07x16 - Arbuckle the Invincible/The Monster Who Couldn't Scare Anybody/The Ocean Blue

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentleman, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're, we're, ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to, party ♪

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Let's go

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba, aye caramba ♪

♪ Disguises, disguises, surprises, surprises ♪

♪ And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

I was gonna do something spontaneous here,

but I've been too busy to plan it.

[suspenseful music]

[Announcer] Stay tuned for tonight's movie,

Kung Fu Creatures on the Rampage 5.

Huh?

Jon never cared much for horror movies before.

I don't get it.

Oh, good evening.

I am Vivacia, your hostess for tonight's movie.

The two things I love most in life

are horror movies and baseball.

Yes, yes!

Horror movies and baseball.

Anything.

Tonight, we have a scary double feature for you,

and you all know what that means.

It means the cat and dog are gonna have

to go elsewhere to be fed.

I'll be right back after this commercial.

Now, don't go away.

Oh, you couldn't budge me with a forklift.

Hey, Tony, you got that pepperoni

and mushroom special ready to go?

It's a-right here.

Well, it was right here.

Can't imagine where it went.

You know Odie, even though he forgets about us

once in awhile, like when a pretty face is on TV,

Jon's pretty good to us.

Uh-huh.

I've been thinking.

Maybe we oughta do something nice for him,

like arrange for him to meet that spooky

lady on TV he's all gaga over.

[Odie barks]

How?

Well, maybe they could meet when she returns his lost dog.

Huh?

Good show, guys.

See ya tomorrow.

Go on, get out there and look lost and pathetic.

[Odie whimpers]

Your usual expression will be fine.

Don't worry.

Why, you poor little puppy.

Are you lost?

Mm mm.

Say yes, you kibble brain!

Mm hm!

Well, let's see if there's an address on your collar.

Hm, it's on Shady Grove Lane 35,

is that a four or a seven?

It's a seven.

It's hard to write neatly when you have claws.

Oh, Arbuckle, why do you punish yourself this way?

You'll never meet a woman like that.

[doorbell rings]

Who could that be at this hour?

[suspenseful music]

Hello, my name is Vivacia.

Uh, excuse me for one moment, please.

Yes, yes, yes, oh thank you, yes, yes yes, ha!

Won't you come in please?

Then I graduated from obscure cartoonist's college

and the rest, as they say, is history.

Oh, wow.

Three minutes and he hasn't spilled anything on her.

Oh, John, that's so fascinating.

We could be heading for a record.

Rrr!

Jon, this is such a wonderful conversation.

How about if we continue it over dinner at my house?

Tonight?

It'll be midnight before I could get there.

Oh and would you do one little thing for me?

For you, anything.

Wear a baseball uniform.

Huh?

I love a man in a baseball uniform.

A baseball uniform?

I left you my address up on Gravestone Road.

Be there at 12 sharp.

Bye bye.

[crashes on ground]

Excuse me guys, I gotta go put on my baseball

uniform and go up to Gravestone Road.

Let's just hope Jon's dream girl

doesn't turn out to be a nightmare.

Rr-rr.

I can't believe I'm having dinner with my favorite

TV star, but I still don't understand

why I had to wear this uniform.

You will, once I show you my collection.

This meal is quite different.

What is it?

Bat. Bat?

You don't mean the kind that flies

around in horror movies?

[Vivacia laughs]

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

Well.

What is this side dish I'm eating?

Bat.

All I eat is bat.

If you don't like it, my little pet Spot will eat it.

Ah, yes.

Spot will eat it.

Here, Spot!

[whistles]

[dragon roars]

Gee, look at the time.

I have to go.

Thank you for a lovely dinner

and I don't feel too pretty good now.

Jon.

You can't leave now.

You haven't seen my collection.

Collection?

What is it, stamps?

Coins?

Oh, it's a lot better than stamps or coins.

Magic wand of ancient eyes,

bring this mortal down to size!

[wand whooshes]

What's going on here?

What kind of collection?

[coughs]

Vivacia, you're very nice, and I know you're very big on TV.

I'm very big here too, compared to you.

[suspenseful music]

Not only do you get to see my collection,

you get to be a part of it.

Vivacia, let me out of here!

You can't do this!

You can't do this!

Don't waste your strength, fella.

There's no way out.

We've tried.

Oh.

But the food's not bad, if you like bat.

Oh, oh oh!

Hop up Ode, we're watching the old soup channel.

TV [Announcer] Clam chowder.

Wait, here comes my favorite.

TV [Announcer] Chicken soup with matzo ba*ls.

NEWS [Announcer] We interrupt this soup

for a news break.

No, not in the middle of the matzo ball!

Police report that they have no new leads

in the disappearance over the last week of eight men.

Who cares for this?

They're interrupting my soups!

All were last seen in the area of Gravestone Road

and all were wearing baseball uniforms.

Put the matzo ba*ls back on!

It's almost time for split pea.

Then there's minestrone, and, Odie.

Those men who were missing, they went up

to Gravestone Road wearing baseball uniforms.

Mm-hm.

Jon just went up to Gravestone Road

wearing a baseball uniform!

[Odie gasps]

We have to save him, Odie, we have to rescue Jon,

before, wait, Odie!

We can't save Jon.

It's impossible!

Rr?

Because this cartoon is over!

Not now!

Stay tuned after this break and see if we can rescue Jon!

I hope this is a two-parter.

[Jon snoring]

Hm.

The old stare-him- in-the-face until

he wakes up routine isn't working.

[Jon snoring]

And the slap-him-silly-with-a-cat-tail

routine isn't making it either.

Time to call in the heavy a*tillery.

Odie?

[Odie panting]

Yes!

It's the cold-nose-in-the- middle-of-the-back routine,

gets him every time.

I'm d*ck Drake.

The story of the world's most cowardly duck,

plus commentary by Andy Goodybird tonight,

on Seven Minutes.

TV [Announcer] Seven Minutes.

A weekly magazine of investigative

journalism and general nosing around.

Now, here once again, is News Duck, d*ck Drake.

Thank you.

Many of us live our lives in fear --

You ever notice how facial tissues

don't pop up the way they used too?

And why do they call them facial tissues?

Get off, you come on at the end of the show.

Yes.

We live our lives in fear,

and no one lives in more fear than Wade Duck.

As we discovered when we recently visited Orson's Farm.

Rt tah tah tah too!

Oh, Wade, the radio's broken.

[Wade babbling on TV]

Hey, hey!

Come look at this cowardly duck on TV!

Is Wade Duck the most cowardly

creature on the face of this planet?

Boy, that duck sure looks scared.

Scared?

I was just thinking he looked delicious.

C'mon, a duck that lacking

in courage ought to be a cinch to catch.

His psychiatrist, Dr. Edward R. Furrow,

explained to us about phobias.

A phobia is a, shall we say, an unreasonable fear,

a terror if you will, of some item or condition.

In fact, according to Dr. Furrow,

Wade Duck suffers from 700 --

Ever notice how it's almost impossible

to bend one of those wire coat hangers

into an exact likeness of Meryl Streep?

Now, Shirley Duvall, that's a different deal.

Your spot comes later.

As I was saying, Wade Duck suffers from 714

separate phobias, including zy-bit-o-phobia,

the fear of getting trapped in a phone booth

with a band of bagpipe players.

Or tilt-o-phobia, the fear of having

your doctor play video games on your x-rays.

WADE DUCK: Help!

Rats.



have taken out his appendix!

But worst of all,

[long phobia name]-phobia

the fear of having to read silly-named phobias

with ridiculously long names.

No!

I don't care.

You never did!

This is Orson's Farm, like on TV,

but there ain't no duck there.

No, there ain't no nobody here.

Now, hold on, there's a note I'm reading.

Gone to city to watch TV show about Wade live,

by, signed, Orson and everybody.

P.S. I'm very worried, signed, Wade.

But of course, that's right!

They'd all be down watching that TV show.

C'mon!

Yeah okay.

It occurred to us that some of you might

like to meet this cowardly duck in person.

Wade, he's introducing you!

No chance, no, no, no chance.

There is no way in the world they are going

to get me out on that stage on live TV.

Would you welcome please, Wade Duck.

Absotively, posolutely

no way get me out onto that stage!

I gotta get a new agent.

Now then.

Wade Duck.

The one question I think we'd all like answered, is --

Did you ever notice how there's 46 slices

in a loaf of bread, but there's only 29

pieces of baloney in a package?

Why is that?

[crash]

Did you ever notice how when you get thrown out

of a second story window,

your whole body gets kind of sore?

That's so annoying!

Excuse us, is this where they do that TV thing?

Yeah, right inside.

And did you ever notice how hard these sidewalks are?

I hate the feeling of concrete,

especially if it's cold.

Tell us, Wade.

Why are you such a coward?

Why am I such a coward.

Why?

Well, I guess it's because I don't have any faith in me.

I would think, no matter what comes along,

I cannot handle it.

I mean, I know sometimes I can, and I do,

about once a season on this show, I actually

do something kind of heroic.

But I look at everybody else and all I see

is how brave and capable they are,

and how they can do things --

Mm!

You're so brave!

Me, brave?

What do I do that's so brave?

Well, you come out here and you do a TV show,

with million-uns of people watching.

Million-uns of people?

They're all watching at you, staring on you.

They are?

If you make a mistake, they all see it.

They do.

Every one of them sees it.

They're all watching you.

Yeah, watching me.

Judging you.

Judging me, they are.

Criticizing me? Criticizing you.

Bewitching you.

Bewitching me.

And if you know what's good for you,

you'll get out of here, like I'm,

[muffled grunting]

I got him!

I got the duck, boss!

Let's get out of here!

[teeth chattering]

Mr. Drake, hurry! Stop them!

Muh-muh-me!

I, I, I can't, I can't!

Everyone, everyone watching me!

Muh-muh millions of, ah, people are, are, are!

I have to do everything myself!

Come back here, duck!

[clunk]

I don't know what's happening to me!

[crash]

Where's that duck?

He's not behind that door.

I shouldn't have done that.

Oh.

Is it safe now?

I, I guess I understand what you

go through now, Wade.

You?

The big heroic TV reporter?

Oh, deep down we're all afraid.

Some of us just do a better job hiding it then you do.

You know what I'm really afraid of?

You know that that lint that comes out of the dryer?

Oh, I'm afraid of that too!

That is called ex-cess-a-phobia!

Ex-cess-a-phobia.

How about finding your locker's full

of butterscotch pudding?

Oh, I worry about that all the time!

Well that is ba-lah-tcha-phobia!

Ba-lah-tcha-phobia.

Ever notice how lame the endings

of most of these cartoon shows are?

Everyone's always laughing or walking

into the distance.

I mean, what is that?

It's just a long ways to go,

and what's so funny about walking into the distance?

[suspenseful music]

Those of you just tuning in,

I hope you have a good excuse for being late.

Jon went out on a date with a beautiful woman

who hosts horror movies on TV.

Spot, be a good boy and keep an eye on our guests.

[dragon grumbles]

That's right.

I have finally completed my set.

Call the entire g*ng and tell them to come see it.

Look at this.

Beware of the fire-breathing dragon.

Oh!

Relax.

If there's a fire-breathing dragon guarding

this house, then I'm Bugs Bunny.

[fire blasts]

Eh, what's up, Doc?

[dragon stomping]

[fire blasting]

Hey, it's not polite to spit!

[dragon stomps]

I thought I felt hot breath behind me.

Hey, why couldn't you install

a microwave like everyone else?

[dragon splashes and stomps]

[panting]

Hey dragon.

Do people always run the other way

when you enter a room?

Huh?

Do you have any friends?

I mean aside from the ones you've barbecued?

How about ladies?

Uh-uh.

Hm, maybe it's your breath.

Huh!

That's why we invented a great new mouthwash

we call, Boy Your Breath Smells

Like a Pre-Historic Monster's.

Huh?

Yes, Boy Your Breath Smells

Like a Pre-Historic Monster's,

comes in this large, economy-sized,

specially-made for cold-blooded, mythological beasts,

and physical education instructors.

Wanna free sample?

Uh huh!

Open wide.

[water hisses]

It's out.

My fire is out!

I've been mean and full of fire

ever since I ate at that bad Mexican restaurant.

How can I thank you?

Give me the address of that restaurant.

Oh right.

Have you seen our friend Jon around here?

Uh, about this tall, wearing a baseball uniform?

No, he's about 5'11".

Not anymore.

C'mon.

Uh-oh.

Looks like she's got company.

Well, hello, Igor.

Oh, it's so nice to see you, Frankie.

Wolfie, I love what you've done with your hair.

[growls]

I haven't seen an uglier group

since Nermal's family reunion.

She's invited all her friends

over to watch a baseball game!

Hold it.

As someone who knows TV listings by heart,

I'm sure there's no baseball game on tonight.

Mm-hm.

Who said anything about TV?

[monsters talking]

Quiet, all of you!

May I present to you, the very little league!

Ooh, aah!

Rrr!

Who do you think we're going to play?

It doesn't matter.

Whoever it is, they'll be the Giants.

You're going to play the Rodents.

The Rodents?

Is that some new expansion team?

Hardly.

We're facing a team of rats?

Well, they have to play better than Cleveland.

Play ball!

We have to get Jon out of there.

How do we change him back?

You have to get your hand

on Vivacia's magic wand!

See it there on her belt?

Okay.

A brilliant plan.

As soon as I come up with one,

you'll be the first to know.

Awwwrr.

And Arbuckle's on the mound!

Rat at the plate, with a three-two count.

The crowd eagerly awaits the pitch.

Hey, peanuts, get your peanuts here.

Can't enjoy the, get away from me,

kid, you're bothering me.

Can't enjoy the game without peanuts!

Arbuckle winds up and throws.

[bat thwacks]

And it's a high-fly ball!

The pitcher signals for an in-field catch.

I got it, I got it!

[bell rings]

[thuds to grass]

Run, rat, run!

My wand!

My wand is gone!

Lose something, oh wicked witch of the west?

Everyone, get that cat!

I must have my wand back!

This is me leaving.

The game has been called

on account of player enlargement.

[Odie whimpers]

Wait a minute.

I can turn them into the most

repulsive creatures in the world.

Creatures who can never tell anyone about this.

[wand whooshes]

Yes, now they're all street mimes.

How horrible.

Hey you guys,

It's windy!

Here.

You take this.

It's too dangerous for me.

[Odie grunting]

Good boy, Odie.

Let's see if we can get Jon

home before he wakes up.

Thanks, Spot.

Thanks for everything, guys.

Come back anytime.

Ah, nothing personal, but we won't.

Can't blame 'em.

[dragon chuckles]

NEWS [Announcer] And the missing men

have been found unharmed.

Though they refused to explain where they've been.

Of course.

Nobody would ever believe them.

[Odie grunts]

Jon's awake?

Let's see how he is.

[Announcer] Meanwhile, TV horror movie

hostess Vivacia, appears to be missing.

Oh, what a headache.

Guys, I had the weirdest dream.

You know that lady on TV with the monster movies?

I dreamed I met her.

And she, no.

No, it's too ridiculous.

Forget it.

C'mon, Odie.

Let's go watch more soups on TV.

There's a full hour coming up devoted to gumbo.

Raow!

What a silly dream.

Dragons and rats playing baseball

and me being shrunk?

Thank goodness it was only a,

[suspenseful music]

Oh--

[crash]

[instrumental theme]