal, full voice ever again.

He constantly said how he hated his voice.

I had a couple of opportunities,

talking to Bobby on the phone,

and I found his voice very strange.

It was very squeaky.

Kirat was upset when I mentioned it.

She said, "Please don't judge him."

But despite this,

I was very happy for Kirat.

We did exchange text messages.

He used to talk about food,

and he would ask what did I make?

He said once they get married,

he'll be cooking for me, so I don't have...

I won't have to cook anymore.

The family

were really happy for her,

but obviously, being mid-30s,

the pressure was on her.

"So, when are we going to meet him?"

"And when are you

actually gonna get married?"

Bobby is still in New York,

in witness protection.

But not long after we get engaged,

it's Father's Day,

and he's received

an official-looking envelope.

And he says he's got something to tell me

and to brace myself.

Yeah.

I can't understand it because he's been...

divorced for such a long time.

He's basically forced

to admit to me that he's slept with her

on one occasion,

seven or eight months ago.

Before we got together.

I'm very aware of

the problems Sanj might create.

I don't want to feel

that I'm suddenly second best.

That I'm never gonna have you to myself.

I haven't had you to myself up till now.

It just felt... unfair.

Knowing how much I wanted to be a mum.

My cousin Simran

is helping me and supporting me.

I'd been conscious of

not speaking to her about things

because she's my baby cousin.

But the dynamic had obviously changed

because she's in her mid-20s now,

and she's known Bobby

far longer than I have.

And, poor Simran,

I am constantly messaging her.

No matter what Bobby did,

she's like, "He loves you."

"You know he loves you."

And I feel like...

...she's got that soft spot for Bobby.

For whatever reason.

After calming down,

I send quite a straightforward,

simple message to Bobby.

"Your baby, I can manage,

but I don't want Sanj in my life."

I was shocked, and I just couldn't believe

that Kirat was being so collected

about the whole thing and very trusting.

I think that was the moment

that I started having my doubts

about the whole relationship

between Bobby and Kirat.

I end up speaking

to Bobby's cousin, Kiran.

She's Yashvir's big sister,

and I have a lot of respect for her.

As a Punjabi Sikh woman,

she would understand that humiliation

of having to explain things to my family,

and, you know,

my family maybe going, "Just leave this."

And I don't want to tell

something like that to my mum.

Sanj gives birth to a baby boy

on 27 June 2015.

Bobby needed to make a choice.

I've put it to him that

he should go back to Sanj and end us.

But he wants to be with me.

He chooses me.

So we've got to make this work.

We can do this.

There's no point

in feeling anything about what's done.

He's here, and we just have

to show him that he's loved.

Bobby makes an effort

to include me in everything.

Have you decided on a name?

We'd spent a couple of nights

choosing names.

He really liked Jaivir.

We chose baby clothes,

and a couple of weeks later,

Bobby's now starting

to get pictures of his son.

It was nice to see that Sanj

actually put the clothes on him.

Do I need to come over there,

or are they gonna sort you out

to come here soon?

Eighteen months

into our relationship,

lots and lots of attempts

have been made to be together.

Rajvir has promised me he's gonna do

everything he can to make it happen.

But Bobby's in witness protection,

so there's a procedure

and a process they have to follow as well.

And all we've got to do

is wait this period out.

So, for the time being,

I ask Bobby for something that was his,

something that he'd touched.

So he's going to give me

one of his T-shirts.

And because Simran got

this new jet-setting job,

she's required to go

to a head office in New York.

He managed to get the nurse

to give his T-shirt to Simran,

and when she gets back,

I meet her to pick up the T-shirt.

Bobby had told me

he sprayed it with his aftershave,

so it's gonna stink

her whole suitcase out.

And I smelled the aftershave.

It was like, "Okay, he did it."

"She must be fuming."

Bobby made me feel loved.

And given the obstacles,

things were going well.

But despite this, there's only so much

you can live a relationship online.

You have to be with each other.

But there's always a reason

why he can't come.

It was really frustrating.

Do you know

how much I want to be with you?

Do you know

how much I want to look after you?

I was very disappointed

as well for him not turning up,

and I was trying

to console Kirat every time.

But then she wouldn't discuss

her feelings openly with me,

thinking that I would be upset

and distressed about all this.

I'd do anything.

The stress of the situation

is too much for him,

and things start

to feel different between us.

Because of the stroke,

Bobby's health was up and down,

and his mental health was fragile.

He started to lean on me quite a lot.

And I found myself walking on eggshells

because he was sensitive

to absolutely everything.

If I needed to go to the bathroom,

I didn't want to wake him up,

so, quietly, I'd just go.

He was like, "Where were you?"

If I wasn't on the other end

of the phone line, it upset him.

It was almost

like I needed his permission.

So every time I went to the bathroom,

I started telling him.

When I was there to hang out,

like, she would be on the phone to him.

She would be messaging him.

Like, he would

just be texting her, like, constantly.

It was like,

"I have only been here an hour,

and you've already had

several emergencies."

Every day, I'd get up

in the morning, take a selfie.

Send it to Bobby on Messenger.

I'd go to work.

Keep Facebook open for Bobby.

Drive home, eat dinner,

spend time with my family.

Then the Skype call would start.

Days all start gelling into one.

It was like he was attached to me.

It was like Bobby owned my time now.

Please, stop this.

Please.

I love you.

I noticed

that she's pulling away a lot from family.

From friends.

From me.

I'm really worried about her

at this point.

I can't face anybody at home.

I can't face work.

I... can't face anything.

On several occasions,

I've been tempted to disappear.

But if I tried to disappear,

then something would happen.

I feel like I need

to make sure that I don't upset him

because it might affect his health again.

I'd be talking to Yash, Bobby's cousin.

Bobby would get jealous and Bobby then

would be messaging me separately, saying,

angrily, like, "This is our time.

Why are you talking to him?"

I'm on the phone with one person,

then another is contacting me.

And they're messaging each other

while messaging me.

She was always told

where to go and where not to go.

She wasn't

her normal, lively self.

She stopped going out as such.

It was a total takeover of her life.

Everything was totally Bobby.

She doesn't have

the capacity for anything else.

She was not taking care of herself.

She was losing weight.

She looked like death.

Eventually, I'm made redundant

from my full-time marketing job,

and at the end of the year,

I don't even have a job.

And I'm doing one of

my final radio shows of the year,

and he's on the Skype call with me.

And I'm answering calls,

doing my thing as usual.

And he says I'm flirting.

Hi, Rajvir.

I don't know. I don't know.

He's accused me of flirting again.

He's a regular caller.

It's somebody who's been calling

for a year and a half, and he got angry.

At this point, they've all found

a reason to have a go at me.

So to prove, you know, I'm committed,

I'm loyal, so I give up my show.

I thought that was

a very controlling move.

And manipulative, I think.

Bobby always finds a way

to make me feel better.

He's sending flowers

and all sorts of gifts to Kirat regularly.

Thank you.

Here. I put them on for you

and took a picture.

When I mentioned

my doubts about Bobby,

Kirat used to get really upset

and emotional and say,

"We are gonna get married."

And that was the end of it.

It was really hard

to budge Kirat's decisions.

This thing has become

too important to fail.

I'm not 20-something.

If there's a chance this could still work,

I wanted it to work.

I have been waiting

every day for a yes, for you to come.

Finally, Bobby's

witness protection contract ends.

There is no excuse.

He has promised me he's coming to the UK.

I'm trying to stay positive,

but we get bad news.

My grandmother...

who I'm extremely close to...

...was sick.

We were told she could be dying.

We used to go there and, you know, sing.

She liked singing.

But because I was sleeping

on the phone with Bobby every night,

I couldn't stay the night with her.

My grandmother passes away.

And I really needed Bobby here

at this time.

One of her last days in the hospital,

she'd asked for my forgiveness

that she couldn't wait for Bobby to come.

And to see us married.

Bobby promised me, no matter what,

he will make it

for my grandmother's funeral.

And he didn't come.

With all these promises, all these plans

and everything just goes.

It hurts me.

It hurts me.

I'm just angry, and I want answers.

I absolutely lose it at Bobby.

I was screaming

at him on the phone saying,

"I don't care. I don't care.

Whatever happens, you come now."

"I don't need your presents, anything.

I just need you to come."

And literally, I'm giving him

an ultimatum.

I don't let him get a word in edgewise.

I was just... had it.

Finally...

Bobby tells me, "I'm coming tomorrow."

I'm now 39.

I'm scared of being disappointed.

But, at the same time,

relieved that he's finally coming.

I'm getting updates from his flight

for where his plane is in the air.

Even though it's been really messy...

this is it.

We'd always talked

about me meeting him at the airport,

but everything's been so intense.

We agree that Bobby

might need some time to settle back in

before he sees me.

He books himself into a hotel

in Kensington, near the hospital.

But after a couple of days...

I've still not seen Bobby.

From being relieved

that he's come to London,

thinking that finally

we can just get on with everything,

he's now again not seeing me.

My patience wears thin.

The excuses were so pathetic.

I'm angry, but I'm upset.

"It's happening again?"

I just needed him to see me face-to-face.

So I go to the hotel.

I give Bobby's full name.

And they can't find him.

And I say, "He's been staying here

for a couple of weeks at least now."

"Oh, there's nobody staying here

by this name."

My hands begin to shake

because I'm thinking

this is all another lie.

I call Simran.

You know, I don't know

who else to call by this time.

And she's, like, trying to say,

"Calm down. There must be a mistake."

And, erm, as I'm talking to her,

I get a call from Bobby.

I say to him, "I'm here

at the hotel. Just come downstairs."

He's like, "I've told reception

to not let anyone know that I'm here."

"Don't surprise me like that.

Just give me a couple of days."

I'm...

angry.

He's lying to me.

So I say to him,

"What the hell's going on?"

"You f*cking don't show me your face

or want to see mine."

If you're here, why won't you see me?

I need an answer.

But then Bobby moves into the house that

I've known he's had in South Kensington.

So I go to find this house.

I say to him,

"I can't find your house."

"I can't see you.

I'm downstairs. I'm outside."

Bobby was like, "I can actually see you."

And he's telling me, "It's the end house."

"It's by the end house. It's this one,

but I don't want to see you."

I've got a gut feeling

that he's not even in Kensington.

Nothing makes sense.

And I'm questioning everything.

Everything I've seen online.

I don't know what the truth is anymore.

If he's not with me...

...he must be with Sanj.

She is the mother of Bobby's child.

I Googled Sanj.

Her number's there.

I call the number.

Sanj immediately answers...

..."Bobby, is that you?"

It sounded too natural and too normal.

Like she was expecting a call from Bobby.

And I just hung up.

So it's very clear to me

Bobby's still speaking to Sanj.

I feel like he's leading a double life.

I need to find out what is going on.

I remember when I had been doing

the family tree for Bobby,

I'd come across a postcode

for Sanj's parents' house.

Sanj leaves a house in front of me

and walks past my car.

And I remember one bit of me is so angry,

I want to just turn the engine on

just put my foot down on the accelerator.

But that's not me, and I was just so...

I was scared. I was so scared.

I was losing the will...

I... I was beginning

to not recognize myself.

And I do something really drastic,

and I just...

search "private investigator, London."

I ask for Bobby's current address.

That's all I ask for.

Within 24 hours,

I get an email saying,

"This is Bobby's current address."

And it's over an hour's drive from London,

in Brighton.

I was like, "Screw it. Let's just go."

I'm just watching Google Maps,

counting down the minutes.

I've got knots in my stomach.

I'm gearing myself up to see him.

I had to really control myself.

I ring the doorbell.

At first, I don't see anybody.

And on glancing past the driveway,

I see this woman walking away.

She turns around.

She makes eye contact.

And she starts

walking back towards the house.

We weren't expecting anybody.

So I dressed our son up

and then went downstairs.

There was a girl standing right there.

I'd never seen her in my life.

She says, "Hi, Bobby. It's me, Kirat."

My wife Sanj is like,

"Bobby, who is this?"

And, you know,

he just looked at me, and he said...

- "I have no idea."

- "I have no idea who this lady is."

"I've never spoken to her in my life."

The lady looks straight at me.

"Liar!" she says.

"Liar! How can you say this?"

"Why are you lying to me?"

"You've been talking to me for 8 years.

All the messages and all the calls."

He's done nothing

in the past that I shouldn't...

You know, that I sh... can't trust him for.

But who is she?

Why is she here?

I could just see her,

like, hyperventilating.

She's getting really agitated,

really anxious.

So I say to her, "You might be

confusing me for my younger brother JJ."

"We've often been confused

for one another."

"We look fairly similar."

And she says, erm, "No. Bobby Jandu."

And then she showed him

a picture of himself.

Then she looks directly at me,

makes eye contact, and says, "Sanj."

And then she points

at my son and says his name.

We needed to figure out

how she knew our names

and how she knew where we lived.

I've got my son just behind me,

and I'm starting to fear

how this could turn out

because we don't know

who this complete stranger is.

I've caught Bobby red-handed.

He's come to the UK for me,

and here he is with Sanj.

And he was acting

like he didn't know me.

That was even worse.

Everything around me was spinning.

The very fact that they were together...

...hurt.

But then my phone rings...

...and it's Bobby.

It's my face, but that's not my number.

And so he's like, "See?"

"That's not me calling you.

Somebody's pretending to be me."

And in my head, that's Sanj inside,

calling to prove something.

I'm scared.

You don't know what they're capable of.

I didn't know what to believe.

And it's at this point, she says...

"You talk to Simran all the time.

My cousin Simran." He was like...

"The only Simran I know

is this girl my brother dated."

So I called her, and I said,

"Sim, I'm with Bobby right now."

She says,

"He's denying everything."

I sort of interject,

"Can I please speak to Simran?"

"Simran, hi. This is Bobby here."

"I've got this lady outside my house,

claiming all these things,

that I've known her for years."

She says, "It's my cousin."

"She's just confused."

"Give her the phone back,

and I'll figure out what's going on."

Simran says, "Leave there, Kirat."

She says, "Just leave there."

My wife deadlocks the door, latch on,

makes sure the door is secure.

We're looking at each other,

and then there's...

...a bang on the door.

This time, I hear the chain unlock,

like I'm going to break their door down

or barge my way into their house.

She looks at Sanj and says,

"I know you're staying

at your parents' house in London

because I've seen you there

with your son."

Oh my God,

how long has she been watching me for?

Did she do that a lot?

And she mentioned that she felt

such a strong connection to Bobby's son.

And, uh, she had these presents

that she wanted to give to him.

She said something like,

"I have always felt he's my stepson."

This freaks me out

because we don't know

what she's capable of.

I just felt really scared.

I say, "Look, lady.

We're calling the police."

I was blinded by, like,

my rage and my tears.

I called Simran.

I was crying and...

screaming.

Simran's trying to keep me calm.

While I'm talking to her,

Bobby messages me.

And he says, "I'm so sorry.

You shouldn't have seen that."

But I was angry.

So angry at him.

For me, it's over.

It's a big betrayal of trust.

I didn't know

what was gonna happen to me now.

Were they gonna shame me?

Were they gonna turn on me?

Where did I stand in all of this?

What about my family?

When I wake up...

...Simran tells me

that she's spoken with Bobby,

and that they'd called the police.

I'm terrified of

whatever they might have said

because I haven't done anything.

And that scares me.

So I'm like, "I need to go to the police."

I'm in my room.

And I see a car pull up from the window.

Simran gets out of the car.

I've opened the door, and she says to me,

"I don't think I should come in."

And I've... She's got quite a serious face.

I'm like, "Why?"

She looks at me,

and she says, "It was all me."

"Well, what do you mean, 'It was all me'?"

She says...

"I... I'm Bobby."

I think slowly I'm registering she means

that she's been pretending to be Bobby.

But I can't quite understand,

and sh... I was, like, calling out names.

"What about Sanj?"

"What about Yash?"

"What about Rajvir?"

"What about... Kiran?"

"So-and-so?" She's like, "It's all me."

"It was me. It was me."

She's like, "I was all of them."

I suddenly question,

"Who have I been sleeping on the phone

with for the last three years?"

She says, "It was me."

I feel violated.

I want to be sick.

And I'm just screaming

at her like, just like,

"Why?" I just kept screaming.

"Why? Why did you do it?" and...

She... she's...

Like, she's ruined my whole life.

She's stolen the best years

of my life off of me.

And all she could say was

that I... I ruined my own life.

No expression. Nothing.

I received a message from Simran.

"It was basically me.

I don't know why I did it."

How... how can she pretend

to be me for so long?

And I'm... And she's...

she's a girl, doing it to her cousin.

None of it made any sense.

She goes on to say,

"I need counselling

to help me work through it all."

"I'm sorry for everything."

"If you would be willing

to deal with it without the police..."

Come on.

I respond, "I will not be hiding

anything from the police,

and thank you for coming clean."

"Good luck."

Brighton police station

call me to say

that Bobby told them

that he had a confession from Simran,

and that I had been a victim of a crime

and that I should report it

to my local police station.

But when I do,

the officer tells me I'm not a victim.

The real victims are

the real Bobby and the real Sanj.

And then I say to the officer,

"I don't know

how crudely to put this to you,

but say it was

an intimate situation with Bobby,

I haven't given any consent

to Simran to do anything with me,

to be anything with me."

"It's deception."

"It's manipulation."

The police aren't going

to investigate it,

so I had to eventually take matters

into my own hands.

I immediately started trying

to download evidence online.

I start to download Skype messages,

WhatsApp messages, images.

Collate everything

on a massive spreadsheet.

But I'm beginning

to see profiles disappear.

Simran created them all.

She's making them disappear.

And that's tampering with evidence.

I'm trying to take as many screenshots

as I can before they disappear.

I collect hundreds

of thousands of messages.

We're talking about ten years' worth.

When I think back to the club in Brighton,

when I bumped into Bobby,

which was the real Bobby,

that is a sliding-doors moment,

but there's so many moments like that.

I find out when Bobby's brother JJ

added me on Facebook,

it was actually Simran.

Simran had dated JJ in real life,

but they had broken up.

And the version of JJ

that I'd been introduced to was fake.

Starting from there,

every character connected to JJ, Bobby...

everybody is all Simran.

As I'm looking

into all these profiles...

some of them are real people

whose profiles had been duplicated.

And some of them are totally made up.

And some of them are just supporting

characters commenting on main characters.

The detail of the conversations,

it was so elaborate, so huge.

Both Bobby and Yash's

Facebook profiles had posts on them.

Like, they were active.

They were really there.

I shared information with Bobby,

thinking that he was

a medical practitioner.

I was underage at this time.

Like, that is sickening.

Ultimately, I find 60 profiles.

Sixty?

Sixty. Six-zero.

She had used all these different guises

to control me.

And hold my fears against me.

In pictures sent to me,

Bobby's son was wearing clothes

that we'd picked together.

Unbeknownst at the time to me,

those baby photos already existed

on the real Bobby's Facebook page.

Somehow, she had reverse-engineered it

to lead me to pick those clothes.

There's even been times

when I've been with Simran,

and she'd be fiddling on her smartwatch,

and I would get a message from Bobby.

Now I realize that she was messaging me

as Bobby while with me.

Simran went to extreme lengths

to deceive me.

This didn't just impact me,

it impacted my family.

Everyone who thought

they were speaking to Bobby,

they were all victims too.

I think "cruel" is a word

that I would use to describe Simran.

She's pushed

so many people through trauma.

It's just unbelievable

one person can do what they have.

Simran is someone who is

from the community, knows Bobby,

knows all these people,

and has all the tools

to create a massive web.

Simran knew that

if I had mentioned this to my husband,

he will definitely go

and visit the family in Kenya.

So I couldn't even

talk openly to my husband.

She tricked all of us.

I'd never even heard of catfishing before.

Catfishing should be made a crime,

you know.

Why it happened, how it happened,

without my knowledge.

I just want to ask Simran,

why did she do this to Kirat?

Did Kirat upset her in any way?

I want an answer from Simran.

I think one of the reasons she did it

was to feel a sense of power,

to feel like she was controlling

everything around her.

Like, that's pretty damn sick.

I was targeted just

for somebody's entertainment, I think.

When somebody who knows you

does this to you,

you haven't got a hope in hell.

I get a call

from a lawyer working with Kirat.

He gives me this folder about this thick,

with details of this huge,

elaborate scheme

to convince Kirat that there is

a fake version of me out there

who is extraordinarily extravagant.

But we're just a normal family

with a very ordinary lifestyle.

That moment was even more shocking

than the morning that Simran confessed.

My name's Kirat.

I'm keeping you company

until six o'clock today.

Catfishing, it's, like, a pop-culture term

where it's a bit of fun.

It's entertainment for the onlookers.

I want to help break the stigma,

to stop victims from being shamed.

But we need to understand

why the Internet should be regulated.

I'm not looking for sympathy.

I'm looking for people to say,

"This is wrong."

"We need to be making people accountable."

I am now 44,

and I am doing my utmost

to get my life to where it should be.

Will I ever be a mum?

You know, at my age now,

it's a massive question mark.

But I've got

to be responsible for my future.

Simran never will be.