01x10 - Magic Mutt/U.S. Acres: Short Story/Monday Misery

[bunniefuu]

- Here

- Here we

- Here we are,

- Here we are, boys.

-We're camping miles

From nowhere.

- Miles from a good

Italian restaurant,

Which I guess

Is the same thing.

- Oh, no.

Odie's locked himself

In the car,

And my keys are in there.

- Odie, you're the dumbest dog

In the world.

- Unlock the door, boy.

Just unlock the door.

- I can't believe

How stupid you are, odie.

[ Thunder ]

- Something just occurred to me.

- Could it be that odie

Isn't as stupid as he looks?

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

[ Music ]

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

- ♪ To help you ♪

♪ Get started, to give you ♪

♪ A push on your way ♪

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

- ♪ To turn around ♪

♪ Get your feet on the ground ♪

♪ For a brand-new day ♪

- ♪ They pick you up ♪

♪ When you're down ♪

- ♪ Help you
swallow your pride ♪

♪ When something inside ♪

♪ Says to break on through ♪

♪ To the other side ♪

- ♪ Friends are ♪

♪ Someone you can open up to ♪

- ♪ When you feel like
you're ready to flip ♪

- ♪ When you've got ♪

♪ The world on your shoulders ♪

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

♪ To give you a tip ♪

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

♪ When you need them ♪

♪ They're even there ♪

♪ When you don't ♪

- ♪ For a walk in the park ♪

♪ Or a shot in the dark, ♪

♪ Friends are there ♪

- ♪ I don't care ♪

- ♪ But friends will ♪

♪ Care for you ♪

- Hey, heathcliff,

Eat your heart out.

[ Humming ]

- Presenting the amazing

Arbuckle and his magnificent

Magic act.

- This could be trouble, folks.

- I've been asked to do

My magic act

At the children's
hospital saturday.

- Don't those kids

Already have enough problems?

- I haven't done this in years,

But I remember

Everything. Pick a card.

Your card is

The three of clubs.

- No.

- No.

- I mean, the five of spades.

- No.

- the jack of hearts?

- No.

- the eight of clubs.

- No.

- six of spades.

- No.
- Nine of diamonds.
Ten of diamonds.

- No.

- any diamonds?

- No.

- it's a red card.

- No.

- seven of clubs?

- Three of clubs? No,
I said three of clubs.

Five of spades. No,

I--i give up.

What's the card?

- This deck is guaranteed

By the manufacturer

To be free from defects.

- Okay. So maybe I forgot

How to do that one.

But I have the magic props,

And they're still

In great shape. Observe.

Presto!

Oh, okay.

So my props are a little old.

I know, I'll find

An all-night magic shop,

And I'll get some new ones,

Okay, garfield?

- Wait. I'm doing

My favorite trick,

The incredible

Disappearing sandwich trick.

- Mr. Mystic's magic mart,

Open 24 hours.

This looks like it.

- We're closed. Go away.

- But your sign says

You're open 24 hours.

- Sure, but not all in a row.

Okay. Okay.

You're here. I'm up.

You might as well come in

And buy something,

Preferably expensive.

Well, what's it gonna be?

I've got tricks

Like you wouldn't believe.

There is my dog merlin.

- I need a spectacular trick

For an act I have to do

On saturday.

[ Dog growling ]

- I know every trick

Except the one where you pull

The top hat out of the rabbit.

- Uh, don't you mean pull

A rabbit out of a top hat?

- That's why that trick

Never works. Anyway, come.

I'll show you things upstairs.

- Jon, don't leave me here.

[ Dog growling ]

Nice doggie, musn't
chomp the kitty cat

You know,

Just because you're a dog

And I'm a cat doesn't mean

You have to hassle me.

Of course, who are we to defy

The laws of nature?

Here, a peace offering.

Ladies and gentlemen,

The 100-yard dash.

[ Fast paced song ]

♪

♪

Don't try this at home.

[ Dog barking and growling ]

[ Nutcracker suite song ]

Excuse me.

Do you have real sharp claws?

- Uh-uh.

- Well, you can't do this then,

Can you?

Boy, with some people,

You have to tell

Them everything.

Magic wand, use with caution.

Hey, the thing works.

That was fun.

Want to go around again?

- This magic handkerchief trick

Oughta be just the--

Hey, the whole place

Is filled with smoke.

- That's magic smoke.

Somebody must have broken

A wand again.

- Garfield, come on.

I got what I want,

So let's go home.

Garfield?

Oh, here you are.

Let's go. Thanks, mr. Mystic.

- Merlin, merlin.

You're a bad dog.

How many times

Have I gotta warn you?

Keep away from the wands. See?

Look what you turned

Yourself into.

Don't worry.

It'll wear off in a day

Or three, I think.

- This handkerchief trick's

Too small.

I need something unique

For my closing.

Garfield, what's big

And really surprising?

- Well...

There's always...me.

- ♪ Friends are someone ♪

♪ You can open up to ♪

♪ Da doo da doo da doo-- ♪

Hey, that song's

Been running through my head

For days, man.

Wonder where I heard it?

- Hey, bo, can I help you?

Can i? Can i? Can i?

- Sorry, kiddo.

This is grown up work.

- Hmph. Orson, I'm sick

Of everyone here treating me

Like a little kid.

- But, booker,

You are a little kid.

- And I'm tired of everyone

Treating me like

A cowardly, craven duck.

- But, wade, you are

A cowardly, craven duck.

- I know. I'm just tired

Of everyone treating me

Like one.

- Are you sure

They've got vegetables here?

[ Oinking ]

- A whole crop load.

[ Shouting ]

[ Alarm bell ringing ]

- The burglar alarm.

I'll handle this.

- No, booker,

You're too little.

This looks like a job for--

- Wait, orson, wait. Wait.

Could I do the da da da

Da da da da?

- Wade, this is no time for--

- No, please! Please let me

Do the da da da da da da da da.

- All right.

This looks like a job for...

- Da da da da da da da da da!

- Not bad. Power pig!

Sorry.

It's dark in there.

As I was saying...

Power pig.

- Hey, wait for me.

- Come on. Let's get the crops.

- Quake with fear, evildoers.

Power pig is here

To right all wrongs.

- [ Laughing ]

- Orson's rotten brothers.

- Come on, bird.

Let's get a handle

On the situation.

- I said, I'm power pig.

But, look, I've got a cape

And everything.

- Huh?

- Send us a postcard, dudes.

- Your brothers were trying

To steal our whole crop, orson.

- They broke the burglar alarm,

One of us will

Have to stand guard

At all times.

- I want to stand guard.

- You're too little, booker.

- I'm always too little.

I'm sick of being too little

For everything.

- Booker, wait.

- The chick will get over it.

- Wade, you guard

The silo first.

- Me? Why me? Why not,

Oh, anybody except me?

[ Humming ]

- You're too little, booker.

You're just

A little kid, booker. Phooey.

Well, if I were big,

They wouldn't say I was little.

- They think we are dumb.

- Just then the hunter bagged

His prey. Who's that,
what happened--

[ Muffled yelling ]

- Uh-oh. Looks like

I'm gonna get jumped.

[ Muffled yelling ]

- Wait.

I'll save you the trouble.

- My friends are in trouble.

I'm coming, you big grunts.

- Hey, anyone want an order

Of shrimp to go

With the vegetables?

- Put down the runt

And give us a hand here,

Brother.

- Yeah, we're gonna make us

One heck of a salad bar.

[ Laughs ]

We got every last radish.

- You guys can't lock us

In here.

- Oh, why not?

- Uh, why not? Why not?

Gee, I guess

There isn't any reason.

- Come on, brothers.

Let's see if we can find

About 80 gallons

Of thousand island dressing.

[ Laughs ]

- We're trapped. We're trapped.

I can't take it any more.

We'll perish in here. Oh, no.

- Wade, it's too soon

For that kind of theatrics.

- I was just getting

An early start.

- But we are trapped in here.

And the only window

Is too small for any of us

To get through.

- Ahem. Not any of us.

- Lettuce, just love lettuce.

I love, love, love

Lettuce with--hey!

- Lettuce with hay?

Wouldn't you rather have lettuce

With tomatoes in it?

- Huh? Why'd you hit me

With a tomato, you dumb hog?

- I didn't hit you

With no tomato.

And who are you calling

A dumb hog?

- If I can't have my lettuce,

I'll take these carrots.

- Hey, those are my carrots!

- I'll give you carrots.

- Hey, I've had it

With yous guys.

- [ Giggles ]

- Handing a kid

A job like that.

- Hey, he'll be fine, man.

- No, not the watermelon. No!

- Those are my watermelon.

- Booker, you're a hero.

- You sure are.

- Hey, not bad

For a short guy, huh?

- You may be short

All right, but all heroes

Are 10 feet tall.

- You're all right.

- ♪ I'm short, so what? ♪

♪ Tall people aren't so great ♪

♪ They might have long arms ♪

♪ And legs, but I can walk ♪

♪ Under a gate ♪

♪ I'm short, so what? ♪

♪ You're tall ♪

♪ And you might sneer ♪

♪ 'Cause you see things ♪

♪ From up above, ♪

♪ But I like the view ♪

♪ From here ♪

♪ I'm short, so what? ♪

♪ I've got everything I need ♪

♪ My heart's as big ♪

♪ As you are tall ♪

♪ Plus I'm closer to my feet ♪

♪ I'm short, so what? ♪

♪ I'm not too short to see ♪

♪ Although I may ♪

♪ Forget a face ♪

♪ I never forget a knee ♪

[ Birds chirping ]

- This is the most brilliant

Idea I've ever had.

[ Bird squawking ]

Maybe not.

[ Snoring ]

- Wh--what?

Would I be correct

In assuming that

The point of all this is,

Oh, maybe blueberry pancakes

For breakfast?

And, uh, just out

Of curiosity, if I don't

Get up right now

And make blueberry pancakes,

This concert will continue?

- Gee, some people enjoy

A little music

In the morning.

Short stack.

- I have to pack up a box

Of things today to send

To my pen pal in samoa.

Oh, I forgot to tear a page

Off my calendar.

- What difference does it make

What day it is?

- Oh, that's right.

Today's monday.

- Monday?

- From the people who brought

You the terror of wednesday

And the horror of friday...

- The kids will be home

All weekend. Aah!

- ...comes the most horrifying,

Terrifying day ever,

The day invented just to make

The rest of the week

Seem good, monday.

See odie as the sweet

Innocent puppy

Who didn't know what monday

Was all about.

[ Dog yelps ]

See jon arbuckle

In his most challenging role

Ever as jon arbuckle.

And see garfield the cat

Trying to avoid the horror

That is monday

All to be smashed...

- Smashed.

- ...bashed...

- Bashed.

- ...and yes, even splutted.

- Splut.

- Yes, they took all

Your worst nightmares

And combined them

Into one dog of a day.

Coming soon to a calendar

Near you, it's monday.

- Monday.

Why didn't somebody warn me?

- Hey, that's my watch.

- Set it to beep

The minute monday's over.

- Garfield, what is it?

- Monday. I'll just stay here

Until it's over with,

Maybe the monday after that

And the one after that.

- Garfield,

You're being ridiculous.

Monday is just a day.

Now, go outside and enjoy it.

- No. Don't send me out there,

Not on a monday,

Please not on a monday.

Get a hold of yourself,

Garfield.

Jon's right.

Monday's just a day,

And a nice day at that.

The sun's shining.

The weather's warm.

What could possibly go wrong?

[ Thunder ]

The minute I said that,

I knew I was gonna find out.

I'll find a place to hide

Until monday's over.

Beware of the splut.

What's a splut?

Oh, I remember.

- Splut.

- Yep. That's what

I thought it was.

I'm safe here.

There's nothing around

For miles.

There's absolutely nothing

That could get me out here.

I'll never make it,


No chance. I'm history.

Jon's sending his friend

In samoa a package.

I wonder if they have mondays

In samoa.

So what if they do.

It can't be any worse

Than monday here.

I'll hide out in samoa.

Monday will never think

Of looking for me there.

Boy, this is a good idea,

I hope.

Ow.

This end up.

Careful.

Maybe I should have

Marked myself fragile.

Stewardess! Oh, stewardess!

Boy, this is really

Flying economy.

I don't even get

An in-flight movie.

Only two more hours of monday

To go.

I can't take it any longer.

Where is food? I made it.

Monday's over.

- Oh, no, no, no.

Samoa is many hours

Behind your country.

- You mean?

- Yes. Here,

Monday's just beginning.

- Oh, no. No. Not more monday.

No, you can't do this to me.

Gorsh?

- Gorsh.

- Gorsh is samoan for splut.

- Yeah, I kind of

Figured that out.

It's still monday all right.