01x04 - The Best One of the Mall

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everybody.


I'm Howie.


Welcome to Bobby's World.


And-- you know what that means.


Right.


It's my birthday.


Maybe I'll make myself
a surprise party,

so don't tell me.


Birthday cake-- I
love birthday cake.

I'd love to taste it.


But you know why I can't?


Know you don't.


Because it's cartoon cake.


And I'm a real person,
and real people

can't taste cartoon cakes
unless they're cartoons.

So I'm gonna go change
into a cartoon now.

[THEME MUSIC]


-Dad!


-What?


-Guess-- guess what.


Mommy's making Kelly and Derek
take me to the mall with them.

We're going to buy
you birthday presents.

We're gonna get
you a brand new--

-What?


A brand new what?


-Uh-oh.


I forgot.


I'm not supposed to tell.


Gotta go, Dad.


See you.


-No, Bobby!


Wait!


I wanna know what my
present's gonna be.

-I'm not supposed to tell you.


Because if you know you're
getting a WeedWacker,

it'll spoil the surprise.


Oops.


Now what am I gonna do?


Wow!


A whole day in the mall
without Mom and Dad.

This is gonna be fun.


-Yeah, yeah.


Spending the whole day
with my runt brother--

what could be more fun?


I do not believe this.


Do you know who that is?


-Who?


-Two of the coolest
girls in my class.

-They look more like the
mutants from the planet Dork.

-Get lost.


Don't you even dare look
like you are with me.

-But-- but aren't we gonna
buy Dad's WeedWacker?

-I'll take care of it.


I've got, like, what?


I've got $3.


And-- um--


-Here's my $0.47.


-$0.47?


-Don't look at me.


Dad's the one who wouldn't
give me a bigger allowance.

-Well, Piggy.


I guess this is it.


It's time for you to go to
that big piggy bank in the sky.

Bye, Piggy.


-Bye, Bobby.


Remember, a penny
saved is a penny saved.

I love that one.


And never forget.


When it rains, it rains
pennies from heaven.

-That's it?


That is all you've saved?


-Yeah.


I'm only a little boy.


-We are short, like, $37.89.


-You know, this is why kids
should have credit cards.

-Like, how are we supposed
to get Dad his WeedWacker?

-Not my problem.


-Derek, where do you
think you are going?

-The video arcade.


-The video arcade?


You're holding out on us.


-Kelly, you're, like,
totally going to freak.

-Just look who's coming.


-Who?


Santa?


[SHRIEK]


-It's George.


Oooh.


-Wouldn't you just, like,
totally die to go out with him?

-Or just, like, marry him?


-He is such a babe.


-Hey, you guys.


Wanna meet my sister?


-Hey, guys.


Speak to the little mall rat.


He wants us to meet his sister.


-Yeah?


What's wrong with your
arbuckle sister, kid?

She some kind of
dog or something?

-A dog?


ANNOUNCER: Our next
contestants, Mr. and Mrs.

Generic and their dog Kelly.


-That's GEN-er-ick.


Kelly, sit.


-Want me to sit?


Get me a chair.


-OK, Kelly.


Come on.


Beg.


-Me?


Beg?


Get serious.


-Oh, now, honey.


Let me get in here.


Come on now.


Let me talk to her.


Now roll over and play
dead, you big furry girl.

Oh, so nice for Mommy now.


-Like, I just had my
hair done, you know.

And you want me to roll
around in the dirt?

Sure, I'll get right on that.


-So, kid.


What's the score?


Is your sister a
bow-wow or what?

-No.


More like a scaredy-cat.


That's her over there.


-The one with the weird hair?


-No.


The one with the big pimple.


-The big pimple?


Thank you anyway, kid.


-Hey, you looking for
somebody to meet your sister?

-Yeah.


The one over there
with the big pimple.

-Wow.


She sounds great.


-Yeah, only one pimple.


-Bobby, wait till I
get my hands on you.

-Whoa!


MAN [ON RADIO]: This
is mission control.

Come in, Avenger One.


Do you need backup?


Repeating, do you need backup?


-This is Avenger One.


There's only a couple
of million of 'em.

Nothing I can't handle myself.


Eat laser [INAUDIBLE]
you space scum.

MAN [ON RADIO]:
You single-handedly

saved the Earth from
total annihilation.

[SOBBING] Thank you.


Thank you, Commander Generic.


Is there anything I
can do to repay you?

-You wanna meet my sister?


-Sorry, young man.


I'm already married.


-There you are.


Don't move.


-OK.


-Bobby, I told you not to move!


-OK.


-OK, Bobby.


Wait at the bottom.


-OK.


OK.


-You are so totally clueless.


You are such a-- It's George.


It's for real.


We gotta get out of here.


Don't look.


If he sees me-- oh I swear.


Um-- I just wanna be invisible.


Oh, like, I will die of
embarrassment, Bobby.

Bobby, is he, like, gone yet?


Bobby?


Bobby?


Bobby!


-My fault?


What do you mean?


-Well, if you'd been watching
Bobby like you were supposed

to be, he, like,
wouldn't be lost, OK?

While I was trying to
keep an eye on him,

you were totally zoned
on Commander Carrot.

-It wasn't Commander Carrot.


It was Captain Squash.


-Like, duh.


Big difference.


-So, George.


How come you have a
ponytail and an earring?

You wanna be a girl?


-What's so funny?


I don't get it.


-That's, like, you
don't get anything.

-Well, it's a crazy question.


It doesn't make any sense.


Get lost.


-Just chill out, Sid.


All right?


The kid's totally, you
know, like, mellow.

And he fully makes
me laugh, you know?

And, you know, he, like,
knows how to pick up chicks.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]


-What a cool little dude.


-Wow.


I came in here a little brother.


Now I'm a cool dude.


Are malls great or what?


George?


Kelly?


Derek?


Where are you?


Oh no!


Oh no.


What if I never find them?


Oh boy.


I came in here.


It was many years ago.


And I was looking for
a present for-- oy.

Excuse me, Mr. Policeman.


-I am not a policeman.


I'm a mall guard.


Mall guard Meeker, my partner
Schnerd, deputy mall guard.

-Hi, what's your name?


-Bob-- Bobby.


-Bobby, we have determined
you to be a lost person.

Section F-13, the
mall guard manual,

and I quote-- "A mall guard must
aid and assist all lost persons

in becoming founded."


-But I'm not lost anymore.


See?


I'm here.


-Look, sonny.


You want us to help you or not?


-You can help me find
my brother and sister.

-Bingo, Ralphie.


They're lost.


-Well, not exactly, but--


-Sorry, kid.


No can do.


Right here and I quote.


"Must assist lost persons."


The manual doesn't say word
one about helping the unlost.

You're up the mall
without a paddle?

-But Ralphie, what about
the mall guard oath?

From first light to
darkest midnight,

Monday through Saturday,
10 to 6 on Sundays,

it is my duty to meet the
needs of all shoppers--

-Regardless of race,
religion, or the color

of their credit cards.


-All shoppers, Ralphie.


The lost and the unlost alike!


-Don't worry, Bobby.


We'll find that brother
and sister of yours.

Because we're mall guards!


[SOBBING]


-Hey, what's the matter?


-I'm lost!


-Relax.


Everything's gonna be fine.


I was lost a couple
of minutes ago myself.

Looking back on it, it
really wasn't that bad.

-Sheila!


How may times do I have to tell
you do not talk to strangers!

-Stranger?


I'm not a stranger.


I know who I am.


I'm Bobby.


-Help!


Help!


Someone please rescue me!


-Fear not, Princess.


I shall save you.


-I would like to thank
you, brave knight.

But basically you
are a stranger to me.

-I am not a stranger.


I am Sir--


-Bobby!


Son, look what we find.


A brother and a sister.


-I'm her brother.


-And I'm his sister.


-But they're not my
brother and sister.

-Sorry.


My mistake.


My fault.


-You know, it kind of
makes you wonder what kind

of is attracted to
the job of mall guard.

Guess I'll have to find
Kelly and Derek myself.

Where in the mall would they be?


Stapler World?


Nope.


Credit Den?


Den--dentist?


Definitely not that.


-Hey, Bobby-- son.


We did it this time.


Here's Brother Jerome
and Sister Mary DeSales.

-Nope.


Wrong brother and sister.


-My fault again.


Sorry, brother and sister.


Sorry.


-Attention.


For a mere $25 you
can have your coat

of arms hand-painted on
genuine wood-look plastic.

And what's your
name, little fella?

-Bobby Generic.


-Geneneneric?


Why that's one of the oldest
family names in existence.

Thor and Rocky, the
cave-dwelling Genenerics.

BOBBY: Generic.


-Yes, quite.


Julius and Augusta the
Genenenerics of Rome.

BOBBY: Generic!


-Yes, yes.


Sven and Inga, the
Viking Gemenenerigemics.

BOBBY: Gen-er-ick.


-Dusty and Bubbles, the
cowboy Genemrinimick--

yippi-kiyo-ki-yay.


BOBBY; Generic!


-And Cochese and Fanny, the
Indian Gekneramilitikrik.

-Generic, OK?


OK.


That's really neat, but I've
gotta find Kelly and Derek.

We gotta get a WeedWacker.


-What an honor it
was to meet you.

WeedWacker, hm?


Ah.


Let me look that up.


-Thank you.


And now I need a volunteer
from the audience

to help me select the
grand prize winner.

-I'll do it.


I wanna help!


-Right there!


The little fellow in the back.


Yes, you!


Come on up.


-Hey, come on.


It's, like, you know, clap
for the, like, little dude.

-And the grand prize
winner is number 39!

wait a minute, young man.


For helping with the
drawing you win your choice

of either a Captain
Squash video game

or a brand spanking
new WeedWacker!

-A WeedWacker?


We were gonna get Dad
that for his birthday.

-Take the video game.


You deserve it.


Forget your dad.


He's an old guy.


His life's over.


-Don't listen to him, Bobby.


Do the right thing.


Choose the WeedWacker.


-Bobby, think about
yourself and what you want.

Take the video game.


-Don't listen to me.


He's a lying low-life.


-Hey, buddy.


Beats being a talking zucchini.


BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
The video game?

The WeedWacker?


The video game?


The WeedWacker?


The video game?


The WeedWacker?


The video game?


The WeedWacker?


The video game?


The WeedWacker?


The video game?


-The WeedWacker!


-Atta boy, Bobby.


-Bobby!


-Bobby, you little dork.


Where are you?


-Come on.


Where are you?


Oh, like, this is really far.


Bobby, this is so lame.


You, like, disappear, and you,
like, totally freak me out

just so that you can
sneak off and yuck it up

with your dopey little friends?


-Hey, it's, like,
you know, lay off.

It's just, like,
take a chill pill.

And-- um-- can you
just, like, watch

who you're calling, like, dopey?


-Oh no!


George!


And, like, every other
cool guy in school.

-Whoa!


Well now, what in the heck
is-- oh for Pete's sakes .

Now, what's going on out there?


-I do not believe
this happened to me.

My life is, like, totally over.


-Thanks for the ride, George.


-Later, wild guy.


-Kelly thinks
you're a real baby,

and wants to go to
a dance with you.

What do you think?


-Look-- um-- I don't know.


Well, I guess.


You know, It's, like, I'll have
to see how she cleans up first.

-She cleans up pretty good
except for that one pimple!

[SCREAMING]


ANNOUNCER: Attention
mall shoppers,

the mall will
close in 5 minutes.

So get out.


-Bobby?


Bobby, where are you?


Dork.


-Did he say Bobby?


Gotcha!


-Hey, Bobby.


Look at this.
We did it.

-We got your brother.


-Yup.
He's right here.

-No sister, but
we got a brother.

-Come on, mister.


Let's see some ID.


-Right here.


-Happy birthday, Dad.


Here's your present.


-Aw.


Now look, honey.


For crying in the--
isn't that a beaut there.

It's a WeedWacker, dontcha know?


-Wow, kids.


How did you kids afford this?


This is a really expensive
present, you know?

-Tell me about it.


Like, it only cost me
my entire social life.

-Did you have a
good birthday, Dad?

-Terrific.


Thanks for the
WeedWacker, Bobby.

-It wasn't just from me, Dad.


It was from all of us.


It was from Kelly and Derek too.


-Bobby, quite a kid.


-So you-- you really like it?


-Like it?


I love it.


First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna
be out there whacking, Bobby.

Those weeds aren't
gonna know what hit 'em.

How about you?


You have a good
time at the mall?

-It was great.


Know what I found out?


At the mall getting a
present for somebody else

can even be more fun than
getting one for yourself.

Night, Dad.


Happy birthday.


-Is that kid great or what?


Hey, and I'm not just
saying that because we're

on the same show.


No, I mean it.


He's great, right?


-Right.


[ENDING THEME]