05x01 - Rebel Without a Clue

[bunniefuu]

-Hello, everyone.

And welcome to "Bobby's World."

-Today's show is about

making new friends.

So before we start, I want

to tell them about one

of my new friends.

-Well, go ahead.

-My friend Mary, she

had a little lamb.

-I know-- with fleece

as white as snow.

-Right.

And everywhere that Mary went.

-I know-- the lamb

was sure to go.

-No.

Because Mary drove, and

the lamb got carsick.

So she had to go by herself.

See, you don't know everything.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

[THEME MUSIC]

[THEME MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BOBBY [OFFSCREEN]:

Mommy, mommy, mommy,

can I have another bowl

of Captain Squash cereal?

There's only villains left,

and all the Captain Squashes

are gone.

Mommy, mommy, mommy.

[BABIES CRYING]

-Oh, for corn sakes, Bobby.

Just make do.

Can't you see that I'm

busier than a one-legged tap

dancer on ice skates?

Oh.

-I'd take time to ask

for what that means,

but I'm really hungry right now.

-Here you go, Bob-o.

-Thanks, Uncle Ted.

[SOUND OF TRUCK]

-Hey, sis, come here.

Take a look.

There's a moving van at

the old Shimmerman place.

-Well, let's just

have a look see

and for borrowing

a cup of sugar.

We're going to have some new

people in the neighborhood.

-New people.

Where do they come from?

[ZAP]

-Now, there will be new

and improved Bobbies,

thanks to me, Dr.

Hedwig von [INAUDIBLE].

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

-Ugh, I wish I could

improve this darn head wig.

Oof.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

-Ooh, ooh, I'm scared,

Captain Squash.

He's going to make

a monster out of me.

-Don't worry, Bobby.

The doctor's obviously crazy.

[THUNDER]

[ZAP]

-Or not.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

-Behold, Bobby, the new you!

-Whew, he's not a monster.

-No, but I'm smarter

and stronger.

I always remember to say

please and thank you.

And my favorite

food is vegetables.

-Ahh!

Come on, Captain Squash.

We've got to put a stop

to this insan-tity.

-Right on, Bobby.

[SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE]

-Hey, dweeb brains.

How about leaving some

for the rest of us?

Hey, Uncle Ted.

I think Aunt Flem got

free passes to Hurl World.

Can you drive us?

-Sure thing, Derek.

-Whoop, whoa.

Oh no.

Hold the phone there.

We've got a problem, ooskie.

The twins and I have Mommy

and Me-- eh, well, yeah, Mommy

and Us-- this morning.

[BABIES CRYING]

-Oh, no.

No, sorry.

Nobody will be home

to watch Bobby.

You're just going to have take

him with you, don't ya know.

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]: Mom, no.

No way.

Not the dweeb.

-Huh?

Oh.

Wh-- what did I do?

[BURP]

-Well, for crying in

the mud, you're up, hon.

You're going to Hurl World

with your big brother.

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]: Ahhh!

-Yay!

I don't even know

what Hurl World is.

But I'm gonna love it 'cause

it's a place where big kids go.

Ah, thanks for letting me

sit in the back you, Derek.

-Yeah, yeah.

So here are the rules.

No giggling.

No skipping.

No dumb questions.

No going to the bathroom

a million times.

No asking for anything.

No little kids stuff, and

no talking to my friends.

Got it?

-Uh-huh.

Can I ask you a question?

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]: Bobby?

-Just kidding.

[GIGGLES]

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]: Uh!

Now get in the front.

-OK.

I didn't want to be

in the back anyhow.

[SHOUTS OF GLEE]

-One for Regurgitron, please.

-Sorry, kid, but

I'm afraid you'll

have to wait about 10 years.

That's how tall you have

to be to ride this ride.

[LAUGHTER]

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]:

You gotta let him on.

If he can't go, I can't go.

-Next.

-It's the coolest ride in the

park, the whole reason I came.

-Isn't there some littler

big guy stuff we can do?

-Grrr.

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]:

I can't believe it.

You're even too little

to ride the Spit-Up Cups.

You're useless.

[LAUGHTER]

-Uh, oh yeah?

Well who needs this

stupid place anyway?

-Sorry you had such a crummy

time at Hurl World, Bob-o.

Must have been rough.

You didn't even get

to throw up once, huh?

-I hate being little.

-Oh, ha, ha.

You'll grow out of it, Bob-o.

Don't worry, buddy.

Things'll get better.

All you got to do is remember

to keep your chin up.

-Ow!

Ooh, somebody ought

to tell Uncle Ted

that keeping your chin up

stuff can be kind of dangerous.

-Hi, Bobby.

You wanna play Hide and Seek?

-No.

-Hmm, how about Ring

Around the Rosie?

-No.

-Hmm, wanna come

over to my house

and play in the sprinklers?

-No.

I don't wanna do any of that

little kid stuff anymore.

-Why not?

-'Cause I'm sick

of being little.

I wanna be big!

Oooh, toss, turn,

toss, turn, toss.

I wanna be bigger.

I wanna be bigger.

I wanna be bigger.

[CREAKS]

-Yippy!

I'm growing.

Look, Roger.

I can take a drink, and

no one has to hold me.

[CHEERS]

-Over here-- pass me the ball.

Yes.

Let's go, Roger.

It's OK, boy.

I'm just being big.

So, am I big enough to

ride your stupid ride now?

[CRASH]

-Actually, uh, I think

you're a little bit too big.

-Those are words I

never expected to hear.

MARTHA [OFFSCREEN]: Bobby.

Hey, hey.

h*, h*-- oh, wake up.

Wake up there, now.

Honey, honey, it's

breakfast time.

And I've got a whole new

box of Captain Squash cereal

just for my baby boy.

Doesn't that just sound

nummy tummers then?

-No, I don't want

kids' cereal anymore.

I want big people's breakfast.

I-- I wanna have

what you're having.

Ptooie!

A trout and creamed

corn omelette?

Yuck.

ANTHONY [OFFSCREEN]:

Yo, you sick?

'Cause the way I sees it,

being sick is for sissies.

Bada bing, bada boom.

-Who-- who are you?

-I'm Anthony.

I'm nine.

-I'm Bobby.

I'm f-- I'm Bobby.

-Hey, you wanna come

over to my house?

We just moved in.

We've got lots of

big, empty boxes.

-Sure.

-Great.

Let's go.

-Wait, I have to ask my mom.

-Yo,yo, yo, you're

putting me on, right?

BOBBY [OFFSCREEN]:

No, I'm 'posed to.

-Ah, give me a break.

That stuff's for babies.

A real guy does what

he wants when he wants.

-Really?

-Believe it, baby.

Bada bing, bada boom.

So how comes you asked

your mom for permission

to come over here?

BOBBY [OFFSCREEN]: Uh, 'cause

I-- 'cause I felt like it.

Bada boom, bada bing.

ANTHONY [OFFSCREEN]: Heh, heh.

Hey, I like your attitude.

You're a rebel,

baby, just like me.

-Wow, your room is really big.

-Heh.

Yeah, ain't it?

This was going to be my parents

room, but I called dibs.

Heh.

And look.

-Wow, your own bathroom.

-Hey, I'm my own man, right?

See this? never been used.

-Wow.

-Maybe I'll keep an

alligator in the tub.

-Your-- your-- your--

your-- your parents are--

you're parents are

gonna let-- gonna

let you have an alligator?

-Hey, who asks parents?

I get to pick my own everything.

Don't you?

-Well, just my nose.

-Sheesh.

-Well some-- sometimes

a scab is my mom--

if my mom is not looking.

-Hey, hey, hey, look,

if you're asking me,

it sounds like you're living in

some kind of jail or something.

-It does?

Mommy, mom, I've been thinking.

Can I have an alligator

to keep in the bathtub.

-Oh, for the love of Mike,

Bobby, that's a big N-O,

don't ya know.

-OK, then.

Can I have your room?

-What?

-My-- my friend Anthony has

his parents' room and a tub,

and he's going to put

an alligator in it.

MARTHA [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, yeah.

And if Anthony

jumped off a bridge,

would you jump

off a bridge, too?

-Why do parents

always ask that bridge

question to try to confuse you?

-Is Anthony that new

little neighbor boy?

-He is not little.

He's big.

And his parents never say no.

Bada bing, bada boom.

-Bada what?

-Bob-o, quick-- in

the living room.

"Creature With a

Thousand Butts" is on.

-I'm kinda in a

hurry, Uncle Ted.

-I'll bet I know something

you've got time for.

How 'bout some noogies?

-Sorry, Uncle Ted.

I don't do noogies anymore.

I'm big now.

Bada bing, bada boom.

-Bada who?

HOWARD [OFFSCREEN]:

Hey Bobby, can you

get-- can you get the

front door for me?

-OK, in a minute.

-Whoa, ah, aah!

[CRASH]

-Bobby!

-What?

Can't you see I'm playing here?

Sheesh.

-That--that-- that

does it, mister.

You're going up to

your room right now.

-Whoa, whoa, better get

washed up there now, hon.

Dinner's almost ready.

-I don't wanna eat now.

-Oh, oh, hold the phone.

I've got potato flakes, tuna

loaf, and herring ba*ls.

Now you be my good little

boy and go wash up.

-Yo, mom.

I said I will eat

when I will eat.

Bada bing, bada boom.

-OK, that does it.

You bada bing, bada boom

yourself right up to your room

now!

-OK.

Lucky for her, that's where

I was gonna go anyway.

How come when you're hungry,

everything reminds you of food?

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, dweeb.

Boy am I full.

And your piece of

pie tasted great.

-You at my pie?

-What do you care?

You didn't want dinner, right?

You're a tough guy.

You're are big time rebel.

-Yep, that;s me.

I'm a rebel.

BACKGROUND SINGERS: [SINGING]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,

ooh.

Kid Rebel.

-Hey kid, where you going?

-Anywhere I want,

anytime I want.

BACKGROUND SINGERS:

[SINGING] Kid Rebel.

-Please, Kid Rebel.

You gotta stop.

You gotta start listening

to your parents.

-You can forget that, baby.

But I'll never forget ya.

BACKGROUND SINGERS:

[SINGING] Kid Rebel.

He can't be taught.

Kid Rebel.

He can't be bought.

He's on a mission.

He don't need permission

'cause he's Kid Rebel.

Kid Rebel.

[POLICE SIREN]

BACKGROUND SINGERS:

[SINGING] Kid Rebel.

-That's my name.

Don't wear it out.

DEREK [OFFSCREEN]:

Hey, brat boy.

Mom wants to know if

you're ready to come

downstairs and behave yourself.

-No!

Who you lookin at?

You lookin at me?

You lookin at me?

Stop lookin at me.

Ack.

Urgh.

I grew while I was sleeping.

I know I did.

I know I did.

Ahh.

Yeah, now that I'm

a big guy, I guess

I better get rid of all

my little guy stuff.

Uh-oh, Captain Squash.

-So, Bobby, where

have you been lately?

I've been worried about you.

I haven't seen you for days.

In fact, ever since that

new kid, Anthony, moved in.

-It's--it's "Ant-ony".

-Why don't you ask him how he

spells it some time, Bobby?

-Uh, um, I'm-- I'm

gonna be big now.

Yeah, I'm gonna be big now, so I

don't-- I don't think we can be

friends anymore.

-[GASP] Don't say that,

Bobby, not even in jest.

But I'm your hero.

-I know.

And-- and I'm gonna miss

you, Captain Squash.

But a-- but a big guy's gotta

do what a big guy's gotta do.

-What about all the

good times, Bobby,

all the intergalactic

adventures,

the victories over evil?

Surely they meant

something to you?

-Well--

-Hey, that was then.

This is now.

Get over it.

Bada bing, bada boom.

-Sorry, Captain Squash.

-Good morning, Bobby.

-Morning.

MARTHA [OFFSCREEN]:

OK, clean slate.

Are you ready to sit down and

be a gee golly good little mansy

boy.

-No.

I-- I don't wanna be

a good little boy.

I wanna go outside and play.

-All right, go outside.

But you-- young man,

you're not getting

anything else to

eat until lunch.

Is that-- is that clear?

-Sheesh.

-Hey, hey-- and don't

you sheesh us, young man.

Oh, for the cry-- I-- I

can't-- I don't even know him.

I just-- I-- what is-- the heck

and god na-- oh, here, light

bulb.

It-- you know, it's

that new boy, Anthony.

He's the problem,

don't you know.

-Well, M--Martha, I think.

-Howard, I want you to

go over there right now,

and I want you to give that

boy's father what for right

now then yet.

-But honey--

MARTHA [OFFSCREEN]: Now!

-Now.

[ANGRY MUTTERING]

-So you're having a tough

time being a big guy, huh?

-Well, it's making

me kinda hungry.

-Yo, I got that covered.

Ta-da-- sugar doughnuts and fish

jerky, the breakfast of champs.

-[SLURP] Oh, sugar doughnuts.

But-- but I'm not supposed to.

-Hey, you're supposed to

do whatever you want to do.

Bada bing, bada boom.

[DOORBELL]

-Hi, I'm Howard Generic,

Bobby's-- Bobby's father.

Do you have, uh-- do

you have a minute?

-Sure.

Come on in.

-[GULP] If my mom and dad find

out that I was eating this

stuff, I'd be in

a lot of trouble.

-Just tell 'em what

I tell my folks.

Don't ask.

Don't tell. [CHOMP]

Don't pursue.

-Mmm.

Got any more fish jerky? [GULP]

-So that's pretty

much the story.

-I think I got the picture.

Anthony?

-Uh-- uh, stay here.

I gotta go.

ANTHONY'S DAD [OFFSCREEN]: You

pulling that tough guy stuff

again?

What's the matter with you?

I'll show you bada

bing, bada boom, pal.

Sorry, we had to meet

like this, Mr. Generic.

-"Jen-er-ick".

-Tell him, Anthony.

-Uh, sorry Mr. Generic.

-"Jen-er-ick".

Yeah, me, too.

I mean, uh, call me Howard.

-I don't care.

I don't need anybody,

not even Anthony.

There's lots of things

that I can all by myself.

Well, I sure don't need anybody

else to ride my tricycle.

Aah!

[CRASH]

-Urgh.

Argh.

Oh, good-- Jackie.

Hey Jackie, w-- wait.

Can you help me, please?

-You sure that won't make

you feel like a little kid?

-Uh, it's OK.

I'm-- I'm kinda getting

tired of being big.

Thanks, Jackie.

-You're welcome, Bobby.

You know, Bobby, the

problem with being somebody

who doesn't need anybody

is when you get in trouble,

maybe nobody will be

there to help you.

Anyway, that's what my

mom said Oprah said.

-How-- how long will it

be 'till I really get big?

-Aw, reign it in, that

biological thing there now.

You'll have to wait

a while on that.

-Ah, that's good

'cause I think I'm

gonna need some time to finish

burping up this fish jerky.

[BURPS]

-What did I tell you?

It was just a phase, huh Martha?

-Aw, bingo, Howard.

Whatever it was, I'm just glad

to have our little Bobby back,

don't ya know.

-Sleep tight now, and don't

let the bed bugs bite, Bobby.

-Ah, don't worry.

I won't let the bed bugs bite.

[CHOMPS]

Aah!

Dad!

Mom!

CAPTAIN SQUASH [OFFSCREEN]:

Need any help, Bobby?

-Great to have you

back, Captain Squash.

-Good to have you back, Bobby.

Now, come on.

Let's put the bit on these bugs.

[SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE]

-Take that.

-How do you like this?

-Yeah, how do you like this?

-And-- urgh-- this.

-It's sure great

to have friends.

Bada bing, bada boom. [GIGGLES]

[SOUND OF STRUGGLE]

-Not only was that

an entertaining show,

but it also taught us something.

-I can teach you something else.

-Well, go ahead.

-What happens when you

put a b*mb in a bada bing?

-OK, what happens when you

put a b*mb in a bada bing?

-You get a bada bing,

bada boom. [GIGGLES]

-What a nut.

[THEME MUSIC]

[THEME MUSIC]