04x14 - My Mother, Myself

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

BOY: Who?

GIRL 1:
Is that that girl from gym class?

MOOSE: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Oh, who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-A bicentennial quarter!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

SHERRIE SPLEEN:
Good Evening.

Speaking to you live
from the Walnut Park Observatory.

I'm Sherrie Spleen and this is Nutline.

The Nutland is in
for an "astronomical" treat tonight.

That's right,
the long-awaited Floyd's Comet

will streak across the northern sky.

Cool.

[GRUNTS] What a day.

I swear, Alice Kane is
intentionally making my life a living...

Hey, I'll take your day
over my day any day.

-Hi Moose, honey.
-Hey.

The last time we saw Floyd's Comet
was 75 years ago.

The same night it zoomed through the sky,
the Mayor of Hazelnut disappeared

and Carmine Casanova released
his first box office b*mb,

"Sheik For A Week."

Coincidence?

Maybe...

maybe not.

Cooler.

Please, you've got it so easy
compared to me.

All you have to do is go to your "job"
at the mall, cook dinner,

do a little laundry,
your life is totally kick back.

Uh-huh. And what's stressing you out?

The pressures of roller skating,
the aches and pains of surfing the web

or is it all that backbreaking chatting
on the phone?

SPLEEN: Astronomers have just spotted
Floyd's Comet!

Wow! Neato...

Oh.

MOOSE: Cool-est.

You just thank your lucky
undies you're not me.

[WHOOSHING]

LYDIA:
Well, if that's not a sign to go to bed,

then I don't know what is.

Good night, Peppie.

PEPPER ANN: But it's only 5:30.

-[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
-[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[ALARM RINGS]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

What the Fuzzy?

[GASPS] That's not my voice!

No, no, it's impossible, it's...

No! That's not me!

Whoa! Did I like not get a memo
or something?

This can't be happening. Can it?

[SCREAMS]

No! No, I must be dreaming.

[GASPS]

This video was due weeks ago!

[BOTH GRUNT]

[BOTH SCREAM]

What's going on?

Peppie and I switched bodies!

I woke up as Mom and Mom woke up as me!

[CHUCKLES] You're funny.

I need a cup up of fat free
international coffee.

My life is trash.

Uh-oh.

Okay, so you're me and I'm you.

-How the heck did this happen?
-[SPLURTS]

MOOSE: Floyd's comet!

Seventy-five years ago, it turned
the mayor of Hazelnut into a Sheik

for a week and last night
it must've turned you into mom

and you into Peppie.

Well, how are we gonna change back?

Floyd's Comet won't be back
for another 75 years.

[BOTH GASP]

Phew. Thank the mighty Tundra
I figured that one out.

Okay, see 'ya.

Moose, this is Pepper Ann
talking to you now.

If we don't find a way to change back,
I am going to be your mother

-for the next 75 years.
-[SCREAMS]

For this to work like in the 1976
Family Fun Fest Movie Trippy Tuesday,

the timing's gotta be perfect.

On the count of three.

One, two, three!

-I want my own life back!
-I want my own life back!

-Maybe we should try it again.
-Yeah, yeah!

Okay. One, two, three.

-I want my own life back!
-I want my own life back!

[GASPS]

I think I feel something!

PEPPER ANN: That's just Steve
licking your toes.

What're we gonna do?

Well, I guess until we find a way
to change back,

I'll have to live your life
and you'll have to live mine.

Oh, good gravy, no!

What's wrong?
Suddenly the seventh grade frightens you?

No. It's you working at "It's You!"
that frightens me.

Come on, I can sell clothes.

Just try not to get fired.

Hey, just try not to get detention.

Oh and um, try to get an "A"
on my history test.

Anything else?

Just remember at lunch time,
keep your hands away from Dieter's mouth

and never ever comment on the mole
under Shelf McClain's left nostril.

We better get ready.

La-la-la your boat...

I don't know why you never wear this,
Peppie.

It's just adorable on you!

You are not wearing that!

-But it's so cute...
-No!

Peppie what on earth...

It's grunge.

I found it in a box of Dad's old things
in the attic.

You know, I once tried to flush
those clothes down the toilet.

[SHRIEKS]

I don't how we're going to pull this off.

I mean, the second Nicky
and Milo show up, it's over.

We're such close friends,
they'll know you're not me in a second.

-Good morning Pepper Ann.
-Hey, PA.

Well, good morning! Come on in you two.

-And how are your parents?
-[GULPS]

-Very well, thank you for asking.
-Frisky as ever.

So, ready to hit it?

-What?
-I guess so.

Well, bye...

-Mom.
-Bye.

[GASPS] Give me those!
You can't drive.

My license...

I mean your license is expired!

Nice try Peppie,
but I am way too responsible.

I would never let my license expire.

You would and you did.

-How could you help it? The darn...
-My, isn't PA the bold one?

...DMV closes at 3:30
and you don't get off work 'til 5:00.

I mean aren't they supposed
to be working for us?

Public Servants my apple brown betty,

D'oh, just give me the keys!

Who's gonna stop me? I'm the mom.

[SIGHS] You're right.

Come on kids, let's go find that Craig
I'm always talking about.

No! You win, you win, you win!

What's up with Lydia?

She's usually so wonderfully
pulled together.

Thank you, Milo.

Duck!

Sweet potato pie! What is it?

MILO: It's Gwen Mezzrow.

I asked her to go
to the "Hams Across Hazelnut

Pig Calling Contest" with me tonight.

So, what's the problem?

I asked the new girl, too.

Oh, I know I shouldn't have,
but she's cute and she likes horses.

So you have two dates for tonight.

PA, you gotta help me.

How am I gonna pull this off?

Milo dear,
there will be no "pulling this off."

You can only go out with one girl tonight.

Tell the other one the truth
and ask her out for another night.

What? You're not going to plot
and scheme some crazy shenanigan

that would never work
because you used Dieter

as Milo's stunt double?

Mm-mm.
Honesty is always the best policy.

Thanks PA!

Moose!

-Want me to drive you to...
-No way.

Oh c'mon, I can't be worse than grandma!

[ENGINE STARTS]

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

PEPPER ANN: Reverse and gas and...

[TIRES SCREECHING, CRASHES]

Give it up!

Isn't it bad enough
you have feathered hair?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa! Ooh!

Grow up will 'ya!

[PANTS] Don't make me run!

I get stretch marks!

Move it, Dieter!

Ms. Lydia?

[HUMMING]

I knew this would be kick back.

MITCH: Good morning, Lydia!

What up, Mitch?

Could you please hang these up?
Thank you!

That's 18.99 plus ta...

[TILL MACHINE WHIRRS]

What do you think, is it me?

Sure, if you're a jack-o'-lantern
two weeks after Halloween. [SCREAMS]

-I'll take it from here.
-[SOBS]

But that looks terrible on her.

What? [SOBS]

Just, just go dress the mannequins
or something...

Now!

[HUMMING]

[MANNEQUIN STUMBLES]

Well, parts is parts.

MR. FINKY: Rock steady history homies,
you have one hour to complete the test.

[GASPS]

-[CLOCK TICKING]
-[MUTTERS]

Oh, sh**t.

Well tickle me pink,
this is just like the recipe

-for my crab whip...
-[expl*si*n]

...surprise.

[GRUNTS]

Aces, PA. Your advice worked.

Gwen Mezzrow agreed to reschedge,
but now I'm knee-deep in a new quandary.

What happened?

That artsy guy, Emile,

is getting blamed
for the impromptu condiment mural

I painted in the cafeteria.

He just got called into Hickey's office.

I know he's gonna sing
like a disillusioned secretary

living out her dreams
at the Karaoke Corner. What do I do?

Milo, you've got to take responsibility
for your own actions.

Go to Mr. Hickey's office right now
and set the record straight.

Whoa! Thanks PA!

I'm not one for idle gossip,
but I just heard Alice Kane say

she's gonna kick your blading expletive
at the competition this Saturday.

Competition?

Oh, this is getting out of control.

Hey! You talkin' about me mole?

[TIMER DINGS]

MR. FINKY: Time's up groovy cats.

Let's turn, turn, turn 'em in.

Bay...of...Pigs...

Wait! I need more time!

[SCREAMS]

That was the day from heck.

Ow!

Eight hours on my feet.

No wonder mom walks like this.

[SCREAMS] All right,
who left their books in the hallway?

So, how was your day, Peppie?

Can you say "total breeze"?

Oh, yeah, me too.

Seventh grade is twice as easy
the second time around.

-Moose!
-Moose!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MOOSE: Heed the mighty power of the skull
and beg for its mercy.

Oh, mighty skull,
please make us as we were.

No bones about it, you're cute!

This is one Halloween decoration
that won't see Thanksgiving.

-[MEOWS]
-So, what's for dinner?

Yeah, mom, what's for dinner?

Well, if I still have to cook
and do housework,

you still have to do your homework,
young lady.

So, tacos sound good?

-[BUBBLING]
-[GROANS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mmm.

[TUTS, GROANS]

[INDISTINCT CHANTING]

Hey! Come back!

[HUMMING]

-[MACHINE WHIRRING]
-[HUMMING]

[GASPS]

[HUMMING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTING]

[MEOWS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANS]

MOOSE: This has gotta work.

I saw it in that movie Large
and Ronald Maltball gave it four popcorns.

Please, please change us back.

Vote Mondale/Ferraro in '84.

How are those leggings coming along Lydia?

Come on, Mitch,
do leggings really need to be ironed?!

Yes! And make sure you get the crease
just right, thank you!

Lydia, do you have a minute?

Sure Aunt... Janie.

You just gotta help me.

JoJo seems so distant these days.

I don't know what to do.

I try to do little romantic
things for him like...

I don't really think I...

...little love notes in his lunch box.

I even went to Veronica's Treasures
and bought this spicy little...

JOJO: Lydia!

Just wanted to say "hi"
and I'll see 'ya tonight!

MITCH: Lydia!

I think I'll take lunch.

MILO: Thanks again for the advice, PA.

It turns out Hickey liked
my impromptu condiment mural

and wants me to design the sign
for the upcoming musical,

"Beauty And The Bistro."

[GASPS] Don't look now,
but here comes Craig Bean.

Hey Pearson, wanna go to Java Nut tonight?

My band's tryin' out a new sound.

Gee, I really should pay bills...

-She'd love to!
-Cool, see 'ya there.

[GROANS]

You didn't tell me you had a date
with Bernie Gooberstein!

Ah. You have a date too.
Craig asked you to go to Java Nut.

He did? You're not gonna go are you?

[GASPS] But you've just gotta go!

If you don't go,
he'll think I don't like him

and never ask me to go again,
but he's gotta ask me to go again,

because I'm not even gonna get to go
when I'm gonna go tonight!

But if you go then...

Just stop right there, Peppie.

There is no way I'm gonna go
on a date with Craig

and there is no way you're gonna go
on a date with Bernie.

No way, no way, no way!

Don't you just love swing dancing?

It's back in a big way,
you know with the kids.

What?

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

Nothing like cuttin' a rug
to take your mind off

your DMV test tomorrow, huh?

What?

[MUTTERS, SCREAMS]

[MIC FEEDBACK]

Hey Pearson...

this one's for you.

[DRUMS ROLLING]

Hey! Yeah! Hey! Yeah! Hey! Yeah!

[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

Right!

[CRACKS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Mom?
-Peppie?

-I have something to confess.
-Me too.

-I was wro...
-Lydia! What are doing?

You better hurry up
if you're going to make your appointment.

At the DMV?

Lydia, nobody likes
to take their driver's test,

but you're the lazy daisy
who let her license expire.

Don't worry, I'll drive you there.

Wouldn't want JoJo hauling you off
in cuffs. [LAUGHS]

You know he'd have to. It's his job.

Pep... I mean, Mom, wait!

Pepper Ann, come on! You're gonna be late!

Late for what?

[GASPS]

Okay, Ms. Pearson,
why don't you carefully merge into traffic

and we'll start your test.

What are you doing?

You couldn't even make it
out of the driveway!

Ssh. Don't you think I know that?

Ma'am? Are you okay?

Honestly? I'm just not feeling
like myself today.

Would it be possible to take the test
another day?

-I could get a note from my mo...
-[SIGHS]

All right then, just put her in neutral
and we'll reschedule...

My glasses! I can't see!

[PEPPER ANN SCREAMING]

And the score for Alice Kane is in,

a nine point six!

All right!

[CHEERING]

The trophy is as good as mine, P. Ann.

Prepare to suffer a complete
and totally humiliating defeat.

Does your mother know
you speak to your peers...

Wow.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SCREAMS]

Whoa. How does Mom make this look so easy?

When was the last time
you cleaned this car?

-[HORN HONKS]
-[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

BOY: All right. Go girls!

-I can't do it!
-What?

I can't skate, I can't play soccer,
I can't even "log on,"

whatever the heck that is.

Man, I thought being a single working mom
was a cinch, but check it,

it is the hardest thing I've...
I have ever done.

Uh-huh. You know we give away
free car wash coupons

at the registration counter.

I thought being a 12-year-old
would be easy as pie, but it's exhausting!

You have to be smart as a tack,
limber as a lumberjack,

and totally fearless.

Oh my, I'm starting to roll.

Hey! I told you not to talk about me mole!

[MOANING]

[SCREAMING]

And she's off!

[GASPS] And it looks like she's going
to sh**t the tube backwards!

[SCREAMING]

Oh, I'll never take her life
for granted again!

I'm me!

I'm me again!

[CAR HORNS BLOWING]

Oh Fuzzy.

She made it through the tube!

She's already down at the ramp!

[LYDIA SCREAMING]

[CHEERING]

[BABY CRYING]

[DUCKS QUACKING]

PEPPER ANN: I can definitely wait
four years to do that again!

[THUDS]

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

Mom?

Oh, Peppie!

Oh, here they are.

So, when did you want to reschedule?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

-Pepper Ann!
-Congratulations, Pepper Ann.

I must concede
to your skating superiority but...

why is your mom wearing your blades?

[STUTTERS] These?

-She was just...
-PA, you gotta help me!

I let a practical joke go too far
and now my stepdad thinks

our house is haunted
and wants to move away!

Okay, first off,
we have to stage an elaborate,

phony house exorcism.

We can get Ezzy, the mall psychic...

That's the PA I know and love!

Sorry Mom, I had no idea how hard it was
to be as great a mom as you.

I'm sorry, too, Peppy,

I finally understand it takes a lot
more than being 12

to be someone as special as you.

But I still wonder what changed us back.

MOOSE:
Uh. Mom, something weird just happened.

Meow!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONCLUDES]