01x25 - Duck Hard

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ On the road to glory ♪

♪ Ain't no turning back ♪

♪ It's got to be
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ On a quack attack! ♪

♪ Look out, clear the way ♪

♪ The Ducks are here to play! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

[crowd cheering]

[c.speakerTop]♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Burning up the ice! ♪

♪ Just try and stop
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ And you're gonna
pay the price! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Fighting for the gold! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Time to rock and roll! ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Let's go! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks!
Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

[Phil] Relax, guys, we have
nothing to be nervous about.

We're just gonna do
a little shopping,

and we'll do a little browsing,
schmooze over a double latte.

Hey, I wasn't hatched
yesterday, Phil.

You got an angle going,
don't you?

Listen, Booby,
that sports dinner tomorrow

is very important.

And frankly, you guys,

you are a fashion disaster.

Hey, I happen to be wearing
the very latest

in rebellious
youth culture wear, okay?

And Grinster...

he just really likes
going around his pajamas.

Well, howdy, Mr. Nosedive.

What do you say, Nietzsche?

Say y'all fixing to fight

the forces of evil
this fine day.

Yeah, we're in
a life-or-death struggle

with Phil's fashion sense.

Well, like my great-grand-pappy
always said,

"That which does not k*ll
you makes you stronger."

That's the dumbest thing
I ever heard.

Come on, boobies, were wasting
valuable shopping time here.

[suspenseful music playing]

Rust-bucket to Mr. Phelps.

Two Ducks now leaving the pond

and the authorities have arrived
right on schedule.

All right, Ducks,

we're finally gonna
get to the bottom of this.

I'm proceeding with Phase Two.

[moaning and mumbling]

Oh, I feel your pain, buddy.

Here it is, a new weapon
to the fight against Dragaunus.

My new multi-puck-launcher.

Now sorry, and slime-ba*ls

won't stand
a chance against this.

[Tanya] I hope not...
cause there they are!

Puck power!

What? Uh?

[glass shatters]

Dragaunus?

Hey, on your guard, chump.

Let's just find out
what you're really made of, huh?

[grunts]

Okay, evidently,
you made a very--

-[door closes]
-[footsteps]

You redecorated the place
nicely, Mallory.

All right, what the heck
was that all about, huh?

Uh, it's Tanya's
new halo-target generator,

just a way of testing
the multi-puck launcher...

and your reflexes.

Give me that.

What, you want some more
target practice?

No, but the next time Nosedive
tries to put worms in my boots,

I'm gonna give him
the fright of his life.

[beeping]

[Wildwing] Captain Klegghorn.

What's he doing here?

Well, I'll check it out.

You guys clean this place up.
It's a mess.

Why you pointing
that thing at me?

I thought he was gonna
eat the words.

Sorry, Wildwing, I gotta do it.

Look, Captain,
we're on your side.

Yesterday we received
an anonymous tip

that you got dangerous
substances under this stadium.

I have to check it out.

I'm sorry, Klegghorn,

but the Pond
is our personal property.

And I've got
a personal search warrant.

Oops! [chuckles]

Huh...

Now either you let me in,

or the boys from the E.P.L.
bust their way in,

and Wildwing, trust me,

you want it to be me.

[sighs] All right, Captain,

you'd better
hang on to your socks.

[beeping]

Phase two is complete.

I'm in the Pond.

And I'm ready to party!

Party! Whoo, whoo!

Hey, come on, guys,

Wildwing told you
to help clean up my lab.

Hey, we did help clean it up.

Shoving the debris
under a throw rug

does not constitute cleaning up.

Hey, hey, hey, Wildwing,
how did you ditch Klegghorn?

Never mind. We've got lizards
in the building.

But all our defenses are on,

our anti-teleportation
shield is up.

Where are they?

Right here, Madam Chip D.

Yes, indeed.

Comfort Daniels,
they're out cold.

Attention, passengers,

the Captain has extinguished

the teleportation
defense shields...

so Wraith and Siege,
come on down!

Boss, it worked.

We're in,
and the ducks are out.

At last...

the Pond is mine!

[laughing maniacally]

[Siege] The security system
is fully restored.

Agh! Why not destroy
the infernal place now?

Right, baby, hey, look,
you're so impulsive.

I like that in the predator,

but first we have to use
this pumped up P.C.

to get the military m*ssile
launch code, you see.

Then, we destroy the place.

You'd better
prepare yourself, Captain,

only a few humans have seen
what you're about to see.

-[beeping]
-[alarm buzzing]

What?

[alarm sounding]

Ah, look this is a real,

nice locker room
and everything, but...

Guys, the elevator's
not working.

Yeah, Tanya had another
one of her bright ideas.

She's turbo-charging
the darn thing.

Well, gotta help her now.

Buh-bye, take care,
don't forget to write.

Something is very wrong here.

We'll have to take
another route, come on.

I want to see
permits for that elevator!

Oh, I just love getting in touch
with my feminine side.

I guess imitation isn't
the sincerest form of flattery.

Hey, Tanya, can Drake One really
access all those m*ssile codes?

Oh, it wouldn't even
break into a sweat.

Ah, Grin and Nosedive
will be back soon.

We can count on them.
We have to!

[Phil] Come on, boobies, let's
head on over to Suit Chalet,

and we'll get you
a gorgeous wardrobe

just like mine.

Oh, great, Three-Ring Central.

I can't do this.

Suits and ties cloud my aura.

We've got to
find a distraction, Grin.

Well, stand back
and watch the kid work.

Hey, you know what really put
me in the mood to buy a suit,

Phil Meister?

A couple of minutes
in my favorite comic shop.

Race ya, Grinster! Whoo-hoo!

[Phil] No, no, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait.

We don't have time!

What are you doing to me?

If this is your
secret headquarters,

I gotta tell ya,
I'm underwhelmed.

This isn't our headquarters.

I'm accessing
the emergency entrance.

All right, don't tell me

this one's
not gonna open either.

[beeping]

All the security systems
are down.

Oh, boo-hoo, just get us
inside, will ya?

Listen to me, I think someone's
taking over our headquarters.

And I think you and your pals

are putting on
a show to stall me.

Now get us inside, or--

I'll get us in, all right.

Stand back.

Hey!

There, in 49 minutes
we'll have the codes.


I found these expl*sive pucks.

There's one thing I despise,
it's Hakeem. [belching]

[sneezes] Yeah, I'm allergic
to the accursed sport.

Then this will
clear your sinuses.

An hour after I plant these
in the fusion generator,

this place will be incinerated.

Okay, big guys.

Get out there
and blow one up for a kipper.

Oh, but by then the stands will
be filled for tonight's game.

[Siege] Chameleon, I'm
in the fusion generator chamber

and deploying the expl*sive box.

Out.

[Klegghorn] Hey, watch it
with that mask.

I'm crawling as fast as I can.

[Wildwing] Move. We've got to--

Holy donuts!

What's that?

A quantum fusion generator.

You got a permit for that thing?

Now the feathers are gonna fly.

It's Siege.

I thought you said

your headquarters were secret?

[both grunting and yelling]

Ha-ha,
I'm gonna fry me a blackbird.

[grunts]

[strains and grunts]

[Wildwing grunting]

[grunts] Huh?

No one's above the law
on my beach, slime-ball.

[strains]

-[exclaims]
-Klegghorn, get back!

[straining]

Nice work, partner.

Don't think that cut
you any slack about

the building permit, pal.

[Siege snoring]

All right, you've stalled
long enough.

We're going to Suits Chalet.

Grin, we gotta come up
with another distraction,

or Phil'll turn us
into executive material.

Hey, look.

I've been meaning to get some
new meditation crystals.

Mine are, uh, rusty.

Guys, we don't have all day.

You've got a game tonight.

You wouldn't want to disturb

my inner peace and tranquility,
would you, Phil?

Booby, booby, come on,
of course not.

Browse away.

[Grin] Yeah, right.

What's the hang up? Let's move.

No, no, no,
we have to be careful.

Dragaunus' g*ons are
controlling the defense system.

What kind of defense system?

You don't wanna know.

Come on, how bad could it... be!

Intruders! Intruders!
Exterminate! Exterminate!

[screams]

I take it you don't have permits
for those either?

For cryin' out loud,

what did you do to get
these lizards so steamed?

Uh, well, it seems we got in
the way of their mad plan

to come through the universe.

That flak jacket of yours

strong enough
to take their fire?

Sure... for maybe five seconds.

Then keep 'em busy.

[screaming]

Fancy sh**ting, Cap.

Hey, no fair.

[Chameleon]
You're supposed to be toast.

Give it up, reptile!

I'm your worst nightmare.

Actually my worst nightmare

is the one where I'm late
for a meeting with Dragaunus

and I'm not wearing any...
Oh, but I digress.

Whoa, time to play my favorite
computer game, Top Forces.

Awesome, dude.

sounds like he's gonna hit us
with some more of our defenses.

[Klegghorn]
What the heck is that?

A buzz ball. Run.

God, is this some
great security system you got.

Do me a favor next time.

Just get a dog.

[beeping]

[Chameleon] All right.

Game over for the duck
and the cop.

Wildwing's gone?

Tanya, we can't give up.

Come on, I've got an idea.

[Siege straining]

Those stinking ducks,

I'll shred their
feathers for this.

I don't know, Phil, I better lie
down. I had some bad cheese.

[c.speakerTop]That's it,
enough of your stalling.

It's time you do learn
some style from the master.

I fear we are destined
to buy clothes at this place.

Okay, Grin,
no matter what happens,

we won't let him talk us
into anything, cool?

I shall be a rock.

[Nosedive] I don't get it.
How did he do this?

My fashion will was... too weak.

Nice. Sweet.

You're gonna look great.

What are you
worried about, boobies?

Now, we'll grab
a little latte to go

and head back to the Pond.

You gentlemen look so good
you could join a circus.

[straining]

Ah!

I've got the ground strap.

It should drain the charge
from these energy bands.

[sighs] Now we need
a distraction.

Leave that to me.

Ten more minutes.

Boy, a watch fusion reactor
never blows, does it?

Siege!

Siege, oh, buddy.

We thought the ducks got you.

Siege, you're a... [exclaims]

You're a... [shudders]
you're a ghost!

You, nitwit, it's a hologram.

Something's wrong,
check the hostages.

What hostages?

Oh, is this ever gonna look bad
on my resume.

And this is gonna look
even worse.

Okay, punk,

make my millennium.

[growls]

Somebody shut off the defenses.

But who?

Who cares? Ducks rock!

[grunts]

[shuddering]

This is for you, Wildwing.

Thanks, Tanya, appreciate it.

Wildwing? You're okay!

Listen, those g*ons
are using Drake One

to access the military's
m*ssile launch codes.

With all those warheads,
Dragaunus could rule the world.

And they planted
a bunch of expl*sive pucks

in the generator.

And they're gonna go off
in six minutes.

And the stadium
is probably full by now.

You stop the bombs.

I owe these skuzz-buckets
some payback.

You, lousy lizards,

nobody tries to conquer
the world from my precinct!

Boss, we need a little help.

Forget it, sleaze-bag,
nobody's gonna help you.

You were saying,
worthless maggot?

It's Dragaunus.

[all screaming]

I hope you aren't too stunned.

[commentator] We're minutes away
from the start of the game.

I'm so excited I could explode!

[grunts]

There's no time to disarm them.

Got it.

[alarms blaring]

The missiles are mine.

Who wants coffee and donuts?

[exclaims] Dragaunus!

[all grunt]

[sniffs]

I'll download the codes
into this data cylinder.

Program the teleporter
to return us to the Raptor.

Yes!

Who on this wretched planet
will dare to defy me?

[Klegghorn]
You're looking at him, wise guy.

I got two words for you,
jerk-face.

You're...

busted!

The codes? No!

Boss, we gotta split.

[commentator]
Ladies and gentlemen,

the captain of
the Mighty Ducks,

Wildwing!

[crowd cheering]

How'd you like the game,
Captain?

Oh, great, not bad for ducks.

Yeah, well,
we were a little pooped

what with saving the world
and everything.

I hope you learned
we're on your side.

And I hope
you learned something.

The next time
the world needs saving,

try contacting the proper
authorities for a change...

partner.

Come on, come on, come on,
show 'em.

[Nosedive] Fat chance, Phil.

Will you relax?

You look great.

[all laughing]

[laughing]

You guys did
bad taste sale or what?

[laughing]
Oh, this is unbelievable!

You look beautiful, man.
[laughs]

You know, in my opinion,
those are--

Don't say it, Klegghorn.
Just don't say it.

Uh, nice threads.

[laughs]

[theme music playing]