02x10 - The Old College Spirit

[bunniefuu]

[Ray Parker Jr's "Ghostbusters" playing]

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something strange
In the neighborhood ♪

[alarm blaring]

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something weird
And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[ghosts roaring]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[whirring]

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

Are you trying to tell me
that it wasn't your fraternity

that put 300 bats
in Dean Wriggle's refrigerator?

And that slime pit in my driveway?

Someone is trying to make
Tri Kuppa Bro look bad.

Bah! Young man,
as Dean I intend to see to it

that you get expelled from school.

Ohh!

[laughing]

[all] Huh?

[laughing]

Ow. Ouch. Oh.

Wow. It was one of them.

It was the ghosts, sir.

Ghost indeed.

Now you've gone too far.

We have to do something
about these frat ghosts

before we get kicked out of school.

We need...the Ghostbusters.

And for your civic-minded work

in ridding the community
of undead undesirables,

the West Side Women's Club
would like to present you

with this commemorative plaque.

[blathering]

[all shriek]

Well, this is disgraceful.

A ghost? Here?

Listen, do we point at you
and say, "A fat lady here"?

No. So, really, uh...

[blathers]

Yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

[all gasp and scream]

[blathering and laughing]

[all] Huh?

[all screaming]

[grunting]

[women screaming]

[groans and belches]

[Peter]
That'll teach you to eat plastic food.

[Slimer blathering]

If anyone asks, you didn't see a thing.

We represent our fraternity
which is plagued by ghosts.

We wish to apply for your expertise in,

as I believe the term is,"ghostbusting."

Our frat house is...

[Peter] Uh-uh. Hold it right there.

Fraternity? And this would be
some kind of fraternity joke?

Forget it, boys.
I'm not gonna fall for it.

Not that I wouldn't have done it myself.

Not a bad initiation gag.

But it's legitimate.

Sure it is.

Tri Kuppa Bro,
brothers through and through!

So what if we're a mess?

We always pass the test.

[both] Tri Kuppa Bro!

My old fraternity!

How'd you know I was a frat brother?

The frat history book honors your memory

for the day you ran
your underwear up the flagpole,

while you were wearing them.

Yeah. Those were the days.

Then this haunting of yours is for real?

All too real.

For Tri Kuppa Bro we'll do what we can do.


of college kids in sheets.

Well, let's get it over with.

[Egon] There is nothing here.

[Winston] Ha. I told you.

OK, bring back the furniture!

My fraternity stole if first.

-[Peter] Wha...
-[Egon] Oh!

[all whimper]

[ghosts laughing]

[all] Whoa!

[ghosts laughing]

This is a hoot. Let's do it some more.

[Ray] Was it you who said
it would be easy, Venkman?

[Peter] Hearsay, Ray.

It'll never stand up in a court of law.

[all screaming]

Ooh!

Effective. Crude, but effective.

So how do we handle this many?

There's a whole g*ng.

Split up and stay in touch
via walkie-talkie.

[ghost in spooky voice]
Zeddemore, over here!

Huh?

[drum roll]

We've decided we can't fight
the great Ghostbusters.

Enter, and I'll take my place.

You can zap us as you please.

Zeddemore here.

I found 'em,
and they're ready to surrender.

I'm in the...

[screams]

This isn't funny!

[laughing]

The dumb frosh fell for it.

Hey, I do hope he hurts himself.

[grunts]

Dirty sheets. Wonderful.

Dirty sheets?

Ooh.

And after I spent all day in the washer.

Uh, yo, guys.

Can I get some backup here?

There he is. And there they are.

[Winston screaming]

Nothing like a good old-fashioned
fraternity blanket toss.

Time it to hit while he's in the air.

Whoa!

Now.

[all] Huh?

No more cotton candy for me, Ma.

These rides are too much.

Time to go back to school, boys.

Back to school?
I certainly hope that that doesn't mean...

It probably does.

-[ghost 1 guffawing]
-[ghost 2 scatting]

[guffawing]

[all screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

[guffawing]

[all gasping]

What's going on over there?

Why not get a real close look?

[ghosts laughing]

How about a good old-fashioned
goldfish swallowing contest?

This isn't how it's done.

We're suppose to swallow them.

Aah!

[all] No!

[screaming]

[both] Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Three students. Not bad.

Now for some more.

[all screaming]

No! [screaming]

[Peter] Look at that thing.

It's big enough to give Jonah
a bad case of deja vu.

And I swear if I get out of this,

I'll never eat another fish stick.

Open fire!

[squeals]

If you're free,

what do you say
we go out for some fish and chips?

Uh, let's make it a hamburger.

[ghosts guffawing]

[all screaming]

[ghosts laughing]

Food fight!

[snickering]

Look out! U.F.F. approaching!

U.F.F.?

[Ray] "Unidentified Fying Food."

Oh!

Ugh!

[Peter] They're gone.

-[beeping]
-No. They're here somewhere.

The PKE sources are shifting around.

Well, Ray, where have they gone?

Uh, they seem to be, uh...

Right behind you!

Huh?

-[Egon] What the...Hey.
-[Ray] Wait.

Hey, let go!

You boys obviously
want to join our fraternity pretty badly.

Well, we're gonna give you the chance.

First, the initiation.

[softly] OK, don't panic.
I've got an old dorm trick up my sleeve

that's sure to work
on hard-boiled frat types.

We've decided you boys
should join our fraternity.

So we're going to the final stage
of your initiation.

[guffawing]

[cackling]

[ghosts laughing]

We're going to initiate you

into the Fraternity of the Dead.

Remember that old dorm trick
you mentioned?

I think you better try it. Fast.

Here it goes. Ahem.

Huh?

Wow. Look at those girls.

Huh? Where?

[Peter] Come on, boys.

Not a very complex plan, Peter.

Let them go. We'll get them later.

They've given me a better idea.

Let's raid the girls' dorm!

[all panting]

The guys from Tri Kuppa Bro

said something about this having been
a frat house generations ago.

The history of that old fraternity
might be the key.

[Peter] That's the one.

[Dean] His name was Elwin Spalding.

Fifty years ago, he was the president

of the most notorious
fraternity in the state.

They were always partying
and playing pranks.

And never studying.

Then they broke into the office

and stole the test questions
to their final exams.

They were caught and kicked out of school.

They swore they'd get even
with the school someday.

Meaning now.

When Tri Kuppa Bro
took over the old frat house,

it must have triggered their return.

From what you've told us,
there's only one way to get rid of them.

But for that, we'll need your help
in a little ghostbusting strategy.

[Dean] That's the girls' dorm.

That's where they are, all right.

The girls' dorm.
The readings are unmistakable.

[beeping]

I can't say I'm surprised.
That's where I'd be, too.

If I weren't on duty.

[girls screaming]

See you at the prom, girls!

Nice wardrobe.

[laughs]

Do you mind if I try on a few things?

Toga party!

[Dean grunting]

Get your own Dean.

That's ours!

Ooh!

[ghosts laughing]

You know, if these guys feel
deprived of their graduation

and won't rest until they've graduated,

then maybe we should let 'em graduate.

From Ghostbusters U.

Fellas! Uh, fellas.

The college Dean
would like to have a word with you

about graduation.

Graduation?

[all ghosts] Graduation?

Oh, my.

Oh, oh. Oh, dear.

Hold it.

Fitzroy can authorize
graduation for you all.

He can?

Yes. But you'll need
to take makeup classes.

So report to the social science building,

Room 334, for, uh...

[whispers] Economics.

Economics.

[ghost] What time is lunch?

[all giggling and chattering]

I can't do it, Winston.
I was always weak on economics.

They'll know we're putting 'em on.

And then my guess is
they'll tear me apart.

They'll fall for it.

That bunch of ectoplasm is wiggo.

Anyway, the whole thing was your idea.

Right. And that's where
you failed me, Winston.

You should have told me it was stupid.

[sighs]

Good afternoon, class.

[all] Good afternoon, Professor.

OK.

Here we have the basic truth of economics.

Supply and demand.

Uh, supply and demand.

So supply equals demand.

Uh, you demand to graduate,
we supply the diploma.

Questions?

Good. You all pass. Class dismissed.

Report to biology in Room 234 downstairs.

Uh, Egon, they're here.
I think we better...

This is really fascinating.

A very rare specimen.

Say, Ray, did you notice
the delicate fluting

on the underside of this spore receptacle?

Professor Spengler.

What? Oh. Oh, yes.

Uh, welcome, class.

Uh, today in biology,

we are going to study
the common house fungus.

[Elwin] Is that the common
house fungus, Professor?

[ghosts laughing]

Come on. Get serious, Elwin.
I wanna graduate.

This fascinating example of fungus
is of the order of racheria repulsiva.

Its growing cycle is precisely three days
in the spring months,

unless of course
the month has an "R" in it.

This class is boring.

Uh, given proper climactic variations

with a humidity reading of...

Get on with it, fast.

Please, Ray.

This is a matter
of the greatest esthetic importance.

A humidity reading of 3.7,
unless a high-pressure system indicates...

[growling]

[clears throat]

In conclusion,
mushrooms grow in damp places.

They're mushroom-shaped. Any questions?

No. Fine, good. You pass.
Report to physics, Room 134.

Thermodynamics deals
with the transformation of heat

into other forms of energy.

Except in my case,
it makes me wanna sleep.

Let me tell you,
on those humid August days

I just wanna...

Peter, get to the...

[screams]

There you see the principle of gravity.

That completes your course of classes.

You're ready to graduate.
Now, if you'll report to the auditorium

for your pictures...

Wait a minute.

There's traditional stuff we've gotta do

before we can graduate.

Like the seniors obstacle course.

Uh, yeah.

Better see to it
Stantz has everything set up.

OK, class, meet me in the parking lot

for the seniors
traditional obstacle course.

[Peter] OK, obstacle course time.

You four, pick up this car

and carry it along behind the others.

Hey, I like this.

A four-ghostpower engine.

Everything's ready.

And if it doesn't work?

Then we go to plan C.

Run like heck.

Faster. Let's go!

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Come on, one, two, one, two. Let's go.

One, two, one, two. Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

OK, here's the next obstacle
in the obstacle course.

Head for the sprinklers. Let's go!

Science can explain everything
if we look hard enough.

There's not a thing in this universe
that cannot be explained.

Sorry. Took a wrong turn.

See you later, bozos.

With some exceptions, of course.

[woman] This special certificate of merit

for your work at the college,
and as chairwoman of...

Chairwoman?

You look like a sofa woman to me.

[guffawing]

[all screaming]

Enough of this stuff.

We wanna graduate now!

Now, what about tradition, fellas?

There's one more thing.

Get 'em!

[all] Whoa!

Is everything set, Stantz?

The special camera setup...

[panting] Ready.

Head for the auditorium!

Oh!

Oh, whoa!

You guys have had it now.

Prepare to die!

[Dean] Ahem. I am pleased to announce

that you have completed
all the requirements for graduation.

Please take your places
for the class photo

before receiving your diploma.

This is it. Graduation.

Come on, fellas!

OK, everybody.
Smile for the class picture.

Hey. What's that thing
attached to the camera?

Now, Ray. Now!

OK.

[all screaming]

Good job, men.
Great to have the place back.

I guess I misjudged you, frat men.

I apologize.

So, up to your childish tricks.

But, but we didn't do it this time either.

[Peter whistling]

Peter, did you...

[Peter continues whistling]

Ah, the old fraternity.

Yeah. Those were the days.

[theme music playing]