04x06 - One Angry Woman

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool? Pepper Ann!

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade
Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

BOY: Who?

GIRL:
Is that that girl from gym class?

-BOY 2: No, that's me.
-GIRL: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she,
and why does she have her own song?

BOY 2: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!
Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-All right! Kiwi lip balm!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Drop Moose off at game, check.
Go grocery shopping, check

Pick up dry cleaning, check.

Use lint from dryer
to restuff throw pillows.

Check.

Remind Pepper Ann to clean her junk
out of the glove compartment.

Can't talk, Janie, running late,
a million things to do!

[SIGHS] How many times do I tell that girl
to lock the door when she leaves?

That is so dangerous, Lydia!
I mean, what if you got weirdos?

Oh, no. Anything but that.

I've got to get back over to the park
to pick up Moose at the... [GRUNTS]

[GASPS] Lydia, are you all right?

What on Sam's green earth... [GRUNTS]

Pepper Ann, are you in here?

[EXHALES] I said she couldn't go out
until she'd cleaned up this pigsty!

[BLEATS]

Stop! One side, Janie.

I've got 20 minutes to make 30 sandwiches
for Moose's post-rugby potluck.

Watch out for flying mayo.

Lydia, you haven't had a vacation
since we took that bus

to see David Cassidy
play Phoenix back in '71.

Now, I've got a friend
who runs a health spa up in Walnut.

Go and treat yourself
to a weekend of luxury.

Relax? Time off? [LAUGHS]
Touch the egg salad and die.

-[LAUGHS] Janie, that's ridiculous.
-What's so ridiculous?

Everything doesn't have to be
so black and white all the time.

No, no, not if you're living
on Planet Sunshine.

But here on Planet Single, Working Mother,
we don't have time for...

-[JAR SHATTERS]
-[GRUNTS] That's never good.

"Mom, it's time for a substantial increase
in my allowance.

"Let's talk. Pepper Ann.
P.S. we're almost out of pickles."

[GRUNTS]

-But why not?
-Pepper Ann.

We agreed that you would receive
an allowance, i.e., money

in exchange for doing your chores,
i.e., work. Correct?

-Well, yeah, but...
-And unless I'm mistaken,

I haven't seen you do any work around here

since you built that pillow fort
on your bed when you were seven.

Actually, that was more
of a pillow ship than anyth...

You're lucky I don't
lower your allowance, miss.

Until you assume
some responsibility around here,

there is no way in Hades
you're getting a dime more.

-Nothing. No dinero, zilch, zero.
-So, what're you saying?

Don't look at me. She's your daughter.

That's it? Don't I even get
to say something in my own defense?

LYDIA: Well?

[GASPS] Oh, you mean right now?

[SIGHS] Pepper Ann, there are rules
of this house that you have to abide by.

Well, look at your sister!

Somehow she manages
to get all her chores done.

-[BURPS]
-Moose!

-Excuse me.
-Well, she burps all the time!

What about that, huh?

Your sister's table manners
are not the topic at hand, young lady!

Now, as long as you're living
under my roof, you will follow my rules!

-Is that clear?
-Yes.

I said, is that clear?

Ma'am, yes ma'am!

Good.

[HUMS]

I'm a hard working la la
And I don't get no dollar

Oh! I told those blood-sucking leeches
I paid that parking ticket!

PEPPER ANN: Well, it was Tina's own fault.

If she hadn't asked Rodney
to the dance to make Randall jealous,

-she wouldn't have two dates.
-Please, Gina! Just for tonight!

Peppie, I thought Mom said
you had to polish the silver.

Man, what's with everyone?
Who cares if the spoons are shiny or not?

Like anyone really notices
that stuff anyway.

-I mean besides you, Nicky. [GASPS]
-LYDIA: Girls, I'm home!

She'll have to call you back.

Hi, Moose. Hi, Pepper.

And that's the last one.

Oh, hello! Didn't hear you come in.
I guess I was too busy polishing.

-Guess what I just got in the mail.
-[GASPS] It wasn't my fault!

It said 11 CDs for a penny,
but they kept sending me more and...

-I've been summoned for jury duty.
-Just like that Pauly Shore movie.

[SIGHS] As if there isn't enough to do.

Well, why don't you just throw it away?
That's what Dad always does.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]

[CHUCKLES] Well, now girls,
what your father does is horribly ill*gal.

Now, jury duty
may not be convenient or fun,

but it's every person's
civic responsibility

to report when summoned.

You have to go to the courthouse
tomorrow morning to be interviewed

-to see if you'll be a fit juror.
-Can I tell people you're in jail?

-No.
-Please?

JUDGE: Have you or has anyone
in your family ever been arrested?

-Oh, goodness, yes.
-JUDGE: Do you follow politics?

I see you. [GRUNTS]

JUDGE: Are you registered to vote?

Yes, yes, Your Honor, I am.

And so is Bertrum.
Isn't that right, Bertrum?

I told you, we'll talk about it
when we get home.

JUDGE: Do you read many books?

[LAUGHS] Well,
only if the VCR instruction manual

counts as a book. [CHUCKLES]

You 12 have been chosen out of the...
[CHUCKLES] ...countless many

that were interviewed here today.

The case you are going to hear
is a very serious one.

We anticipate having
to sequester you away

from the general public
for at least a couple of days,

allowing you to reach a verdict

without being subjected
to any outside opinions or influences.

They expect me to drop everything
for Mary knows how long!

Never mind that I have a family
to take care of

and a job to not get fired from.

[PANTS] Those bureaucrats.

Janie, would you do me a favor,
and watch the girls for a few days?

Well, you know... [PANTS, CLICKS TONGUE]
...normally I would love

to help out, but, uh,

Ned, JoJo and I are leaving
for Walnut Hot Springs tomorrow!

It just sounded so good
when I was telling you about it, and...

Looks like I have no other choice.

Lydia, darling! [GRUNTS]

-What have I done to make you hate me so?
-Oh, Mom, that is ridic...

You only call me when you want something.

It's my fault.
I was too indulgent with you.

Are those my little granddaughters?

Oh! What kind of crazy fun
we are going to have!

Like a regular Aaron Spelling TV show,
Huh? Huh?

Yeah. Whoo-hoo! Fun.

-TV show.
-Well, I've got to get going.

-Goodbye girls! Oh, I'll miss you so much!
-[GRUNTS] Is this absolutely necessary?

-MOOSE: Take me with you.
-Now, you listen to Grandma, all right?

I'll call every chance I get!

Now, Mom, I've left a list of people
to call in case you need anything,

all right? A list of phone numbers

-in case...
-Hey! I raised you and your sister

without any c*ck lists!

Well, now we call poison control centers

instead of telling someone
to just go outside and eat grass.

Did you throw up the shampoo or not?

Okay, sounds like it's all under control.
Running late, gotta go. Bye!

Well... bye.

Wait! Where're you going?

Cocoon Gables.
There's a big canasta game. Don't wait up.

But who's gonna be in charge of us?

You got it, shneckle. Don't hurt yourself.

Did you hear that, Moose?
Grandma left me in charge.

-In charge.
-MOOSE: Yeah. She also left her teeth.

[TEETH CLICKING]

We are inside the freshest,
styling-est pad on the continent

with the person who's been left in charge
of it all, Pepper Ann Pearson!

As you can see, Rowan,
I don't believe in setting rules.

I like my fresh pad
to be open, inviting...

Like an unruly frat house?

Turn me on, turn me off!
I am a lamp! Whoo!

Free.

In closing, I'd like to restate
the plain, hard facts of this case.

The defendant is charged
with willful destruction

of public property
for spitting in an ATM vestibule.

The security camera caught him
red-handed on tape.

It is up to you, you, the jury,
to make sure he does not get the chance

to commit this most vile
and heinous crime again.

And may I remind whoever's
been helping themselves

to the non-dairy creamer,
it's for employees only.

Thank you.

Dinner is served.

Okay, do you wanna play Warmonger
on the FunStation 8000 we rented?

Or do you wanna watch the horror flick,
I Still Saw What You Did

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking
But I Really Was This Winter?

-[MUFFLED SPEECH]
-Both it is.

[GRUNTS] Can you believe how hot it is?

Can we get someone to check
if the air conditioner is working?

So, what'd you think of the trial?

-Well, I think...
-Pretty open and shut if you ask me.

At least it's not going to take
a long time to reach a decision,

-so we can all get back to our lives.
-I agree. The kid's clearly guilty.

They got him spittin' on the security tape
for cryin' out sakes!

-What more evidence do we need?
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Then let's all take our seats
and put this to a quick vote.

Wonderful idea, Mr. Foreman.
I've got opera tickets for tonight.

Mm-hmm.

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.
Not guilty?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[GRUNTS] What simpleton voted,
"Not guilty"? Huh, Who?

The purpose of voting by secret ballot
is to preserve anonymity.

-Whoever it is does not have to...
-It was me. I voted, "Not guilty"

-How could you?
-Are you crazy?

Look, I want to go home
as much as the rest of you,

but I'm not prepared to sentence
some poor, young man

to a... a 50-dollar fine,
and up 40 hours of community service

without taking a little time
to consider it first.

[GRUNTS] Arrivederci, Les Tenors Three.
[SOBS]

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

Where you goin', Grandma?

Late showing
of the Fuzzy Terror Picture Show.

-'Night.
-'Night.

-That's it for me... [SIGHS] ...I'm beat.
-Yeah. Me too.

We'd better clean all this up right now,
before we go to bed.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Good one, Peppie.

Now, the defendant testified
he had just come back from hiking

at nearby Mt. Cadamia with a friend.

He stopped to get some cash at the ATM,
so he could buy some water

at the nearby mini-mart
while his friend waited in the car.

-[LAUGHS]
-What is so funny?

I was just remembering one time
when I was taking my daughters to the zoo.

[LAUGHS] It was terribly hot that day,

and I was waiting in the car for Peppie,
my... my oldest,

to come back with some water.
Well, I was dehydrating

in that hot sun for half an hour!

I finally went in to see what happened,
and there she was

playing a game of Crunch Pod.

-She had lost track of time...
-Will you just get on with it?

Well, I know I was turning to jerky
just from sitting in the sun.

Doesn't it seem odd the defendant
would have enough excess saliva

rolling around in his mouth
after a day of hiking in the sun

to hock a loogie in the ATM vestibule?

Look, the security camera has it on tape.
We saw it in the courtroom!

His friend testified that the defendant
has had problems with authority figures,

and abiding by the rules in the past.

He said that the defendant has told him,
quote, "Sometimes when there's a line

"ahead of me at the ATM,
I get so mad, I could spit." End quote.

-As if I didn't know that.
-He said it...

Fine. Why don't we take another vote?
But this time, I won't vote.

[ALL GASP]

If everyone else votes "guilty,"
then I'll change my vote,

and we'll be done with this whole thing.

If not, we pick it up again
in the morning.

[SNORES]

PEPPER ANN: We'd better clean all this up
right now before we go to bed.

-[LAUGHING]
-[MOOSE LAUGHING]

Oh, I am in the Pearson Residence

for this, Living In Your Own Filth
special report.

Pepper Ann, is it true
you were left in charge of the house

only to turn it into this
perverse chamber of horrors?

Hey! Are you that Alex Trebek
from the TV? Are ya? Huh?

He wishes he was.

Just a step to the right

You need to mellow out.

Forget about this stupid stuff,
and concentrate on something else

like Craig at swim practice today!

Good morning, everyone!

I sense hostility in the air.

May I remind you that the cheese,
meaning me, no longer stands alone?

What, she made some sense. I go hiking,

-I don't have spit for days.
-[DOOR KNOCKING]

We put in a call
about the air conditioning.

No one can get down here
to fix it until tonight.

-That wasn't good.
-Great.

You know, I didn't sleep very well
last night. [CHUCKLES]

I was thinking about the time
Peppie put gum

in Moose's hair, and rolled her in...

-No!
-No!

Okay, all right, sorry.

I also was thinking
about that security camera tape.

Could we take a look at it again?

Yes, let's. So we can finally put an end
to this ridiculousness.

[YAWNS]

Mm?

[GASPS]

Peppie made me eggs.

-[CHUCKLES]
-MOOSE: What's going on?

There. Just had to clean a little.
You know, get it outta my system.

-Oh.
-We'd better get dressed for school. Here.

Cha-ching.

That's right, Moosie. No same old,
boring, lame homemade lunch for us.

-Today, we'll be buying our lunch.
-[LAUGHS] Don't call me Moosie.

Aha! There it is. In black and white.
Plain as the nose on your face.

Hey! It's working!

[JURY MEMBERS SIGHING, CHEERING]

[SIGHS]

Nothing like grilled ahi, steamed carrots,
and chai to boost mind and body.

See ya, Nicky. I'm off to buy
my lunch with Milo. Ta!

This is so cool.
No dumb brown paper bag slowin' me down.

No pesky vitamins and minerals
tryin' to worm their way in.

School lunch avoids that "nutritional,
ooh, I'm a growing kid" stuff.

[WHISPERS]
Which is all just a fad, if you ask me.

If it ain't deep-fried,
it ain't goin' inside, right, P.A.?

[SNEEZES]

LOUDSPEAKER: Margaret Rose Pearson, report
to the principal's office immediately.

Where a nutritional lunch of grilled ahi,
steamed carrots, and chai

has been dropped off for you
by your older sister

who fears that your growing bones

will not get the vitamins
and minerals needed to flourish.

[GASPS]

-"Seventy-nine degrees."
-Yes!

I don't mean to be a bother,
but is there any point to this at all?

Section 36 of the city council laws
require all banking establishments

to keep their vestibules
at a comfortable 74 degrees.

That it was five degrees hotter
in the vestibule the defendant was in,

plus, the fact
that he had been hiking all day,

-leads me to just one possibility.
-Which is?

That the fluid in the videotape
was not saliva,

but a big bead of sweat
flying off the defendant's upper lip.

MR. FOREMAN: Looks to me like
it could be sweat.

Ah! Thank Fuzzy you're okay!
I was worried sick!

-Are you hurt? Where were you?
-At rugby practice.

Like I am every Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday.

Moose, I want you to call me every day,

and tell me where you're going,
who you're gonna be with.

Why? Mom never makes me call.

I think someone's forgetting
who Grandma left in charge.

She's watching soap operas in Mom's room
if you wanna ask her yourself.

We have nine votes for "not guilty"
and three votes for "guilty."

Why don't we just
declare ourselves a hung jury?

They'll retry the case with a new jury,
and we can all go home.

I am sorry. I cannot be party to that.

It is our civic duty to resolve
this case, and reach a verdict.

All right, all right. You don't have to be
so dramatic about it. Geez.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
-PEPPER ANN: Moose! Time for dinner!

What's for dinner, Peppie? Burgers?
Hoagies? Pizza's always good.

-What movie should we rent?
-Surprise! I made dinner tonight!

And I don't think we'll have time
for a movie tonight.

Here. I was in math class,
and I couldn't stop thinking

about how much work
there is to be done around here.

-Work? Peppie, you hate doing work.
-But I know we'd enjoy

our new-found freedom much more

if we work to keep our house
and bodies in tip-top shape,

so we're not living in our own filth.

-Understand?
-No.

JURY MEMBER 1: [SIGHS]
But what about the defendant's reputation

-for having a problem with rules?
-JURY MEMBER 2: That's true.

The friend testified
that the defendant had said,

"ATM's make him so mad, he could spit."

LYDIA: Oh,
It was obviously just an expression.

At some point,
everyone says things they don't mean.

The bottom line is that the defendant's
reputation speaks for itself.

What reputation?

It seems the only thing the defendant
is guilty of is being young.

And most young people
are headstrong and rebellious.

Take Peppie, for example.
I couldn't get that girl

to follow my rules if I sat on her!

But she means well,
and would never destroy public prop...

That's all fine and dandy
if we're living on Planet Sunshine,

but in the real world,
it's all loogies and lawlessness!

What is your problem?
Give the kid a break!

Everything isn't so black and white
all the time!

Of course, it is!
There are rules we have to abide by

whether we like it or not. No exceptions!
We can make an example of this kid!

Yes! We can send a message
to other potential law-breakers,

and say, "Not on my turf, buddy!
Not my turf!"

LYDIA: You shouldn't be on a jury, lady!

You should be leading an angry mob
with torches and pitchforks!

-What do you know about it, huh?
-[JURY MEMBERS GASP]

I spit on you! I spit on you! [PANTS]

You don't really mean that. Do you?

-Not guilty.
-Not guilty.

-Not guilty.
-Not guilty.

-Not guilty.
-Not guilty.

-Not guilty.
-Not guilty.

-Not guilty.
-Not guilty.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] Not guilty.

Not guilty.

-How 'bout now?
-I still see some lint in the corners.

Grandma, Peppie's gone crazy.

That's nice, my little bubala.
Have a butterscotch candy from my purse.

PEPPER ANN: Moose! I'm not hearing
the vroom-vroom of the vacuum!

Forget it, Peppie.
I'm not gonna do all that stuff.

Mom doesn't make me,
and she's the boss of me, not you.

Mom put Grandma in charge,
and Grandma put me in charge.

And as long as you're living
under my roof, you'll do as I say.

-You're gonna have to make me.
-Here comes the shove.

Girls! I'm hom...

Oh, I've missed you girls so much!

-I missed you a lot.
-[SIGHS] Me too.

Oh, my goodness! What a wonderful job
Grandma's done with the house!

Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess.

Well, where are you going?

To Nicky and Milo's to see if they're up
for some Crunch Pod at Brain Dead,

-and some grubbin' at the Gree 'n Chee.
-[LAUGHS] Oh, no, young lady.

You're not gonna go out this late
on a school night.

There are rules that have to be followed
around here without exception!

You never let me have any fun!

LYDIA: Well, as long as you're living
under my roof...

[SIGHS] Wasn't that fabulous?
I'm so calm and relaxed.

JANIE: Did he just spit at us?

JOJO: I couldn't tell.
Looks like it could be sweat to me.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]