02x03 - The Great Getaway/U.S. Acres: Scrambled Eggs/Hansel and Garfield

[bunniefuu]

-

- You

- You are

- You are about

- You are about to

- You are about to witness

- You amy finest hour.ness

Garfield, you are a genius.

Wow, customers.

- Oh, brad, this is perfect!

I love it.

- Just think, mona, a little

Paint and some wallpaper

And we can move right in.

- A little what?

It's a long story.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to help you get started ♪

™ª to give you a push ♪

™ª on your way ♪

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to turn you around ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you up ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- 媻 help you swallow

Your pride ♪

™ª when something inside ♪

™ª needs to break on through ♪

™ª to the other side ♪

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got the world ♪

™ª on your shoulder ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park ♪

™ª or a shot in the dark ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- ™ª but friends will care ♪

™ª for you ♪

- And just remember

What you paid to get in.

- Connecting flight 235

From chicago to new york is in

The final boarding stages.

This is the last call

For passengers.

That means you in the ugly coat!

- I'm hurrying!

Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Oh, phew! I finally did it.

I'm taking a vacation

Without garfield.

Oh.

- Hello. I guess we'll be

Seatmates for a while.

I'm rosalyn.

- I'm-i'm-i'm jon arbuckle.

I'm heading for new york.

I'm going to spend the weekend

In the big apple.

- Big apple? Good idea.

- So, jon, tell me

About yourself.

- Well, I'm a cartoonist

And I have a cat named garfield,

But I left him at home.

- Home.

- He's hundreds of miles away.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

We have just landed at kennedy

International airport

In new york.

Please keep your

Seatbelts fastened until

The plane comes to a complete

And final stop.

- Do you know your way

Around new york, jon?

- Oh, not really.

- Well, maybe I could show you

Around, say, about 8:30?

I'll meet you in the lobby

Of your hotel.

I know a really wonderful

Italian restaurant

Near central park.

- Great!

Look at all those lights.

Oh, it's 7:45 already.

I'd better get dressed.

Quick shower and a shave and--

- Ta-da!

- Garfield?

How did you get here?

- Knowing you, it was

Probably economy cruise.

- Hey! There's nothing

But canned lasagna in this bag!

Where's my shaving kit?

My socks? My underwear?

- Well, I had to have room

For the electric can opener,

Didn't i?

What's your underwear

Compared to the possibility

Of me starving to death?

- Now listen carefully.

I met a beautiful woman

On the plane.

She likes me and I'm not gonna

Let you spoil this weekend.

You're not to set one foot

Outside this hotel room!

Do you understand?

- Oh, gee. Thanks a lot.

First you try to leave me,

Your best friend, home, and now

You're gonna spoil my weekend.

- [ Whistling ]

You look terrific, rosalyn.

- Well, are you ready for

The best italian food you've had

In your life?

- This is the ultimate insult.

How could jon go to an italian

Restaurant without me?

- What have you got on

A jon arbuckle?

- That name sounds familiar.

- A cartoonist?

Okay, he's probably just a mark

She met on the plane.

Yeah, she'll go for his wallet.

Rosalyn is the best pickpocket

I've ever seen.

- Pickpocket?

That woman is a pickpocket?

Figures. What would a woman like

Her want with a guy like him?

- [ Giggling ]

- I have to make sure

Jon isn't alone with her.

I was gonna do that anyway.

- I ordered

Linguine calamari.

- What is it?

- It tastes like spaghetti

With squid all over it.

- Garfield!

- You leave my friend jon

Alone!

If anyone's gonna clean him out

Of everything he owns,

It's gonna be me!

- Let's get out of here,

Rosalyn.

- Wait! You can't leave

Without me!

- Driver, take us anywhere!

- I can't let her

Be alone with him!

- Sorry about what happened

At the restaurant.

- Oh, that's okay, as long

As I'm with you, jonny.

- Rosalyn, I gotta hand it

To you.

- Oh, don't bother.

I'll help myself.

- You know so many great

Places to go.

I really admire your--

Garfield!

- What a tough climb.

- Aah!

- Don't worry.

He'll never find us here.

There isn't a chance in--

Garfield!

Will you excuse me, dear?

I have to settle something

Once and for all with my cat.

- Why, certainly, my darling.

I'll wait inside.

- Garfield, how could you?

One weekend away from you!

One evening! That's all I ask!

- Whoa! Time out! Earth to jon!

- I'm gonna give you money

And put you in a cab

And send you back to the--

That's funny.

I was sure my wallet was in--

Jeez! Did rosalyn take...

Rosalyn! Come back!

Rosalyn! Rosalyn!

She took...

- Your wallet?

- My wallet!

- I know.

- I know, too.

- I'm feldman, federal bureau

Of pickpocket prevention.

I've been after her for months.

Here's your wallet back.

- Thanks for a lovely evening.

- Bye, rosalyn.

- Bye, jon.

- Garfield, I'm sorry.

You're my best friend.

- True.

- I shouldn't have tried

Going off without you.

How can I make it up to you?

- Well, I have an idea.

- You know, it would have been

Cheaper just to let her

Take the wallet.

- Hey, I'm an expensive date.

- A weed? Hmm.

- Bravo!

- Encore! Encore!

- Author!

- Ta-da.

- Oh, hi! Nice to have you

Here again, but you should have

Been here last week.

Sheldon had quite an adventure.

Well, it's a long story.

I guess it all started

With this mother turtle

Out by the lake.

Well, she laid an egg

And, well, as you know,

Turtles bury their eggs

In the sand to hatch them.

- Now you be a good little egg

And hatch while your mommy

Is bowling.

It's the only way to have a kid.

- Everything would have been

Fine except that this egg,

Well, it had other ideas.

- Oh, I don't like to be

Buried underground!

And I don't like being a

Turtle either.

Let's see what

We have to eat here.

- What a cute baby!

I hope my--

My!

Come back, my baby!

- Oh, no! I am not going back

To be a turtle!

It's just too slow.

- Now, while that was going

On, not far off, booker and

Sheldon were on a worm hunt.

- Wait'll you see the worm

Trap I set up, sheldon.

- You've been doing this

For months, booker.

How many have you caught?

- Well, let's see.


[ Mumbling ]

None.

- I thought so.

Well, I have a feeling today

Won't spoil your perfect record.

See you later.

- I'll get a worm! Ha!

- Orson: so there sheldon was

Wandering through the woods.

- He's never gonna catch...oh!

- There you are, my baby.

- I'm not your baby.

- Now, don't say that.

You'll always be my baby.

Now be a good little turtle.

- I am not a turtle!

- Look at this.

Not even born and already

He's lying to his mother.

- This is the greatest worm

Trap ever built!

All I have to do

Is bait this into the rock

To catch him.

Say, I wonder what worms eat?

You catch fish with worms.

Maybe you catch worms

With fish.

Say, let's see.

Here's a recipe for pizza.

I didn't know worms ate pi--

Aah!

[ Laughing ]

I'll get you, worm!

Sheldon, let's go back

To the farm.

- I'm not--

- Let me tell you what that

Lowdown, spineless worm

Did to me!

- Orson: well, they headed back

Here to the farm, which is just

What sheldon wanted to do

And couldn't.

- Now you go to sleep, my baby.

- I am not your baby!

I'm a chick!

- Oh, hush.

I'll sing you a lullaby.

™ª happy pillows ♪

™ª made of cotton candy ♪

™ª laughing willows ♪

™ª swaying in the breeze ♪

™ª sleep, little baby ♪

™ª grow big and strong ♪

™ª never have the sniffles ♪

™ª never have to sleep ♪

™ª come on and rock ♪

™ª all day long ♪

™ª sleep and rock ♪

™ª while I sing this song ♪

™ª sleep, little baby ♪

™ª 40 winks you can catch ♪

™ª sleep and rock and roll ♪

™ª until you hatch ♪

™ª come on, rock ♪

™ª come on, rock, everybody ♪

™ª sleep and rock ♪

™ª to a rock and roll lullaby ♪

™ª sleep, little baby ♪

™ª and rest your head ♪

™ª don't be a chick ♪

™ª be a turtle instead ♪

™ª sleep and rock ♪

- Help! I'm under a turtle!

- Orson: she figured if he

Thinks he's a chicken, hatch him

Like a chicken.

Meanwhile, back here...

- Oh, this is gonna be great!

- Orson: roy had a new trick:

Industrial strength

Sneeze powder.

[ Snoring ]

[ Almost sneezing]

[ Sneezing ]

[ Crash ]

[ Laughing ]

- Ahem. Gesundheit.

[ Laughs ]

- Orson: it was just about then

That booker returned with what

He thought was sheldon.

- There he is! The worm!

- Whew! I made it!

I don't have to live out in

The lake and be a turtle.

- Orson: that's what he thought,

I guess, he was no less mistaken

Than roy.

- There's sheldon!

- Being a turtle is boring.

Ah...ah...

- [ Laughs ] I love it!

- Ah...ah... Ah-choo!

- Roy thought this was

A funny joke.

At least that's what

He thought until...

- Sheldon? Sheldon?

Ahem, excuse me, little turtle.

Have you seen sheldon?

Here's his shell,

But where's sheldon?

He...he...[ Gasp ]

Oh, no!

- Oh, this place

Is too strange for me.

- Sheldon sneezed himself

Into nothingness

And it's all my fault!

They should put warnings

On these!

I've done a terrible thing!

- But, of course, sheldon

Was safe.

Well, if you call this safe.

But sheldon had an idea.

He fired up his barbecue

And cooked burgers

And when it got hot enough...

- Aah!

Baby, come back!

- Sheldon ran as fast as his

Little legs would carry him.

- Ma! Ma!

- Baby? My baby?

There you are. You hatched!

- Orson: she recognized him

Right away.

A mother always knows.

- Mommy!

- Mommy's here, my dear.

- Orson: well, that's the story.

Oh, wait! I forgot

What happened with roy.

- I am slime.

What I did, I am not fit

To eat with pigs! Sorry, orson.

I am no good. I am rotten.

Hi, sheldon. I am pond scum.

I am worse than pond scum!

I am...

- Hi, roy. What's going on?

- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, sheldon, you're alive!

Not yet born, but alive!

Oh, I'm so, so glad to see you

And I promise I will never play

Another joke on anyone ever

As long as I live!

Until next week's show.

- And that's the end

Of the story.

I'm happy to say that

Everything is back to normal

Around here.

- [ Sneezing ]

- Gesundheit!

[ Ticking ]

- My alarm clock

Hasn't gone off yet.

This is a new kind

Of alarm clock with a special

Early detection system

For mondays.

It warns me when it's monday.

[ High pitched alarm ]

[ expl*si*n ]

Yeah, it's monday, all right.

What could be worse

Than mondays?

- Hi, garfield!

- What could be worse than

Monday, garfield?

Oh, how about monday

With nermal around.

- I learned a new cute trick.

Watch!

This must stop.

[ Pounding ]

- Yes? May I help you?

- I'm interested

In the free kitten.

- What free kitten?

- This sign was in

Your front lawn.

Free kitten to anyone,

No questions asked, might even

Pay you $20 to take it.

- Garfield? Sorry, this offer

Void where prohibited.

You can't give nermal away!

- I know. I've tried.

- And paying someone $20

To take nermal!

- You're right. Make it 50

And I'll throw in odie.

- I should have let her

Have you!

Either you be nice to nermal

Or I'm never going to feed you

Again!

I said, either you be nice

To nermal or I'm never

Going to feed you again!

- I'm thinking! I'm thinking!

- Woman on tv: oh, john!

- John: oh, marsha!

- Marsha: oh, john!

- John: oh, marsha!

- Man: oh, marsha!

- I wanna watch cartoons,

Garfield, but all that's on

Are soap operas.

Tell me a story.

- Okay, come sit down.

Once upon a time,

There was a kitty

Who was so obnoxiously cute

That the handsome prince

Mailed him to abu dhabi and--

- Garfield!

- All right, I'll tell you

The story of

Hansel and gretel.

Once upon a time,

There were these two kids

Who lived in a little cabin.

Hansel and gretel were always

Very hungry,

Always eating like pigs.

- You mean like you, garfield?

- I'll ignore that.

Their father was a woodcutter

And there wasn't much wood

Around to cut.

One day he said to them...

- Kids, we're all out of food.

[ Both gulp ]

- Gretel asked her father...

- Daddy, dear, why can't you

Buy more food?

- Because...

- Her father said...

- I'm a woodcutter and no one

Wants this woodcutter

To cut wood.

- Gretel had an idea.

- I have an idea, father.

Hansel and I will go find food.

- Their father liked the idea.

- Don't come back without

A pizza or chinese food

Or something!

- So they headed through

The forest.

As they walked, they dropped

Bagels with cream cheese so

They could find their way back.

- Wait a minute. I thought

They dropped bread crumbs.

And where'd they get

The bagels?

- Ahem. They passed a deli.

Don't interrupt.

So they walked until

They couldn't walk anymore.

That was when hansel said...

- I'm starving.

I can't go on.

It's been so long

Since I've eaten.

- Nermal: how long had it been?

- Garfield: about nine minutes.

That's when gretel said...

- I smell gingerbread!

- They ran through the forest

Until they found where

The smell was coming from.

There it was,

A house made entirely

Of gingerbread!

- Oh, was it really made

Of gingerbread?

- Well, not quite.

Actually, it was made of sugar,

Enriched flour, ferrous sulfate,

Thiamin, mononitrate, sodium,

Pyrophosphate and various

Artificial colours.

But they were hungry enough,

It didn't matter.

They ate and they ate

And they ate, and all the time,

The witch who lived there

Watched them eating her out of

House and home.

She was delighted 'cause she was

Looking forward to cooking them.

- Cooking them?

That's awful!

- It's just a story like those

Cartoon shows on tv.

- Oh, no. They never do things

Like that on cartoons.

Cartoons teach you

You should be sweet and nice

And always agree with everyone!

- Yeah, sure.

Anyway, so the witch

Invited them in.

She said...

- Come in, little children,

And I will give you

A real treat.

- She took them over to the

Stove, but hansel and gretel

Knew what she was trying to do.

So before she could cook them,

They shoved her into the oven

And then--

- Stop! Kids shoving old women

Into ovens? That's awful!

- Garfield, what are you doing

That's got nermal so upset?

Never mind. Whatever it is,

Stop doing it.

- That poor little old lady!

- All right, all right.

There must be a way

To tidy this story up.

I know. So the kids

Didn't shove her into the oven.

Instead, they used her phone.

Hansel called the city building

Commission and said...

- Hello? I'd like to report

A house made out of gingerbread.

- In seconds, the building

Inspectors were there.

They told the witch...

- You are in violation

Of section 17/jw

Of the city zoning code.

This structure is unsafe.

- They condemned it.

It was sold at auction

And bought by a guy

Who was putting up condominiums

And mini malls and that meant

A lot of work for woodcutters.

Hansel and gretel's dad

Not only got work,

He got to take home what was

Left of the house and the kids

Ate happily ever after.

The end. There. Happy?

- But the poor old witch.

Garfield, that wasn't a nice

Story like the ones they show

On saturday mornings.

- All right, all right!

So the witch went into business

For herself by franchising

A chain of gingerbread

Daycare centers.

- Having fun, kids?

Hmm, you're a chubby one!

[ Cackling ]

- And she lived happily

Ever after. The end.

- That was a nice story,

Garfield.

- Jeez, it's getting tougher

To please kids these days.

It's only a story.

[ Music ]