04x07 - The Sellout/The Telltale Fuzzy

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about, what's her name?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!
Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

MALE VOICE: Who?

FEMALE VOICE:
Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-FEMALE VOICE 1: Oh.

FEMALE VOICE 2: Who is she,
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Cool! A singing Dieter doll.

-Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!
-[SINGING IN GERMAN]

[THEME MUSIC ENDS]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

PEPPER ANN: All Snot, all day.
This concert's gonna rock!

You speak the truth, P.A.

A whole festival of Flaming Snot
featuring special guests,

Vaguely Sally and Color-Blind Felon!
Cool ring-age!

Wow, Nicky!

You left for Chillades 20 minutes ago,
and you're back with a nose ring?

It's my homage to Snot.
It's also a clip-on.

Proof that the punk scene
and hygiene can peacefully co-exist.

Just think, we're actually
gonna spend the whole day together.

I can't remember the last time
we hung out, just the three of us.

I've been so busy, I've barely had time
for the almighty Crunch Pod.

I've barely had time for blading.

And I barely have time for violin lessons,
debate club, and rhythmic gymnastics.

[SIGHS] I may have
to cut back on my Russian studies.

-[CHUCKLES] Who am I kidding?
-TICKET SELLER: Next!

Hello, ticket!

Hello, Snot!

Hello... "Sold out"?

-Sweet justice, where do you hide?
-He's heavier than I thought.

My life is trash, my life is trash,
my life is...

MILO: P.A.,
the trash can is not the answer!

Milo's, right. There must be
a way to get another ticket!

Of course!
Why didn't I think of it before?

I know just the person
to get me into that Snot concert!

Oh, Peppie, no.
I'd feel silly calling Mick Snot.

But Mom, you guys went
to junior college together!

He stayed in our house for a whole week.
The way I see it, he owes us a ticket!

Come on, Lydia.
Let your fingers do the jogging.

And correct me if I'm wrong, Ms. Pearson,

but weren't you and Mick the toast
of Hazelnut for a brief moment in time?

[CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT]

All right, I'll call.
Although I'd hate to lead him on.

Yes! We're back in business!

Oh, I'm sorry, I must
have dialed the wrong number.

-I'm trying to reach Mick Snot.
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PHONE]

Well, this is Lydia Pearson, who's this?

Well, when Mick gets out of the bathroom,
let him know that I called!

Oh, the nerve! Who does he think
he is, forgetting his roots like that?

I knew him when he was still
Harry Schnitzer, for crying out loud!

She's not coming back, is she?

It's no use, guys.
We're never gonna get that extra ticket.

You might as well just go without me.

Nonsense, Pepper Ann.
You are a bigger Snot-head than I.

Here, take my ticket.

-But Nicky, you love Snot.
-True, but the least I can do is offer.

-PEPPER ANN: Well, thanks, Nicky!
-[GASPS]

I just hope you're sure about this.

Well I... Well, I...

You're the best! I'm so lucky
to have a friend like you!

I don't know about you, Milo,
but I can't wait until the concert!

-Uh... Right, P.A.
-[SIGHS]

Um... Guys! Check the parmi-blizzard!

Did you know that they're gonna play
six original songs

-and a hip-hop version of "Let 'Er Rip"?
-[GRUNTS, SIGHS]

Plus, there's gonna be fireworks,

and rumor has it
that the Hazelnut Junior Orchestra

-is gonna back them on a couple of songs!
-The H.J.O.?

Mm-mm. Nicky, that Niçoise salade
you ordered sure looks tasty!

-Yeah, it does. Can I have a bite?
-Why not?

You have my concert ticket,
why not have my salad?

And since you're so good
at having things, have my silverware!

And why not have my school books?

And while you're at it,
why don't you have the shirt off my back!

Get a hold of yourself, woman!
You're in public!

Nicky, call me crazy

but I'm starting to think
you didn't want me to have that ticket.

No, duh! Offering you
the ticket was just a polite gesture.

Or do you even know
what a polite gesture is?

Fine, Nicky, if you're gonna be a crybaby
about it, take the stupid ticket back!

No thank you, Pepper Ann.

Even if they allowed babies
in the amphitheater,

I wouldn't want my crying
to disrupt the concert!

PEPPER ANN: Nicky, I want you to take it.

How very kind. But obviously
this means too much to you. Keep it.

But I don't want it!

-Neither do I!
-Well, then, I'll take it.

-What?
-What?

If neither of you wants the ticket,
why should it go to waste?

This'll be a perfect surprise
for someone whose name starts with Gwen,

and ends with Mezzrow.

Good day, Gwen Mezzrow.
I hope you don't mind,

but I slipped a little surprise
into your locker.

[GASPS] I love surprises!

NICKY: Gwen Mezzrow!

[PANTS] I'm so happy to see you!
How long has it been?

GWEN: Uh... Five, six minutes.

Oh! It seemed like ages. Well, ta!

Oh, Milo, I'm so excited! I just love...

Banana peels? What is this?
Some kind of sick joke?

You know I'm allergic
to potassium! [GRUNTS]

Gwen Mezzrow! Wait! Come back! [GROANS]

I'm fine.

-We did it, Pepper Ann!
-I know!

Nicky, I couldn't have gotten
my ticket back without you!

Your ticket? This is my ticket.

I'd like to introduce you
to a friend of mine, Shamus On-You-Us!

Top 'o the mornin' to ya, backstabbers!

Hey, you backstabbed us,
so we backstabbed you.

And now Nicky's backstabbed me.

If you ask me, Nicky's the one
who needs a little backstabbage.

-Know what I'm sayin'?
-Plot and scheme all you want, Pepper Ann,

but the bottom line is,
I've got the other ticket.

Fine, you two go to the concert.
Just remember that if you both go,

you'll have to spend the whole day
sitting next to a conniving backstabber

side by side, hour after hour.
Maybe that's exactly what you deserve.

Milo, what do you want
for the other ticket?

My "Serena, the Dolphin Princess"
trading cards?

My Jane Goodall action figure?

Oh, so you think you're too good
to sit next to a conniving backstabber.

Well, I'll sell you this ticket
when pigs fly. When pigs fly! [GROANS] Ow!

-Nice breeze, yes?
-Fine. You win.

I'd rather give my ticket away
than sit next to you.

-Here, Dieter. Take my ticket.
-[GASPS] Oh, Nicky!

You are the most thoughtful person
in all of Hazelnut proper!

More thoughtful than Milo,
that's for sure!

Oh, now you're saying I'm not thoughtful?

Well, I can be thoughtful.
Here, Dieter, take my ticket too!

Oh! Ze fabulous Rita Moreno was right!
Everything is free in America!

I can't believe it. I've been betrayed
by my two best friends.

Hey, you've been acting
just as crazy as they have.

I mean, think about it. Concerts come
and go, but best friends are forever.

[MELODIOUS MUSIC PLAYS]

Whoa! [SCREAMS] Oh...

[HUMS, GASPS, SCREAMS]

-[QUACKS]
-[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

-[PANTS, SCREAMS]
-[QUACKS]

-How could I have been so foolish?
-[MELODIOUS MUSIC ENDS]

Best friends are forever.

Has anyone seen Nicky or Milo?

[SIGHS] If you want to be
interviewed for ze extra Snot ticket,

take a number, toots!

Guys. I've been selfish.
I've been an idiot.

Your friendship is more important
to me than some stupid concert.

-I forgive you, Pepper Ann.
-DIETER: Candidate number 249!

-Though I really should be going.
-[GASPS] Nicky, how could you?

-[BELL DINGS]
-DIETER: Number 250?

-Right here!
-Et tu, Milo?

Look, Pepper Ann, it's all very well
and good that you've come to your senses.

But Milo and I talked it out.

And we believe that since we bought
the tickets in the first place,

one of us deserves to go to the concert.

Oh, really? Well in that case, step aside
'cause that ticket is mine, baby.

Mine!

-MALE STUDENT: Hey, come on!
-So, Dieter,

my hunky little Deutschelander,

how about I cook you up
a big pot of schnitzel?

-[GASPS]
-Follow me, comrade!

Let music be the food of your life!

Dieter, look! Your hero, Klaus,

Germany's favorite truck driving Cartoon
Uber Monkey on a beanie!

What finer tribute?

Dieter wants schnitzel,
and he's taking me to the concert!

He's a cultured boy!
He wants a cultured date!

-[GROANS]
-Who'd want to take a girl,

when you, me and Klaus makes three!

[GASPS] Stop it, all of you!

Zese cursed tickets
are ruining friendships,

and turning you people into animals!
I want no part of them!

[GASPING, MUMBLING]

Well, now you've done it.

-They've gotta be here somewhere.
-NICKY: Finders keepers!

MILO: Come on, tickets. Come to papa!

ERNIE: That's right, Carlos!
Two tickets to the Snot concert!

-They just fell from the heavens!
-Ernie the Janitor has my tickets?

Can you believe it?
I mean, Snot's great and all,

but the best part is,
I'd be spending the whole day

with my number one amigo!
[CHUCKLES] That's you, Carlos.

We're pathetic. We're best friends,
and this is how we treat each other.

The whole point of the concert
was to spend time together,

and celebrate our friendship.
Look at us. I feel so trashy.

Is there an astringent strong enough
to cleanse myself of this shame?

I'm sorry, guys.

You smell like
rotting meat mold. [RETCHES]

[RETCHES] I think I'm going to vomit.

I can't believe we let ourselves get
so crazy over a self-absorbed rock star,

of all people.

-[TAPE SQUEALS, BEEPS]
-FEMALE VOICE: You have 86 new messages.

LYDIA: Mick, it's me, Lydia Pearson,
from junior college.

Look, I don't know who you have traipsing
around answering your phone,

-but...
-[BEEPS]

It's Lydia again. I mean,
"He's in the bathroom"? Real original.

[GASPING] I'd at least
hope you'd have the decency to...

-[BEEPS]
-...the decency to call me back!

Unlike those others,
I have got my self-respect!

-PEPPER ANN: Mom? Who are you talking to?
-LYDIA: Uh... Your Aunt Fanny!

[SIGHS] I'll call you back
from a pay phone.

[BEEPS]

[AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS]

-Brain freeze!
-Look away, pumpkin!

I must be dreaming.

It's not a dream. Pick it up!

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

Hmm. No name, no initials...

no place for me to turn it in.
Just a fat wad of Georges, Bens and Abes.

-[GASPS] I'm rich!
-You can buy anything you want.

-[TRAMPOLINE SQUEAKS]
-[DOLPHIN WHISTLES]

[GASPS] I've got it!

Finally, the black, velvet Fuzzy painting
I've always wanted is mine.

-Finding that money was destiny.
-Sure, that's one way of looking at it,

but don't a smart girl like you
wonder who lost all them greenbacks?

I... W... well, what was the point?
There was no name, no ID.

Hey, maybe it was a young fella who needed
a train ticket to see his dying ma,

or a hardworking family
just trying to make ends meet.

-Or maybe...
-Where's the Christmas goose, Father?

Where are the presents?

Where's the nondescript money clip
with all the money

your grouchy old boss gave you
for my operation?

-Oh, I lost it! [SOBS]
-[SOBS, GRUNTS]

[GROANS] I hate you! I hate you!

PEPPER ANN: I hate you black, velvet
Fuzzy painting I've always wanted!

[SOBS] I hate you!
Wait a minute. I know what I'll do.

I'll return the painting,
get the money back,

and somehow find its rightful owner.
Nobody will ever have to know that I...

-[GRUNTS]
-[DOORBELL RINGS]

[GASPS] Nicky and Milo.

-No! Not the closet. [GROANS]
-[PHONE RINGS]

-Hello.
-OPERATOR: Will you accept

-a collect call from...
-FUZZY: Fuzzy, see.

-Yes?
-FUZZY: Face it, girlie.

Your guilt's not gonna go away
by shoving me in the closet...

It won't work I tell ya!

-Hey, P.A., what's the rumpus?
-Is everything okay?

We thought you were going
to meet us at Vidiots after school.

-Uh. I... Uh.
-FUZZY: Go on, tell them what happened.

-Sing, canary, sing!
-Did you hear that?

-Hear what?
-Hear what?

You're in the swamp,
and sinkin' fast, baby.

They're your friends,
they'll throw you a line.

I... I didn't go to Vidiots
'cause I forgot.

Oh, P.A., what refreshing honesty.
You just make me so proud!

At the risk of sounding mawkish,

I believe it's that honesty
that makes our friendship so special.

We can tell each other anything.

Okay, okay. What do you guys want
from me anyway?

We just wanted to make sure
you were all right, Pepper Ann.

When the Queen of Crunch skips out
on the Pod Squad, you get worried.

-Oh.
-Well, we're glad you're okay.

-Mañana, muchacha!
-See 'ya.

I am a slime bucket... [INHALES]
...a big old, slimy bucket o' slime.

Not if you come clean about the money.

Just tell someone, Mom,
Aunt Janie, anyone, they'll understand.

[SCOFFS] Oh, sure. They'll understand
I'm a rotten, dishonest,

sneaky, greedy, bad to the...

FUZZY: So what are you gonna do,
huh? Just leave me in the closet?

Yep. And never again
take what's not rightfully mine.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

Here, you gave one me
one too many napkins.

I went to film school!

Here, ma'am, you dropped this soda can.

Why, you can get five cents
for that in Maine or Utah!

What?

[SCREAMS]

I'm callin' my grandma. Oh, no reason.

I just thought there's nothing like a call
from a favorite granddaughter

to put a smile on dear Grandmother's face.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-[BEEPS]
-[LINE RINGS]

[GASPS] Hi, Grandma!
Bye, Grandma! Sir! Sir!

Who is this? [GRUNTS]
Those dang crank callers.

Why don't they just leave me alone?
Leave me alone!

Wait! I've got something for you!

[PANTS]

[PANTS, GRUNTS]

[PANTS] Here! You left a di...
a dime in the pay phone.

[PANTS] You... you chased me
all this way just to give me a dime?

[PANTS] I thought you were one of those
petition pushing political activists

with a left-wing agenda.

Oh, no, sir, my only agenda
was to return what's rightfully yours.

[GRUNTS]

AVERY: Welcome to a very special episode
of Lafftown USA.

You know, sometimes when we're looking
for something that tickles our funny bone,

we find something that touches our hearts.

Today, our hidden cameras
are inside a video arcade,

where we rigged a game
for laughs, but got pure gold.

No way. That's you Peppy.

AVERY: The coast is clear.

Will she walk out
with this small fortune in quarters?

Never even crossed her mind.

[GASPS, SOBS]

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Wow! In all my years as host, I have
never seen such honesty and compassion.

For Lafftown, USA this is Avery Blake.

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Goodnight and good laughs.

TV ANNOUNCER: Hazelnut tops the list
of the most honest towns in America.

Is your town on the list?
Stay tuned for Nutline, Tuesday.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

-[SIGHS] Yes.
-Well, this time I mean it.

The front page,
Pepper Ann, the front page!

You were all the buzz
on the Denny and Meat radio show.

And they broadcast from Tijuana.

Like, she's really great and honest.
She once told me I had belly button lint?

And I was, like, so grateful
because it was, like, right before a test.

Once when I was so hungry, she gave me
her own piece of pizza pie! [GROANS]

I once saw Pepper Ann feeding a baby bird
with an eyedropper! How's my hair?

[GRUNTS, SOBS]

I just wanted to make up
for taking that money, but it all...

Backfired?

[SIGHS] Everyone thinks
I'm so honest and good.

If they only knew the truth.

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
Oh, if they only knew the truth.

Hey, it's never too late
to tell the truth.

Yes, it is! Everyone looks up to me.

I'm a role model
for small, impressionable children.

The Mayor's giving me the Nutcracker
to the city for goodness sake.

Look, who cares what they think of you,
what matters is what you think of you.

You gotta tell the truth, see.
Go ahead! Tell them!

And get some shelves for your sneakers!
I can barely move in here!

One, two, buckle my shoe, three, four...

[AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS]

Good morning! Today we are honoring
one of Hazelnut's finest citizens.

Not only has her unwavering honesty
put our quaint city on the map,

she's inspired us by her selfless will
to do what's right and good.

Pepper Ann Pearson, I present you
with the Nutcracker to the city!

[CROWD CHEERING]

-Tell them!
-[GASPS]

DIETER: On behalf
of the Pup Scouts Troop number 651,

I present Pepper Ann Pearson
with the Honest Abe Honesty Trophy.

-Thank you.
-Tell them!

Thank you, Dieter.

My name is Estelle Sommers,
and I am the Chairwoman of Hazel's Angels,

Hazelnut's Women's Charity League.
Congratulations, Pepper Ann!

Hazel's Angels has chosen you
as our very first honorary angel.

Tell them!

-Ouch.
-Tell them!

-Ouch.
-Tell them!

[GROANS] Ah! Enough!

-[CROWD GASPS]
-Oh!

I'm no angel. I'm not even close!

That girl you saw on TV?
That's not the real me.

No, the real me found
a large sum of money at the mall,

and since there was no name
or ID with it... [INHALES] ...I kept it.

That's right. I kept it, and I spent it!

-MALE VOICE: Oh, my!
-FEMALE VOICE: How can this be?

Hmm. I wonder what I would have done
in the same situation.

-I woulda kept it too!
-Heck, if there was no ID,

it's their own darn fault for losin' it!

-You bent my halo.
-I'm so sorry.

You must all think I'm a lying,
thieving, conniving...

We all just think you're human,
Pepper Ann.

Yah, everyone makes mistakes.

And you never have to be afraid
of telling the truth.

But you do realize
I will have to take the Nutcracker back.

I'll just hang onto these. You understand.

Fork it over, fräulein!

Guys, don't look at me like that.

I'm gonna earn the money I took,
and pay back whoever lost it.

I'll babysit, mow lawns,
give blood again and again,

whatever it takes to set things right.

Pepper Ann, you're our best friend,
and we're going to help you.

I just wish you'd told us right away,
so we could've helped sooner.

Thanks.

So, what did you spend
all the moola on anyway?

[CHUCKLES] It wasn't that silly,
black, velvet Fuzzy painting

you've always wanted, was it?

What? [CHUCKLES] No! I... Uh...

I bought a custom-made skateboard
for Moose.

Yeah. Don't tell her about it though,
it's uh, for her birthday.

FUZZY: Oh, for the love of McGarkey!
I glow in the dark, see!

One day they're gonna find me,
and then the jig is up, girlie,

the jig is up!

-NICKY: Did you hear that?
-MILO: Did you hear that?

PEPPER ANN: Hear what?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[THEME MUSIC ENDS]