07x14 - Game of Throne

[bunniefuu]

Good morning,
Lou, any, uh,

interesting stories
in the paper today?

Well, here's one.

Two penguins have
escaped from the zoo
and are on the loose.

If you see them,
don't beak out.

Just wing it
and introduce yourself
with an icebreaker.

[laughs]

Man journalism
really is dead.

Any articles about me?
Your esteemed
Mayor Preston?

No biggie,

but it's probably
on the front page,

and it's probably
a biggie.

You know,
the cover story
is all about

the founding of
a new town called Tushy.

But I blame myself
for expecting better

I made an official
mayoral appearance
at a grand opening,

and the editor
promised to write
a story about it.

Oh. Is it this
teeny tiny article
on the very back page?

Mayor Preston
wears regular tie

to event too good
for bolos. What?

This paper has always
had it out for me.

Where the chap's
not enough.

Will it ever
be enough?

Calm down.
You're reading
too much into it.

Now, help me solve
this crossword puzzle.

Six letter word
for failed Mayor
starts with P...

Oh come on!

Destiny, I've been
looking all over for you.
In the barn,

on the dock,
under the mess hall couch,

Why didn't you just
check my cabin?

It's always
the last place
you look.

Anyway,
can I shadow you
this afternoon?

I was thinking
maybe I could become
a counselor someday.

Aw, Jake, of course
you can shadow me.

I'm guessing you
asked Noah first,

and he scared you away
with some impromptu
trombone playing.

No hate to Noah.
I'm just more of
a flugelhorn guy.

Well, I've got a ton of
counselor tasks today,
so let's get started.

Three letter word
for awful camp owner.

Starts with L-o...

That's it. I'm moving
to Tushy Butt.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

[♪ playing off-key]

So?

Yeah, I'm
team flugelhorn.

Are you okay, Bill?

Not really.

My parents called to tell me
a museum in New York City

is doing an exhibit
on the American West.

They're dedicating
an installation

to my great
great grandfather.

The original
Bill Pickens?
Cool.

Yeah. Why is
that bad?

Because my family
is moving to New York

for a whole year to
oversee the installation.

And I just don't get
big cities, I mean,

we're moving into a loft,
but it won't have hay.

How does that
make any sense?

Well, if you want,
Winnie and I can teach you
all about city life.

Totally.
I'm from
Portland.

It's not as big
as New York,
but luckily,

we still got
all the bad smells.

And I'm from
Studio City.

It's basically
the New York
of Los Angeles.

-No, it isn't.
-It isn't.

Thanks, guys.
I could definitely
use your help.

All I know about
this city is coffee,

and "forget about it"
and "I'm walking here!"

Bill,

who is your
dialect coach?

That was amazing.

Lou, what's going on?

Why was this
"Do Not Enter" sign
on the mess hall door?

It says right there
to flip it over for
more information.

"Danger.
Fatal gas leak ahead."
What?

Why would you
put that on the back?

Good note.

I'll tell my sign guy.
Ray always goes rogue
with the formatting.

Why are those guys
carrying a toilet upstairs?

And why is it coming
from the kitchen?

Okay, fine.
There is no
gas leak.

I'm having
a bathroom installed

down the hall
from my bedroom.

A private
secret bathroom

where the toilet seat

isn't an invitation
for target practice.

Since when do
you have money

to build
a whole new bathroom?

On Seafood Sunday,
you served us

bottles of
"I wish it were fish."

Bottles, Lou!

For your
information,

my meemaw still sends me
a little playing around cash.

And before you ask, yes,
she's under the impression

that I invest it.

And you didn't think
to spend it on the camp?

My secret bathroom
is for the camp.

In order for Kikiwaka
to be successful,

I, the camp owner,
need to be happy.

Happy Lou,
happy you

It is kind of catchy,

My bathroom
is almost done,

so please, don't tell
anyone about it.

Okay. I won't.
But I want in.

The moon-shaped hole
in the outhouse door

does not keep people
from looking in.

Okay, fine.
You can use it.

But I have
a few ground rules.

The toilet
seat stays down,
and the candles,

they stay lit.

And how do you hang
the toilet paper roll?

Over or under?

Over. I'm not
an animal.

Then we have
ourselves a deal.

Can we get
a bidet?

Don't push your luck.

Wow, Bill.
You look great.

How does it feel
to be dressed
like Angelino?

Wasteful.

These jeans legs
are so wide,

they could have made
three pairs of pants.

I'd be set
for life.

To get you ready
for New York,

I'm going to
teach you city-speak.

So you know the real meaning
behind what people say.

Cowboys are kind of
straight shooters.

Can I just say
what I mean,

assume others
would do the same?

[laughs]

Oh, Bill.
You're adorable.

Winnie's gonna help us
with some role-playing.

Uh... The name's Poppy.

I'm from L.A.

Ooh! She's in character.

Okay. What does it mean

if you and Poppy are in line
for $50 smoothies,

and she says...

Hey, Bill, we should
do brunch sometime.

Bet she wants us
to eat a nonsensical
breakfast-lunch hybrid.

Wrong. It means
she never wants
to see you again.

Really?

Sorry,
not sorry.

In my experience,
people also never
want to see you again.

if they say,

"We should do this
again sometime."

"Traffic is crazy."

Or "Let's circle back
after the holidays."

Sounds like city people
are kind of flaky.

Oh yeah, I've been
trying to get brunch
with my grandma for years.

But she only let me
talk to her reps.

Ready to keep going
with our lesson?

Um...

Let's circle back
after the holidays.

Oh!

Savage!

Once the glue dries,
your bedazzled hat
is finished.

Now go forth
my rhinestone cowboys

and make
the ranch fabulous.

Great class,
Destiny.

You need some help
cleaning up?

Sure. Thanks.

We're having
Alfredo for dinner,

so I'd better
get all this glue
back to the kitchen.

You did not hear that.

Time to get pumped.

♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪

♪ Round and round
Round and round ♪

-♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
-[crashing]

♪ All through the town ♪

[honking]

Whoa!

♪ The wipers on the bus
go swish swish swish ♪

♪ Swish swish swish ♪

♪ Swish swish swish ♪

Agh!

Jake!

Destiny.

The horn was
about to go
beep, beep, beep.

It's the best part!

Thanks to you,
that was almost
death by rhinestones.

Which would have been
an iconic way to go.

But the point stands!

I didn't make
this mess.

Did I?

I guess when I
swish swish swish,
I do go kinda hard.

Never mind.
It's fine.

I've got other
counselor tours
to get started on.

You stay here and keep
cleaning up, okay?

All right, horn.

Let's drop that
beep beep beep!

[honking]

What in the beep beep beep?

Oh no!

How did you guys find out
about the secret bathroom?

Lou is gonna be so...

Oh, Lou is.

Because apparently,
someone sent a text saying,

"Yo yo yo!
Peep these sick
decorative soaps

"that I ordered for
the secret upstairs bathroom

"that the campers will
never find out about.

"LOL laughing emoji.
Side-eye emoji,
high-five emoji!"

Okay. But I only
said that to...

The entire camp-wide
text chain.

I can fix this.

[text notifications chiming]

Yeah.
[chuckles]

I don't think a "JK"
is gonna cut it.

And seashell soaps.

It's a bathroom,
not a Daytona Beach
gift shop.

Hey, I will apologize
for not keeping

the bathroom a secret,
but I will never apologize

for hands that smell
like the ocean breeze.

I'm sure the line will
clear out quickly.

Really?

Because I think the kid
carrying w*r and Peace

would beg to differ.

I like to
take my time.

That's it. I'm putting
a padlock on the door.

Oh good idea.
That way,

only the two of us
will have copies
of the key.

The two of us.
[laughs]

I am revoking your
secret bathroom access.

You can take
your tacky soaps

to the outhouse,

But they won't
make sense.

There's no
beast motif
in there.

No offense, Winnie,
but I feel kind of silly
in these Portland clothes.

What even is the point
of this tiny scarf?

Yeah, Winnie.

This tiny scarf
you made me wear
is so ridiculous,

and definitely not
my new favorite accessory.

Bill. Your next lesson
is all about riding
the subway,

which is the best way
to get around a city.

These are your
fellow commuters,

And they

are agents of chaos.

In Portland,
the train is called
the Max.

In L.A., it's the Metro,
and in Chicago, it's the L.

What's the subway
called in New York?

The subway,
Try to keep up.

You're gonna start here
and make your way
across the great lawn

to the Mustang cabin,

dodging the crowd
to catch your train
before it leaves.

Seems easy enough.

Yeah, super easy.

-[train horn toots]
-This is Portland's
rush hour.

It's life or death.
Go, go, go!

Hello, there,
fellow citizen
of Mother Earth.

Can I interest you
in some homemade granola?

It's good
for the soul.

The secret
ingredient is,
you guessed it,

a useless
liberal arts degree!

-Uh...
-Never make
eye contact.

It will cost you
a seat on the subway.

And $39.

No, thanks.

Hey, man. Do you like
overthrowing our corrupt
capitalist society?

Then you'll love
this song I wrote

called Bye Bye,
Trust Fund Baby.

Available
exclusively
on vinyl.

Sorry, I have
a train to catch.

Don't respond.
The train's
about to leave

and you're stopping
for indie rock.

Get your
priorities
in order!

You're almost there.
You just gotta make it
past these bot bags.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Pardon me,
Karate Man.

Drop the cowboy
courtesy, Bill,

and start throwing
some elbows!

[imitates buzzer]

You missed
the train.

Now you're gonna be late
for the Juicing Festival.

Apparently someone
doesn't care about
his antioxidants.

We need to
step this up a notch,
or he'll never be ready.

I mean,
he didn't even notice
how I stole his wallet.

Bill, you've got to try.

Where'd he go?

I'd say we should call him,
but I also took his phone

I can't believe
Lou's making me
fix the sink.

I mean, I am the one
who clogged it with
my luxurious mane.

But still!

Destiny.

I know who made
the rhinestone mess.

It was a penguin.
I've been framed.

You know, I love your
colorful imagination,

but I have to
replace the faucet.

And all Lou gave me
is this box

filled with
rusty tools

and a note that says,
I owe you pliers.

I really saw
a penguin.

Look, I'm totally over
the rhinestone thing,

So, you don't have to
worry about it
anymore. Okay?

Okay.

Great. Now let's
fix this faucet.

Which one of these is the...

I don't know,
water hammer.

Actually,

I help my mom with projects
around the house all the time,

so I can install
the faucet for you.

Awesome. It's great
for a future counselor

to have lots of
different skills.

I can also drink milk
through my nose.

I know, Jake.

I'm the one who
washes the straws.

While you do this,
I'm gonna go fold
some clean towels.

Winning Little
Miss Laundromat
is finally paying off.

I'm gonna need a sick beat
to help me install the faucet.

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ And on that farm
he had a... ♪

Penguin.

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ With a quack, quack here
and a quack quack there♪

♪ Here quack, there quack
everywhere quack, quack ♪

Dude, what a banger!

Can you hand me
that gasket,
Mr. Penguin?

[honks]

Penguin?

How's it going, Jake?

Destiny. Look,
You won't believe it.

I do believe it.
You fixed this thing.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

[exclaims]

My luxurious mane!

That's not
my fault.

There was a penguin here,
and he stole the gasket,

so I couldn't
finish the sink.

Again, Jake, there is
no penguin on the ranch.

The only
flightless bird
of this camp

is that lazy hawk
you keep feeding.

Tony's not lazy.

He's just going
through a tough time.

Dear editor of
The Dusty Tush Times.

I am a random citizen
who believes you're being

too hard on our
beloved Mayor Preston.

He is a capable
politician,

with movie star
good looks...

Ah!

This is ridiculous.

I should really just
send it all in an email.

Parker!

How dare you keep me from
my private secret bathroom?

And how dare you
make me run down
these stairs in heels?

Uh, that's a wedge.

And I don't know what
you're talking about.

I know you took
the keys to the padlock

that I put on
the bathroom door.

Give it back,
or I'll make you eat

your beloved
seashell soaps.

I didn't take your key,

but if you made
a copy like I asked,

you wouldn't be
locked out right now.

That's a great point,
but I still feel
like yelling.

Oh! Don't hurt me.
I'll eat the soap!

No, this is to
break the padlock.

I have some business
to take care of.

But when I'm done,

you and I

have some business
to take care of.

I know we're not in
the greatest place
right now,

but that was
a really good
double entendre.

Jake, you wanted
to see me?

Was it about
turning your cabin
into an ice rink?

Since you don't believe
I really saw a penguin,

I'm gonna lure him in here

and trap him
in the net I made.

Hope he likes
liquid fish.

Jake, I know
you're nervous

about being
a counselor someday,

but all counselors
make mistakes.

That doesn't mean
you have to lie.

Now, let's clean this up.

-Wait.
-What?

[both] Uh-oh!

[sniffing]

Is this net made
out of dirty socks?

Yep. Reduce,
reuse, recycle.

Okay, enough
is enough.

For the last time,

there is no penguin
on the ranch!

[honks]

Okay, so there is, in fact,
a penguin on the ranch.

And he's stealing
my semi formal pooks.

Hey, Bill.

What did you do with
your city clothes?

I threw them away.

You could have just
given them back.

I still have
the receipts, man.

I don't need the clothes
or the lessons anymore.

I'm not moving
to New York
with my family.

So what are you
going to do?

I'm heading into town
to find a trail boss

who needs help
driving cattle.

Driving cattle?

How are you gonna
fit a cow in a car

or find a seatbelt
that can stretch
over their udders?

I feel like
you've given this
zero thought!

Come on, Bill.
You can't just
blow off school

and your family
to ride the trails
all year.

What am I supposed
to do, Noah?

If there's one thing I learned
from you and Winnie today,

it's that a cowboy like me
will never belong in the city.

Poor guy.

I know.

I feel really bad for
taking his wallet again.

Where is that penguin?

I have an idea.

To find the penguin,

we must become
the penguin!

[honking]

Is it working?

By the way,
it's me, Jake.

Come sit down,
darling boy.

Listen, Jake. I'm sorry
I didn't believe you
about the penguin.

I should've known
you wouldn't lie.

Thanks, Destiny.

And thank you for
letting me shadow you.

I've learned
a lot today.

[penguin honking]

Did you hear that?

Eww! Destiny!

Whoever asked
for the gasket?

There are
two penguins?

Where is my vision blurred
from that cloud you dropped?

There was no cloud.

Oh my gosh, look.

The penguins are
going to be parents.

That's why they
stole all this stuff.

They built a rookery
for their eggs.

Ma'am, sir,

you're welcome to keep
my puka shell necklace.

Consider it a gift
for the baby shower.

And as for
my passport,

yeah, I'm gonna
need that back,

Lou.

Are you in here?

Lou!

Where is it?

Looking for this,

Parker?

You took
the bathroom door
off the hinges?

You're diabolical!
What are you gonna do?

Carry it around for
the rest of your life?

Honestly, I didn't
think this through
all the way,

but, yeah!

I'm taking that door.

Oh, good luck.

I chugged three bottles of
"I wish it were fish" today,

and I am juiced!

What are they doing?

I don't know,
but I want in.

My door, my door, my door!

Okay! Break it up!

Break it up!

Give me this!

This is all
Lou's fault.

She falsely accused me
of stealing her keys.

I know you took
the keys to the padlock.

Quit denying it.

Wait.

Does it have a keychain
that says "Lou's loo"?

How did you
know that?

Are you in on this
with him?

How deep does
all of this go?

We found this
in the barn.

Penguin burglars.

Oh.

Really?
No follow-up
questions.

You don't wanna ask
how I got the penguins
back to the zoo?

This is just
where we are now.

Fine!

Well, I guess I'll go
put that bathroom door
back on for you.

Actually, I've been
holding it this whole time.

I'm way past doors now.

There you are, Bill,
What happened
to driving cattle?

It turns out none
of the trail bosses

want to hire
a middle schooler

who swears his parents
would be cool with it.

Look, Bill,

Winnie and I
weren't as helpful as
we meant to be today.

Our city experiences
have been different
from each other's.

And yours would
be different, too.

Cities are full of
all kinds of people,

and you'll find a way
to be yourself there.

Thanks, but I doubt
there are a lot of cowboys
in many big cities.

I wouldn't be
so sure about that.

She said with
a twinkle in her eye

and mischief
in her smile.

After you ran off,
I did a little research

and called in
some reinforcements.

Bill, I'd like you to meet
the Compton Cowboys.

Howdy, Bill.

I'm Carlton, and this is
my brother, Randy.

Hold on.
I'm Randy.

And this is
my brother Carlton.

Never let me
do the intro.

Pleasure to
meet you, fellas.

I was gonna get them
on the phone,
but luckily,

they happened to be
nearby for a rodeo.

Yeah. It was a part
of the founding

of some new town
called "Tushy Butt."

Can you believe
they would give a place
such a dumb name?

By the way,
where are we at now?

Let's just say
Wyoming City.

You're cowboys
and you live in L.A.?

Yes, sir.

Streets raised us.
Horses saved us.

That's the Compton
Cowboy's motto.

Hmm, neat!

You know,
my motto is,

no matter how
loudly they boo,

just keep playing
that trombone, Noah.

Anyways.

Our crew
has a stable
right in L.A.

We help kids
just like you
find their place.

We can even
give you some tips
on living the city life.

Wow, I'd love that.

But just to be clear,
you're saying I won't have to

speak in riddles
or eat brunch?

Nah.

We say what we mean,
and we mean what we say.

Although it's nothing
like a good eggs benedict
on a Sunday.

Hear hear!

Can I get
a yee-haw?

I said,

can I get
a yee-haw?

You know what, um...

Why don't I step aside
and let the cowboys talk?

Yeah, I think
that would be best.

Trust me, Noah, I've had
riding lessons before.

The best way to mount a horse
is with a running start.

That just doesn't
sound right.

Hey, nicky. This is
randy and carlton.

Hey, I've heard
of you guys.

You're famous
cowboys, right?

Does this answer
your question?

[♪ banjo music playing]

[cheering]

Yeah, that works.

You know, I can't believe
you're the great great
grandson of Bill Pickett.

We actually compete in
the Bill Pickett invitation
to rodeo every year.

Awesome. Can my family
come out to Compton

to visit you guys
some time?

Of course
you can.

I even know some folks
who ride at a stable out in
Prospect Park, Brooklyn.

I can connect y'all
when you move.

Maybe you can
even start your own
Compton Cowboy someday.

We can call ourselves
the Brooklyn Buckaroos.

You don't have to decide
on the name right now.

The Prospect Park
Pony Boys.

Seriously, bro,
take the summer
to think about it.

But hey, we should go ride
the horses on the trail.

Let's do it.

Well, I give up.
This horse is broken.

Tell that to Bill.

Catch you guys later.

[♪ theme music playing]