01x03 - A Traitor Among Us

[bunniefuu]

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[Wraith] Oh, Chameleon.

Why did we have
to hide the Raptor

in this gloomy neighborhood?

[Chameleon] Honey, I am home!

Well, did you get it?

Did we get it. [laughs]

Did we get it.
Can you believe this guy?

[laughing hysterically]

No, we didn't get it.

What?
You blithering incompetents.

[metal crashing]

I know it's up there.

I've pinpointed it's location
within a five mile radius.

But boss, it's within
a five mile radius
of nothing but sand.

These primitive earthlings
don't have the technology

to produce a Proteus chip,
Lord Dragaunus.

Somewhere in that desert
is a Proteus chip.

I can turn that cannon
into the most powerful weapon

of destruction,
this world has ever seen.

But I must have that chip!

Get out of here!

Sorry, I am not myself today.

I know who could find it.
But you have to ask me nice.

Tell me right now or I'll blast
you into a thousand pieces.

Well, that was nice enough.

You lousy lizards.

I'll find you with my mask,

even if it takes me
till next Wednesday.

Oh, and I suppose Wildwing
will be just dying to help us.

No, but I know someone who
might convince him.

A friend of ours
from Puckworld.

Prepare
the dimensional gateway.

We're going to have a visitor.

[announcer] 21 seconds left
on the third period.

It's Nosedive on a break!

Show a little class, Nosedive.

Yeah, show some yourself,
puck hog.

[announcer]
Tuck trails the play.

-She shoots. She goals.
-[cheering]

The Ducks win!

The Ducks win!

The Ducks win!

[Tanya]
Yeah, I've got to hurry.

I wanna do a little browsing
and the Electric Land

is only open
for another six hours.

[Lucretia] Hello, Tanya.

[stammering]
How did you get here,
Lucretia Decoy?

How sweet.

You remember.

Oh!

[mumbling]

And since you're
the only one who knows me,

I can't afford your friends
finding you. Now, can I?

[soft laugh]

You don't steal the puck

from a member of
your own team, Nosedive.

It's bad manners.

Yeah, same to you. Double.

I think we all know you're
the resident hot-dog

of this team.

And you're the resident former
jewel thief of this team.

Hey, if you don't know
the difference between

a diamond tiara and a puck,

I'd be happy to show you.

[computer beeping]

[Duke] We've got an intruder.

They're heading this way.

Hey, how could anybody access
our secret elevator?

I don't know.
But in about three seconds

they're gonna come
right through that door.

She's a... duh!

That remains to be seen.

Oh, Wildwing.

Is that any way
to treat a lady?

She could be a robot.
Or the Chameleon in disguise.

The mask will tell us what
she's really made of.

[beeping]

I don't believe it.
She's legit.

And she's ravishing.

And she's a full on
babe to boot.

I am sorry if I alarmed you.

Tanya said it was
okay for me to come up.

And what happened
to Tanya, anyway?

Oh, she said
she was going to a place
called Electric Land.

Uh, this way, sweetheart.

Just make yourself
comfortable, huh?

Hey, Duke!
Why don't you fly a sub.

Just max and relax
with Nosedive, goody girl.

Your main mallard of love.

I may throw up.

I am Wanda McDrake.

And honestly,
I am not sure how I got here.

[grunts]

I was on Puckworld,

when suddenly this
whirlwind pulled me up.

And the next thing I knew,
I was here.

You want them to pose
for your candy ads

in a van of chocolates?

I'll talk to them.

I'll take care of it.
Don't worry about it.

The heck with your candy.

I got something
bigger than Elvis here.

Uh, Wanda, this is
Phil Palmfeather, our manager.

Just ignore him.

She's gorgeous.

And I am not even a duck.

Do you realize, how much money
I can make off her?

Always thinking
of others first.
Huh, Phil?

I gotta
write her up a contract.

The fast move Italians alone
will be worth a fortune!

That whirlwind.

It sounds like
one of Dragaunus'
dimensional gateways.

What? Dragaunus is here?

We have him under
a computer surveillance.

But he's disguising his ship.

Computers are my specialty.
Maybe I can help.

Oh, allow me, angel.

-[Nosedive] Hi.
-[Duke growling]

Whoa!

You two are really making
a spectacle of yourselves.

Get used to it.

We pretty much carry on
like this

-till the end of the self--
-Hey! [groans]

It's the energy patterns
put off by Dragaunus' blasters.

Hey, I got lucky
on the first try.

Fancy that.

We better check this out.
To the Aerowing.

Cool-ella,
let's ice these creeps.

Uh, I am sorry but we can't
leave you here.

That suits me fine.

I've got just
as much of a score
to settle with those fiends,

as you do.

[siren wailing]

Full power to thrusters.

[beeps]

This is a waste of time, Siege.

The Chameleon and I have
searched this whole area.

We aren't trying
to find anything.

We just wanna make it look like
we're looking for something.

[Siege]
It's all part of the plan.

And if that girl
has done her part,

the ducks will be
here any minute.

[Duke] Comfy, sweetheart?

Yes, thank you.

But I am a little hungry.

I haven't eaten since
I left Puckworld.

-Oh, well. Allow me.
-No, no. Moi.

-Ow!
-Ow!

Whoa! Time out, time out.

Can you believe we're
actually doing this?

And making fools of ourselves
over a beautiful duck.

No doubt it,
it's cosmically corny, man.

Completely undignified.

So, why are we doing it?

[Duke] Out of my way.

[Nosedive] Oh, yeah.
Eat my dust, duck.

Okay, so where are they?

-[ground rumbling]
-Right here, suckers!

Watch me check these creeps
into the boys.

Ducks rock!

Duck, run!

[dramatic music playing]

[laughs]

You're between a rock
and a hard place now, ducks.

I only hope they're not too
cracked by this. [laughing]

[grunting]

[groaning]

Stay back, sweetheart.

I'll disarm
that repulsive reptile.

Just leave the hero stuff
to us hip, young,

happening ducks, okay?

Hey, I'll have you know
I am in my prime.

Yeah, right.
Well my demographics

are a lot younger
than yours, brother.

[both grunting]

Don't look now,
but we've just been aced.

[growling]

[groaning]

[both grunting]

I was afraid of this.

Win or lose,
there's no winning.

He got away.

Don't let it ruffle
your feathers.

They do it all the time.

But what were they doing here
in the first place?

I'd say, they were excavating.

What would those creeps want
in the middle of Sand Central?

Let's see.

There's something
in that mountain.

Something with
an energy pattern
I've never seen before.

Grin, wanna give it a shot?

[grunting] That which
does not bend, must break.

[rumbling]

[Wildwing]
It's some kind of temple.

Come on, team.
Let's check it out.

[Mallory]
Ah, it's some
kind of spaceship.

[Wildwing] This thing must have
crashed thousands of years ago.

Primitive humans built a temple
around it and worshipped it.

[Wildwing] And whatever
Dragaunus is after,

it's in there.

Proteus chip.

We better get this to a safe
place, till we can analyze it.

-[beeping]
-[whirring]

[sighs] If nobody minds,
I really need some rest.

It's been quite a day.

Of course.
You an use my bunker.

If you need anything,
just call me.

Forget him!
You can call on Nosedive.

Your numero unolovely ducky.

Well, now that you mention it,

I still haven't had
a bite to eat.

Cool-ella! Race you to
the galley, Sally! Woo-hoo!

[Nosedive] She is pretty,
pretty, cutie, cutie, pretty!

[grunts]
I still don't trust her.

And I am worried about Tanya.

[over speaker]
Um, guys, it's Tanya.

What am I saying? Who else
would it be?[giggling]

-Where are you?
-[speaker crackling]

[stammering] Uh, listen.

I need you to get
a part number for me.

It's the circuit board
by the, uh...

You know,
by the front axel housing.

But we'll have to remove
the whole engine block

to get into the axel.

And we need you back here.

Yeah, right.
I mean, you know,
save me a trip guys.

[over speaker] All right,
all right. Wildwing out.

These suckers.

Okay. Bananas, some Swiss
cheese, little cayenne pepper.

No, no, no. You'll just make
a mess of things.

-[sings]
-Enjoy.

[screaming]

That does it!
You know what,

I am sick of being
worn out by you, Duke.

I don't have to take this.

Really? Looked at your
contract, lately?

Just, uh, check out
the loser clause.

Okay. In the event of
conflict with Duke,

over the affections
of a beautiful female,

I agree to lose.

I gotta get a new agent.

[Dragaunus] At last.

The Proteus chip is mine.

It will make this laser
powerful enough to incinerate

any city on the globe.

Quickly, commence
the installation procedure.

[Mallory]
There was no circuit board

where Tanya said it would be.

[Wildwing]
Unless this was
all a ruse.

Wildwing, check the safe.

[Lucretia] You needn't bother.

It's gone. I took it.

And I sent it to Dragaunus.

You lousy traitor!

[Lucretia] I had no choice!

Dragaunus abducted my parents
from Puckworld.

If I don't do what he says,
he'll--

If that's true, you should have
told us a lot sooner.

Look, I know
where Dragaunus is.

I know what he plans
to do with that chip.

If I help,
will you rescue my folks?

Of course.
But first, we stop Dragaunus.

[grunting] Help!

Two mil for the Swimsuit Times.

I am gonna make a fortune off
that gorgeous duck.

[Tanya] Help!

Help!

Or at least throw me
something to read.

Tanya? What are you
doing up here?

Light housekeeping.
What do you think?

Now get me loose!

Where are the guys?

They went somewhere with
that beautiful new duck.

I gotta stop 'em.
They don't know who she is.

[beeping]

You were telling
the truth, Wanda.

They're in there, all right.

There's a building in the back.

We can take them from behind.

Wait.

Are you certain it's safe?

It's just a storage room.
I doubt they'll be guarding it.

Okay, let's go.

This way.

Yeah, I don't like
the smell of this.

[all screaming]

You pathetic saps.

Does this mean our date's off?

Oh!

You've got a date, all right.

No! [mumbling]

About 10,000 gallons of water.

[laughing]

[Lucretia]
Thanks for helping me
find the Proteus chip, suckers.

Here's where we say goodbye.
[chuckles]

Now I am beginning
to find that lady,

somewhat less attractive.

Well, in two minutes your
duck problems will be all over,

Lord Dragaunus.

You have done well, Lucretia.

In moments, the chip
will be installed.

Then I'll destroy the human
cities, one by one,

until the world bows down
before me!

[Wildwing] This isn't going
the way I planned.

You actually had a plan?

Yeah, but I kinda hope to stick
around to see the end of it.

Hey, guys!

Hurry, Tanya!
We're gonna drown!

Ha! Don't be ridiculous.
Ducks can't...

Right. I am hurrying,
I am hurrying.

The guy who designed
this was definitely a,

you know, an overachiever.

It would take hours to pry off
the cap with the Ovi tool.

I could by-pass the generator,
you know.

But who knows how long
that will take.

Now, Tanya!

Yeah, well. You know,

someone has removed
the valve handle, so,

I can't even
shut off the water.

Oh, the heck with it!

Tanya!

Do you always have to cut
things so close?

Well, that's what you get
for fooling around

with Lucretia DeCoy.

With whom?

You've never heard
of Lucretia DeCoy?

She's the worst traitor
on Puckworld.

I had never seen her face.

She was Dragaunus' chief spy.

She nearly wiped out
the resistance.

And you wanted a date with her.

Hey, I ain't picky.

Come one!
We've gotta jump, Dragaunus!

The guy with a heat ray
powerful enough to fry
the world? How?

He only thinks
he's got a heat ray.

Actually, I put a chip
from one of our freeze pucks
in the safe.

So, what happened
to the real chip?

Oh, it's around.

In a matter of seconds,

Washington, D.C. will just be
a mass of melted monuments.

[Dragaunus] What the devil!

[all screaming]

That Proteus chip, it's a fake!

[stammering] The ducks must
have switched it.

Or you did.

Siege, search her!

[Siege] Well, looky here.

Trying to double cross
the big boy, eh?

Somebody planted it on me,
I swear.

Silence!

Use this to return
to the Raptor.

I'll deal with you later.

Yes, my lord.

[grunting]
What's happening to me?

I set that teleporter to take
you into dimensional limbo,

from which there is no escape!

[screaming]

My first efforts
may have been sabotaged.

But at least I have the real
Proteus chip now.

Not for long, lizard lips.

-No!
-Take him team!

Whoa!

Activate your teleporters.

Let's all take a trip
to the Raptor.

No. This is an arms factory,
Wildwing.

We're sitting on
a munitions dump.

If you don't release
us in 15 seconds,

the drones will blow
this place sky high.

Let him do it,
if he's got the guts.

I say, we go out together.

Oh, I hope this isn't
going to become

another one of my past lives.

No. My first priority as leader
is to protect

the safety of this team.

Release us, and we'll return
to the Raptor without incident.

I give you my word.

I guess
I don't have any choice.

Just one last thing.

I never keep my word.

[laughing]

That sleaze bag!

[exploding]

I'd say, we've done enough
damage for one day.

I am gonna change
and hit the mall.

I've earned some R and R.

Can you believe we were
actually knocking ourselves out

over a traitor?

Eh, the good looking ones
are always trouble.

Now there's a message
you don't get on

your average cartoon show.

Anyone care to join me
for a mall crawl?

Mallory is a babe!

Ooh, Mal Mal!

You've been hiding your light
under a hockey uniform.

Say, Duke. Wanna compete
for her affectiones?

[both together] Nah.

Hey, so how about a friendly
game of checkers, huh?

Well, I can really go
for some hot cocoa.

You know, I might even curl up
with a good book.

[theme music playing]