04x18 - The Way They Were

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

MOOSE: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Oh, who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Look! A French poodle!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

MILO: ...so we exposed one p*nsy
to direct sunlight

and left the other in complete darkness.
Resulting in...

The sad death of both
our little green friends.

My classmates, with this experiment,
Milo and I have debunked

the long-held myth of "photosynthesis."

[NICKY CHUCKLES]

Ms. Little, is there something
you want to share with the class?

What? Oh, no, it's nothing, it's just...
No, no, it's not funny.

[LAUGHS]

Nicky, if you have something to say,
just say it.

It's just photosynthesis is one
of the most fundamental

of all life processes.

Did you, by any chance,
remember to water the plants?

Um. We're not stupid, Nicky.

Milo watered them every single day.

PA, I thought you were supposed
to water the plants.

[LAUGHTER]

I haven't laughed that hard
since Colin Quinn

took over the "SNL" newsdesk.

Oh, Pepper Ann! Oh, Nicky!
Such self-confidence, such chutzpah!

What're you talking about?

Milo's drawing of you
in his underground zine!

PEPPER ANN: Very nice.

Good attention to detail,

great use of computer graphics,
very, very ni...

DIETER:
And look at your own bad zelf, Miss Thang!

Very, very, very nice.

Nicky, I thought you'd like my drawings.

Pop culture permeates the HMS halls.

And who better to represent
the student body than you and PA?

PEPPER ANN: Hey guys,
you know the drama club Dimes

for Mimes fundraiser this weekend?

Well, to get out of it,
I told Ms. Stark I was gonna be

out of town with my family.

So if she asks about it,
just back me up, okay?

I don't know.

Pepper Ann, lying to your elders
can often lead to unforeseen consequences.

Oh, come on,
she's probably not even gonna ask you.

Trust me, nothing's gonna happen.

-"Trust me, nothing's gonna happen."
-You kids have ruined

Ms. Stark's fundraiser.
The woman is in tears.

So, do you...work out?

[CHUCKLES] Oops.

[SLURPS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[GRUNTING]

Milo, this is my parmesan.

No, it's my parmi.

You didn't even like parmi 'til I said,
"Hey PA, try some parmi."

Now come on, you two. We all know
that the animosity we're feeling

has nothing to do with parmesan.

Yeah, you're right.

I guess so.

Ha Ha! Simpletons!
Whose shaker it is now, huh?

Whose shaker is it now?

So, Little Miss Smarty
thinks she's so smart!

Well, I'm smart too,
and you know what I'm thinking?

Milo, tell her what I'm thinking!

Hi, I'm Pepper Ann!

I'm completely irrational, egotistic,
and self-centered!

Look at me everyone! Look at me!

Oh, yeah? Well, I lied before.

-No one likes macaroni art! No one!
-[GASPS]

Stop this idiocy right now!

Don't you know that egotistic
and self-centered are the same thing?

You know what I think?
I think we've been friends for too long.

Maybe it's time we go our separate ways.

I concur whole-heartedly.

It's like the old proverb,
"Familiarity breeds contempt."

See what I mean? Who talks like that?

You're not Jane Eyre, Nicky,
so just give it up!

Oh, no! You guys aren't stickin' me
with the check again!

Those days are over Missys! Over!

Starting tomorrow.

You did what?

Disbanded our friendship.

Stop, drop, and roll, Tina!
Stop, drop and roll!

But Peppie, you, Milo and Nicky
have been friends for...

Has it been seven years?

It must be.

It was seven years ago
we moved to Hazelnut.

Hold me

[HUMMING]

Mom, please.

Oh, Peppie, I know you're not happy
about moving to Hazelnut,

but you are going to learn to love it.

You were born here, you know!

We're moving here
'cause of the new baby, aren't we?

It's time we settled down.

As much as I've enjoyed traveling
cross-country designing costumes

for stage shows

the road is no place for a little girl.

Just ask Muffy Appleseed!

Hello, my name is Muffy.

I want to be your friend,
but everybody I love goes away.

But Mom, Boo-tay and
the Biz-east isn't just some stage show.

Those people are my family!

Why does the baby have to ruin everything?

Peppie, the new baby is family.

And you have more family
right here in Hazelnut!

Why there's Grandma, Grandpa

and Aunt Janie, Uncle Jo Jo...

Woo-hoo, Lydia!

Oh, Sis, it's so good to see you!
You haven't changed a bit,

except you've given yourself a tight
home perm and you're as big as a house!

Oh, you look as fresh off
the commune as ever!

Is Chuck on his way?

No, no. Now that he has
his blimp pilot's license,

he's flying an awful lot.

But he's due back before the baby's born!

So, what's new with Jo Jo?

JO JO: Hey there, Lydia!

Ooh, it's so good to see you!
And what timing!

I just got the call!
I'm in the force!

Cadet training starts tomorrow!
Isn't that great?

-The force?
-The police force.

Jo Jo has decided to work
within the system.

-You mean...
-He's gonna be a... a... a... cop!

The Man! The fuzz! The heat!

[HORN HONKING]

Um, hi? I'm, like, Cissy?

Me and my friend Trinket heard
you're new in town and we like,

wanna make sure
no one challenges our status

as the reigning queens of kindergarten.

That's right, Marie. Red hair.
Missing teeth.

Glasses. Basic nightmare. Not a threat.

Welcome to Hazelnut!
[WHISTLES]

I hate this town.

Oh, Milo! What a wonderful sculpture!

Does this mean that you,
Pepper Ann, and Nicky are friends again?

[AIR BLOWING]

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: All right.

Real smooth.

-Patty cake...
-Patty cake.

-Bakers...
-Bean.

-You're the cutest twin...
-I've ever seen!

Hey there. How 'ya doing?

Okay toddlers! Settle yourselves!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTERING]

[HORN BLOWS]

MR. HICKEY: Apparently your regular
kindergarten teacher, Ms. Ford,

fell off the wagon
during yesterday's Fall Harvest Hayride.

Until she makes a complete recovery,
I will be your new teacher, Mr. Hickey.

Now before we get started,
there's a transfer student to introduce.

Pepper Ann Pearson.

Look at that!

So quiet and respectful.

You should all take a lesson
from Ms. Pearson here.

I can tell we're gonna get along
just great.

[BOOKS CLATTERING]

What in the blazes!

That's Milo. He's kind of shy.

Well, more like weird really.
But then again, who am I to talk...

Stop your nonsensical ramblings.

Yes, sir.

Milo, ey? Well, you just come out
when you're good and ready.

Hopefully after I'm long gone
from this germ-ridden nightmare.

When I'm...principal!

It's not germs!

The doctor says it's only
a temporary bacterial infection.

It'll be gone in two days, tops!

[GROANS]

Oh, jean-luc, I love this cafe.
But the jungle is my home.

But the gorillas ate your family...
and we have such delicious croissants!

I can't believe I spent seven years
of my life with those two.

I am so much happier now.

I see now how they were holding me back.

-Thank goodness I'm finally free.
-MAN: Ssh!

Oh, I'm sorry.
Was I talking too loud over the subtitles?

I speak French, so be
quiet, you stupid girl!

Ah, go climb the Eiffel
tower you little whiner!

Nicky! Get a hold of yourself!

Recess. Wonderful, wonderful recess.

The playground is like its own world
with its own rules,

filled with friends
and faces I'll remember

and cherish for the rest of my life!

Too bad I don't have any friends.

What the...?

MILO: May I please have my book back?
I'll give you my lunch money.

-Aren't you that Milo kid?
-MILO: Yes.

I'm Pepper Ann. I'm in your class.

MILO: Can I have my book now?

Look, I am not coming up there
so if you want your book back,

you're gonna have to come down and get it.

MILO: I can't. 'Cause of the bully.

BOY: Please! I'll give 'ya me neeps
and tatties, just let go 'a me leg!

Anyone else got any lunches?

Mama needs some ham hocks!

-Here 'ya go.
-Thanks.

So, what's with the blonde?

Her name's Nicky Little.

She used to be in my pre-school class
until she brought in

a Middle East Peace treaty she'd drafted
for Show and Tell.

When her parents realized
how smart she was they had her

skip kindergarten and go straight
into first grade.

She's been a bully ever since.
And her favorite target is...

NICKY: Kamalani!
Get your fanny down here!

Mama's got a forearm to the solar plexus
waitin' for ya!

[GRUNTS]

I hate recess.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

PEPPER ANN: Well, well, well.

Look who's come crawling back!

Hey, Moose, how's it goin'?

Fine.

Oops.

Where 'ya goin', Nicky?

On your way to jerk lessons?

Pepper Ann, who taught you such a word?

But Hazelnut is for jer...

Oh, young lady, I will not have you
saying the "J" word in this house!

Do you want the baby's first word
to be "jerk"?

Mm-hmm.

I'm off to Dr. Goldfarb's office
for a check-up.

Janie's gonna be downstairs
while you're up here thinking

about how a respectable Pearson lady
behaves herself!

Janie, put down the turkey leg,
turn down the hippie music,

and shave those things!

This isn't Europe.

Milo? What are you doing?

Reading. I come here every day to read.

It's the only place I'm safe from harm.

Well, except for the birds that try
to peck out my eyes.

Okay.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASPS]
-[KNOCKS]

Aren't you gonna tell me
that this is no way to live?

That I need to stop hiding in trees
and confront my fears

-lest they destroy me?
-Who am I to tell you anything?

I hate this town,
my mom cares more about the new baby

-than she does about me!
-Where are you going?

I'm running away to be
with my real family,

the cast of Boo-tay and the Biz-east.

How far away is Branson, Missouri?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

PEPPER ANN: Look, things will work out
with that bully girl.

Just talk to her.

MILO: Talk to her?
You've gotta be kidding!

I'd rather cut off my hair
and weave it into jewelry.

-But Milo...
-Principal Hickey is still...

-Furious about the...
-Otter fiasco.

-He's in his office...
-Right now...

Deciding punishment.

-Don't you have...
-Any comment?

Don't worry about me.

I can totally handle myself.

Don't worry about Milo.
He can totally handle himself.

[NICKY SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

PEPPER ANN:
If you don't put him down right now,

I'll kick you from here to Havana!

Well, look who's got a big 'ole
sass mouth on her!

That's right.
I've got a mouth and a brain.

-Unlike you.
-Hey, my big sister Becky is the brains,

that's why I'm the brawn.
You got a problem with that?

Yeah, I got a problem with that.
It's a cheap shot,

using your sister as an excuse to be mean!

Hey, you don't even know what it's like
competing with a sibling.

My sibling's not even born yet
and I already got it worse than you.

Oh, you think so, huh?

...and when I compared the returns
I had prepared with the ones my parents'

so-called "accountant" did,

well, let's just say that the "C" in CPA

sure doesn't stand for "competent."

[LAUGHS] Indeed!

So true, Becks, so true!

See what I mean?

Can I go now?

So, Becky, learning to do taxes,
is that something they teach you

-in the seventh grade?
-Oh, no.

They just teach us the fundamentals
of long division and percentages

which, when put into practice,
enable us, well me,

to work complicated math problems,
like doing taxes, for example.

So what you're saying then,
is that when Nicky is as old as you are,

-she'll be able to do taxes, too?
-Sure. If she wants to.

Our Nicky just loves our Becky.

Why, she even wanted
to skip kindergarten just like Becky did!

Well, that's true.

But now I'm wondering if I don't still
have other things to learn.

Things that first grade can't teach me.

Like how to become an astute observer
of human nature.

You go, princess!

Oh, hello, Lydia!

How was your... Where did you go again?

Oh, my back is k*lling me
and my ankles are like tree trunks!

I just wanna sink into the couch,
flick on the TV,

and watch that Tonya Harding
I've heard so much about.

Peppie? I hope you still have the taste
of that soap in your mouth!

Back off, bucko!

These fudge cookies are
for the Hexxon Valdez protest tomorrow!

I've searched the whole house!
Peppie's missing!

Nicky, for the last time,
school is over.

You should go. Anywhere.
I don't care where. Just go.

But it's my pleasure, Ms. Stark!

Nothing is more cumbersome
than chalk-filled eras...

VERA: Nicky Little,
stop banging those cumbersome

chalk-filled erasers and report
to the Principal's office immediately.

Oh, Fuzzy. Fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy...

...Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Fuzzy!

Janie, what are you saying?

Oh, Fuzzy?

Well, it's a comic book character
that Ned just loves.

He's starting to grow out of it, though.

I have stacks of comics I can give you
for Pepper Ann, if you want!

Oh, well thank you, Janie.

That is so sweet.

It almost makes up for the fact
that you lost her this afternoon!

I'm sorry.
It's not your fault she ran away.

It's mine.
What with moving to a new town,

and going to a new school,
a new baby coming,

her father traveling so much.

Lydia? What is it?

Janie. It's time.

Oh, no, don't worry. I set the VCR.

-We won't miss Tonya Harding...
-No, not that.

-The baby's coming!
-Sweet Mary Magpie!

I just shampooed the floor mats!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Pepper Ann, I can't thank you enough!

Without you, I might never have realized
that my bullying

was really a manifestation
of how emotionally unprepared I was

for the first grade!

You're welcome, Nicky.

I have no idea what you just said,
but you're welcome.

And Milo, to make up for trying to beat
the living tar out of you,

I want you to have my beanie.

Oh, no thanks.

I said, I want you to have my beanie!

This hat! This pencil! My muse!

JO JO: Oh, Pepper Ann, there you are!

We've been looking everywhere!
Your mom's about to have the baby!

[GRUNTING]

Well, Lydia, the bad news is,
the cafeteria's out of ice chips.

The good news?
Their chocolate mousse is to die for!

[LAUGHS] Oh, here, try some!

Where is Dr. Goldfarb?

My doctor bills are putting his kid
through college!

That means he's on my time now!
You hear me?! My time!

Oh, Dr. Goldfarb, thank Fuzzy...

Let's do zees! Eet's baby time!

[SCREAMING]

You're not Goldfarb!
Janie, call security!

Dr. Goldfarb eez on his way
to sister hospital in Germany

for obstetrician exchange program.

I come here to take over for him,
vit my little liebshin, Dieter!

Hallo! Vill you be my special
American friend?

Isn't he the cutest little...

[SCREAMING]

Contractions are starting!

WOMAN: Dr. Valentino to the O.R. please.

Paging Dr. White.

Dr. White call your office.
Dr. White, call your office.

It's a girl!

[SIGHS]

Peppie, I'd like you to meet your sister,
Margaret Rose Pearson.

Wow. I have a sister.

Hi there.

Moose!

[ALL GASP]

Moose. I like the sound of that.

Chocolate mousse!
Oh, I'm going to love American food!

Mom, these are my friends, Nicky and Milo.

-Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Pearson.
-Slap me some skin for birthin' some kin!

Ms. Pearson?
I finally got a hold of your husband.

I'll transfer the call into your room.

All right everybody,
the new mother of two needs her rest.

So Jo Jo, how did you manage
to find Pepper Ann so quickly?

Well, it's amazing what us cops
can accomplish when we work together.

Well, for what it's worth,
you're the best cop...

I mean policeman, I know.

So, PA. Does this mean
you're gonna stick around?

Yeah. I guess it does.

You know, this could be the start
of a beautiful friendship.

Oh, shut your big your big 'ol
yap trap Nicky!

I didn't force you into anything!

You said if I didn't go along
with your little "plan,"

you'd tell Stuart
I used to be a bed-wetter!

Silence!

Look, we all know that Pearson
is the one responsible

for yesterday's debacle.

Ever since she first stepped
into my class all those years ago,

I knew she was trouble.

And now I have no choice
but to consider... suspension.

Herbert, PA didn't mean any harm.

She's just creative and rambunctious.

Is that so bad?

It is worth pointing out that creativity
and rambunctiousness are two traits

commonly found in historical
and literary figures.

Jane Eyre included.

MR. HICKEY: Fine. Just fine.

You're all such good friends,
you can all be suspended together!

It's no hair off my mole.

I still only have to fill out
the one form.

You can't suspend them!

I mean, Milo is heading up
that great new arts program.

Without him,
it would never get off the ground.

And as for Nicky, you've said it before,
she's the smartest girl in school.

If you suspend her,
there goes your best chance

to send another student to Harvard.

How about you spend every lunch period
for the next four months

fishing retainers out
of the cafeteria trash bins?

-If you say so.
-I guess.

Well good, I'm glad to hear you approve.

Dismissed!

[LAUGHTER]

We played him like a cheap cello!

I know! Retainer duty is cake!

Slip Moira a few romance novels
and an eight-by-ten glossy of Jimmy Smits

and we've got it made in the shade!

This calls for a celebration!
Who's up for Greezy 'N Cheezy?

-C'est moi!
-You know it!

-Bye, Nicky.
-Have fun back in Kindergarten.

Welcome back to kindergarten Nicky!

You're gonna love it!

I can't tell you how glad I am
to be out of the first grade.

There was just nothing there for me.

Class, please welcome a new first grader,
Craig Bean!

[GASPS]

MAN: All right, real smooth.

Wait! I changed my mind!
I'm ready to be a first grader!

-I'm ready!
-I'm a new kid, too.

Craig! I'm a new kid too!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONCLUDES]