02x02 - Suspects, Lies & Videotape

[bunniefuu]

-Hi everybody!

Welcome to Bobby's World.

I'm Howie.

And of course, you all
know him-- that's Bobby.
A great idea for today's show--
instead of starting right away,
I'd like to read a
little poem I wrote.
It's a little-- well
it's not little--
but it's poem about
love, and flowers,
and-- and just beauty--
just overall beauty.
That's the beauty of this poem.

-Um-- uh, Howie?

Do-- do you have to
do that right now?
-Of course we don't--
we don't have to.
You don't have to-- we
don't have to do anything
we don't want to do.

I mean, that's the beauty
of this country isn't it?
In a free country, we-- we
have the freedom of choice.
Don't we?

We can do as we please.

That's what the
word freedom means.
When we live under a
democracy, as we do,
that gives us freedom
to do as we choose,
when we will and won't want to.

Whether we do or we don't.

We can.

We will.

And if we don't, there is.

That's the beauty of
living in this country.
The freedom of choice.

-Then I'd like to make a choice.

-Sure, what would that be?

-Let's forget about
the poem right now
and start the show
so I can watch
my Captain Squash video tape!

[BA-DUM CHA! NOISE]

-OK I'll just read it next week.

-Hey, it's a free country!

-Space schleps, boy are
you in for an adventure!
Poot-pooey on the enemy!

[VIDEO GAME NOISES]

-I wanna watch my new
Captain Squash video, now!
-In a minute, in a minute, runt.

-No!

-Yes, when I'm through
playing Space Fights.
-When are you gonna be through?

-In a minute.

-You said "in a minute"
a long time ago.
I wanna watch it now!

-Bobby!

Let go this minute!

[THUMP!]

-How come when a big kid
wants to do something,
a minute is a long
time, but when
they want you to do
something, it means right now?
-Just for that, I'm
never gonna let you watch
your stupid
videotape, pork-lips!
-That's no fair, Derek!

I'm-- I'm-- I'm gon-- I'm
gon-- I'm gonna get you--
It's that space slime, Derek.

He's violated our
territory again.
Are you thinking what I'm
thinking, Captain Squash?
CAPTAIN SQUASH: No.

-Oh.

-There's only one way to fight
space slime, commander Bobby!
BOBBY: Yeah?

-And that is with
space schlimps.
-That's what I was thinking.

Aye aye, Captain!

CAPTAIN SQUASH: Get him, Bobby!

Just like you saidyou would.

-[SCREAMS]

-[INAUDIBLE]

[LASERS sh**ting]

-[SCREAMS]

CAPTAIN SQUASH:
Congradulations, Bobby.
You got Derek-- Driven
him into deep space.
-And brought joy to the
hearts of Captain Squash fans
throughout the galaxy.

-Isn't it just the most
G-darn wonderful thing
you've ever seen?

-Mom?

-Oh, mom say that.

MOM: Isn't it just
the most G-darn
wonderful thing
you've ever seen?
MOM'S FRIEND: Ooh!

Oh, Martha, it's incredible.

[SQUEALS]

MOM: Oh yeah, you're squealing.

MOM'S FRIEND: [SQUEELS]

MOM: I knew it, yeah, yeah.

You know It's my most
prized possession.
Oh.

You're envying, I know.

I don't know what I'd do if
anything ever happened do it.
-A genuine, life-sized plaster
bust of the king himself.
MOM: Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah.

He was your favorite?

-[SQUEELS]

MOM: Uh-huh.

-I've been waiting, and
waiting, and waiting.
And it's my turn.

And Derek won't let me
watch Captain Squash video!
-Ah, now Bobby, how many
times have I told you,
it's not polite to interrupt
when other people are talking!
-Six. but Derek won't let me--

-Aw, Derek, for
corn's sakes, now
turn that G-darn noise down!

[VIDEO GAME NOISES]

-I thought she just said
it wasn't polite interrupt
MOM'S FRIEND: There, now Jackie.

Why don't you and
Bobby run along
and have some fun together.
Skedadle.
Go on.

-Ew!

-Wanna go outside and play?

-No.

I wanna watch Captain Squash!

MOM'S FRIEND: Ooh!

You won it as a door prize?

MOM: Oh yeah.

-To this day, every
time I hear the words,
"you ain't nothin'
but a hound dog--
MOM: Hold me back.

MOM'S FRIEND: Well I just melt!

MOM: Oh, now [INAUDIBLE]

MOM'S FRIEND: Hm?

MOM: Would you just
tell me something?
You know, just between us gals?

-Mhm.

-Do you think there's anything
to all those stories, you know,
about people seeing Elvis?

You know, like in the pod
malls or, or the men's rooms,
or what have you?

-Well, I-I don't know.

-You don't?

MOM'S FRIEND: But
one thing I do know,
there's an awful
lot of people who
think there's a good chance
the king's just hiding out.
Resting up before he
makes a big comeback!
Hallelujah!

-Oh, I would be there.

You know, I'd be the first
one in line for those tickets.
MOM'S FRIEND: Mhm.
MOM: Yeah.
-I think there's a
good chance she's
a couple of sandwiches
shy of a full picnic.
-Who's she talking to?

-Ok, Ok, boys.

Listen up now, I'm going over
to Jackie's mothers house
to watch the Home Shop
Till You Drop Network.
-It's lawn jockey week!

-Oh, gosh.
That's great.
-They're throwing in a
free pair of lawn flamingos
with every order of
two jockeys or more.
[DOOR SHUTS]

-Oh!

Derek, you're finished
playing Space Schleps?
-Yep.

I'm going skateboarding
over at Stevie's.
Whoa-- whoa-- whoa-- wait.

But what about my
Captain Squash tape?
-I don't have time.

I'll put it in for you later.

-Later?!

But I wanna see it now.

KELLY: Like, is anybody home?

-Kelley!

She'll put my tape in for me.

-Like, hello?

Is anybody home?

Tiffany, guess what?

I just bought,
like, the shortest
mini-skirt in the world!

And my mom?

Well, like, she
hasn't said anything.
Like, she hasn't
even seen it yet, OK?
[DOOR SLAMS]

-Tiffany!

Don't move!

-Hi!

-Uh, Bobby-- Who'd she think
it was gonna be, Bart Simpson?
[LAUGHS]

-Uh, like, I almost
had a total cardiac.
I thought it was my mom.

-Oh, that explains it.

-Kelly, can you put
my new Captain Squash
video in the VCR for me, please?

KELLY: Uh, Bobby--

-Well it's no fair.

C'mon, I was waiting and waiting
and waiting a really long time.
And then Derek just left.

-Look, I gotta go before
my little brother goes
into some kind of a
total conniption fit.
-Yay!

She's gonna do it!

She gonna do it!

You're the best, Kelly.

[CAR HORN]

KELLY: [SCREAMS]

-Oh no!

It's George.

She'll be out there for hours.

What am I gonna do?

-Oh, c'mon kid, wake up
and smell the chicken soup.
-No!

-Back-off, Squash.

It's the only way!

-Using the VCR by ourselves
is against the rules.
[CRASHING NOISES]

-I have to do it.

It's the only way to end the
fighting and save the day.
-Oh, G. Dogbert,
he can't be gone.
He can't have--

[SHATTERING]

-Ah!

WOMAN ON TV: Ah,
I don't know what
I'd do if anything
ever happened to him.
I-- I swear I don't.

I swear I don't. [CRYING]

-Oh no!

I broke my mommy's Elvis head!

CAPTAIN SQUASH: Do
you remember what
mom said would happen
if any harm ever
came to that head, Bobby?

-God!

God!

[SOBS] And now there's only
one thing from me to do,
I'm going to run away
and join the circus!
-The circus?!

-Oh, I can't bear to look.

She's not herself anymore.

And it's all Bobby's fault.

He broke her most
prized possession.
And made her run away
and join the circus!
AUDIENCE: Boo!

-What-- what am I--
what am I gonna do?
If mom finds out, she'll run
away and join the circus.
Miracle Glue.

Mom says there's nothing this
stuff won't stick together.
-No Bobby-- stop!

Once something's gone
wrong, breaking the rules
won't make it right.

-Back off, Squash!

This is an emergency!

-Yeah.

This is a-- this is a--
a-- this is an emergency.
[DOOR RATTLING]

[CRASHING NOISE]

-Hi Bobby, you want-- Uh, oh.

You're in trouble, big time.

-Dad's home!

I gotta hide mom's head.

-So, what do you say?

You want to fill in on my
bowling game again next week?
C'mon, good guy-bonding?

C'mon, you had a
great time, admit it.
-No, I didn't.
No I didn't man.
-Yes you did.

-No, I had a-- I got a blister--
from the rented bowling shoes.
I got-- and the ball, you--

TED: You need your own ball.

DAD: No, I got a sprained
thumb from your ball, Ted.
-Hey, hey, I know what's wrong--

DAD: This is not my idea
of a good time, OK buddy?
-Hey, I know what's wrong, you
just got post-bowling let-down.
That's a common thing.

DAD: No, it's not.

-All you need is a
little snackaroo now.
DAD: I'm not hungry.

-I'll make us a nice cold
chaser, whip something up
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Ted, Ted!

I really don't want-- My tools!

Somebody's gonna be in big
trouble for this-- Big trouble!
-Derek did it!

-What was Derek doing
in my toolbox, Bobby?
-Oh, boy-- Um, he-- he--
uh, he did it cause, uh,
he needed to fix his skateboard?

Yeah.

And it had to work
really good, cause,
uh, he had to ride it
all the way to the mall.
-The mall?!

He knows he's not supposed to go
to the mall without permission!
I'm-- I'm-- I'm going to wait
right here, in the living room.
The minute he comes
in, is he gonna get it!
-Hey, c'mon Howard Howard,
just calm down. calm down.
Hey, I tell you what, how
'bout a little something
to eat while you're waiting.
It'll settle your stomach--
DAD: I don't wanna eat!

TED: It'll settle you down.
DAD: I'm mad!
-What's the matter?

-Der-- Derek didn't
mess up dad's tools.
And he isn't at the mall.

I just-- I just made
all that stuff up.
And I don't even know why.

-You mean, you told a lie?

-Yes!

What's a lie?

Well, whatever it is, I
never told one before.
Uh oh.

Roger's gonna bury the king.

-You better tell your dad
the truth about the tools,
and the Elvis head,
and everything.
As my mom says, the truth
never stays buried for long.
-Hello?

Police?

Hello?

Police?

You'd better get over to the
Generic house right away.
Uh huh.

Oh, yes.

Oh yes.

That's right.

They're burying the
king in their backyard,
in a snow suit and a bandana.

I'm watching them do
it right this minute.
-Aw!

Dad, you can't do this!

-I can do what I
want, young man.
-It's not fair!

-You might as well
stop wailing, Derek.
You're grounded for a week.

And that is that.

You know very well that you're
not supposed to go as far
away as the mall
without permission.
You know that, buddy boy.

DEREK: But I didn't.

I was at Stevie's.

-Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah, Derek?

We know where you-- we know--
we know you were at the mall.
Bobby told us, OK?

-What?!

-Oh, and unlike you,
young man Mr. Derek here,
Bobby he never lied to us.

-Your mother is right.

-That's right.

-You weasel!

I'm gonna get you for this!

-Aw-- Ah!

-Bobby!

What did you do with it?

-Do-- do with what?

-Bobby!

What did you do
with my mini-skirt?
-Nothing.

Ugh!

Come off it, Bobby.

I hid it right
behind Dad's toolbox.
And now it is gone!

-It--it-- it is?

-Yes!

The brand-new red
polka dot mini-skirt
that I, like, spent my entire
life savings on is gone!
-R-red?

-Yes!

-Um, with dots?

KELLY: Yes!

Now where is it?

-I dunno.

W-what-- what are
you talking about?
-I am talking about my brand new
$50 red polka-dot mini-skirt!
-The red miniskirt?

KELLY: [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

-Oh that's it, young lady.

You're grounded for a week.

KELLY: Mom!

-Go upstairs right now.

Hop to it!
Let's go.
-[WHIMPERS]

-You know that dad and I forbid
you to buy that naughty skirt.
-Aw--

-It's way too short!

KELLY: It is not!

MOM: Oh honey, for
corn's sake, the thing's
barely bigger than a Bandaid.

-Ah!

-Bobby-- [GRUNTS] I am
gonna get you for this.
Like, I don't care if it takes
me the rest of my natural life!
OK?!

-This is the worst day I ever
had in my whole life, Webley.
-Oh, [CHUCKLING] come on,
don't let it bother you
that Kelly and Derek
got busted, Bob-O.
-But Uncle Ted,

-Take it from me,
it's the best thing
that could happen to them.

It's a good life lesson, Bobby.

BOBBY: But I--

TED: Not telling the
truth is dangerous.
-But--

TED: It can lead to all
kinds of ugly things--
cheating, stealing,
and jail, even.
-Hear what the man said, kid?

Jail.

-Order in the court!

Order in the court!

Yeah, I want to order two
pepperoni pizzas and a diet
soft drink and a double
cheese on those pies, please.
Guilty!

Go to jail.

[CRASHING NOISE]

-Derek, you're a rat!

-Oh Yeah?

Look who's talking.

-Mr. Gen-eh-ric--

BOBBY: It's Gen-ir-ric.

MOM: It's Gen-ir-ric.

-Sorry.

Gen-ir-ric.

-Gen-ir-ric.

-I'm afraid we're
going to have to take
a look around your
backyard ma'am.
MOM: Backyard?

POLICE: Somebody's reported
there's a body buried there.
MOM: A body buried there?!

-Oh-- ooh--

JACKIE [VOICEOVER]: The truth
never stays buried for long--
[GRUNTING]

-[WAILS] Oh no, say it ain't so!

Say it ain't so!

-My skirt!

-Sorry to have
bothered you, ma'am.
[BOTH CRYING]

-Bobby, is there anything
you want to tell me here?
DAD: Do you know how mom's
Elvis head and Kelly's skirt
ended up buried
in this backyard?
-Nope.

-Robert-- we know you're
not telling us the truth,
young man.

-And honey, you never
lied to us before.
I'm so disappointed.

don't ya know.

-You guys are going to have to
be on your guard from now on!
-For sure.

Like, you won't be able to
believe a single word that
comes out that
little forked tongue.
MOM: Oh, now, Howard, maybe this
is only an isolated incident.
-[CRYING]

ELVIS: Hey, check out of
the Heartbreak Hotel, buddy.
-Huh?

ELVIS: Every thing's
gonna be all right.
-You look like
mommy's Elvis head.
ELVIS: Well let's not
talk about me right now.
Let's talk about you.

About you telling
your folks the truth.
-It's too late.

They won't listen.

They hate me
because I told lies.
ELVIS: Now, Trust me Bobby,
they still love you, son.
Now you get in there and
you tell them the truth.
And apologize for lying.

-Mom!

Dad!

I broke the Elvis Head, then I
got scared, and I told a lie.
I'm sorry.

-I know you are, Bobby.

-Oh, honey, thanks
for coming around.
You know we're proud of
you for telling the truth.
-Yes, we are.

-Elvis told me to.

He's in the backyard right now.

DEREK: [LAUGHS] Wiener brain!

[SIBLINGS LAUGHING]

BOBBY: C'mon, C'mon!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Oh, honey, our Bobby sure has
some imagination, doesn't he?
[CAR MOTOR STARTING]

-Well, that's it.

Everybody?

Everybody?

Where-- Where'd you guys go?

[LAUGHS] What'd you do?

Did you turn your TVs around?

You're a-- you're
a bunch of nuts!
That's what you are!

Anyways, that's our show--

-Hey Howie, guess what this is?

-Uh, is it some kind
of insect or something?
-No.

-Is it, uh-- oh,
is it an airplane?
-No.

Give up?

-OK, I give up.

-It's my left hand, silly!

-[LAUGHS]

-[LAUGHS]

-From now on, I
always tell the truth.
Bye!

-See, that's the truth.

Bye.

I thought they were
over there for a minute.
And they're actually over there.