02x01 - Three Kids and a Baby

[bunniefuu]

-Hi everybody, welcome
to "Bobby's World".
Oh, do we have a terrific
show for you today or--
-You're it.

-No, I'm Howie.

Get it?

OK, I'll start counting.

All right, uh, one, three, four,
five, ready or not here I come.
-Hey, you forgot two.

-I forgot to what?

-You forgot to say two.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

I must have lost my
head for a second.
-Why is it so much fun for big
people to annoy little people?
-Oh, now we got
to start the show.
Where are you?

Where are you?

Where are you
little [INAUDIBLE]?
Where are you?

Where-- where are you,
you-- where are you?
Where?

Where are you?

Bobby?

Where?

Where?

Bobby?

[THEME MUSIC]

[GRUNTING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Shh!

Ollie, ollie home free.

Look Roger, it's not
that much further.
-Gotcha again short legs.

-You didn't.

-Yes, I did.

I got you.

-No, you didn't.

-Yes, I got you.

-You guys should love each other
not-- hey, hey, hey Bobby, now
how many times have I told
you not to run in the house?
-Why do parents
always want to know
how many times
they've yelled at us?
I'll take getting
in trouble for $200.
GAME SHOW HOST: Bobby Generic--

BOBBY: Gen-er-ric.

GAME SHOW HOST:
Sorry, Gen-er-ric.
The answer is 65.

What is the question?

-Uh, uh, how many
times has Mom told
Bobby not to run in the house?

-That's right there
now, young man.
And I don't want to
have to tell you again.
Now you run upstairs and wash
those grubby little hands.
-Don't run in the house.

Now run upstairs?

Parents, you figure them out.

BOBBY'S MOM: Oh
Bobby, now, don't
tip your chair back like that.

You know, you're going to
fall and crack your cranium.
-Oh, this is-- this
is-- this is nice.
The whole family enjoying
a good meal together.
Isn't this great?

Martha, is not beauty?

-This is a beautiful
thing Howard, yeah.
-Yeah, it sure is.

But it's Kelly's turn
to do the dishes.
-It is not!

-Not with your
[INAUDIBLE] mouth.
-Kids?

Kids?

Kids?

KELLY: Bobby, will you
stop picking your nose.
-Will you just quiet
down here then?
BOBBY: I was not
picking my nose.
-I have something I wanted
to share with you all.
BOBBY'S DAD: I'm
going to have to-- I'm
going to have to separate you.

I'm going to have
to separate you.
-Now Bobby, would
you like to have
a little brother
or, say, a sister?
-OK.

[YELLING]

BOBBY'S MOM: Hey now!

Hey, hey, hey, everyone please,
I have something to say.
-Was too!

-No, you weren't.

-Was too.

Was too.

Be quiet!

Not me.

Her.

-Well, now that I have
a c*ptive audience.
I want to announce--

-Oh, it's 8:00.

-Captain Squash is on.

-Oh, the rock video countdown.

-I've got to practice
on my video game.
-Oh well, gee darn it Howard.

Aren't you Mr. Helpful?

-Oh boy Captain Squash
on the big screen tv.
-Come on, Bobby.

You watch Captain Squash
every Saturday morning.
BOBBY: It's never enough.

-I want to watch
the video countdown.
-You don't get it.

I have to practice video
game play out at the mall.
BOBBY: No.

-Oh, you are such
a little twerp.
[YELLING]

-Oh now.

-Hey everyone, here's something
that we can all watch.
The Howie Mandel
Comedy Special, huh?
-I think this is a nice look.

-Isn't this great kids?

-Dad!

DEREK: Hey, what's going on?

-What did you do now?

-What happened?

[YELLING]

DEREK: You must have broke it.

-Oh yeah.

[YELLING]

-I'm pregnant.

-Oh--

-Mom is peppermint?

BOBBY'S MOM: Howard?

KELLY: Dad, like are you okay?

-Are you okay?

I just wanted to surprise
everybody is all.
-Stop it.

-What's the big deal?

I like peppermint.

-God, Bobby, are you like
totally clueless or what?
-No.

-Not peppermint.

Pregnant.

Mom's going to
have a baby, dork.
-Howard?

Howard?

Oh, my own.

-Well, my little
bobb-a-rino, we've
had a big day haven't we buddy?

Well, it's time to go to sleep.

-I can't sleep.

-You're still not sleepy, huh?

-No.

Daddy?

BOBBY'S DAD: Yeah?

-Where do babies come from?

-Um, well, where do--
where do babies come from?
-I already asked you that, Dad.

-Where do-- where
do babies come from.
Uh well-- mommies uh bring
them home from the hospital.
-Why?

-Uh, because that's where
mommies go to have a baby.
-Why?

-Um, look it's
getting late Bobby.
I'll explain it to you tomorrow.

-Why?

-Because I said so Bobby.

Now, now, go to sleep squirt.

-How come parents can
explain things later
and kids always have to
explain them right now?
BOBBY'S DAD: Because
that's the way it is, OK?
Good night, Bobby.

DEREK: Yikes, look
Dad I've got a hair.
You want me to shave it?

I'll shave it.

-Oh no, I want to pluck it.

You want me to?

-Is it on his face?

-No Mom because then when I get
a beard I'll have a bald spot.
-Derek, once you start
shaving your beard
grows in thicker than before.

You saw what happened
to Aunt Ruth.
-Oh cool.

-Good one.

-Excuse me, excuse me,
will you move please?
I have to take a shower, OK?

The other one is
full of Bobby's toys.
-So why don't you
just take them out?
-Oh yeah, because I look
like his mom, right?
-Dad, Dad!

You said you could explain
about babies tomorrow.
It's tomorrow.

BOBBY'S MOM: Bobby!

-Well, it is.

-Well, how many times
do I have to repeat
myself about running
in the house?
-Getting in trouble for $400.

GAME SHOW HOST:
The answer is $100.
What is the question?

-Uh, how many times does
Mom have to repeat herself.
-Jackie!

Jackie!

-Over here.

Come quick.

-What is it?

-Look.

-I don't see anything.

Yuck.

Gross.

-I know what peppermint is.

My dog's peppermint.

And she's going to have puppies.

-Wow.

Mom's going to have puppies.

This might not be
so bad after all.
-Hey Bobby, what's up?

You excited to see me or
you got ants in your pants?
Ha, ha, ha.

-Yeah.

-So Bobb-o, I hear
your mother's going
to have another
mouth to feed, huh?
-She is?

No, she isn't.

She's going to have a baby.

Where do babies
come from Uncle Ted?
-Oh, well, you see
there's this big cabbage
patch where storks come from.

Yeah, that's it.

And then, the bees take this
bun and they put it in the over,
see?

And then finally, you know it's
done when the groundhog steps
into the sunlight and
sees his shadow, Bobby.
AUNT RUTH: Oh Ted.

-What?

What?

-Oh well, you and
your silly stories.
Oh, what a foul, foul habit.

UNCLE TED: Look who's
talking litterbug.
Oh, there he is.

How's my big boy?

Now, where's your Mommy?

Sweetheart, I said
where's your Mommy?
-She's in the house.

In the house.

What's that?

-Well sweetheart, that's
my beep alert medallion.
I just got it and it's supposed
to be all kinds of fun.
Well, what do you say
we give it a trial run?
OK, now Bobby, watch this.

-Hockey shockers, are you OK?

-I've fallen and I can't get up.

-Code gray.

-OK, out of the way.

-Stand clear, gray lady down.

-Should I stand this one up?

-No, I think you
did the last one.
I better do this.

-Oh no, wait.

I'll give you a hand.

-No, don't give me a hand.

Get her hand.

Careful now, ma'am.

-That's a load and
a half, yes sir.
Oh man.

-That's what we're
here for, ma'am.
-That's really great Aunt Ruth.

-Yeah, great idea Ruthie.

I see you finally
found a way to get
guys to pay attention to you.

-Aunt Ruth?

Where do babies come from?

-Hey Bobb-o, don't worry
about where it comes from.
Think about what happens
when it gets here
and you're not the baby
of the family anymore.
-Well, what will I be
if I'm not the baby?
Will I be an animal, like Roger?

-No, Bobby, you sweetheart.

Give me that.

-Hey, that's imported
if you don't mind.
Give it back.

-Ted's the animal
in this family.
But once the baby gets here
you'll have to be a little man.
-I will?

Now I am not an animal.

I am a man.

-So are you looking for a job?

-Yeah, a man job.

Because I'm not a baby anymore.

-Fireman, policeman,
got an opening
for a stand-up comedian.

-I don't have an act.

What am I supposed to do?

Put a glove on my head?

Come on.

It's George.

-Ah, George.

Mom, can I go to the
Bun Boy with George?
BOBBY'S MOM: Only if
you take your brothers.
-Ew, then forget it.

Uh, mom is so dictatorial.

-No kidding.

I always thought she
was a Protestant.
But no matter what anybody is
in this great country of ours,
Kel, they have the
constitutional right
to be that, or anything
else they want to be if they
like you know change their mind.

-Oh George.

You're so deep.

-Oh, it is Bobby, my main man.

What's up?

-Gee, George wants to
me to be a man too.
Mommy, I'm home.

-You know Ruth--

-Yes?

-Now that the new
baby's on the way
I'll have to start thinking
about saving some money.
-Well sweetheart, you
could always save money
by using Bobby's old stuff
instead of buying new stuff.
-Oh spiffy idea Ruth.

You know, I'll bleach the
sputum off the t-shirts.
AUNT RUTH: Sputum is good.

-You know, the baby can use
all of Bobby's old things.
-He can't have my stuff!

What am I going to use?

-Now Bobby, didn't I tell
you not to run in the house?
Do you want me to spank you?

-The answer is no.

What is the question?

-Do you want a spanking?

GAME SHOW HOST: That is correct.

-Sure it is.

Who would be stupid enough to
say they wanted a spanking?
-That's it, Bobby.

Go to your room.

You're on a time
out young mister.
-I'd rather go to
the bonus round.
I guess I better pack
up and move out Roger.
They're going to
have a new baby now.
I don't belong here anymore.

Bye Roger.

You don't have to come with
me if you don't want to.
It's OK.

I won't be scared.

I won't mind not having
anybody to talk to.
Don't worry.

And even if the
bad guys get me, I
won't be mad that you
weren't there to save me.
I love you, Roger.

BOBBY'S MOM: Bobby?

-Mom?

-Oh, I thought I'd
find you in here.
Is it all right for
girls to come in here?
-You're not a girl, Mommy.

You're a mom.

-Oh, gee, I'm glad I caught
you before you ran away.
Is there something
bothering you?
You know, something you
want to talk about Bobby?
-Well--

-Oh--

-Well, I don't know.

-Come on, honey.

-You know--

-Maybe.

-Yeah, you can tell me
about it all the way
back to the house,
don't you know.
Come on now.

-Mom, don't be mad at me.

-I won't be.

-But, but I changed
my mind about wanting
to have a baby
brother or sister.
-Oh honey, that decision--

-I don't want to have to go!

I don't want to have to
go away so they can come.
I want to stay.

BOBBY'S MOM: Oh that-- I know.

-I like this family.

-I know, honey.

We don't want you to
go either ever, hon.
-Really?

-We love you.

Yeah.

-Really?

But if you have a new baby
there won't be any room for me.
-Oh, we can make room honey.

There's always room in
a family for everybody.
Now, for example, remember
how you knew Roger first
and you loved him?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, and then you got Webley.

And now you love him too.

-Yeah?

Well, just as much
as I love Roger.
-Yeah, you add them
on as you get them.
-Wow.

-The love will just
grow don't you know?
-Mommy?

BOBBY'S MOM: Yeah?

-Where is the baby
going to come from?
-Oh, right here,
inside my tummy.
It's in my womb right know.

-Good.

Then he won't need my womb.

Well, not right away.

Don't worry little
brother or sister,
I'll get you out of there
whenever you're ready.
-That's my boy.

GEORGE: Oh cool, Bobby's
[INAUDIBLE] back.
So you found the
little crusty dude.
-Oh, you little darling.

-Oh my stars, thank
heavens he's safe.
-So what's happening
like little greaser?
-Hi George.

I'm back from running away.

-I knew it was too good to last.

-Derek, give it up.

You know you were just
as worried about Bobby
as everybody else was.

-So what if I was?

-So you were.

So admit it.

-We're going to have a baby.

That's a cool thing, huh George?

-Fully cool.

I got a baby brother.

Anytime I break anything,
I just blame it on him.
He doesn't care.

Guys that are his age,
they don't know anything.
-They don't?

That's great.

We can play hide and seek.

And he won't know any
of my hiding places.
-Yes sirree, it's going
to be great to have
another little guy in the house.

Isn't it kids?

-Oh here's a thought.

Just think how great it
would be if it were twins.
-Twins!?

Ahhh---

KELLY: Dad!

Oh my gosh!

-Howard?

BOBBY: Aunt Ruth?

-Yes, sweetheart?

-Could you come
here for a minute?
BOBBY'S MOM: Oh honey.

KELLY: A nice cool cloth.

-My Dad has fallen
and he can't get up.
-Guess what Bobby?

-Can I guess where?

-Well, tell me how.

-Why?

-Because we're all out of time.

So until next week, it's
bye from "Bobby's World".
-The show is over and
Howie can't get up.
-Coming through.

Here we go.

Star down, star down.

-OK, you grab ankles.

-Oh boy.

-Is he pointy anywhere?

-Boy, he's heavy one.

Stars are heavy.

-Maybe if you slide
his arm over here--
-I'm not sliding
anything mister.
-Oh, am I supposed to
do it all by myself?
-Oh, no one's doing anything.

Oh there it goes.

Hernia.

-Oh and by the way, for more
information on where babies
come from there are
more books you can read.
How You Were Born
by Joanna Cole,
You Were Born on Your First
Birthday by Linda Girard--
-OK, we got a code beige here.

-Code blue, red, no beige.

Check the book.

-Bye!

[THEME MUSIC]