02x26 - Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin

[bunniefuu]

[Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" playing]

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[phone ringing]

♪There's somethin' strange ♪

♪ In the neighborhood ♪

[alarm ringing]

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's somethin' weird ♪

♪ And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[roaring]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[Peter] Are we there yet?

[Egon] No, Peter.

Well, how much further?

[sighs]

It's just that...
Just that we're...

We're getting too far
away from New York City.

I can feel my powers draining.

[backfires]

Madame LaFarge's

Wondrous and Amazing
Traveling Sideshow.

Egon, why are we here?

That was a mistake.

Well, we're here because
five billion years ago,

there was a cataclysmic expl*si*n

That literally...
[whistles]

No, Egon. Time, time.

I meant, what are we doing way out
here in the Poconos.

Oh.

We're here to check that out.

[Winston] See the amazing
two-headed rabbit, a living unicorn,

a real mermaid
and Droll the dogfaced...Goblin

[all] Goblin?

Nah...

No way, it's got to be bogus.

How could a sleazy,
two-bit operation like this

contain a real goblin?

[Madame LaFarge] Anyone who looks
like a spokesman

for a discount stereo store,

should be careful who he calls "sleazy".

You must be Madame LaFarge.

Nice place you got here.

We're the Ghostbusters.

We're here to solve
your goblin problem.

That's very nice.

But I don't have
a goblin problem.

Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

Now, if you don't mind,

I have a show to put on.

Well, folks, we've managed
to coax her out of retirement.

Please welcome

Little Egypt!

[applause]

Little Egypt?

[Egyptian music playing]

[crowd] oh...

[crowd chuckling]

I don't know.
I think she's kind of nice.

[growling]

[crowd screaming]

There really
is a goblin.

Relax, it's all done with mirrors.

Mirrors don't give
P.K.E. readings like this.

I think we've got
a free standing, four-footed,

four-armed, garden-variety,
green goblin here.

Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's bust him.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have
the situation under control.

Please file out in a calm,
orderly fashion.

[all scream]

Somehow, I don't think
they believed you, Ray.

[roaring]

OK, Little Italy, ease out of the way,

so we can get a clear shot.

It's Egypt.
Little Egypt.

[growls]

All right, boys,
let's saute this puppy.

Stop!

[all] Lady!

You're making a terrible mistake.

Please don't fire those things at Drool.

He's part of the show.

[gibberish]

He says,
"Pleased to meet you."

You mean, it's a pet?

Hardly.

Drool adopted us a couple of years ago,

and he's been tagging along ever since.

I finally put him in the show.

Yeah, sure.
Cleo and this guy

didn't exactly look like
they were having tea.

Oh, that's just part
of his performance.

Drool, show these nice people
what else you can do.

OK.

[Ghostbusters exclaim
in disgust]

-Hey.
-Hey.

[groaning in disgust]

Get away.

[Peter] Gross.

[gibberish]

Yucko.

Come on, lady, let us bust him.

He's terminally gross.

Absolutely not!

Drool is perfectly harmless.

Don't you think all this running around,

busting ghosts, has made you guys
just a little trigger-happy?

Well...

OK, we'll go.
But just remember,

death by slobber is not a pretty sight.

[Peter] I still think we should have
busted that thing.

But what if
Madame LaFarge is right?

Maybe he is just a harmless,

four-footed green goblin.

Sorry, harmless and goblin
are mutually exclusive terms.

[engine backfires]

What does that mean?

It means we should have busted him.

[engine stops running]

No!

Ecto-1, don't do this to me.

Come on now.

Don't strand us out here
in double Nitsville.

[Ray] Peter, push!

Or I'm getting out the kryptonite.

OK, OK.

[creature laughing]

[Winston] Ray! Look out.

[screams]

Look out!

You almost got yourself stir-fried.

[drool growls]

What was that?

Well, if you ask me,
it looks very much

like a certain goblin we all know.

Come on, let's get Ecto-1 to a garage.

[growling]

[growls]

[dog barks]

Will someone shut that dog up?

I'm trying to get some work done.

[barking loudly]

Hey!

Stupid dog, shut up.

[barking continues]

Geez.

Must be a mutant strain.

[cat meowing]

[meowing]

[meowing]

[gasping]

This is not natural.
Even for the Poconos.

[knock on door]

Is that room service?
Come on in.

Just leave the coffee
on the desk, thanks.

[door closes]

You call this coffee?
That tastes like mud.

Oh. Sorry, it is mud.

[sighs]

[sighs] Shower.

[Peter humming]

[yells]

Are you OK, Peter?

What is that stuff?

It's tomato soup.

Anybody got any croutons?

I'm going to get that little nerk.

[Peter] morning already?

It seems like I just went to sleep.

[creature growling]

[all groaning]

Oh, no.
Hmm...

Well, at least it'll be
a pleasant drive home.

[thunder rumbling]

That hurts.

What is this?

That's not hail.

It's hominy grits.

OK, boss, I'll-a bite.

Hominy grits you think we see?

Very cute, pal.

Really funny.
We're rolling in the aisles here.

[wind whooshing]

I think we're going to need a bigger trap.

[Egon] Get back!

[growling]

[grunts]

[roaring]

[Peter screams]

I want you to know
I'm not having a good time.

-I couldn't agree more.
-What?

There's only one logical thing to do.

[all] run away!

Faster!

I can't go any faster.

Yes, I can.

[all screaming]

In there!

[panting]

Oh, man.

[all panting]

Why did we come into a laundry?

Winston wants to die a clean death.

Yikes!

[all scream]

That's not a good look for you.

Well, I guess we were wrong about
that little goblin guy.

This baby's way too big.

Shoo, shoo.

Get away. I said, move it, buster.

It worked.

[Peter] of course, you just have to show
these things who's boss.

So, now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going out for a burger.

Huh?

[laughing]

Oh, oh...

What is this?

[screams]

It's the thing!
The monster! It's here!

Only it's different!

Peter, calm down, you're babbling.

What word don't you understand, Egon?

Thing, monster,
or different?

Well, we can start
with your definition of monster.

[growls]

That'll do.

Looks like there's only one
logical thing to do now.

[all] run away again!

[evil laughter]

[all scream]

[Winston] In here.

Oh, man...

[panting]

We can't keep running away
from that thing.

We have to set up
an ambush so we can trap it.

And all we need is some nice, juicy bait.

All you have to do is keep
the creature occupied,

while we move in on him from behind.

[Egon] You've got the easy job.

Phew, what a relief.

For a minute there, I thought
it was going to be dangerous.

-We're counting on you.
-OK.

Let's go.

Well, how bad can it be anyway?

[Egon] Pretty bad.
What we're dealing with here

is a non-amalgamated
shape-changer.

It can attack in any form.

It could be a demon.

[Ray] Or a banshee.
[Winston] Or a ghoul.

[Egon] Or even a dybbuk?

What's a dybbuk?

[Egon] Better you shouldn't know.

Could be a phantasm.

[Winston] A troll.
[Egon] A troglodyte.

[Ray] A specter!
[Winston] A wraith. An imp.

[Ray] Doppelganger! Incubus!
[Winston] Poltergeist.

Do you mind?

[Winston] Sorry.

All I wanted was a nice,
little goblin to zap, but no.

OK, OK. Here we go.

Whatever it is, you can handle it.

You can handle anything, but that!

[growls]

[Peter] Oh, no!

Not that!
Anything but that!

I hate c*ck!

[Winston] We're coming, Peter.
Don't move!

Oh, guys.

Guys, do you mind?

Hang on,
we're almost there.

Fire!

Quick, he's got the keys
to the roach motel.

-Fire.
-Get it!

-Don't hit Peter.
-I can't.

It's moving.

[Peter screams]

Help, help, help, please!

Actually, I've always been
nice to c*ck.

I leave dirty dishes in the sink.

I never wipe the counters. Really.

Ask Egon.

[growls]

I think we
scared him off.

Bets, anyone?

I'll pass.

Actually, you weren't much help, Peter.

Look, let's get this straight.

Ghosts, goblins, fine,
I can handle that.

But no giant c*ck, OK?

Now what do we do?

How do we capture something
that keeps changing shapes?

It's just plain cheating,
if you ask me.

I kind of wish it was
that Drool goblin thing,

then at least we'd know
what we were dealing with.

Wait a second.

Why can't it be the goblin?

He changed forms while we were there.

But maybe the goblin's just pretending

to be less powerful.

I think we're reaching here, fellas.

It's kind of like that
free-floating miasmic phantom

that we never could catch.
Remember that guy?

[Peter] Oh, yeah,
he changed forms, too.

First he was a phantom,

then he was a carnivorous vacuum cleaner.

I've still got the scars.
Anybody want to see?

[Ray] Peter, we just ate.

Yeah, that phantom
was nasty, all right.

Too bad he got away.

Well, we're not going to let
this one get away. Come on.

May I ask where you're going?

To bust your little friend.

He's an unnimanum. Anannimum...
Tell her, Egon.

An unamalgamated
shape-changer.

Or so my colleagues
would have us believe.

And it's been a very naughty boy.

Now, if you'll step aside...

But Drool's our friend!

He wouldn't harm
a hair on a human's head.

We're absolutely sure that your goblin
is more then he appears to be.

Well, we're pretty sure.

But not entirely sure.

[all] Almost sure.

Sorry, but we've got to bust him.

Are you going to let them do this?

Well, it is a goblin after all.

[mumbling]

You know, he does look pretty harmless.

Yeah, he's really scared.

Don't trust him for a second.

It's all a ruse.

[Egon] You have exactly one-sixteenth

of a nanosecond
to get your affairs in order.

[Peter] Time's up.
Suck him into the trap.

Help! Help!

There's a horrible thing outside!

It's got some of my people!

[groans]

Oh, sure, lady.
Trying to distract us, huh?

[people screaming]

Peter.

I don't think that's a distraction.

[wind whooshing]

[all scream]

[growling]

Wait a minute, if it's not Drool,

then it must be him.

Him?

The shape-changer
that got away last week.

It's got to be the same one.

He must have been following us
he whole time.

Waiting to strike back.

Move away.

[Peter] OK, that thing's dangerous.

Move it.

[Ray] Stand back!

[all screaming]

They're trapped!

No, you might hit the people.

[growling]

[screaming]

Let go, Drool.
You're in the line of fire!

Drool!

[Peter] He can't!

If he lets go,
those people have had it.

We can't fire or we'll blast him, too.

[gibberish]

What did he say?

He said,
"Save them.

"Do what you have to."

[screaming]

I take it all back, buddy.

[screaming]

Is there no way to release him?

When you trap two ghosts at the same time,

their molecules mix.
You can't separate them.

We'll miss Drool.

He was a loyal friend.

All of us are proud to have known him.

Well, at least when we put
him in the containment unit

at home, he'll be among his own kind.

Maybe he'll be happy there.

I guess that's why he tagged
along in the first place.

He wanted friends.

Well, he found some here.

We will always remember him.

[theme music playing]

[screaming]