04x03 - The World Accordion to Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-Welcome to Bobby's World.

And now, ladies
and gentlemen, it's
time for us to introduce
the star of our show.
Let's give a warm round of
applause to our star, Bobby.
-Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And thank you, Howie.

HOWIE MANDEL: OK, now, Bobby,
why don't you introduce me?
-OK.

Just walk off the stage,
and then I'll introduce you.
-OK.

[GIGGLING]

-[QUIETLY] I'm not
going to introduce him.
HOWIE MANDEL: OK.

-[QUIETLY]Roll the credits.

[GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC]

MARTHA GENERIC: Oh, yeah.

And have a look-see here.

The tour guy said Elvis bought
all the furniture in this room
in just 30 minutes.

AUNT RUTH: But he's just a King.

He's just a King.

Always be the King.

-Was Elvis the King of Hawaii?

[LAUGHING]

AUNT RUTH: [INAUDIBLE].

UNCLE TED: No, here.

Let me set you straight, Bobbo.

AUNT RUTH: [INAUDIBLE] him.

-No, no.

Elvis was the King
of rock and roll.
[CRUNCH]

-Rock and roll?

UNCLE TED: You know, Bobbo,
some very inquiring minds
insist that Elvis
is still alive.
-And walking among us in
disguise, don't ya know?
-He is?

ELVIS: Excuse me?

Mind if I grab me a mess
of those pork puffs?
-Yeah, help yourself.

ELVIS: Thank you.

Thank you very much.

[CRUNCH]

UNCLE TED: Yeah, well, heh.

Thanks a lot, sis.

That was quite a compliment.

AUNT RUTH: Well, Ted, it's true.

I always said if
anyone in the family
had [INAUDIBLE] being an Elvis
impersonator, it was you.
[GULP]

-Oh, Howard, are
you thinking what
I'm thinking on the
same wavelength here?
-Well, Martha, from the
look of the tax return
here, I'm thinking we just
may be in for an audit.
I mean, no doubt about it.

-It's Bobby, hun.

It's a miracle.

Look!

He's got rhythm,
just like the King!
[HUMMING]

AUNT RUTH: And
what coordination!
You're right Martha.

He's a born musician all right.

MARTHA GENERIC:
Do you think maybe
he's ready for music lessons?

-Well, what do you think, Bobby?

You want to play a
musical instrument?
-Me?

Really?

You mean like--

-Bobby's World, Bobby's World.

Party on, party on.

Excellent!

Excellent!

-Bobby's World.

Bobby's World.

AUNT RUTH: My stars and garters.

Now that the twins are here,
Bobby's the middle son.
[GASP]

-You mean?

-It's Bobby's turn to take up--

-Old Blue.

[GASP]

[LAUGHING]

MARTHA GENERIC: It's time.

It's [INAUDIBLE].

I can't believe this.

-Who's Old Blue?

And where does he have
to be taken up to?
-Got me Bobby.

-Well, it's, uh, sort of a
[INAUDIBLE] tradition, Bobbo.
MARTHA GENERIC:
Yeah, here we go.
Bobby, this is Old Blue.

[PLAYING ACCORDION]

-Go ahead, Bobby.

Pick it up.

[GRUNTING]

-Look.

[GIGGLE]

I can make it grow.

[SCREAM]

[GROWLING]

-W--what is it?

-It's an accordion,
don't ya know?
-It used to belong to your
Great Uncle [INAUDIBLE].
-But now it's yours.

Gloriosky, Bobby.

I'm so darn proud, I
could bust a button.
-Why?

-Every [INAUDIBLE] middle
son since the 30 years w*r
has take up the accordion.

[BLOWING NOSE]

-Uh, we still don't know why,
but I gu-- it's quite an honor.
Here, let me help
you on with this.
Whoops.

BOBBY: An honor?

-Yeah, you know, like , uh,
being knighted or something.
-Really?

-Gadzooks!

Sir Theodore of Gaselot.

-You're exalted, [INAUDIBLE].

Today the hopes and dreams
of the house of [INAUDIBLE]
are placed squarely on
your little shoulders.
-Thanks, Sir Ted.

Any words of wisdom?

SIR TED: Just this.
AUNT RUTH: Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Look out, Bobby!

Steady.

Steady, hun.

[PLAYING ACCORDION]

[DOG GROWLING]

[CRASH]

-Oh-hoho.

That's an owie, huh?

Lucky for you, Old Blue
broke your fall, huh Bobbo?
MARTHA GENERIC: Oh, I'm going
to have a coronary here.
I'm so excited.

Say, Ruth, do you
think the Schulze
brothers would take Bobby on?

[GROWLING]

-Who are the Schulze brothers?

-We are the Schulze brothers.

-This is our Academy of Music--

1ST SHULZE BROTHER:
Where we will
teach you to play the accordion.

[CRASH]

-These guys are weird.

[GROANING]

-He's heavy.

I tell you what, Bobby.

Today we all just
acquainted, yeah?
Now this is my accordion.

I call her [INAUDIBLE].

--[INAUDIBLE] mine I call
The Duchess of [INAUDIBLE].
When I am missing her, I call
her my little squeeze box.
When I find her in
the arms of another--
-Shh.

-Mom calls mine Old Blue.

-Ah, very nice indeed.

You're about to join an
elite fraternity, Bobby.
Congratulations.

-And someday, Bobby, if you
work hard on the [INAUDIBLE],
your hands, too,
could look like this.
-Ah!

[CRASH]

-Oopsie!

Lucky thing Old Blue broke
your fall, huh, Bobby?
[LAUGHING]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

-Hi, Bobby.

You want to come
over to my house?
-Can't.

I've got accordion today.

-Oh.

Well, hope you feel
better tomorrow.
Ow.

-Sure I can lift two of you's.

Come here.

I'll prove it.

OK, now, ready?

[LAUGHING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTING]

-Yep, I'm gonna be special, just
like the Marines, [INAUDIBLE].
Oop!

[THUD]

[PANTING]

-Do you know what
I'm gonna do to you?
-What?

TINY: You made a big
mistake, short stuff.
If I ever see you or your
stupid accordion again,
I'm gonna punch your lights out.

[GULP]

-Uh-oh.

Am I in trouble?

-Keep an eye peeled
on the twins, Kelly.
I'll be back in a--

[ZOOM]

Bobbo?

Honey?

Is that you?

[STRUGGLING]

[GROWLING]

-Aren't you supposed to be
at your accordion lesson?
-Well, Mom, Tiny
[INAUDIBLE], the worstest boy
in our whole school said if
he ever saw me or my accordion
again, he was gonna
punch my lights out.
-And I'll be he didn't
have an accordion, did he?
-No.

-Yeah.

Well, there ya go.

BOBBY: Where?

-Hun, he's just green to
the gills with jealousy.
That's all.

Just be nice to him.

He'll get over it in a jiffy.

-Moms know a lot of
stuff, but they sure
don't know much about bullies.

[DOOR CLOSING]

-Oh no.

Oh, it-- it-- it's happened.

Martha?

Martha, it's from the IRS.

We're-- we're--
we-re being audited.
BOBBY: Dad will know
what to do about Tiny.
HOWIE GENERIC: A tax audit!

My life is ruined!

BOBBY: Dad?

Do you-- do you know what to
do when a bully is after you?
-You save all your receipts.

You don't exaggerate
your mileage.
And it still doesn't
do you any good!
-That doesn't sound too good.

[GASP]

KELLY: That is like so
totally [INAUDIBLE].
Uh, hang on a sec.

Bobby?

OK, do you mind?

-Kelly?

What's a taxi audit?

[SLAM]

That means now now.

-Oh, all right.

Like, Mom told me you
were having trouble
with a bully, so,
like, just totally
stand up for what
you believe in, OK?
And he will, like,
respect you for it.
Yeah.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[CHILDREN CHEERING]

[DOG BARKING]

-A-ha!

I'm free!

I can go wherever I want.

I got news for ya, Tiny.

Don't even try to fence in--

[GULPING]

The Bob Man of Alcabelcher.

[BELCH]

Oh.

[SIREN]

Darn.

Hahaha.

Fools!

He can't follow my tracks
if I don't leave any.
Hahaha.

[TRAIN HONKING]

Freedom.

[DOGS BARKING]

[LAUGHING]

TINY: Hey, what's the joke?

Hold it right there, Generic.

-That's Generic.

-I thought I said I
didn't want to see
you or your stupid
squeeze box again.
-Uh-oh.

-Just, like, totally stand up
for what you believe in, OK?
TINY: Well?

What do you gotta
say for yourself?
-I, uh-- I-- I-- I'm
gonna say what I believe.
I-- I believe kids should get
to stay up as late as they want,
and-- and that you should
remember to put the toilet
seat down so your
sister doesn't fall in,
and-- and that Santa
and the Tooth Fairy,
and the Easter Bunny,
and the Sandman are real,
and that the lint
in your belly button
is dental floss for elves.

And I'm pretty sure I
believe in the [INAUDIBLE],
too, even though
it was my brother,
Derek, who told me about him.

And I believe he was just trying
to scare me. [INAUDIBLE] Tiny?
And I believe you
should let me down now.
UNCLE TED: He ran
you up the flag pole?
I--I g-- I got to
tell you, Bobbo.
I'm just completely shocked.

-W-- why, Uncle Ted?

-'Cause when I went
to that school,
I woulda bet you coulda seen
this house from up there.
I don't know.

Maybe the trees are taller,
or something's changed.
I don't know.

-Wait.

Uncle Ted? 'Member
you were gonna
tell me how to make
Tiny stop picking on me?
-Oh, right.

Uh, here it is.

The trick, uh, to handling
bullies is, uh, the following.
Uh, don't ever let
him see you're scared.
-Oh, OK.

Thanks, Uncle Ted.

Hmm.

[PLAYING ACCORDION]

[DOG GROWLING]

UNCLE TED: Doh!

[INAUDIBLE]

Yow!

[DOG BARKING]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[CHILDREN CHEERING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASP]

-S-- so sorry, Mrs. [INAUDIBLE].

[GIGGLE]

TINY: Hey!

Puke-face!

-Don't let him see
you're sc-- don't
let him see that you're scared.

Don't let him see
that you're scared.
Feels like this is
taking a long time.
My face is getting
really sweaty.
But if I look, and he's there,
he'll see that I'm scared.
JANITOR: Excuse me, young fella?

I hate to disturb
you, but you've
been standing here all day.

It's 4 o'clock.

I gotta lock up.

-Look, Squirt.

Handling a bully is easy.

All you do is make sure
that wherever he is,
you're somewhere else.

BOBBY: You mean, like, run
away and hide and stuff?
I can do that.

-Then do it.

And if I catch you trying
to steal my stuff again,
I'll punch your
lights out, got it?
-Ow!

Thanks, Derek.

This was very helpful.

Ah.

1ST SCHULZE BROTHER: Oh, that
was absolutely marvelous.
-Wonderful.

Just a marvelous.

-Wonderful, wonderful.

Uh, you know, Bobby?

We are quite pleased
with your progress.
In fact, we have a
surprise for you.
BOBBY: You do?

What?

-Well, we have decided to
include you in our next Polka
For Peace school
outreach concert.
-Which, coincidentally,
will be at your school
at the end of this month.

You can strut your
stuff in front
of everybody in
the whole school.
-Everybody?

Even Tiny?

Gadzooks!

What do I do now?

The show must not go
on 'cause if it does,
Tiny will see me
and my accordion,
and he'll punch my lights out.

[CLOCK TICKING]

What am I gonna do?

Time's running out.

Oh no!

[BOOM]

KELLY: Bobby!

Quit!

I can hardly hear
myself curl, OK?
-OK.

That's it.

That's how I'll get out
of having to see Tiny.
[SQUEAKING]

-An ear disease?

2ND SCHULZE BROTHER:
And even one
note from the accordion
could k*ll her?
-Yeah, and my room's, uh,
um, right next to hers.
Yeah.

-Eh, hello, Mrs. Generic?

-Uh, Generic.

Condolences?

My daughter?

Excuse me.

Kelly?

-Bobby!

-Uh, Bobby, [INAUDIBLE] other
places you can practice?
The garage, for instance?

-Well--

-No.

No, we don't breed circus
elephants in our garage.
I--I don't know where he
could've gotten such an idea.
-Moving?

Uh, didn't we already do that?

-Now, Bobby, I think I
understand why you've
been making up all these
fantastical stories.
-You do?

1ST SCHULZE BROTHER: But you're
in luck, Bobby, because Floyd
and I have the most effective
remedy for state fright.
-You must imagine that
everybody in the audience
is completely naked.

[GASP]

1ST SCHULZE BROTHER:
[INAUDIBLE] except for just some
[INAUDIBLE].

[CHUCKLING]

-[INAUDIBLE]

-[INAUDIBLE].

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

MARTHA GENERIC:
Oh, he's so cute.
He must've fallen
asleep practicing.
HOWIE GENERIC: Yeah.

The little guy must be so
excited about that concert
tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

The concert's tomorrow?

MARTHA GENERIC: Well, if I
hadn't seen you with my own two
eyes, Bobby Generic, I'd say
you didn't get a lick of sleep
last night now then yet.

[SPITTING]

UNCLE TED: Sorry to miss
the big concert, Bobbo.
[CRYING]

-Real sorry.

AUNT RUTH: Well--

[CHUCKLING]

I think I'm as excited as Bobby.

[CHUCKLING]

We-- I haven't seen Myron Shulze
in-- well, since I was a girl.
Did I ever tell you that he
used to be really hot for me?
-Oh, you're a sweet
boy to let your Aunt
Ruth sing with you today, Bobby.

-Well, how do I look?

-Uh, Ruth, there's
an [INAUDIBLE].
[SPITTING]

DEREK: It's my turn.

Move over.

I got shotgun.

KELLY: Derek, I'm--

HOWIE GENERIC: Martha,
I've looked everywhere.
I can't find the camera.

It's gotta be somewhere.

MARTHA GENERIC: OK, I got the
camera and the extra film.
Aunt Ruth, in the front seat.

Derek and Kelly, in
the back with me.
Bobby, in my lap.

Uncle Ted and the
twins, in the nursery.
Hut hut!
On the double.
Let's go.

HOWIE GENERIC: Yes, sir.

[ENGINE STARTING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

AUNT RUTH: Wh-- where did you
get this fluffy new seat cover?
HOWIE GENERIC: What seat cover?

[DOG GROWLING]

AUNT RUTH: Ah!

APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

1ST SCHULZE BROTHER:
[INAUDIBLE] twins.
Can't touch that, huh?

[CHUCKLING]

It's a joke.

-Ha ha ha ha ha ha and a ha.

1ST SCHULZE BROTHER: And
finally, your very own Bobby
Generic will accompany his
aunt, the ever-lovely Ruth
[INAUDIBLE], on the [INAUDIBLE].

-Now smile, Bobby.

It's magic time.

[APPLAUDING]

We-- well, Bobby dear, you
were just, uh, wonderful.
Wasn't he wonderful, Myron?

-Yes, wonderful, wonderful.

-Thanks.

Bye.

Ah!

-You know, puke-face,
I gotta hand it to you.
-Why?

-Because that took
guts in there--
gettin' up in front
of all those people.
Plus, you're pretty good.

The fact is I got a
whole new respect for ya.
-Really?

-Yeah.

Too bad I have to
beat you up now.
-B--b-- but--

-Hey, I'm a bully.

It's what I do.

[ACCORDION]

[DOG GROWLING AND BARKING]

[SCREAMING]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG PANTING]

-Yes!

MARTHA GENERIC:
You know, I think
i was the proudest Mom in
the whole [INAUDIBLE] world
today seeing my little Bobby
up there playing Old Blue.
UNCLE TED: Hey, Bobbo?

What about that
big bully guy who
was making your life
a living hell, huh?
MARTHA GENERIC:
[INAUDIBLE] language.
-What?

-Well, y-- you know.

I just sort of stayed
away, eh, from him.
A--and then I stood
up for myself.
And, uh-- and I didn't
show him that I was scared.
Then I played my
accordion for him.
-And, uh, how'd that work?

-Good.

-W-- wasn't it Myron who
said music hath charms
to sooth the savage [INAUDIBLE]?

[DOG GROWLING]

[SCREAM]

-I like the accordion.

[GIGGLING]

[GIGGLING]

That was great!

We had laughs.

We had accordions.

-Bobby?

Uh, are-- aren't you
gonna introduce me?
-Oh, I forgot.

OK, leave again.

[GIGGLING]

Bye.

HOWIE MANDEL: Bobby!

[GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC]