02x16 - Attention Getting Garfield/U.S. Acres: Swine Trek/It Must Be True!

[bunniefuu]

- I

- I have a

- I have a big

- I have a big date

With liz tonight, garfield.

What do you think of my outfit?

[ Laughing ]

- I don't have to take this.

No cat is going to make

A fool out of me.

- One, two, three.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- ™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª to help you get started ♪

媻 to give you a
push on your way ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª to turn you around, ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- 媻 help you swallow
your pride, ♪

™ª when something inside's ♪

™ª got to break on through ♪

™ª to the other side ♪

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got ♪

™ª the world on your shoulders ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park, ♪

™ª for a shot in the dark, ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- ™ª but friends will care ♪

媻 for you. 媻

- And just remember

What you paid to get in.

[ Yawns ]

- Another day.

Time to show my face

Before my adoring public.

Hello world.

Garfield is here.

No one around.

Oh well.

[ Overlapping dialogue ]

[ Dialogue stops ]

- Hmm. Probably all had

To go some place.

[ Overlapping dialogue ]

- It figures.

Dumb people like dumb animals.

- I have a special treat

For someone.

- Special treat?

I hope it's lasagna,

Or chocolate chocolate chip

Ice cream, or maybe

Both mixed together.

- Here you go, fellow.

- Oh, jon's always been

So nice to me,

So caring, so thoughtful.

- I hope your teeth fall out

The day before thanksgiving.

Hi, floyd.

Haven't seen you on

The show this season.

I said hi, floyd.

- Yikes!

Oh, hiya, garfield.

- Even mice don't notice me.

- Hey, how's odie these days?

- How's odie?

Why don't you ask how I am?

Nobody pays attention to me.

- This cat's got

A severe attention problem.

- This is one of those days

When it doesn't pay

To get out of bed.

Maybe even one of those weeks.

- Oh, and I got you

A new pet bed, odie.

Now, where should I put it?

- Pet bed?

- I'll just get this old thing

Out of the way.

- Taking my spot?

That is the last indignity.

Ow! Ooh!

Let me amend that.

That was the next to

The last indignity.

Let me amend that again.

- Some people like dogs.

- A lesser cat would feel

Threatened by odie's popularity,

But I'm too big

To let it bother me.

Besides, my favorite show's on.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Odie and friends.

- Odie and friends?

We are very close

To the end of civilization

As we know it.

[ Barks ]

- What a disgusting,

Insulting, unfair tv show.

Bet it's a hit though.

- I'm not going

To take this sitting--

I'm not going

To take this sitting down.

- I think you need

Lessons in how to get noticed.

- You know how?

- Sure.

People jump on chairs when

Mice walk into a room.

Let me tell you what to do.

The first thing

To remember is...

- Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Worth a try.

Ahem, squeak squeak,

Big mouse present, very big.

We'll just have to try harder.

Oh, you got me, louie,

I'm a goner.

I'm checking out.

I'm through. I'm history.

I'm past tense.

One second.

Yo, effendi, which way

To the pyramids?

[ Panting ]

[ Coughs ]

- Odie, are you all right?

Maybe you're coming down

With something.

Maybe you should be in bed.

- Leave it to me.

I'm going to make

You a household name.

- All right.

If no one's going to notice me,

I might as well

Take advantage of it.

- Garfield, wait.

- I can't believe it,

Nobody noticed me.

- Oh, there you are, garfield.

You know, I realized

I haven't been paying

A lot of attention

To you lately. I apologize.

- He likes me.

- And I made you this lasagna

To show you I'm sorry.

- Lasagna?

After all I've just eaten?

- You don't want lasagna?

Garfield, you must be sick.

I'll get you right

Down to the vet.

She'll give you

A shot or something.

- A shot? No. I'm okay.

Don't be concerned about me.

Pay no attention to me.

[ Shouting ]

- Garfield.

- Pretend I'm not here,

Because I won't be.

- Garfield!

Garfield, where are you?

Garfield?

- You see, it's like

I told you.

Your name is a household word.

- Yeah. But so is garbage.

Any more of those bread crusts?

- Yeah. You want pumpernickel

Or white?

- When they're this old,

It doesn't matter.

- What you reading, orson?

- The weather forecast.

According to this,

There's a 30 percent chance

Of thunder and lightning.

- Oh, no.

[ Thunder ]

- I-- I better go before

It gets me again.

- No. Stay right there, wade.

You're safe there because

Lightning never strikes twice

In the same place.

- Uh-huh. Gee thanks, orson.

It's good to know I am safe,

Because lightning will

Not strike this spot.

Hey orson, do pianos strike

Twice in the same spot, huh?

[ Sneezes ]

- Quick orson, drink

Some of this orange juice,

It will help cure your cold.

- There's no cure for a cold,

Because a cold is a virus,

And medical science

Hasn't found a cure for viruses.

- Here orson, like try

Some of this hot soup, man.

- The saying is,

Starve a cold, feed a fever.

- No, it isn't.

It's feed a cold,

Starve a fever.

- How about feed a rooster,

Starve an egg, shell brain.

- Cover up so you don't

Get a chill.

I'll just plump up

The pillow for you.

Hee-ya!

- Woah, stop! Please, stop!

- We--we're just trying

To make you feel better, orson.

- I know, but I think

I need some rest and quiet.

Besides, if you stay around me,

You'll all catch my cold.

- Ooh, that's right!

Germs! Ahh! Save me!

- Well, that's gratitude

For you.

- I don't think orson meant

To hurt our feelings.

He just kind of spaced out today

Because of his cold.

- Space, the final frontier.

- ™ª swine trek, ♪

媻 adventures in space. 媻

™ª there's swine mess ♪

媻 all over the place. 媻

™ª they'll go exploring ♪

™ª where no one else will ♪

™ª things were just fine ♪

媻 out in space until... 媻

媻 swine trek adven-
tures are bold ♪

™ª this all started ♪

媻 with a common cold. 媻

™ª finding another world ♪

™ª unlike our kind, ♪

™ª we're lucky that it's ♪

媻 just in orson's mind. 媻

媻 swine trek, oh no. 媻

[ Sneezes ]

- Captain's log 230,467.95.

Let's have a report

From engineering.

- Yeah. Like I just

Synchronized the dilithium

Carburetors, and I was thinking

That maybe, you know,

We could like chrome

The valve covers

And paint flames on the side.

- Hello? Hello?

Who's there?

If this is a crank call...

We just got a distress call,

But there was a lot of static

And then some clicks,

And then they hung up.

- What do you think

That means, wade?

- How should I know?

I'm a duck, not

The wichita lineman.

- I've pinpointed the area

Where the signal

Originated, captain.

It came from

The planet deneb 92.

- Surely we're not

Diverting our course

To find out who made that call.

- Since our five-year mission

Is to go where

Nobody's ever been before,

We must check it out.

And don't call me shirley.

[ Speaking russian ]

- What did he say?

- It was, that will teach you

To shut your beak,

Capitalist comb head.

Set a course for deneb 92

And arm the photon tomatoes.

There may be porkons

In the area.

If you're all here,

Who's running the ship?

- Don't worry.

I put it into a parking orbit,

And there's an
hour on the meter.

- You can't do that.

What if the space co-op

Calls while we're away?

Bo, roy, lanolin, booker,

You'll all have to go back.

- We never get to go anywhere.

- Yeah. Some people

Have all the fun.

[ Speaking russian ]

- What did he say?

- He said like,

What a bourgeois bummer, man.

- Flunked russian at

The space academy, didn't you?

- According to my data,

Deneb 92 is a type 2 planet.

The chief crop is rutabagas

And it holds

The galactic basketball record

For the most of number of

Personal fouls in one season.

- Yech!

- Can we get a reading on this,

Science officer sheldon?

- It is a pool of

Viscous mineral and silica-based

Planetary matter infused with

A liquefying hydrogen oxygen,

Also referred

To as a hog waller.

- We'd better be on

The lookout for porkons.

[ Laughs ]

- We lured orson

And his crew here with

That phony distress call.

- It will be the ultimate test

Of our new porkon secret weapon.

- Fascinating, captain.

There are porkons in the area.

I believe they are watching us.

- Attack.

- The porkons are attacking.

- Your ray blasts

Are of no use against us,

Space scum.

We-- we come in peace.

- Get your hands up.

- Are they up?

- Fire the photon tomatoes.

[ Speaking russian ]

- Photon tomatoes away.

- Photon tomatoes?

- Radioactive space ketchup.

- Let's get out of here.

- What that's object

They dropped?

- Three to beam up

With a porkon object.

- Surely you're not

Going to bring it aboard.

- We've got no choice

If we want to find out

What it is.

And stop calling me shirley.

- It looks like something

From a laboratory.

- Wait, don't open it.

[ Coughing ]

- No.

It's the dreaded space virus.

We are doomed. Doomed.

- What a weird dream.

Hey, I think my cold is gone.

I guess rest is

The best medicine.

[ Coughing ]

- Look everybody,

I'm all better.

- But we all caught

Your cold, orson.

- I'm sorry.

- Yeah. Like it's not

Your fault, man.

- Yeah. You warned--

[ Sneezes ]

Warned us.

- You better stay away

From us this time,

Or you'll get sick again.

- Maybe not. I have an idea.

Anyone want any orange juice?

- Orson, can you

Bring me a cough drop.

[ Overlapping dialogue ]

- Thanks to space technology,

I can wait on you guys

Until you're all better.

- May I please have

Some hot soup?

- Surely you've got

To have some tissues.

- I do.

And don't call me shirley.

- Hey odie, do you know

What they put in dog food?

Ingredients: lizards, yak lips,

Caterpillar fuzz, duck feet,

Gum that's already been chewed,

Aluminum siding, and some stuff

You wouldn't even

Want to know about.

[ Groans ]

- Garfield,

We're all out of cat food.

You'll have to eat dog food

Today.

- Okay.

- What's with odie?

- Must have been
something he ate.

- Did you know

That fire hydrants

Contained compressed water?

That's right.

Many people foolishly

Believe that these things

Are connected by pipes

To water lines buried below,

But we know better than that.

All fire hydrants

Are manufactured

At heidi's hydrant

Heaven in walla walla,

Washington.

There each hydrant

Is filled with 100 gallons

Of compressed h2o,

Specially formulated

To extinguish fires.

The hydrants are then bolted

To the street

For convenient use by pets.

[ Whining ]

- You don't believe me?

- Uh-uh.

- Remember audience,

If you heard it on television...

- It must be true!

- Yes, "it must be true."

The show that tells you

All sorts of incredible things,

Which, since they're

On television, must be true.

And now, the host of

"It must be true,"

Garfield the cat.

[ Applause ]

- Thank you. Thank you.

We have a great show

For you tonight, folks,

And I just want to remind you

Of our motto.

If they say it on television,

It must be true.

Here's our first

Incredible revelation.

There's no such place

As wyoming.

[ Audience gasping ]

- Think about it.

Have you ever met anyone

From wyoming?

- No, now that you mention it--

[ Overlapping dialogue ]

- Well, there you are.

The myth of wyoming began

In the year 1789

When the great explorer

And map maker,

Arbuckle vespucci

Was designing

The united states.

- Let's see.

I'll put oklahoma here,

Then I'll put

The north dakota here.

No. No. No.

Maybe that should

Be near south dakota.

Si, that's good.

- He had some help from

His faithful and handsome cat.

- You dropped these.

- Oh no.

I don't have room left

For those two.

- Hey no sweat.

You just put alaska

Up here some place

And stick this hawaii up

Here some place.

It's simple.

- Bellissimo.

I have designed

The entire united states.

Oh, no.

I left a teensy tinsy little

Square empty out here,

And I'm all out of states.

- Hmm, no more states, huh?

How about another carolina?

No. I know...

- And so the cat wrote

In wyoming, an old italian word

Meaning no state here.

[ Audience gasping ]

- So there's no wyoming.

And remember...

- If they said it on

Television, it must be true.

[ Applause ]

- When no humans are around,

Cows discuss english literature.

- I felt that in

"Midsummer night's dream,"

Shakespeare postulated

An interesting dichotomy.

- Excuse me,

The farmer is coming.

- Moo.
- Moo.

As you were saying.

- Yes.

Well, I feel that

There's a basic dichotomy...

[ Audience gasping ]

- It must be true.

- You know how

They make raisins?

Don't believe that story

About sundried grapes.

Actually, they shrink

Down bowling ba*ls, like this.

Voila, a raisin.

[ Audience gasping ]

- It must be true.

- By law, all footstools

Are required to contain,

Orange juice, toast, and

Sausage patties.

[ Audience gasping ]

- It must be true.

- Remember, you can

Believe everything

You ever hear anyone say on tv.

[ Audience cheers ]

- No one on tv ever lies.

For our last item tonight,

An incredible

But true fact about dogs.

Dogs have no brains.

Observe this x-ray. See?

Nothing. Nada. Empty.

The lights are on,

Buy nobody's home.

[ Whining ]

- Remember that folks.

Dogs have no brains.

If we say it on television,

It must be true.

[ All barking ]

- No brains, and they--

And they never harm cats.

Because cats are poisonous.

Chomp a cat and you die.

[ All barking ]

- All cats know karate.

[ Banging ]

- Dogs love cats.

It's true.

Help!

I will never lie again.

- That's right.

He will never lie again.

And remember, if they said it

On television, it must be...

- Oh, shut up.