01x13 - Rupert and the Pirates

[bunniefuu]

Ah, I love it here at

Rocky Bayfresh air, wild seas.

And it’s even got real pirates.

And best of all, they’re friends

of mine.

(Seagulls squawking)

Hello, Tom.

Morning, Rupert.

Good to see you again.

What?

I says it be our young friend

Rupert come for a visit.

Biscuits!

Here you are, Mr. Ribbons,

freshly baked this morning.

Bless your mom’s heart, lad.

How be your parents then,

Rupert?

Very well, thank you, Tom.

And you, it be only a year

since last we see you.

But you be growing, lad.

"Going", so soon?

Ye just got here.

Not "Going", Mr. Ribbons.

Young Tom says he be growing.

How are you, Bill?

Arr, old, lad.

We all be old.

"Cold"?

I’d be giving you my sweater if

I had one.

Aye, then you’d be catching

the chill, Mr. Ribbons.

Then next comes the fever.

Mark my words, I’ve seen

it before.

Arr, that.

I just be remembering.

This be for yousomething of

mine from the good old days on

the Spanish Main.

It’s great, Tom.

Thanks.

"The Avenger"?

Aye, an exact replica carved

by her Captain himself, the most

feared pirate ever to sail the

seven seas.

Captain Peglegs!

"Peglegs"?

Quick, we best be shipping out

if that black-hearted sea shark

be coming ashore.

Steady as she goes,

Mr. Ribbons.

There be not to fear.

Old Peglegs be gone to

Davy Jones’ Locker years ago.

(Door creaking)

Ah, but there still be other

bottom-feeders lurking in

these waters.

What do you got there,

Ribbons?

Nothing what concerns the

likes of you, Mr. Eel.

Careful, you old gaffer,

or you’ll find yourself out on

the street.

Remember, I’m the one that gives

you a roof over your heads.

Ha!

We pays you for it, Eel,

holes and all.

Yeah?

Well, the rent just went up.

Out of my way.

Whoa.

Were a time when we was

fearless masters of the sea.

Now, here we be, marooned in

this bilge pit.

Never mind.

Why don’t we all go for a walk

down by the quay?

I can try out my ship.

Arr, taint good for old men

to be wandering too far from

home port, Rupert.

Ah, the old legs could gives out

and leave you stranded like a

barge on a reef.

Aye, it be best if we just

stays and sits.

As you like, Tom.

Just as well, I suppose.

It looks like Mr. Eel cracked

the hull.

Hey, there’s something


inside it.

Look at this, everyone.

(Gasping)

A treasure map?

You don’t say.

Captain Peglegs’ treasure,

Dad, the most feared pirate ever

to sail the Spanish Main.

Here are some sandwiches to

take on the voyage, Tom.

Don’t worry.

I cut the crusts off just the

way you like them.

Arr, you’re too kind,

Mrs. Bear.

Thanks, Mom.

Just wait and see.

Before you know it, we’ll be

back with gold doubloons and

pieces of eight.

Come on, Tom.

Take good care of him, Tom.

I was watching them when they

pulled it outa treasure map

hidden in that old toy ship.

Those old gaffers don’t know it

but they’re going to lead us

right to the treasure.

(Laughing)

Look lively, me hearties!

Man the jib!

Set the sails!

What?

You has to speak up, lad.

Hearing’s not what is used

to be.

Aye, and neither be this

old tub.

She’s a fine ship, Bill.

Aye, there’s still plenty of

life in the old girl.

We should all be staying in

dry dock where we’s belongs.

Cheer up, Bill.

You’re back on board a ship,

bound for adventure, just like

the old days.

That’s where we start,

Spyglass Point.

(Birds squawking)

Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats!

Say your prayers!

What?

Hit the deck, Mr. Ribbons,

before you’re blown out of

your boots.

Who do you think it could be?

One of our old pirate mates

be trying to beat us to

the treasure.

What thinks ye, Bill Bottles?

Mad Dog Dirk, is it?

Nah, Mad Dog be spending the

summer with his grandkids.

Then it be Three-Toed Pete!

Listen, I can think I can--

Three-Toed works in a library

now, sorting books.

Look, if I work

around behind--

Fearless Flint Macgregor?

Nah, Fearless be laid up with

a bad back.

Set sail or I’ll blow you to

Davy Jones’ Locker!

It be Flint, all right.

Back pains make you mighty

short-tempered, it do.

Rupert!

We has to do something.

What cans we do?

We be too old to be

charging cannons.

What, "Charge"?

Aye, cha...

(Coughing)

Save the lad!

Ah, but who’ll be saving us?

(Groaning)

Drop ye weapons or I’ll run

ye through!

Don’t worry.

He isn’t as fierce as he sounds.

Captain Billy’s the name.

(Squawking)

A parrot?

(Squawking)

What be you laughing at,

you buzzard?

Ye look like a sea cow


beached on the reef,

Bill Bottles.

(Laughing)

Methinks I cracked me rudder.

I be too old for this.

"Dead Man’s Drop".

What?

We go up and due north across

Dead Man’s Drop.

Don’t worry, Bill.

I’m sure it's only a name.

Pirates don’t names things

unless there be something to

names them for.

(Squawking)

Captain Billy?

I’ll catch up.

Avast, bilge rats on the

port bow.

It’s Eel.

He’s followed us.

(Laughing)

It’ll be easy to catch up to

those geezers.

I give them an hour before

their legs give out.

Billy, I need your help.

Aye-aye, mate.

This way, lads.

Look lively, mates.

Come on, they’re heading off

that way.

Ooh!

Good work, Billy.

Dead Man’s Drop.

"It be just a name," says he.

Bill, up here!

We can climb across.

Lad, climbing trees be for

kids, and monkeys, both of which

we ain’t.

Come on, Bill.

Why, I bet, in your day,

you could all shimmy up a mast

and out across the yardarm as

quick as you pleased.

Am I right, Tom?

Aye, in the old days, Rupert.

You can still do it.

Come on.

Last one up is a landlubber.

Ain’t good for an old man to

have both feet off the ground at

the same time.

Mark my words.

This way, mateys.

(Squawking)

Time to shove off.

(Squawking)

We’ve been following a bird.

Come on.

Ye can do it, Bill Bottles.

Aye, ye be as smooth as a

bobstay through a

greased pulley.

If I be stung just the once,

I swells up like a blowfish.

It ain’t a pretty sight.

Mark my words.

I set them adrift.

But they’re back on course.

Ouch!

Ah!

Ooh!

Bill, are you all right?

That flying tarantula

harpooned me right in the stern.

Methinks you be fine,

Bill Bottles.

♪

TOMYe it coming, lad?

How’d those old gaffers get

across so quick?

They swung across.

If they can do it, so can...

Huh?

Bees!

Ouch!

Ah!

Ah!

(Splashing)

When I get my hands on those

gaffers, I’ll...

There’s the anchor, just like

on the map.

We must be getting close to

the treasure.

What be our course now,

Rupert?

I don’t know.


There’s no more markings.

There’s only an "X" that marks

the spot somewhere in the middle

of the island.

We could look for months and

still miss it by a couple

of feet.

I says we goes back.

Aye.

We can’t follows a map that

leads us nowhere.

But we can’t go back

because... because...

(Squawking)

Danger, danger!

(Birds chirping)

(Panting)

They can’t be far ahead.

(Panting)

They’re going to pay for this

with more than their treasure.

We can’t just give up now.

I mean, why would Peglegs make a

map that didn’t lead

to something?

Ah, some says Peglegs

were mad.

Mad, or just clever.

Look at this.

"Anchor to wheel.

Mind the first step.

Follow the course.

The spot’s marked with an 'X’."

Of course, "Anchor to wheel."

Take a sighting, Mr. Ribbons.

Aye, that Peglegs be as

crafty a pirate as I ever were.

’Tween those trees be the way.

Cast off, mates.

And look lively.

(Squawking)

"Anchor to wheel.

Mind the first step."

I wonder what that means.

(Rumbling)

Man overboard!

(Coughing)

That be answering your

question, lad?

Man the lifeboats!

There be tunnels leading off

in every direction of

the compass.

We never be finding our way

out, says I.

"Anchor to wheel.

Mind the first step.

Follow the course."

What course be that?

Maybe...

What he be doing?

A paper boat, Mr. Ribbons.

It might help us find

the course.

This be no time for games,

lad.

Shut your pipes.

And nobody move.

Good thinking, lad.

There be a current, slight,

but just enough for a wee boat.

This way be the course.

"Follow the course.

The spot’s marked with an 'X’."

The stream should lead us right

to the treasure.

(Squawking)

Those two don’t give

up easily.

Time to reset their compass, eh,

Captain Billy?

Aye-aye, matey.

(Squawking)

Over here!

They’re not following

the stream.

They went this way.

♪

Sure we finds the treasure,

all right, what would takes a

strong swabs a month of

Sundays to digs out!

It can’t be solid rock.

(Squawking)

(Gasping)

His legs, look!

Captain Peglegs?

It be his ghost,

guarding his treasure.

Oh, I knows this be a


bad idea.

What he be saying then?

Not a word, Mr. Ribbons.

He not be moving much either.

That be no ghost.

It’s a scarecrow.

Just look at him,

pointing down at the old fools

we be for coming all this way

just so’s he can gets the

last laugh.

They says that swab never

laughed, Bill Bottles.

There weren’t a funny bone in

Peglegs’ whole body.

Aye, just a greedy black

heart, were all.

But if he were that greedy,

I think he’d hide his treasure

somewhere he could get it by

himself, without help.

Aye, Rupert.

But how could one man get it

from behind solid rock?

There must be a way.

If this scarecrow wasn’t his

idea of a joke, then--

Ah, gives it up, lad.

He be laughing at us,

plain and simple.

Not laughing at us, Bill,

trying to show us something.

There.

Oh!

If I’m right, we'll be the

ones laughing, Bill.

They did it again.

I knew we should have

followed the stream.

I don’t know which I want

moreto get my hands on the

treasure or on those miserable

old coots.

(Squawking)

Arr, avast, ye landlubbers.

Make way for Cap’n Peglegs.

That lad be acting like he be

drinking seawater.

Ah, we be too old for

these games.

If it’s me treasure ye be

wanting, just help yourselves.

(Rumbling)

♪

(Cheering)

Well, blows me down.

We done it.

Danger, mutiny, mutiny!

What?

Ah!

So, you’re the one who's been

setting the false tracks.

Unhand the lad, Eel.

Just try it, old man.

Leave them alone.

Sounds like you want to

be first.

(Laughing)

Take the treasure.

But, Tom, we can’t just

let them--

Rupert, Bill Bottles be right

all along.

We be but three tired old men

what’s got no business being

this far from our

rocking chairs.

We can’t stop Eel.

Over my bleached bones!

I be wrong, young Tom.

We gived up before when we be

sitting and rusting, anchored to

a rocker.

Aye, but we hoisted that anchor.

And old as we be, we makes it

across the sea, up the mountains

and through the jungles.

There be a new wind in our

sails, lads.

From now on, we sets our

own course.

Besides, it be four against two.

And that be the sort of odds a

pirate likes.

Avast, you blackguards!

What are you doing, you crazy

old man?

Well done, Bill!

We’ll show 'em!

(Chuckling)


Ah!

Get off me, you old coots.

Keep a hold, Mr. Ribbons.

(Squawking)

Look out!

Ah!

Oof!

Giving up, are you?

Why, you--

Look out below!

Ah.

(Grunting)

It ain’t good for an old man

to be pushed too far.

Ain’t good for the poor swab was

doing the pushing, that is.

♪

I can’t believe we let a boy

and three old gaffers get the

better of us.

Shut up or you’ll be

swimming home.

After we’ve taken those two

to the police station, what do

you plan to do with all

the treasure?

We be thinking so much about

the getting--

What?

I says we never be thinking

what to do with the treasure

when we gets it, Mr. Ribbons.

Well, what ye be doing with

your share, Rupert?

My share?

Ah, ye be a part of this

crew, lad, deserving of an equal

share of the booty.

♪

(Laughing)

Cucumber sandwich, folks?

Thank you, Tom.

Would you like me to cut your

crusts off for you?

No, thank ye, Mrs. Bear.

Tom, you have new teeth!

I said I like Tom’s new teeth,

Mr. Ribbons.

You don’t have to be

shouting, lad.

What with my new fangled ear

trumpet, I can hear you loud

and clear.

And with me sweater your mom

made, I’ll never be getting the

chill now.

Mark my words.

Ah, thank you, ma’am.

I’m glad you like it, Bill.

The Rocky Bay Home For

Retired Pirates,

a marvellous idea.

Aye, and it be Rupert’s idea

to use the treasure to build it

too, Mr. Bear.

(Laughing)

(Accordion playing)

(Clapping)

Mrs. Bear, would you join me

in a jig?

Why, I’d be honoured,

Bill Bottles.

(Clapping)

Go on, Dad.

Why don’t you join in?

I think I’m a little too

old for--

He be a-feared he can’t keep

up with old Bill, is what.

(Chuckling)

(Clapping)

Ain’t good for an old man to

sits down too long, Mr. Bear.

Mark my words.

Well, I--

Come on, dear.

You’re only as old as you feel.

♪

♪