04x06 - Karate Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everybody.

Do you know what we have
on today's show, Howie?
-Uh, fun.

-Yeah, but that's not at.

-Adventure?

-Yeah, but that's not all.

-You and me?

-Yeah, but that's not all.

-OK, what do we have
on today's show, Bobby?
-Commercials.

[THEME MUSIC]

[CHEERING]

CROWD: Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

[APPLAUSE]

-The crowd roars as Pilot
Bobby makes a double
loop-de-doop-de-do with a twist.

[SPUTTERING]

Uh-oh.

[SCREAMING]

No!

No!

I said, no!

I'm playing with that.

-Not anymore you're not.

-Says who?

-Show him what you're
made of, Bobby.
Tell him.

-Says who?

-Says me.

-OK.

I guess I told him.

[CLUCKING]

Cut it out!

I didn't want the plane anyway.

Roy took my plane, Dad.

-You're a big boy now, Bobby.

It's time you learned to
fight back, to be assertive.
-Right, Dad.

You gotta fight back.

Gotta be squirt-ive.

-Yes.

You can't let people walk
all over you like that.
-Walk on me?

Uh-oh.

Help.

Hey, watch it.

Ow!

Look out!

Oh no!

Oh no!

No, Roger.

Not that!

No!

Nobody's gonna walk on me!

Or do anything else either.

From now on, I'm squirt-ive.

-That's my boy.

Go get 'em!

-This is the secret map to
the secret tomb of Nifty-titi.
And the secret map
says the secret tomb
is right over there.

Come on, men.

Wow!

22, 23--

[YELPING]

-Shovel.

Give me shovel.

-I didn't want that
old shovel anyway.
-You're a big boy, Bobby.

Be assertive.

Don't let people
walk all over you.
-Oh, Kevin?

-Hey, hey, hey, Bobby Generic!

No!

You have got-- oh!

Here, here.

Now, boys.

Hey, boys.

This-- hey, this is not
good neighbor behavior.
-But Mom, I was just
being squirt-ive.
-Yeah, yeah.

Bobby, fighting never solved
a-- a gee-golly thing, here now.
-But Dad said--

-From now on, no more fighting.

And you know what else, mister?

I want you to use your words.

-OK.

-Yeah, now here's a prune lolly.

Go get 'em, fella.

And play nice, OK?

-Be squirt-ive.

Use your words.

Don't be a carpet.

Be a good neighbor.

Oh, I'm confused.

-I want a swing!

-What do I do?

Should I be squirt-ive
or a good neighbor?
-Bobby, use your
gee-golly words, now then.
That's nice.

-Now, you've got to stand
up for yourself, son.
-Gimme.

-How you doing, neighbor?

-Yeow!

-Pfft!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-What went on?

-Yeah.

-But you said-- but you told
me-- I don't know what to do.
-Well, for crying in
the mud now, Howard,
what's our Bobby trying to say?

-Beats me, Martha.

-He says he's confused.

He doesn't know whether to
use words or fight back.
-Well, thanks for
the clarification.
Is that right, Bobby?

Well, that's simple, hon.

Use your words.

-But be sure to stand
up for yourself.
Fight back.

-But--

[CRYING]

MARTHA: This is hard.

HOWARD: Oh, come on, Bobby.

MARTHA: I know.

HOWARD: There's
no reason to cry.
-You're cute when
you cry, Bobby.
Come on, Bobby.

Let's go watch TV at my house.

The "Karate Ducks" are on.

-"Karate Ducks?"

I just love those little guys.

Oh, look at me, Bobb-o.

Oh, I'm a Karate Duck.

Chop, chop!

Quack, quack, quack.

Chop.

Chop, chop.

[GIGGLING]

-A good uncle can sure
brighten up a bad day.
-That's a great idea, Ted.

Karate!

Hey, that's the
perfect way for Bobby
to learn how to
stand up for himself.
Hey Bobby, how'd you like to
take some karate lessons, huh?
-Yay!

I'm gonna take karate.

I'm gonna take karate.

I'm gonna take karate!

Yay!

I'm gonna take karate!

-Oh, Howard, I
don't know if we're
doing the right thing here.

All that-- you know.

-Oh, trust me, Martha.

Karate is just what
the doctor ordered.
It'll teach Bobby discipline,
confidence, self-esteem.
-Hey, yeah.

And you get to wear those
really neat pajamas.
-Yeah, well, all right.

It's against my better judgment,
but we'll give it a try.
And Bobby, you know, he
could use his confidence
in his fledgling personality.

-Yay!

I'm gonna take karate.

I'm gonna take karate.

Aunt Ruth, Aunt Ruth,
I'm gonna learn karate.
-Oh, well, I just love karate.

-Me too!

-What is it?

-What's karate?

Well, let me put it this way.

I never go anywhere without it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING] She'll be
coming around the mountain
when she comes.

She'll be coming around the
mountain when she comes.
She'll be coming
around the mountain,
she'll-- take it away, Bobby.

--the mountain.

She'll be coming around the
mountain when she comes!
ALL: She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes.
MARTHA: Well, this is fun.

ALL: She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes.
MARTHA: Let me on the mic.

ALL: She'll be coming
around the mountain.
She'll be coming
around the mountain.
She'll be coming around the
mountain when she comes.
MARTHA: What's the next verse?

-This karate
stuff's really neat.
When's my next lesson.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-You know, this
isn't karate, Bobby.
It's karaoke.

-Oh.

-Oh.

Silly me.

[CHUCKLING]

-Okie-dokie, now, who wants cod
cakes and carrots for dinner?
-Derek!

-Yeah?

-What's karate?

-You don't want to know, Bobby.

-I don't?

-Nope.

You don't want to know how
big guys in black belts
take little kids and kick them,
flip them, and stomp them flat.
[CHUCKLING]

-He's right.

I don't want to know.

TED: Come on, Bobb-o.

-I don't want to, Uncle Ted.

-As a graduate of the ha-yah
karate correspondence school,
I can tell you, you got
nothing to be afraid of.
-OK.

But that's not what
Derek didn't tell me.
-Nah, he was just
teasing you, Bobb-o.
-Maybe yes, maybe no.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Double yikes!

No!

No!

No!

No!

-OK, Bobb-o, you know
what it's time for now?
-Karate?

-No.

Nuggies!

[GIGGLING]

-What are they doing, Uncle Ted?

TED: That's a kick.

Oh, that's a sweep.

Ooh, that's a smart.

-What kind of karate
is that, Uncle Ted?
-It's not karate, Bobb-o.

I lost my quarter.

Ouch.

Ooh, extra chips.

-Move it, move it, move it!

Come on!

Let's more it, you ladies.

Uh-huh.

Looking good, men.

ALL: Thank you, sensei.

-Key on formation.

Hup!

ALL: [SINGING] We never
fight to get our way.
We'd rather turn and run away.

But if a bully starts to push,
we will knock him on his tush.
-Sound off.

ALL: One, two.

-Sound off!

ALL: Three, four.

-Sound off.

ALL: One, two, three, four!

-Uncle Ted, Uncle Ted,
Uncle Ted, I love karate!
I can knock myself over already.

-Ow!

Ooh, oh!

That's a-- hoo, ouch.

-Yah!

[CRYING]

-This karate guy
stuff is pretty cool.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Dad, Dad, Dad, I did
really good today.
-Hey, who ate all the meatballs?

-I kicked them,
and I flipped them,
and I threw them on the floor.

-Oh, Bobby, you didn't.

-Yes, I did.

Why doesn't she believe me?

Ha-yah!

-Ow!

Gosh, that hurt.

-It worked!

-Bobby, you hit Derek.

-I know I did, Mommy.

I was gonna kick
him, but I couldn't
reach him with my foot.

-Oh, for crying in
the mud here now.
Look at this!

I don't know if this
karate is such a good idea.
-Oh, now Martha!

Apologize to your brother
at once, young man.
-Sorry, Derek.

-Forget sorry, dweeb.

Just show me how you did it.

-OK.

Ha-yah!

[MARTHA YELPING]

Oops.

Sorry, Mom.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GROANING]

-Hey, we're playing with that.

-Not anymore you're not.

-Oh, yeah?

Ha-yah!

[OOHING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-It's important
to use your words,
even if the words are ha-yah!

[SINGING] If that
bully starts to push,
I will knock him on his tush.

Sound off.

ALL: One, two.

-Sound off.

ALL: Three, four.

-I want my shovel back, Kevin.

-It's mine.

-Ha-yah!

Yoo-wa.

Ee-yah!

Kevin, aren't you
gonna run away?
-Nope.

[GASPING]

-Uh-oh.

-Hey, hey, Marshall Arts,
Kid Kevin's back in town,
and he's gunning for you.

-Somebody looking for me?

-I am.

-Yuck.

KEVIN: I am, Marshall.

Kid Kevin.

[SCREAMING]

The fastest shovel in the West.

-That's good, Kevin,
but not good enough.
-That karate was
really neat, Bobby.
You want one of my cookies?

-OK.

But can I have two?

-Uh, OK.

[CHUCKLING]

[OOHING]

KID: That's him, Bobby Generic.

-Gen-eric.

Neat shirt.

Ha-yah!

And all you gotta
do is yell "ha-yah"
and say you're gonna
hit them, and people
give you anything you want.

Ha-yah!

This being a karate guy
is pretty cool stuff.
-You're not a real
karate guy, Bobby.
Karate guys aren't
mean to their friends.
-Says why?

-Says me.

March yourself right down to the
principal's office, young man.
I'm calling your mother.

-Gadzooks!

Am I in trouble?

[HUMMING]

[SINGING] Old MacDonald
had a farm, E--
-Bobby!

You're in enough trouble
already, young man.
-Sorry, Mrs. Arsow.

-Hello, Mrs. Generic?

[HUMMING]

[SINGING] E-I-E-I-O. Old
MacDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O!

MARTHA: Oh no!

Tell me it's not so!

Oh, wait'll his father
hears about this!
-Oh, no!

Not father!

-Bring forward the prisoner.

-The prisoner, sir.

-Bobby Generic, you are
being accused of hitting.
Is that true?

Did you hit somebody?

-No.

Not hit.

Not exactly.

-The truth, Bobby.

Tell us the truth.

ALL: The truth.

The truth.

The truth.

-I'm inn-yo-cent.

I swear.

-We will soon see about that.

-I wonder what he means by that.

[GIGGLING]

-Had enough, Bobby?

Then tell us what
we want to know.
-What was the question again?

[SCREAMING]

What was that?

-A blood-curdling scream.

-I thought so.

-Pretty scary stuff,
isn't it, Bobby?
-It takes more than that
to scare a karate guy.
MARTHA: Well, I got news
for you, Mr. Man-sy.
You karate days are over.

Oh.

And let me tell you, if I catch
you hitting anybody again,
I'll paddle your bottom
till you can't sit down.
[GROAN]

-Ha-yah!

-Bobby, I thought your
mom said no more karate.
-Ha-yah!

Moms don't know anything.

Nobody messes with a karate guy,
cause they're just too scared.
Want to see?

Come on, Jackie.

Try and kiss me.

-I don't want to
kiss you, Bobby.
-Come on, try!

I dare you!

I dare you!

-Stop it, Bobby.

Leave me alone.

-You're just a scaredy cat.

-Am not!

-Scaredy cat, ate a rat!

-Bobby, this is gonna hurt
you more than it hurts me.
BOBBY: Ow!

That hurt!

[CRYING]

-Hitting hurts, Bobby.

-Hitting hurts?

Now, if somebody
hits me, it hurts.
If I hit somebody
else, it hurts them.
Therefore, hitting plus
getting hit equals--
-I don't want to say it
out loud here, Howard,
but I told you so.

That karate wasn't the
answer, now was it?
Come on.

-I don't know that, Martha.

-Yes.

-He just needs a
little more time.
That's all.

-Oh, for crying in the mud now.

-I'm a man, Martha.

I know how this stuff works.

MARTHA: Oh!

I'm a mother, Howard.

There's nothing you can come
up with that can beat that.
-Ouch!

-I'm sorry I hit you, Bobby.

But sometimes a girl's gotta
do what a girl's gotta.
-I understand, Jackie.

I guess I had it coming.

-Yes, you did.

-And I promise never
to hit anyone again.
From now on, I'm
gonna use my words.
-That's good, Bobby.

And now I'm going to kiss you.

-Don't make me hit you, Jackie.

-From now on, I'll use my words.

-Yuck!

That's my word.

[GIGGLING]

-Well, another
day, another show.
-That's right.

You can lead a horse to water,
but you can't make him drink.
-What's that supposed to mean?

-He might not be thirsty?

-Who?

-The horse, silly.

[GIGGLING]

-What are you talking about?

-Can't tell you now.

-Well, when?

-Another day, another show.

HOWIE: I get it.

[THEME MUSIC]