02x09 - Like Riding a Bike

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

-[ALARM RINGS]
-Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann

BOY: Who?

GIRL 1:
Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

[CHUCKLES] Cool. Maracas.

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-[GASPS]
-[GASPS]

I may have to go to detention,
but at least I found these cool maracas.

-My maracas. Thank you, Pepper Ann.
-[GROANS]

I'm telling you, Milo,
Mr. Carter totally has it out for me.

There are just too many coincidences.

-Do tell.
-The snooze button on my alarm,

"Brain Dead" conveniently located
on my way to school,

and I know he's behind that
whole "daylight savings" thing.

-[GASPS]
-Hi, Milo.

Gwen Mezzrow has a crush on me.

-Again?
-I've been pumping iron.

NICKY: Note... Locker...
Stewart... in a...

PA, she's trying to tell us something.

What is it, girl? Is Stewart in trouble?

Stewart Walldinger left you a note
asking you to meet him

at the Greezy 'n Cheezy in an hour

because he has something important
to ask you?

-[NICKY CHUCKLES]
-[MILO SCREAMS]

I love Greezy N' Cheezy.

-So, do you think I should go?
-Hello? Yes.

I'd go with you,
but I've already got plans.

STUDENTS: Pepper Ann!

Peppie, I'm off to a PTA meeting
and some incoherent person

-called you six times. Be back soon.
-[DOOR CLOSES]

[PHONE RINGS]

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PHONE]
-Hey, Nicky. Uh-huh.

Well, did you... Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, what did... Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Well, officially going out
with Stewart is a serious...

-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
-There's nothing.

PEPPER ANN: Mom should be home soon
to start fixing dinner.

-It's taco night.
-The night of tacos.

El taco noche.
Yeah, I'm still here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Ah. Sorry, girls.
The meeting ran later than I thought.

Nicky, I got to go. Mm-hmm.

Girls, you are looking
at the new co-captain of the committee

to remodel the school's language lab!

-Cool.
-This won't affect el taco noche, will it?

[CHUCKLES] Of course not.

Especially since I have a co-captain
to help with the planning.

Actually, he's one of your teachers,
Peppie. Mr. Carter.

In fact, I've invited him over
to brainstorm fundraising ideas.

Mr. Carter? Here? In our home?
Where I sleep?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hello there!

Sorry, wrong house.

Peppie, what on earth?

Mr. Carter, please come in.

My, what a lovely home you have,
Ms. Pearson.

I hope you don't mind,
but I picked up some pizzas.

Oh, terrific!

Now I don't have to make tacos. [CHORTLES]

-And please, call me Lydia.
-[GRUNTS]

-Hello there, Pepper Ann.
-Hi, Mr. Carter.

Uh. Sorry about that wrong house thing.
I thought you were riffraff.

Oh, it's already forgotten. [SNORTS]

So, how're things by you and that?

Fine.

Nicky and Stewart Walldinger
like each other.

Fine, fine. Yeah.

That Nicky Little's pretty darn amazing,
I'll tell you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's up for pad Thai supreme?

-Me.
-No thanks.

I've lost my appetite.

I've got a lot of homework to do.
A lot of science homework.

So I asked her the difference, she says,
same as a regular, just has more.

-Supreme. That's why they call it...
-MOM: Oh, Mr. Carter.

You are such a card.

I'm telling you, it's no coincidence
that Mr. Carter's co-captains with my Mom.

It's all a part of his master plan.

I had a master plan once.

I traded it to Dieter
for some magic beans.

Hey, Nicky, hey, Stewart.
Looks like you guys are official, huh?

Almost. I asked Stewart if he
wouldn't mind undertaking a trial period

to see how going out would affect
our daily lives.

You know, to see if either of us
would wig and go Fatal Attraction.

-So, I said...
-"Fully, I'm in."

Hey, ditty ditty, look who's pretty.

Look at her. How she tosses
her braids back and forth

like the mythical enchantress she is.

But yesterday
you didn't like Gwen Mezzrow.

PA, that was yesterday.

Gwen M.'s my torch-mate in metal shop.

If you want, I could hook you guys up.

Stu W. Dinger, you the man.

MR. CARTER: Pepper Ann!

Mr. Carter! I know I'm late,
but I was just on my way to...

Wait a minute.

School hasn't started yet.

No, no, I just wanted to say
that I enjoyed hanging

-with you and your family last night.
-[GASPS]

Okay, well, I'll see you in class.

Oh, and please tell your mother I said
hello there from Mr. Carter.

Don't ask. Just believe me
when I tell you my life is trash.

-MILO: Hey, Gwen Mezzrow.
-GWEN MEZZROW: Ew!

Get away from me, you freak. [SMACKING]

Peppie, I'm off to meet Mr. Carter
to discuss the fundraiser.

Oh, and who's Mr. Carter?

There's Tuna M'Chunkies in the fridge
if you or Moose want a snack.

AUNT JANIE: Lydia? Who is Mr. Carter?

Sisters should talk about these things,
you know.

Whoo-hoo! This is awesome!

Are you hooted up on Chillade?
This is terrible.

If Mom spends time with Carter,
she'll see what you already know.

That he's a total 100 percent,
grade A, freak.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE CHATTER]

[BABY CRYING ON TV]

[GASPS]

How can you guys eat at a time like this?

Pepper Ann, we're not eating.

Why aren't you eating?
You might as well enjoy yourselves.

It's not your mother whose best friends
with your science teacher.

Good point. Pass the parmi.

They've been inseparable
for two whole days in a row.

-Doesn't surprise me.
-What are you saying?

That Lydia and Carter
like hanging together.

Who knows, maybe they'll become an item.
Start dating.

[CHOKES, COUGHS]

Is everyone around here hooted up
on Chillade?

My mother does not date.
She's my mother for crying-out-sakes.

Your mother is a relatively young woman.

It's natural she would want
some companionship in life.

Are you trying to hurt me?

Although she'd be wise to look around,
see what's out there.

Not be tied down in a relationship

with someone
who races remote control cars,

possibly distracting her
from her ultimate goal

of being a concert violinist
and the toast of Italy.

Nicky has cold feet
about this whole Stewart thing.

-This one's on me. [PURRS, BARKS]
-MILO: Ugh!

She's been following me all day
like some sort of tapeworm.

And the way she tosses her braids back
and forth?

Oh! How annoying.

Milo? Nicky?

I don't mean to offend you,
but you're both romantically challenged.

My mother hasn't dated anyone
since my parents got divorced

four years ago,
and she's not gonna start now.

She's not a woman, she's my mother.
And she doesn't date.

[SINGS]

Something... [HUMS]

Mom? What's going on?

Are we going to Red Snapper
for all-you-can-eat snapper-fest?

No, honey, not tonight.

Roland and I are going to finalize
our fundraising plans over dinner.

-Who's Roland?
-[CHUCKLES]

Why, Mr. Carter of course.

Are you wearing Forbidden Deceptions?

But, Mom, tonight is taco night.

I know, Peppie, I didn't forget.

I ordered the "Taco Loco Especial"
for you and Moose.

If it's not here in ten minutes,
the flan is free.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Lydia, you look dazzling.

Hello there, Pepper Ann.

Here, I brought something for everyone.

Oh, how thoughtful.
Isn't that thoughtful, Peppie?

PEPPER ANN: Yeah. Thoughtful.

Now, I've left you money in the kitchen
and the number of the restaurant.

And in case of emergency,

the poison control center
is number three on speed dial, okay?

Are you two gonna be out hand?
I mean, late?

I'll be back by ten at the latest.

-Bye.
-[DOOR SHUTS]

-[PURRS]
-Where is she?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, no, I really shouldn't.

Oh, come now, Lydia.

Throw caution to the wind.
Let your hair down.

Well, maybe just one more cup.

[ENGINE RUNNING]

Oh, I can't go to Niagara Falls with you.

I have two daughters at home.

They're bringing you down,
especially that older one.

Ditch that deadweight and live a little.

[LYDIA SCREAMS]

-[KEYS JANGLING]
-[METAL CLANGING]

-[SNORES]
-First, he stole my heart.

Then he stole my purse.

[SNORES]

-[WIND WHOOSHING]
-[GASPS]

-[DOOR LOCK CLICKS]
-[DOOR HINGE CREAKING]

Oh, hello, honey.
What are you still doing up?

Yoo-hoo! Lydia!

How was your evening?
Now tell me every...

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Oh, I'm sorry, Peppie. The restaurant
was just so crowded and we didn't...

Oh, and I suppose they don't have
any pay phones at this restaurant?

Pepper Ann,
I think we need to have a talk.

What's going on, Mom?

You've never spent this much time
on a PTA project.

As you know, it's been quite a while
since your father and I divorced.

Since then, I haven't found anyone
that I've liked.

As in a boy-girl kind of like.

Okay, well, that's enough talking.
Goodnight. [YAWNS]

What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy
spending time with Roland.

He makes me happy, Peppie.

At dinner tonight,
he asked if he could see me again,

outside of PTA, and I said yes.

Pepper Ann, Roland and I are dating.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

-[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
-[SCREAMS]

MR. CARTER: Pepper Ann.

Here you are. I baked them myself.

Oh.

Class, I've got a pop quiz here...

[ALL GROAN]

which I'm not gonna give you.

You're not gonna learn anything
about science cooped up in here.

Go outside and explore nature's beauty.

Class dismissed.

Hey, thank your mom for getting us
out of class.

Yeah, your mom rules.

What? How do you know about my mom?

-Well, we are...
-The gossip editors of...

-The school paper.
-My life is over.

-[VIOLIN PLAYING]
I'm finished. Done for.

Where's the music coming from?

Nicky?

This is the only place left
for me to come and think.

To play my violin and be amongst friends.

Maybe you should go to the nurse.

These are the pros and cons
of going out with Stewart Walldinger.

For every pro, there's a con.
I can't break the tie.

I wish I could think of even one pro
for my mom dating Carter.

I've got one for you.

Pro, Mom dates science teacher,
everyone gets an A.

Think your mom can like date
Mr. Finky next?

'Cause I'm like, failing social studies?

It's not about getting an A.

It's about the way
things are supposed to be.

Mom is supposed to work.

Mom is supposed to make tacos
on taco night.

Mom isn't supposed to date.

-Right, Nicky?
-Uh-huh, that's pretty.

You're not even listening to me.

I'm sorry. This Stewart situation
is driving me crazy.

Hey, that's a con. Cons win!

Pepper Ann, you can tell your friend Milo
he can keep his blueberry pies!

My love can't be bought! Humph!

Has the whole world gone date crazy?

-Well, one thing's...
-For sure. Carter hasn't been...

-This happy since he broke things off...
-With Moira the lunch lady.

Really? Tell me more.

Then, a mere two days after he dumped
the lunch lady,

Mr. Carter was spotted
sipping a chai latte

with none other than Ms. Stark.

-[GASPS]
-Roland and I have been completely honest

with each other about our past romances.

[GASPS] You've had past romances?

Mom, I'm trying to spare you
inevitable heartache.

Do you wanna end up on one of those
daytime talk shows?

Peppie, I know it's going to take
some time for you

to get used to the idea
of Roland and I dating.

No, it's not. I am totally fine.

It's... Moose I'm worried about.

Look at her,
trying to put on a brave front.

Go on, Moose. Let it out.

[BELCHES] Is there any more chicken?

The last thing I want to do
is upset my daughters.

I just know if you spent time with Roland
outside of school,

you'd start to see him as a person,
not as a teacher.

[SIGHS] I have a feeling the three of you
would hit it off famously.

A whole day.

A whole Saturday with my worst archenemy.

Which archenemy? Hickey?

Alice Kane? Amber the locker bandit?

Hello, chums. What's the good word?

She's been like this for hours now.

Ever since she broke things off
with Stewart.

I can hear you.

[WHISTLES]

I've broken the Stewart Walldinger spell.

I feel really good about things.
Really good.

Nicky's right.

I have to break whatever spell it is
that Carter holds over my mom.

By the end of Saturday,

Carter won't ever want to hear
the name Lydia Pearson again.

[GWEN GRUNTING]

"Dearest pudding dollop,
if I could change the alphabet,

"I'd put U and I together.
Cordially, Gwen Mezzrow."

[GROANS] Drama queen.

Ready for a day chock-full of fun?

Looking forward to it, Mr. Carter.

Bye, girls. Have fun.

-Whoa.
-Morning, sis.

Spare a cup of sugar?

You don't eat sugar.

Oh. Whatever.

So, is this the infamous Mr. Carter
I've heard so much about?

-[CHUCKLES]
-[HORN HONKING]

Are we there yet?

-[BASEBALL INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

So, Mr. Carter, you like baseball, huh?

Oh, there's no finer sport
on earth is what.

Why, my fondest memories growing up
were going to baseball games.

Uh-huh. I agree.
Totally love baseball myself.

[SIGHS] I only wish my Mom saw it our way.

[HESITATES] What do you mean?

Oh, she despises baseball. Despises it.

I think it has something to do
with all those years she played

on the Women's Penitentiary team.

Hey, batta, batta, batta, batta... swing!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Oh, okay, who's hungry?

Go ahead, order anything you like.
It's on me.

One dog, one 'ade, please.

Oh, I'm not very hungry.

I'll just have three dogs,
four soft pretzels,

two bags of peanuts, two large popcorns,
a chili bucket, and a super soda. Please.

Mom always says,
never be embarrassed to ask for food

especially when it's on
someone else's dime, hmm?

[SIGHS] This is nice.

I haven't been around animals like this
since mom sent Moose and me

upstate to live in that barn.

Barn?

It was more of an outhouse really.

Mom had a terrible gambling problem
a few years back

and lost us to some Carnies
in a high-stakes poker game.

We moved around a lot, afraid of getting
too close to anything or anyone.

[SNIFFS] Your car smells like throw-up.

[SNIFFS]

But you can't really blame my mom.
She was young, she needed the money.

Thanks for the cool day, Mr. C.

Uh, you're welcome there, Moose.
Good. See you.

Uh, Pepper Ann? [SIGHS]

Could I talk to you a sec?

I know. You're going to say that this
isn't working out, and you're right.

But it's best that we all realized this
sooner rather than later.

[SIGHS] Pepper Ann,

I know you're not happy
I'm seeing your mother.

I know that's why you made up
all those stories.

Huh? What? What do you mean?

It's okay. It's okay.

Look, I just want you to know
that I care for your mother,

I enjoy spending time with her.

And I'm not trying to replace your father.

I'll... I'll see you soon, Pepper Ann.

Oh, and please tell your mother
I'll give her a call later, okay?

Good night kiddo.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Peppie, where are you going?

My room.

That's where I'll be if you ever decide
to stop ruining my life.

What are you talking about?

-Everything is different now.
-[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

Honey, nothing is different.

Yeah, it is, mom. You're dating.

Things have changed.
They'll never be the same.

Got to face it, PA,
single parents rarely stay single.

Why do you think they invented happy hour?

It's probably all for the best.

I did what was best for me
and I couldn't be happier.

-What's that in your pocket?
-Nothing.

There. Are you happy now?
It's all I had left of him.

-[GRUNTS]
-Nicky Little, stop the madness.

Stop over-analyzing everything.

If Stewart Walldinger makes you happy,
then go for it.

But I've made my decision about Stewart,
remember?

My career in Italy and not wanting
to be tied down or...

That doesn't mean you gotta give up
the things you love.

Stewart cares for you and makes you happy
and that's what's important.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

-I have to go find my mom.
-I have to go find Stewart.

I have to write a love poem
to Gwen Mezzrow.

School's not over yet.

Stewart's at band practice.

Is Chezzrow a word?

Mom! Mom!

Peppie, I'm glad you're home.
I have something I want to tell you.

I have something to tell you, too.

I realized that I was...

I broke things off with Mr. Carter today.

He and I are no longer seeing each other.

What? Why?

Well, I like Roland very much

but we're just not in the same place
in our lives right now.

I hope you didn't break up
because of the way I was acting.

Oh, no. Of course not.

We just realized that, outside of PTA,
we had very little in common.

I mean, you know
how I feel about baseball.

Sorry for the way I acted, Mom.
I was only thinking about myself.

You deserve to be happy.

Thanks, honey. I am happy.

Now, who's up for tacos?

The night of tacos.

El taco noche!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGH HEAVILY]

-Women.
-You said it.

Amen to that, brother.

Man, me and Gwen Mezzrow just can't seem
to like each other at the same time.

It's quite the roller-coaster.

I've been burned so many times,
I should change my name to Bunsen.

-Fully.
-Wait a minute.

I thought you and Nicky
were back together.

Oh, we are. She's making me learn Italian.

[ALL SIGH]

MS. STARK: T.G.I.F!

Latte's for everyone!

[BANGLES CLANKING]

Well, you know what they say
relationships are like riding a bike.

You fall off, you get right back
into the saddle.

See you around, boys.

Gabriola Stark.

-MS. STARK: Roland, you old charmer.
-[SLURPS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]