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02x06 - Cry Uncle

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Real Ghostbusters". Aired: September 13, 1986 – October 5, 1991.*
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Series follows the continuing adventures of the four Ghostbusters, their secretary Janine, their accountant Louis, and their mascot Slimer, as they chase and capture rogue spooks, specters, spirits and ghosts around New York City and various other areas of the world.

02x06 - Cry Uncle

Post by bunniefuu »

[Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" playing]

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

[phone ringing]

♪There's somethin' strange

♪ In the neighborhood ♪

[alarm ringing]

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's somethin' weird ♪

♪ And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[roaring]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[moaning]

[moaning]

[all screaming]

[tires screech]

-[buzzing]
-[ghost shrieking]

Any time, Ray.

[electrical buzzing]

Now!

[shrieking]

[trap sizzling]

What a day, huh?

Six full-torsoed apparitions
and a vaporous phantasm.

And an ectoplasmic partridge
in a pear tree.

Where's Egon?

Six point seven times 11.5...

-[Peter] Egon.
-Hmm?

Playtime's over.
Let's move.

Given the jet stream,
current weather conditions,

average air speed...

My Uncle Cyrus should be arriving
at the airport

in 20 minutes
and 57 seconds.

Approximately.

Hey, don't worry, Egon.

We'll be there in plenty of time.

We only have, uh...

A couple more ghosts to go.

A couple, eh?

[all screaming]

[shrieking and moaning]

[Egon] Math always was Ray's
weakest subject.

Wait a minute.
Where is Ray?

[all screaming]

[Peter] Let's face it,

the man loves his work.

[tires screech]

[Slimer blathering
and snickering]

[Slimer] Oh. Boy, oh, boy.

[Slimer blathering]

[Slimer imitating airplane]

Slimer!

[Slimer laughs and belches]

Ooh, Slimer, you're impossible.

Why don't you go away?

Someplace where you can't do any damage.

[blathers and whimpers]

[muttering]

For your sake, I hope you
haven't done that before.

[door closes]

Hmm. Egon, Egon.

So this is what's become of you.

Ahem. Uh, excuse me.

Yes? May I help you?

I understand that my brilliant nephew Egon
works in this, uh, garage.

Yes. Your brilliant nephew does.

And this is a ghost busting
and containment facility.

Not a garage.

Ghost busting?

Nonsense.

Don't insult my intelligence.

Uh, could I have some water, please?

Here, Dr. Spengler,
let me clean those for you.

Uh, no, that's...

Make yourself at home.

Egon should be back soon.

And if you need anything, just yell.

Uh, my...My glasses.
I...I need my glasses.

I can't see without them.

Yes, you'll have them in just a minute,
Dr. Spengler.

Oh! Right.

[snickering]

[whimpering]

Nice kitty.

Argh. Been playing in the mud again,
haven't you?

[snickering]

Slimer, you touch Egon's uncle once more,

and I'll lock the refrigerator.

Now, get lost!

[shrieks and blathers]

[traps sizzling]

OK, Janine, roll out the red carpet.

We're home.

I could sleep for a week.

Boy, what a catch, huh?

Yeah, we're all very excited, Ray.

Uncle Cyrus.

Oh, no. I forgot.
The airport.

I'm sorry, Uncle Cyrus.

We got so busy, I forgot all about...

Look what Egon did.

He got five free-floating

full-torsoed apparitions single-handedly.

Nonsense. I don't believe in this ghost
busting business.

And who are you three?

Dr. Venkman,
Dr. Spengler.

Dr. Spengler,
Dr. Stantz.

Dr. Zeddemore,
Dr. Spengler.

-But I'm not a--
-Shh...I'm on a roll.

I'd better contain these rascals.

Now, Dr. Venkman...

Please. Call me Peter.
We're friends here.

Then you'll understand, Peter,

that Egon is far too brilliant a scientist
to be working here.

He must be in a clean,
neat, scientific environment.

We're clean and neat.

Well, we're scientific.

-See?
-Piffle.

Egon shouldn't be running around
in costume,

zapping creatures that don't even exist.

He's a scientist, not an exterminator.

I think we've been insulted.

[ringing]

Dr. Spengler, I didn't believe in all this
ghost stuff either till I saw it.

Ghostbusters.
May we help you?

The Garment District,
they need you right away.

If seeing is believing, Dr. Spengler,
you'll soon be believing.

Getting anything, Egon?

[Egon] No. Nothing.

This is nonsense, Egon.

Hoodlums did this.

Ghosts, Dr. Spengler.

Ghosts. I can feel it.

Peter and Winston.
They found something.

Hmm. Indeed.

[women screaming]

[Peter] Just wait till you see this,
Dr. Spengler.

[women yelling indistinctly]

Those babies sound vicious.

Right. You first, Ray.

[women continue
yelling indistinctly]

Better stand back.
This could be dangerous.

[Indistinct yelling
continues]

It's mine!
Mine! Mine!

I saw it first.
It's mine!

[woman] It's mine!

Whoops. Easy.
Easy, ladies.

Just browsing.

These are your supernatural entities,
Egon?

Well, no, Dr. Spengler,
but they can be dangerous.

Maybe we ought to zap 'em anyway.

A crank call.

[beeping]

Whoa!

Trust me, it's no crank call.

Whoa!

Switch on!

It's showtime.

My glasses.

[screeching]

[whirring]

[all gasp]

[Ray] Whoa! Almost got them.

[guffawing]

You know, that's you,
and you wear it well,

but I think you need some alteration.

[whirring]

[whirring]

[Uncle Cyrus] So there you are.

Egon, I'd like to talk to you seriously
for a moment, if I may.

Yes, Uncle Cyrus?

Remember when you promised
that if I ever needed you, you'd help?

Well, I need you now.

To help run my new research lab.

I'd love to, Uncle,
but I...I can't.

Egon, all these years,

you've never broken a promise to me.

It would disappoint me terribly

if you were to start
breaking promises now.

Hey, anybody seen Egon or Uncle Cyrus?

[Janine screams]

Egon's gone!

Oh, he's gone!

He left with Uncle Cyrus!

[Peter] What, to get a pizza?

Not unless they took the long way.

He went back to the Midwest

to do research in his uncle's lab.

[Winston] When's he coming back?

I don't know, Winston.
I just don't know.

[Janine sobbing]

[phone ringing]

Egon?

Oh, yes. I'll tell him.

-Was it Egon?
-Is he coming back?

No. Poltergeist in Central Park.

[man screaming]

[wind swooshing]

[screaming continues]

[Ray] the thing about poltergeists
you have to remember is...

they have a childlike sense of humor.

[Winston] What do you mean, ray?

[Ray] Well, like moving candles,
spinning pictures on the wall.

You know, that kind of stuff.

Aah!
[groans]

[both laughing]

It's not that funny, Peter.

Sorry, Ray.
You're right. I lost my head.

Ouch!

Oh. And they like to throw things too.

[Peter] Thanks for the warning, Ray.

No ghost hits Dr. Venkman
and gets away with it.

Where are they, Ray?

They rarely show themselves.

Then how do we zap them
if we can't see 'em?

That's the problem.

[wind swooshing]

Aah!

What do we do, Ray?

Run!

Egon would know what to do.

[Winston] Let's face it,
we need Egon.

[Ray] We've got to get Egon back.

[Winston] But he won't
break his promise to Uncle Cyrus.

[tires screech]

I don't like the way he's smiling.

Hey, trust me.

[both] Trouble.

[rats squeaking]

Very good, Egon.

Feeding rats and mice
wasn't what I expected, Uncle Cyrus.

There are no small jobs in research, Egon.

Don't worry, my boy,

soon you'll be running them through mazes.
Isn't that exciting?

Yes. Very.

Keep up the good work, Egon.

[door closes]

[Peter] Boo!

We've come to haunt you, Egon.

Oh, Egon. I'm so glad to see you.

What...
What are you doing here?

We were in the neighborhood.

Thought we'd stop by.

But New York is over


It's a big neighborhood, OK?

Egon, we need you.

I second that, Egon.

And I third it.

But my uncle needs me here.

I promised.

I know, but we got it all figured.

See, we figured if Uncle Cyrus
could see you in action,

see what you really do...

Then he'd release you
from your promise.

But how are we going
to get him to come along?

Hey, we'll just tell him we
need that old Spengler genius

to solve our final case.

That'll do it.

[Peter] It's so nice of you to come along,
Dr. Spengler.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't you come with us on the job?

Uh, not again, no.
Once is enough.

I'll stay here where it's safe.

But you're sure you wouldn't
like to go see what happens?

No.

[whispering]
Now what?

[whispering]
I'm working on it.

[swooshing]

I hope you two have something in mind.

[Peter] I hope this works, Egon.
I'd hate to look silly for nothing.

[Egon] It'll work, Peter.

I polarized the lenses of the goggles
to accept poltergeist frequencies.

Wow! I see them.

[Winston] Let's switch on and spread out.

[Peter] The one
with the basketball's mine.

[swooshing]

Hey, you. With the basketball.

OK. Dodge this, Kareem Abdul De-Ghostie.

[whirring]

[Peter imitates buzzer]

[Peter] Game's over.
The hometown wins.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

[whirring]

[Winston] Duck, Ray.

Whoa!

Got it, Ray.

[trap sizzling]

All right! What a team, huh?

Well, we better get back.

Uncle Cyrus will want to return
to the lab soon.

Man. If only he could've
seen us in action.

When are they getting back, Miss Melnitz?

Well, it's hard to say.
These things take time.

What is this thing?

A ghost containment unit.

Oh, and please don't touch it.

A ghost containment unit indeed.

[alarm blaring]

I really wish you hadn't
done that, Dr. Spengler.

Why?

[rumbling]

Young lady, what's going on?

[whirring]

[Uncle Cyrus] How cute.

Oh, no!

[shrieking]

-[alarm beeping]
-Now what?

Trouble at the office.
Step on it, Winston.

[tires screech]

-Keep running!
-[Slimer screaming]

Don't stop!
Don't look back!

[Slimer continues screaming]

[thudding]

[tires screeching]

[ghost growling]

[Ray] The containment unit.

[Peter] Trouble.
Big, big trouble.

Get in.

-[Janine and Uncle Cyrus panting]
-[Slimer gibbering]

[tires screeching]

[Ray] Has he gotten bigger
since the last time?

I told you not to put veggies
in the containment unit.

He's too big for the ghost traps
we have with us.

By themselves, yes.

Hang on.

[all screaming]

[tires screech]

[engine stops]

Ray, tie this cable to the bumper.

Peter, get out all the traps.
Spread them out.

Uncle Cyrus, when I give the signal,
drive Ecto-1 and tighten the cable.

Yes. Yes, Egon. I will.

Be careful, Egon!

[thudding]

[Ray] Oh, no.
He's going the other way.

Hey, uh...

Fat boy!

[growling]

Now, Uncle Cyrus.

Now!

[brakes squeal]

[shrieking]

[buzzing]

All right. Now!

[shrieking]

Well, I'm ready to go back with you,
Uncle Cyrus.

No, Egon.

Now that I've seen what you do,
what you're up against,

this is where you belong.

You have very important
scientific work to do.

Oh!

I release you from your promise, Egon.

Welcome home, Egon.

What a team.

I propose a toast. To...

[exclaims]

[blathers and laughs]

[blows raspberry]

I take it back, Peter.

Fry him!

[Slimer laughs]

[theme music playing]

[shrieking]