05x09 - Bobby Slicker

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Howie
greets the audience.
-Greetings, everybody!

Welcome to Bobby's World.

-Howie, what was that voice?

-Oh, we have a narrator
for today's show.
NARRATOR: Bobby is curious.

-Well, where is he?

-He's right here.

-Howdy.

-Hello.

-Howdy.

-Hello.

-Howdy.

-Now what do we do?

-Just then, Howie and Bobby
decided to start the show.
-[TOGETHER] Let's
start the show.
-[SINGING] And the picture
done faded to black.
[THEME SONG]

-This is the ballad of Bobby
when he wadn't doing so fine,
[SINGING] "The Ballad
of When Bobby Was Blue."
It's the old story
of summertime,
with the days all
lazy and full of Sun.
By the time Bobby reckoned
he'd really be having fun--
-Boy, Roger, this is
gonna be a fun summer!
Me and Uncle Ted will go
swimming all the time!
-Sorry, Bob-o, no-can-do.

I'm gonna be working all summer.

Got my hands full, too, Bob-o.

I'm launching my new line
of novelty beach shoes.
-Oh.

[ROGER PANTING, BARKING]

-You're right, Roger.

Uncle Ted isn't the only person
in this family I can fun with.
[CHIMES]

-Forget it, dweeb.

Even if I did want
to hang out with you,
which I don't, there's no way.

I gotta go to summer school.

-Well, I guess I can
have fun with Kelly.
[SHOUTING]

-Uh, like totally no way, Bobby.

I am going to be too hectic with
my part-time job at the mall.
[GIGGLES] Can you believe it?

I am going to be fully in charge
of sprinkles and condiments
at Sophie's Soft Yogurt & Dogs.

Like, talk about cool.

-Aw, this is terrible, Roger.

I'm gonna have nothing
to do all summer
and nobody to do it with.

-Now, how's about looking after
those baby brothers of yours,
now, there, yeah.

I've got to keep
an eye on the TV.
They're about to announce the
winner of the Love Me Tender
Chicken Chunk Sweepstakes,
don't ya know.
-Eh--

[CRYING]

[expl*si*n, CRYING]

-You guys are OK!

Just shut up!

-Well, for screaming
in the sunshine,
here-- now, you two
just pipe down then.
I thought you were supposed
to be helping me, Mr. Fancy.
And here, all you
do is go and cause
more of a gee-golly ruckus.

-Sorry, Mommy.

Sometimes it's best to make
an appeal for sympathy.
-Oh, for big malls
and wire hairs,
hon'-- I didn't mean to
shout at you like that.
It's just that your
old mom's feeling
a little, eh, gee-golly
wound-up right now.
You know, having my Salute
to Elvis Chicken Slaw Recipe
win that sweepstakes-- oh, well,
it would just be the biggest
moment of my whole gee-golly
life is all, don't ya know.
Well, oh, maybe not
bigger than the day
I married that sophisticated
devil, there, father of yours.
[SIZZLING, COUGHING]

But winning would
still be pretty
darn big, if ya
know what I mean.
KELLY [COMPLAINING]: Mom,
they're, like, doing it, now!
TV HOST: Aaaand the grand prize
winner in the Love Me Tender
Chicken Chunk Sweepstakes
is Martha Generic
and her Salute To Elvis
Chicken Chunk Slaw!
-I won.

I won.

I'm standing here.

I don't believe it!

[CHEERING]

-Yes, Martha!

TV HOST: And now-- our
lovely Love Me Tender
spokes-- chick
[CHUCKLING] will help
us find out what
Mrs. Generic has won!
ALL: That's, "GEN-er-ic!"

-Don't ya know.

-Is it a brand new sports car?

-Yes, yes, yes!

-Oh, too bad.

-No.

No.

No.

TV HOST: OK, how about this--
five fun-filled days and four
sleep-filled nights at the
Diamond Spur Dude Ranch!
World-famous for their pile-on,
all you can eat buffet!
[FIREWORKS]

-Martha, we're going
to a dude ranch!
-Dude ranch, yeah, sounds good.

-A ranch for dudes?

-Yep. [SNIFFS] We
raise the finest
free-range dudes
in the world here.
-No, Bobby, that's not it.

You see, a dude ranch
is a place out West
where everybody can be a cowboy.

-They can?

Yee-haw! [HORSE NEIGHING] Yay!

It's gonna be an exciting
summer, after all!
I'm going out West!

And I'm gonna be a cowboy!

Come on, Roger.

Let's go pack!

-Uh, everybody just hold
your oats and groats, there.
Now, I'm not sure
we're going to be
able to go to that gee-golly
ranch, don't ya know.
-W-- what, we're not?

-[SINGING] The Ballad of
When Bobby Was Blue-hoo.
Yeah.

[PLAYING BANJO] To a dude
ranch, Bobby wanted to go.
Now it looked like Mom
was-a-gonna say no.
Oh, it was the Ballad of
When Bobby Was Blue-hoo.
[SCREECHING] [SHOUTING]

-But we gotta go
to the dude ranch.
I need to be a cowboy.

-Well, now, be
that as it may-ski,
young man, we've got some
problems to work out first,
don't ya know.

-If you wanna talk problems, I
think we're out of chips here.
-The Sweepstakes'
rule say that we
have to take the trip
no later than next week.
And-- and next week
is when I'm scheduled
to monitor that new pants
hotline I came up with.
-1-800-INSEAM.

-That's right!

A 24-hour a day
service established
by the pants industry--

-To answer all your
pants questions.
[KISSES] Oh, you're just pure,
un-cut pants genius is all.
[GASPING]

-But we see you
all the time, Dad.
Couldn't the rest of
us go without you?
-Ach, Bobby, like, duh,
try thinking about somebody
else besides yourself
for a minute.
Like, what about me?

Ach, I mean, I would like
totally and completely
and thoroughly have to
rearrange my schedule
at Sophie's Soft Yogurt & Dogs.

-Hey, hey, hey, come here.

Oh, I gotcha.

-Yeah, dweeb.

And what about me?

I gotta find out if my summer
school teachers will let
me do the makeup assignments
for the week I'd be gone.
[GULPING]

-OK.

But-- but Mom and I can go.

-Uh, sorry, hon'.

That's a big N-O.
No-can-do, don't ya know.
The twins have the
gee-golly sniffles.
And unless these little noses
completely unstuff themselves
within the next
48 hours, I'm not
going to any by-gosh dude ranch.

And neither is anyone
else in this family.
NARRATOR: Oh, bad news.

Terrible, terrible, bad news.

[SINGING] That's why
Bobby was Blue-hoo,
why Bobby was Blue-hoo.

[BANJO]

[SNORING, MUMBLING]

-I'm not gonna be a cowboy.

I'm not-- be a cowboy--

NARRATOR: And now-- the tragedy
of what the Wild West became
all because Bobby's mom wouldn't
let him become a cowboy.
Because there was no Cowboy
Bobby to save the day,
many a-stagecoach
robbery went unthwarted.
[HORSE NEIGHING]

-[VOICE CRACKING]
Give us all your gold.
This is a robbery.

And it's unthwarted.

-OK.

-Oww, that hurt.

[CRYING]

-If only Cowboy Bobby'd
been here to help.
I'm sure ashamed
being robbed by wimps.
[CRYING]

NARRATOR: But is
this man the one
who should really be ashamed?

Or should it be
Bobby's mommy for not
letting him be a cowboy?

-Bobby.

Bobby, wake up, honey.

-Eh, is it morning already?

And it-- and, and--
and if it's morning,
that means it's tomorrow!

And you said
tomorrow was when we
know if we can go
to the dude ranch.
-Well, we won't know that until
this evening, don't ya know.
-Oh.

How long till we know
it's this evening?
-Oh, I'd give it about 12 hours.

-12 hours!?

[BOBBY STRAINING]
Hang on, Webbly!
Hang on!

We've got to make it!

[BOBBY STRAINING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[BOBBY STRAINING]

MARTHA GENERIC: Bobby,
come here and help
me set the table for dinner.

-It's time for dinner?

That means it's evening!

Are we gonna go
to the dude ranch?
Are we, are we, are we!?

-Relax, dweeb.

I'm in.

My teacher said they'll
give me makeup assignments.
-Like, nobody move!

I have got great news.

Sophie is, like, totally,
completely, and thoroughly
going to let me go
to that dude ranch!
[SQUEALING IN EXCITEMENT]

-Yippy-ki-yay!

-It's official, I
found somebody to take
my place at the pants hotline!

-Yay!

I'm gonna be a cowboy!

I'm gonna be a cowboy!

I'm gonna be a cowboy!

I-- am gonna be a cowboy.

-Oh, hey, hey, for
corn sakes, Bobby,
don't go getting yourself all
worked up in a foamy lather.
Don't forget, the
twins still have
those gee-golly stuffy
noses, don't ya know.
[KISSES]

-Oh no.

I forgot about the twins.

[SNORING] Can't be a cowboy
till the twins are unstuffed.
Can't be a cowboy till
the twins are unstuffed.
NARRATOR: Ladies and
gentlemen, Dr. Bobby,
world-famous physician
and unstuffer.
-I am just so-- stuffy.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPINDLING SOUND]

Hooray!

Toga!

Hooray!

[APPLAUSE]

NARRATOR: And now for
Dr. Bobby's greatest
challenge, to unstuff the twins.

[SPINDLING SOUND]

Doctor Bobby has made medical
history, ladies and gentlemen!
He's unstuffed the twins!

[SNORING]

-Unstuff the twins.

Unstuff the twins.

MARTHA GENERIC: Well,
it's a gee-golly miracle
is all, Howard.

When I got the twins
up this morning,
their little noses were
completely unstuffed,
don't ya know.

-Dreams really do
come true, Webbly.
I'm gonna be a cowboy!

I'm sure glad you got to
come with us, Uncle Ted!
[LAUGHING]

UNCLE TED: You kiddin'?

You know, I'm the guy who's
never too busy to freeload
and enjoy with a mile-long
buffet, [INAUDIBLE].
-[DEEP, GRITTY VOICE]
Welcome to the Diamond Spur.
My name's Surly.

I'm the head cowboy
and I don't take crud.
Period.

Now, this here's a list
of your ranch activities.
And this here is a list of your
standard ranch disclaimers.
-D-- d-- disclaimers?

-Notifying you of
the following--
the ranch has no liability.

In the event that you
or yours are thrown,
gouged, bucked,
sticked, stomped,
or chafed during your stay.

-Hear that, dweeb?

Gouged, bucked, stomped, chafed!

-That sounds great!

Except for the chafed part.

-Well, Bobby had
finally done made it.
His dream was
about to come true.
But you know there had to be
trouble-a coming cause this is
the [SINGING] Ballad of
when Bobby Was B-- Ooh!
HOWARD GENERIC: Um,
eh, uh, eh, don't you
think you're driving
a little too fast?
Surly?

-I might if I were some
coward, city sissy boy.
Well, here we are, 13a and b.

You folks will be bunking in b.

Everybody out.

-Well, my stars in-- [INAUDIBLE]

-Well, see a ranch is
a place for cowboys.
And cowboys gotta be tough.

-I'm gonna be a c-- cowboy.

I'm gonna start
riding and roping
as soon as we get unpacked.

-You won't be doing any
riding here, buck-o.
'Cause we only got
two rental horses.
And they're on vacation.

-They are?

-Well, of course they are.

It's summer, boy.

'Sides, everybody
'comes here is rich.
They bring their own
horses with them.
NARRATOR: Oh, it's the Ballad
of When Bobby Was Blue-hoo.
-Is it just me or
is that singing
starting to be really annoying?

-Whoo-oh, hi, there. [CHUCKLING]
We're the Needlemans in 13a.
You must be the b people.

-Yup.

We're the Generics.

-You and hoo, heh.

We're gonna be your neighbors.

-Swell.

-Hi, I'm Bobby.

-My name's Lance.

Wanna be friends?

I'll let you ride my horse.

-I was right.

This dude ranch
thing's gonna be great!
-See ya at the hoedown, Bobby.

-The hoedown?

What's a hoedown?

[MUSIC AND HOWLING]

KELLY: Uch, Mother, it is
so totally weird [INAUDIBLE]
from, like, your hairdresser.

MARTHA GENERIC: Oh, and Bobby
looks so cute in his old cowboy
outfit that we found
in his toy box.
-Oh, look, it's the
Beverly Hillbillies
in the Twilight Zone.

-Hi, Bobby.

Wanna come and sit at
the kid's table with me?
-OK.

-Is everyone in your family
a-- a victim of poverty, Bobby?
-I don't think so.

Who's poverty?

-Oh, well, my parents
said that your family
were a bunch of ya-hoos.

-They are not!

-[TOGETHER] Ya-hoo!

-Are they?

[GROANING]

-Oh, Bobby!

Look what I have found.

Now we can have that adventure
you were looking for.
We can ride like the
wind over the open plain.
-Thanks anyway,
Captain Squash. [SNAPS]
-Is there a problem, Bobby?

-I have a terrible
feeling in my tummy.
I never had one
like this before.
[SNIFFLING] I-- I think-- I
think I'm ashamed of my family.
My friend, Lance,
says they're ya-hoos.
-Ya-hoos, Bobby?

Your family?

The Generics are a fine people,
decent and hard-working,
big-hearted and kind.

For goodness' sake, Bobby,
they drive a minivan.
They are the American family.

Ya-hoos?

I think not.

-I think not, too!

SURLY [ON INTERCOM]: Listen up.

Tomorrow morning there's gonna
be a rodeo and talent contest.
Guest are invited to
sign up and participate.
Unless their too chicken.

-That's it!

That's how I'll
show 'em my family
isn't a bunch of ya-hoos.

-You signed us up for what?!

-For the rodeo!

Dad's gonna rope.

And Uncle Ted's gonna
ride a bucking bronco.
And--

-Helen, I'll get
back to ya-- Whoa,
whoa, whoa, not so fast, Bob-o.

-Rope?

Rope what?

I-- I don't know how to rope!

-Then you can train
with Kelly, Dad.
I signed her up for barrel
racing, whatever that is.
[ARGUING]

KELLY: You're, like, scaring me.

Get serious!

-Hun, uh, we just
can't go and do
something like be in a rodeo.

You know, I can't even imagine
what could have given you such
a dipsy-doodle crazy
idea in your noggin.
-I wanted to do it to show
Mr. and Mrs. Needleman.
They said you guys were
a bunch of ya-hoos.
-We ride at dawn.

-Well, Mom had to
watch the twins.
And she said Bobby
was too young.
But the fight for the
Generic honor had begun.
And Bobby figured--
this he knew-- that soon
he wouldn't be
quite so blue-hoo.
-Hi-h*, Silver.

[HORSE NEIGHING]
[SPLASH] [LAUGHING]
[HORSE NEIGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

[CRASHES]

NARRATOR: It wasn't
long before Bobby
knew [GASP] he'd figured wrong.

-Ow, just a pain
in the back side.
-Sorry.

-I'll get you for this, dweeb.

-Sorry.

SURLY [ON INTERCOM]: Well,
that does it for the rodeo.
Now it's time for
the talent show.
-Did ya hear that?

This is our chance to go home
with our heads held high.
[APPLAUSE]

-Heh, well, eh, hello?

Is this on or?
[FEEDBACK] Yeah, hi.
Well, I'm Martha Gene--
uh, I'm gonna-- Generic.
And this is my son, Bobby.

And we're gonna sing--
uh, well, what is it?
-Let's just sing
about who we are.
-Yeah, OK, well, why not?

Hit it, hon'.

-Hi, everyone!

-Hi!

-[SINGING] My name is Bobby.

And she's my mommy.

And we live up by the mall.

-Where's it at?

-My sister, Kelly,
has lint in her belly.
But we're not that
different at all.
-[SINGING] We might
prefer our hamburger
without all the hickory smoke.

But our garbage smells
like everyone else.
-[TOGETHER] We're
just plain city folk.
BOBBY [SINGING]: We
don't have a farm
with a big red barn that
holds 10 pigs or more.
And Hogeye said, I
got it, Uncle Ted.
And Jackie lives next door.

-[SINGING] We may not
have an acre right beside
our baker upon which
frogs that croak.
-[TOGETHER] But life is
great on the interstate.
We're just plain city folk.

-Yeehaw!

[CHEERING]

-Thank you.

Thank you.

-Yeah, Bobby, let's palm 'em.

-Yo, Momma!

Hey, Derek, can I
ask you a question?
DEREK: What?

-What would you do
if somebody told
you your family were ya-hoos?

-I'd tell 'em it
takes one to know one.
I don't know.

-Oh.

I wish I'd thought of that.

[GIGGLING]

-Well, that was a great show.

And we really thank
you for watching.
-To show our thanks for them
being such a good audience,
can we give them each a pony?

-Bobby, we c-- can't give
everybody out there a pony.
-Well, what can we give them?

-Well, we can give
'em, eh, excitement.
We can give them
adventure, thrills,
comedy, one of a
kind entertainment.
-They'd rather have a pony.

[GIGGLING]

[THEME SONG]