01x08 - The Environ-Mentals

[bunniefuu]

Who's that girl? What's her name?

Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

[ALARM RINGING]

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN:
Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

All right. Mardi Gras beads.

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[MUSIC CONCLUDES]

PEPPER ANN: When you're seven,
you think everything you do

is really hip and cool.

[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]

Is she coming round the bend?

Oh, no she's not!

Is she coming round the corner?

Oh, please just stop!

Well then where's she coming?

-She'll be...
-She'll be...

-Coming round the mountain when she comes!
-Coming round the mountain when she comes!

Oh, yes she will!

BOTH: She'll be coming round the mountain
When she comes...

PEPPER ANN: Oh, man.

I used to love acting stupid like that
with my mom.

But you know how it is
when you're a kid.

You don't even know
how totally lame you are.

By the time you're 12,
you're mature enough to know how to act.

How to be cool.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
-They're ducks that play hockey.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, use your puck g*n.

Peppie, you are never going to guess
what I found.

Sit up straight, you'll develop a hump.

What do you say?
Shall we give it a whirl?

[SIGHS] Mother! I'm almost 13.

I'm a little too old
to be singing folk songs.

But it's a family tradition.

You used to love performing.

Ha! Well, yeah, but that was before
I knew how totally lame...

Come on, you know you want to.

Come on. You know you love it.

[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

-Is she coming round the bend?
-Oh, no she's not!

Is she coming round the corner?

Oh, please, just stop!

-Well then, where's she coming?
-[PHONE RINGING]

-She'll be...
-[MUSIC STOPS]

-[PHONE RINGING]
-This never leaves the house. Okay? Okay?

Pearson residence, may I help you?

Oh, hello, Nicky.
So good to hear your voice.

-So, what are you doing?
-Nothing! Why, what've you heard?

Nothing, Pepper Ann. I was just calling...
What is "the h* Chi Minh Trail"?

...to find out if you'd finished
your assignment for art class tomorrow.

Oh! My assignment for art class.

Of course, of course,
I've finished my assignment for art class.

What assignment for art class?

As you may have deduced,
I am not Ms. Ford, your art teacher.

She had a bit too much "punch"
at last night's PTA meeting,

so I've been pulled out
of my English class to substitute.

Okay.

So who can tell me what we're doing?

Since the annual Clean Up Lupkin Park
is almost upon us,

Ms. Ford asked us to do
environmentally-themed artwork.

She was going to pick the best piece

and use it as the logo
for this year's event.

Yippee. A logo. How art class trite.

Trinket. Fine.


Dieter. Whatever.

Nicky. Seen it.

Pepper Ann. Pepper Ann. Pepper Ann?

-Give up the dream.
-[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

MS. BLADDAR: Milo. What the...

Fellow art patrons. Ms. Bladdar.

This is not just another
art class project.

It is a piece of my soul.

I give you, "Clean Up Lupkin Park."

-[ALL GASP]
-The horror!

I hate children.

-[ARCADE MUSIC PLAYING]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[RECORDS CLATTERING]

Yes!

NICKY: Hey, Pepper Ann.
What do you have there?

-Nothing! I was just...
-[GLASS SHATTERING]

I was looking for the new MC Poser single.
"Baby, You're My Special Freak."

Um, in the "Burned Out, Washed Up
Old Hippies" section?

Whoo-hoo! Hello girls.

I am so excited about this year's
Clean Up Lupkin Park.

As chairperson of the Environ-Mentals,

I promise you it will be the best ever.
[LAUGHS]

Who wants to volunteer?

Only 254 spots left on the cleanup crew!

Aunt Janie, well it's just that...

Clean Up Lupkin Park is always
the most boring event of the year!

What do you mean, hon?

Two years ago,
the highlight of the cleanup

was the traffic jam at the porta potties.

The year before that, it was whacking
that piñata full of canned hams.

The only reason people even go
to Clean Up Lupkin Park is out of guilt.

-[ZIPPER ZIPS]
-Or because their parents make them.

[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry Aunt Janie,
but the bottom line is

Clean Up Lupkin Park just isn't cool.

I'm only doing this for Moose's
and Mom's amusement.

Oh, Peppie, you know you love it.

PEPPER ANN: Aunt Janie, there are things
you could do

to make the cleanup more bearable.

[SOBS] Like what?

Oh, you know, like, free food,
a blading contest, a rock concert.

JANIE: [GASPS] that's it!

A talent show!
Oh, Pepper Ann, you're a genius.

What? No, no I didn't say it...

[GRUNTS]

AUNT JANIE: With you in charge
of a talent show

and me heading the cleanup,

we'll make this year's event
the most exciting ever. [LAUGHS]

Wait! No. I never said a talent...

I am so proud of you, taking an interest
in the well-being of our town.

Janie, I want to volunteer
my services too.

Oh, my goodness, Lydia,
you've never been interested

in anything like this before.

Well, I'm taking a lesson
from my humanitarian little girl.

[GRUNTS, PANTS]

How, Nicky? How?

How am I gonna make the most uncool thing
in Hazelnut cool?

I'm a seventh grader,
not a miracle worker.

Think of the challenge, Pepper Ann.

If you can make this talent show
a success, you'll be a hero.

Hey? What's with all the tongue wagging?

Oh, We were talking
about Clean Up Lupkin Park.

[SCREAMS] I never wanna hear
those words again!

NICKY: Milo, I'm sorry your creation,
wasn't chosen

as this year's Clean Up logo,
but neither were ours.

-Aah.
-Ow.

That twenty something teacher
wouldn't know art if it bit her on the...

Assignment, Milo!
It was just an assignment.

It may be "just an assignment"
to you guys,

but this is my life.

I need my art to be appreciated

and I will not rest
until my vision is recognized.

[HUMS]

What are you humming?

Humming? Nothing. Don't know how to hum.
Never learned. Bye.

And to gain admittance
into the talent show,

each person must collect
one full bag of litter.

Isn't that spec-trash-ular. [LAUGHS]

That's the spirit, Environ-Mentals!

Now, as far as the actual cleanup
is concerned,

I thought we'd just continue
with what we've always...

Ah... excuse me, Janie but um...

Well, what if this year we used
group dumpsters

instead of individual trash holes?

Well, that way we could emphasize
teamwork and community spirit.

[LAUGHS] Oh, Lydia.

-I think we're all quite happy with...
-FEMALE VOICE: Why not! Not your job!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Well, I have a few more suggestions,
if anyone would like to hear them.

-FEMALE VOICE 1: Oh! Suggest away, girl.
-FEMALE VOICE 2: Oh, yeah.

Sure, Lydia, serve us
another slice of your idea pie!

Okay, I know what you're thinking.

Peppie, doesn't being involved
with this event make you uncool?

See, if I take the most uncool thing
and make it cool,

I become the proprietor of coolness.

-You got macaroni in your hair.
-MOM: There's my little go-getter!

If you want, I'd be more than happy
to post fliers all over It's You.

Uh, thanks anyway, Mom, but I think
I've got the cool quotient covered.

-Let's roll, Moosetopholes.
-[CYCLE BELL RINGING]

Hi, diddle dental, my volunteer-Mental!

[LAUGHS]

Let's talk material for the new banner.

What new banner?

I have one word for you. Sateen.

-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

And that whole
labor-in-exchange-for-grades thing?

I mean, that scene is so stifling.

You speak the word, my man.
This here, is where it's at.

Solid, my man.

I knew my art would be appreciated here.

My man, note my layering technique in...

[SCREAMS]

My man?

UNCLE JOJO: [CHUCKLES]
"Man, am I hungry," says the cop.

So he puts up a sign that says,

it says, "Donut Disturb!"
Get it? "Donut!"

[LAUGHS]

It says, "Donut Disturb!"

He's a cop.

Scooby do bow, skit scuttedly-doo

shau, shau, shau, shee-be-dee ooo...

[GROANS]

And we're snaking.
Yeah, yeah, we're snaking.

[SIGHS]

Cheddar. Giver of life.

Muenster. Shangri La la la.

Gouda. I am home.

-Ew.
-[SIGHS]

Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup.

So, what do you think?

They were so not cool.

It's not about cool versus uncool.

It's about having fun
and expressing one's self,

-regardless of...
-I'm sorry, Nicky.

There is no way any of these acts
can be in my show.

So, what do ya think, Pepper Ann?

Yeah? Are we, like, in?

With talent like that?

Of course you're all in.

[ALL CHEER]

Oh, Pepper Ann.

Ooh!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

This is it, Nicky.
My one chance to save the talent show.

Pepper Ann, we can't just show up
uninvited. That's rude.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

This is the coolest band in Hazelnut.

If I can get them to perform,

it won't matter that
the rest of the show's a total lame fest.

I thought all the acts that auditioned
were wonderful and original.

Oh, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

People don't want wonderful and original.

They want cool.

Hey.

Yeah.

Craig Bean.

The natural embodiment
of all that is cool.

Amen to that, sister.

[SIGHS]

I'm going in.

NICKY: Okay, act natural.

Don't babble. Walk away quickly.
Don't slouch, you'll develop a hump.

Don't look back.

He said yes.

[SIGHS]

Finally, someone who appreciates
the nuances of my brushstrokes,

my use of light and dark.

Huh? [WHIMPERING]

[WOMAN WAILING]

[SQUEAKING]

AUNT JANIE:
Now, I'm not pointing any fingers,

but I distinctly recall ordering

Lydia changed the order yesterday.

She said lavender would better compliment
the grassy undertones.

MOM: Oh, and please make sure
the petting zoo is secure!

We don't want the dingoes
near the daycare.

Lydia, about all these changes,

I don't see what was wrong
with the way things worked before.

Of course you wouldn't.
That's why I'm here.

Speaking of changes,

how about we get you a makeover!

But I like the way I look.

And if you were still in the Peace Corps,
I would too.

There. Now every pedestrian
in downtown Hazelnut has no choice

but to appreciate the alfresco fresco
of Milo Kamalani.

[ALL GASP]

[ALL SCREAM]

When Craig's band
takes that stage tomorrow,

they're gonna blow everyone's mind.

It's gonna be cooler than cool.

Where did this come from?

Uh... gypsies! They're everywhere, Nicky.

Waiting to hypnotize us
and make us dance for change.

-Come on!
-Pepper Ann, what's going on?

-Nothing!
-It's almost like, you've been doing a...

I don't know, dance routine
with your family,

wearing sequin gowns and beehive wigs,

singing to the tune
of "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain"

while Moose bangs this tambourine
on her left hip.

You could not be more wrong.

It's her right hip.

You don't know the worst part of it,
Nicky.

-I love doing it!
-[SAD VIOLIN PLAYING]

Promise me you won't tell anyone!

Why you so ashamed
of a simple family tradition?

Because it's so not cool.

Pepper Ann, do you enjoy
performing with your family?

-Well, yeah.
-Then that's all that matters.

-But I...
-As long as you enjoy what you're doing,

who cares what anyone else thinks?

So, you're not gonna tell anyone,
are you?

Hm.

AUNT JANIE:
Welcome to Clean Up Lupkin Park.

One bag of trash is your ticket
to the talent show.

Welcome to Clean Up Lupkin Park.

Caricatures.

Appreciate the environment,
appreciate my art.

Get your caricatures here.

Craig's band better get here soon.
My talent show reeks.

You are exaggerating.
I think things are going quite well.

NED: Wisconsin. Mecca of dairy.
C'est la cheese.

MALE VOICE: Just shut up!

Where is Craig's band?

[SCREAMS]

Hope you like waterskiing.

[SCREAMS]

Donut. [LAUGHS]

Get it? Donut!

Just shut up already!

MOM: Janie,
I just had the most wonderful idea.

I am going to call
"That's Entertaining!"

and have them send a crew over here
to interview you.

Hello? Well, did you hear me?

I'm gonna make you the belle
of the Clean Up ball!

Enough!

This makeup isn't me! Blech!

And this cleanup isn't mine anymore
either! [GRUNTS]

I may not be glamorous or exciting
but I'm proud of who I am.

I don't care about getting on TV
or in the gossip rags.

I care about helping our Mother Earth,
no matter what people think.

I am Janie Diggity,
uncool Peace Corps Reservist.

I was just trying to help out.

Lydia, we all have different ways
of helping out.

But I'm in charge of this cleanup.

Please. Let me do it my way.

Do you know how much I paid
for this dress?

The skis are supposed to go
under her feet, not through them.

And my nose is not that big, okay!

That's not your nose,
it's my artistic vision,

not necessarily an accurate
rendering of...

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

VERA: Skit scuttedly-doo...

MALE VOICE: I demand my trash back!

Oh, Craig, you're here.
Quick, get onstage.

"Saw something wretched.
Lost my voice. Later."

[GASPS] Craig, wait! Come back!

You can lip-synch!

[SIGHS]

It's over, Nicky.
I am single-handedly responsible

for making the most uncool event
even uncooler.

Um, first of all, "uncooler" isn't a word.
Secondly...

And the worst part is,
there's nothing I can do about it.

MOM: That's where you're wrong, Peppie.

We Pearsons are going to help out
in our own way.

Let's save this talent show!

No way.

I am not going out there to humiliate
myself in front of the whole town.

All right. If that's how you feel,
I... I'm not going to force you.

Come on, Peppie. It'll be cool.

Uh! Sorry, Moose, but you're only seven.

You don't even know
what it means to be cool.

MILO: Psst!

Milo, what are you doing here?

I'm giving up, PA.

I'm quitting this whole stupid art thing.

What? Why?

Because everyone hates it.

What's the point of doing something
if nobody appreciates it?

Milo, do you enjoy art?

-Well, yeah.
-Then that's all that matters.

Don't let other people's opinions
make you give up something you love!

-But I...
-As long as you enjoy what you're doing,

who cares what anyone else thinks?

-You're right.
-I'm right.

[PIGEONS COOING]

Bye Milo. I got a show to do!

MALE VOICE: There you are!

Yeah. Here I am,

Milo Kamalani, artist extraordinaire.
And I don't care what you

or your overly-sensitive
girlfriend thinks.

[GRUNTS]

I do care that you're bigger than me.

[SCREAMS]

Pepper Ann, what're you doing here?

We're the Pearson Family Singers, right?

I couldn't let you guys have all the fun.

Peppie, cool's not about age,

it's about attitude.

MILO: Whoa!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

You all ready for this?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa, yeah, whoa, yeah

-Is she coming round the bend?
-Oh, no she's not!

Is she coming round the corner?

Oh, please just stop!

-Well, then, where's she coming?
-Stop. Break it down

ALL: She'll be

Coming round the mountain
When she comes

MOOSE: Everybody sing now!

ALL: She'll be coming round the mountain
When she comes

Get up off your bootay!

ALL: She'll be coming round the mountain
She'll be coming round the mountain

She'll be coming round the mountain
When she comes...

-Yeah
-Ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

-Wow!
-[BIRDS SINGING]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

ALL: Yeah, she'll be coming round
The mountain

When she comes

[CROWD CHEERING]

[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]

MAN: What a great show!

WOMAN:
How about those lavender bags, huh?

NICKY: Congratulations, Pepper Ann.

You turned Clean Up Lupkin Park

into the most successful event
of the year.

-[WIND WHOOSHES]
-It's getting kind of cool.

Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

It's not about what's "cool" or "uncool."

It's about being true to yourself.

-No, I meant that...
-The bottom line is, do what you enjoy.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Someday, when you're ready,
you'll see we were right.

Who's up for the new
twist-tie crust pizza at Pizza Pit?

-MILO: All right!
-Fine by me.

AUNT JANIE: Whoo-hoo! Not so fast!

I'm afraid you kids won't be going
anywhere for a smiley-whiley.

[LAUGHS]

Did you see all the people
dancing and clapping.

You know, maybe I'm cooler
than I think I am.

-You have macaroni in your hair.
-Oh!

NICKY: [SIGHS] I don't know why
I hang out with you two.

PEPPER ANN: Come on, Nicky.
You know you love it.

[WOLF HOWLING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]