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03x03 - Ship Shape/U.S. Acres: Barn of Fear II/Break-a-Leg

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Garfield and Friends". Aired: September 17, 1988 – December 10, 1994.*
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Show features animated story lines adapted from the comic strip Garfield and Davis's other comic strip U.S. Acres.

03x03 - Ship Shape/U.S. Acres: Barn of Fear II/Break-a-Leg

Post by bunniefuu »

- Ladies

- Ladies and

- Ladies and gentlemen,

-Garfield and friends.,

- We're...

- We're...

- Ready...

- Ready...

- To...

- To...

- Party!

- ™ª we're ready to party, ♪

媻 we're ready! 媻

- ™ª I hope you bring ♪

媻 lots of spaghetti! 媻

- ™ª come on in, come to ♪

媻 the place where
fun never ends! 媻

媻 come on in, it's
time to party ♪

媻 with garfield and friends! 媻

- 媻 dancing! 媻

- 媻 fiesta! 媻

- 媻 romancing! 媻

- 媻 siesta! 媻

- 媻 samba! 媻

- 媻 la bamba! 媻

- 媻 ay carumba! 媻

- 媻 disguises! 媻

- 媻 disguises! 媻

- 媻 surprises! 媻

- 媻 surprises! 媻

- 媻 and pies of... 媻

- 媻 and pies of all sizes! 媻

- 媻 come on in,
come to the place ♪

媻 where fun never ends. 媻

媻 come on in, it's
time to party ♪

媻 with garfield and friends! 媻

媻 come on in, it's
time to party ♪

媻 with garfield and friends! 媻

媻 garfield and friends! 媻

- And pay attention.

There'll be a test at the end.

- Watch me give odie trouble.

Odie? Odie?

Help! Odie!

I'm stuck in this tree

And I can't get down!

It's up to you to save me!

He fell for it.

A bowling ball?

What good'll that do?

I hate dogs.

- It's a two-week cruise aboard

One of the biggest ships

In the world!

- I avoid all ships too big

To fit in the bathtubs.

- We visit 22 foreign ports

In 14 days.

- Oh, good.

Plenty of chances for them

To lose your luggage.

- And we go

To eight different countries.

- And learn eight different

Ways to say I am seasick.

I'm not going, and that's that.

- Of course, really

All you do on a cruise

Is eat and sleep.

- ™ª anchors away, my boy, ♪

媻 anchors away! 媻

[ Fog horn ]

- Jon arbuckle.

- Ahem.

- Sorry.

Jon arbuckle and garfield.

- Better.

- I hear that a lot

Of real good-looking girls

Come on these cruises.

- I want my own stateroom

And some hot nourishing broth.

- What is the meaning of this?

- In case of an emergency,

I'll have the broth

Served in the lifeboat.

- Is that a cat?

Cats are bad luck.

I won't have one on my ship!

- Garfield's my best friend.

- Either you leave that cat

Behind or you don't board

This ship!

- Hey, no way.

Jon's my pal.

He wouldn't leave me behind.

We're friends to the end.

- Bye!

[ Shouting ]

- Gee, the end came sooner

Than I thought.

Going up?

Next floor, notions, lotions,

Oceans, commotions and lasagna.

Watch your step, please.

Let's see.

Should i, a, find jon or,

B, check out the food first.

All those who guessed a,

You're not watching

The show often enough.

- Hi. You live around here?

Oh, I suppose you couldn't.

Listen, if you won't go on

A date with me,

I'll throw myself overboard.

What do you say to that?

- I wonder if it's possible

To get pizza delivered

On a boat?

Oh, how nice, a small snack.

- Attention, all passengers.

Brunch is now being served

On the fiesta deck.

[ All yelling at once ]

- Wheeze. Choke!

- Your attention.

The 16-day bingo marathon

Is now beginning

On the lido deck.

[ All yelling at once ]

- Okay, who's the wise guy

With the spiked heels?

Brunch, I need brunch.

That's the saddest thing

I've ever seen in my life.

- I thought I ordered you

Off my ship!

- Uh-oh. Chase scene.

- Get that cat!

Get him off this ship!

- Some pleasure cruise this is.

- All hands on deck!

Get that cat!

Whoa!

- Bad diving form.

Didn't keep his feet together.

- Captain overboard.
Captain overboard.

- Gee, I seem to have lost

My congressional

Medal of honor somewhere.

Oh, well, I have

Another one at home.

We should go someplace

We can be alone.

- Good idea.

You go to your room

And I'll go to mine.

- Right.

- Oh, hey, thanks.

Get some more for

The other passengers.

- I'm going to find that cat!

- Uh, oh. Ahab's back.

- You can't get off

The ship, cat!

You're trapped!

- The man has a point.

- Attention all passengers.

Tonight there will be dancing.

- Excuse me. Here, read this.

- Attention all passengers.

Free pizza now being served.

Just look for the deck

Our captain is on.

- Now I've got you!

- No, you haven't.

[ All yelling at once ]

- That's it!

Find that cat's owner!

I'm putting them both

Off my ship!

- Hi, there.

I'm...i'm...i'm being

Carried away.

What's going on here?

You can't put us off the ship!

- I'm the captain!

I can do anything I want!

I'm putting you off

On that island.

We'll pick you up

On our way back in 13 days.

I shall leave you shelter

And food.

- But-- but you can't do this!

You can't!

- What kind of food?

- All I wanted was

A nice cruise,

A chance to meet some ladies.

Now I'm stranded on

A desert island.

No, I don't care what you found.

Nothing could cheer me up now.

Just leave me alone

For the next two weeks.

- Suit yourself.

He wants to be alone?

I'll leave him alone.

Okay, resume, and I want those

Grapes peeled better.

[ Laughing ]

- Yuck! Awful!

Ick! No!

Roy, quick!

Look in here

And tell me what you see.

- My face.

- Thank heavens!

I thought it was mine.

Yucko! Icky!

Eesh!

- After

The american revolution,

Our ancestors like many others

Went west across

The prairie in search

Of opportunity.

- Halt the wagon!

- Whoa!

- Why are we stopping?

- I don't knoweth,

But I'm gladeth

We're stoppingeth.

Pheweth!

- This is where we should

Settle down and build our farm.

- Come on, everybody!

We got a barn to build!

- The barn was finished just

In time for the first harvest.

So they held a big celebration

And that's the history of our

Farm and its first harvest.

- You mean that old abandoned

Building is the original barn?

- That's the one.

- If that first harvest

Was anything like this,

Our ancestors really

Had something to celebrate.

- Sheldon, you just

Gave me an idea.

Let's have a harvest party!

- Hey, we could even dress up

Like our ancestors.

- Yeah, there must be

Some old clothes

And stuff up in the old barn

That we can use.

- You mean, go into

The barn as in us in there?

The old barn is haunted by

The ghosts of our ancestors!

- What?

- Wade, when are you

Gonna learn?

™ª there's no such thing ♪

™ª as goblins and ghosts, ♪

媻 there's no such thing,
there's no such thing ♪

™ª it's your imagination ♪

™ª that scares you the most ♪

媻 there's no such thing,
there's no such thing. 媻

™ª there's nothing in the dark ♪

媻 that's not there
in the light ♪

™ª what could there be ♪

媻 to give you such a fright? 媻

媻 there's no reason
to be up tight ♪

™ª 'cause there's no such thing ♪

™ª I can't believe ♪

™ª you're such a scaredy cat ♪

媻 there's no such thing,
there's no such thing ♪

™ª I can't believe ♪

™ª that you're scared of that ♪

媻 there's no such thing,
there's no such thing ♪

™ª there's no reason ♪

™ª to be scared of the sound ♪

™ª might just be a squeaky door ♪

™ª that makes your heart pound ♪

媻 - what'll we do now, roy? 媻

- 媻 make a new exit. 媻

™ª that's the best thing ♪

媻 I've found. 媻

™ª - there's no such thing, ♪

媻 there's no such thing! 媻

- Okay, you did your song.

Now let's all go up

To the old barn

And see what we can find.

- Now, what did I tell you?

Nothing happened in there.

- And we found

Some great old clothes

That fit perfectly.

[ Laughs ]

- They're gonna have

A harvest party.

- Yeah, and while

They're partying,

[ Oinks ]

We're gonna steal that harvest!

- And eat it ourselves.

[ Thunder ]

- Obviously, our descendants

Wanted our old clothes

To wear as costumes.

- That's kids for you today.

They wreck everything.

- Ah, a pity, friend rooster.

It was your besteth shirt

A few centuries yet ago.

- Aw, forget those old rags!

We got bigger problems!

- We just overheard three

Curly-tailed varmints

Plotting to steal the harvest.

- We'd best get over

To the new barn!

- Okay, g*ng, dancing time!

[ Square dance music plays ]

- I do not dance.

- In that case, you can go out

And guard the harvest.

- In that case, I dance.

[ Hums ]

- We need someone

To guard the harvest

In case my brothers come around.

- Yeah, but...yeah, but...

- On with the party!

- Oh, jeepers.

- Oops!

[ Screaming ]

[ Stuttering ]

- Where have you been?

- I hadeth a most

Horrible frighteth when

I accidentally materializedeth

Out near the tool shedeth!

[ Footsteps approaching ]

- Somebody's coming.

- Shall we dine in

Or have takeout?

- Hey!

Help!

- I'm getting outta here!

- I'm with you, brother!

[ Stuttering ]

- Once again, we've made

The farm safe

For our descendants!

- I'm going home.

This new barn has too many

Newfangled gadgets for my taste.

- I'm with you.

- I've had enough

Dancing for a while.

- I'm starved.

Does this party

Include a buffet dinner?

- Sure. Let's go find wade

And then sample

Some of the harvest goodies.

[ Stuttering ]

- What's the matter with him?

- He looks like

He's just seen a ghost.

- Did you say ghost, orson?

- I thought you said

There's no such thing.

- You did

Three choruses, orson.

- There's no such thing

As a ghost!

Come on, let's eat.

[ Stuttering ]

- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

What will this

Modern generation come to?

- It makes one wonder,

Doesn't it?

[ Stuttering ]

- Whoa! Jelly beans!

I love jelly beans!

[ Snickering ]

- Ah, I've been looking forward

To this ski trip for months!

- Why couldn't you take

The ski trip to miami?

[ Shivers ]

- Now I know what

You're thinking.

- You're gonna break your leg.

- You're thinking

I'm gonna break my leg.

- Kid's psychic.

- Well, that's not going

To happen because

I'm not going skiing.

I'm going to sit around

The ski lodge

And drink hot cocoa

And take it easy.

- Could have done that at home.

Why'd you drag us to the yukon?

[ Chattering ]

- Jon has taken us on

A hunting trip

And I think

That's what he's hunting.

- Hi, there.

Would you be interested

In getting acquainted?

- Sure. I'm interested

In all kinds of men:

Doctors, lawyers, plumbers,

Firemen, carpenters.

Everyone except cartoonists.

I can't stand cartoonists,

Especially cartoonists

With cats.

What do you do?

- Nothing.

No, absolutely nothing.

- Jon's in his usual form.

Come, brer puppy,

Let's find food.

That's no way to eat cake.

How's jon making out?

[ Whimpers ]

- I came up here

Because the only men

I find attractive are skiers.

Do you ski?

- Well, i, uh...

- People, your attention,

Please?

I'm afraid our ski lift

Isn't working,

So there can be no skiing

Until it's fixed.

- Oh!

- Aw!

- I was asking if you ski?

- Me? Uh, sure!

Yes, I'm one of

The great skiers of the world.

- That cake was okay,

But usually I prefer

To skate on chocolate icing.

[ Sneezing ]

- Gesundheit!

Coming down with a cold, boy?

- Uh-huh.

[ Barks ]

- Odie, you'll have

To sacrifice yourself!

Hey, I came here to sleep

And eat!

This is neither!

He shouldn't go out

Without his mittens.

- Oh, there's no way to fix it!

The whole ski lift's jammed!

It's fixed!

The ski lift works!

- Yes, it's too bad

The ski lift's broken

Or I'd show you some

Of my daring, dashing,

Shushing on the slopes.

- Hey, good news, everybody!

The ski lift is fixed!

[ Chattering ]

- Oh, that's wonderful.

Now you can show me

What a great skier you are.

- Great ski--

Great, great, great...

- And you have to show me

That trick you told me about,

The one foot backwards

Somersault you do.

- Great, great, great, great...

- Kind of nice of jon to

Invite us along for his demise,

Wouldn't you say?

[ Sneezing ]

- You're gonna break your leg!

- I can't wait to see you

Go whizzing down the hill.

- Whizzing?

You want me

To sign that, garfield?

What is it?

I, jon arbuckle, being

Of more or less

Sound mind and body,

Do hereby leave everything

To my ca-- garfield!

- You're gonna break your leg.

- That's it!

I'm not going through with this!

- Put down the kitty!

Put down the kitty

Before you do this!

- Whoa! Whoa!

[ Whimpers ]

- I'd like to say a few words

About there being

Too much violence

On cartoon shows.

Oh, well, might as well

Enjoy my last meal.

Peanut butter and tuna fish?

[ Whimpering ]

- Uh-oh!

[ Yawns ]

- Hey! I'm starting to get

The hang of this!

I--

Oh, no!

- That was my line.

- Whoa!

- Oh, no!

I'm living the agony of defeat!

- Whoa!

- Garfield, we made it!

We're alive!

- I'd like to get

A second opinion.

- Oh, jon, you're the best

Skier I've ever seen in my life.

- I am? Oh, I am.

- Hey, what are you doing

With my daughter

And my mattress

And my sandwich?

- Uh, I can explain.

I mean, I think I can explain.

- I'll show you!

- No! No!

Oh, no. Oh, please!

Oh, help!

Whoa!

- Told you so.

[ Sighs ]