06x02 - You Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks

[bunniefuu]

["Ghostbusters" playing]

Ghostbusters!

[screaming]

There's something strange

In the neighborhood

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

[alarm blaring]

There's something weird

And it don't look good

Uh-oh!

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

[siren blaring]

[growls]

[Slimer] Luigi, jump!

[screams]

I ain't afraid of no ghost

[screaming]

I ain't afraid of no ghost

[Slimer] Ghostbusters!

Yeah!

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

And me! And me!

Strangers when we met

Now lovers

[Janine] Oh, you do say

the most charming things!

Kiss me, you romantic fool.

Oh, baby!

In your dreams!

Knowing that you'll always be there

[man] Excuse me?

Huh?

I'm here to see the Ghostbusters

on an urgent matter.

My card.

[gasps] The Great Strazinski.

Prince of Prestidigitation.

Oh, you're a magician!

And you're enchanting.

Oh. [giggles]

[music stops]

[Peter] Watch him, Janine.

Any guy that pulls flowers out of his hat

has got to be a cheap date.

He's not a date.

He's a client.

Venkman. Dr. Venkman.

Pay no attention to that

crack about cheap.

Huh?

Strazinski? Strazinski!

- Gesundheit.

- [gasps]

It'sIt'sIt sure is

a pleasure to meet you.

I've seen your show a dozen times.

Wow. This is the Great Strazinski.

Wow!

Huh?

He's the star magician

at the Magic Palace!

- What can we do for you?

- Wow.

Well, I've recently added

a vanishing cabinet trick to my act.

The problem is my assistants keep

disappearing.

So?

You don't understand.

I mean, they're really disappearing.

Gone!

Poof!

Bravo!

Do you think you could come by

the Magic Palace this afternoon

and check things out?

The Magic Palace?

Wow! Can we go, can we?

Sure, Ray. We'll even get you

an ice cream cone if you're good.

This whole thing is just so strange.

I know it's odd for a magician,

but the thought of something

really supernatural

terrifies me.

[screams]

[door slams open]

Guess that means

you'll have to stay here, Slimer.

[Joker laughing]

[Ray] The Magic Palace!

When I was a kid, I used to dream

about playing here someday.

You wanted to be a magician?

More than anything.

I used to practice for hours.

I called myself Stanzo the Magnificent!

In my neighborhood,

magic was getting home without a fight.

Oh.

[coughs]

Tough ride.

Oh, boy!

Magic!

Gentlemen, thank you for coming.

- Is that the cabinet?

- Yes.

Hmm.

These runes are definitely pre-Babylonian.

Possibly Crypto-Acadian.

I lean more towards Catolistic Lemurian.

The pre-Deluge period.

Mmm.

[playing pungi]

[shrieks]

[both scream]

[screaming]

[humming]

[both] Ahhh!

[P.K.E Meter buzzing in background]

Exactly how does this trick work?

I'll show you.

Just step into the cabinet.

Hmm.

Ray, can you give me a hand?

What is it, Peter?

Great here wants to show me a trick.

Step in there, will ya?

Wow!

Me, working with the great Strazinski?

Terrific!

Now a few magic passes and

- No!

- Presto!

- [Ray shrieks]

- [gasps]

No!

Ray!

He's gone.

Now you're in trouble.

I loved that kid like a brother.

Just wait till you see your bill.

No cause for alarm, gentlemen.

Your friend is perfectly all right.

Wow! Was that ever neat!

Can we do it again?

You call that all right?

We're lucky he didn't disappear.

From my translations,

this cabinet is some sort of

dimensional gateway.

- Ray.

- Well, how did I do?

You lucked out.

It's possible there's a sonic activator.

Some sort of secret word.

Oh, yes. I forgot.

It's "gumba".

No!

Oops.

Guys!

Oh, no.

[all screaming]

[groans]

I'm gonna pull a rabbit out of

that guy's head the next time I see him.

Where the heck are we anyway?

[Peter] I'll venture a guess

and say it isn't New Jersey.

[Winston] It sure is hot.

You don't suppose we could be in

As near as I can figure,

we're in some sort of alternate dimension.

Probably one ruled by

a Class 8 nether entity.

And that's bad, right?

Very bad.

[Egon] Hmm, looks like rain.

[howling]

There's something that looks like shelter.

We'd better head for it.

A little rain never hurt anybody.

[thunder cackling]

- Ow!

- Ow.

[all yelling]

I've heard of it raining cats and dogs,

but this is ridiculous.

Think we better move inside.

[Peter] Oh, yeah. I'm going

to feel real safe in there.

Talk about a fixer upper.

[women giggling]

Is that what I think it is?

[giggling continues]

Wait! It could be a trap.

Let's hit 'em.

[women] May we assist you, gentlemen.

[women giggling] Is this great or what?

Is it real, Egon?

They seem to be.

Well, this dimension

is affecting the equipment strangely.

I got it!

They're assistants.

And I need so much help.

Magician's assistants.

Of course.

That cabinet must've been

trans-vecting them here for years.

[assistants] Ladies and gentlemen,

the Amazing Gorgani.

Great. Now we're gonna

have to pay a cover charge.

For my first trick,

I'll need a volunteer.

You, sir.

Step right up here.

Ah, no thanks.

I'm just here to see the dog act.

Hmm. [snaps fingers]

Hey!

Pick a card.

Show it to the audience, please.

Uh-uh-uh!

No peeking.

Now put it back anywhere you like.

Uh-uh!

You're peeking again.

All set.

And now I shall magically

discover your card.

Abracadabra.

David Copperfield!

Pasta! Is that your card, sir?

Afraid not, bunkie.

[all laugh]

[growling]

No need to get testy now.

It's not that great a trick anyway.

[continues growling]

Whoa!

Oh, I knew this was gonna happen.

I am Gorgar.

Show me the way of your magic.

Now!

"Show me the way of your magic"?

What does that mean?

It sounds insane but I think he wants

to learn a magic trick.

I've got a trick for him.

I wouldn't do that.

[screams]

Speak or die!

Never hurts to try, Egon.

[laughs maniacally]

[all screaming]

[laughing maniacally]

"Never hurts to try"?

OK, so sometimes it hurts.

[shrieks]

[all yelling]

[laughing]

[all panting]

How fast do you think

a thing like that can fly?

[shrieks]

[laughing]

For a guy with such a lousy temper,

he sure laughs a lot.

Look out!

[growling]

[laughing]

Let's move it.

He's gaining on us.

[screams]

Whoa!

[screams]

[all grunt]

It's incredible.

This place seems to be

a pan dimensional matrix.

This place should be in Disneyland.

Now, how do we get out of here?

[maniacal laughter continues]

Uh-oh. Laughing boy is back.

And it sounds like

he brought his brother.

Over there. I've got an idea.

[growls]

[sniffing]

[growls]

Good plan, Ray.

Stupid but good.

What do we do now?

Our only hope is to find

a gateway back to our own world.

Of course, given the nature of this place,

that could take centuries.

No good.

I've got library books due.

If Gorgar created a gate

from our world to this one,

couldn't he create another

one to send us back?

Quite possibly, but how

do we get him to do it?

[snaps fingers] I know!

We give him what he wants.

A magic trick!

And in return

Hmm.

It could work.

Yeah, but who knows a

[Ray] I don't know about this, fellas,

it's been years

since I've practiced my magic.

You can do it, Ray.

I have total confidence in you.

By the way, do you think

you could pay me the five you owe me?

All set. Now all we need is Gorgar.

Leave it to me.

[echoing] Yo, Gorg.

Where are you, babe?

It's showtime.

[whistles]

Nice nether entity.

Come to Peter.

[maniacal laughter]

OK, ladies. Get ready.

Just like I taught ya.

[maniacal laughter]

Hit it!

[assistants] Ladies and gentlemen,

presenting Stanzo the Magnificent!

Huh?

[both] Ta-da!

[clears throat] Good evening.

For my first trick, I'll, um

I'll need a volunteer from the audience.

How about you, sir?

Go for it, big guy.

[laughing]

[clears throat]

Now, if you'll just pick a card, any card.

No peeking.

Now, show it to the audience, please.

If you'll just put it back in the deck.

And now, alakazam.

Byakazu.

Presto!

!sis that your card, sir?

[all cheer]

How does he do that?

[laughing]

I can't believe it!

I'm so happy.

This guy's a sucker for a card trick.

[sniffling] You don't

You don't know how long I've waited

for a real magician to come.

All these eons,

I've got nothing but assistants.

All those evening gowns,

in syrupy smiles.

And those doves!

He's right, you know.

Those birds will bury him.

Teach me the great magic, Stanzo.

Please.

And I shall be yours for life.

Oh, now there's a disgusting proposition.

Oh, shucks,

it's not all that hard a trick.

See, all you have to do

Uh, Ray. Practice your

disappearing act, OK?

- [groans]

- Whoa!

Listen, Gorgi, sweetheart.

Stanzo would love to teach you

that amazing little feat, uh

The thing is,

what's in it for us?

Your lives.

And your souls.

[laughing]

Love that smile but

seriously, babe,

you're a New York kinda guy.

And I should know.

New York?

Yeah, it's where we came from.

You know, through your cabinet.

So we want you to send us all back.

Gorgs, buddy, we're talking big time here.

Not just card tricks, but making rings,

producing flowers out of thin air

But I cannot send you back.

It is not within my power.

Great, so we spend the rest of our lives

watching Ray and Ganzo

here doing card tricks.

But there is a door.

[laughs]

Yo, Gorg, you really

need to get a cleaning lady in here.

It is here.

A gateway to your realm.

Any one of your kind may open it.

The key?

Before I give it to you,

Stanzo must swear

to teach me the great magic.

Ray, swear to this guy, will ya?

Cross my heart and hope to

Cross my heart.

Legal in any court in the land. Key?

Hold on, Peter.

Something's strange here.

Yeah, that's why I'm leaving.

[both yelling]

[yelps]

Oh, right. New York City.

Ah, home sweet home.

Nice work, Gorg.

[rumbling]

[assistants screaming]

[growling]

[all yelling]

What is it with this weather lately.

[people screaming]

- What I tried to tell Peter.

- What is, Egon?

That was no ordinary gateway.

It was a cross-dimensional conduit.

Sorry, I'm not up on my gibberish,

but what exactly does that mean?

The nether energy from Gorgar's realm

is being drawn through

that gate in massive quantity.

And is changing New York into

part of Gorgar's dimension.

[Peter] They're gorgarizing my town!

[Egon] It's worse than that.

If the gate isn't closed,

the energy will continue to pour out,

engulfing the entire world.

Then let's close it.

[g*ns powering up]

[screeching]

Let me guess,

New York is now another dimension,

so our equipment still won't work.

You ever have one of those days?

Stanzo!

This new block is quite nice.

Very like my own realm.

Is he kidding?

Hey, look what you've done to my town!

It's not his fault, Peter.

You're the one who opened the door.

Sure, blame it all on me.

Like I'm the guy who stepped into

that stupid cabinet in the first place.

It is time for you to teach me, Stanzo.

As you swore!

I'll keep my promise, Gorgar,

but not here.

[whistles] Taxi!

Hop in, Gorgar.

Ta-da!

What's going on, Ray?

Someone has to close that door.

[laughter]

Hi! You're back!

Huh?

Pick a card. Any card.

Oh, ace of spades.

[Peter] Ray, you're not seriously going

through with this.

It's the only way.

Like you said, I got us into this mess.

I didn't mean it. You know how I get.

I know.

But it won't be forever.

You'll have the cabinet and Egon

will figure out a way to bring me back.

Won't you?

Alakazam!

Alakazu!

Presto!

Is that your card?

Ya! Ya, ya, ya, ya.

At last, the great magic!

[screams]

[laughing maniacally]

[whimpers]

Stanzo!

I'mI'm so happy!

You must teach me more.

Sure, Gorgar.

We'll have plenty of time.

Come on.

See you soon, Ghostbusters.

Gumba!

[Peter] Egon?

Of course it's the perfect example

of the Selbert Theory.

- What do we do?

- Dive!

Whoa!

[all groaning]

What happened? Where's Ray?

Ray!

Ray, where are you, guy?

Speak to me.

Help!

Get me down!

That's my boy.

[Egon] Basically, Selbert theorized

that nether energy could flow

in only one direction at a time.

Thus, when Ray opened

the gateway back to Gorgar's world,

he set up an inward flow that reversed

the effects of the outward flow.

But what happened to Gorgar?

Back in his own dimension, I guess.

If I guess, which I don't.

Good riddance.

[Slimer] Oh

I kinda liked him.

Ray, you're the only guy I know who could

make friends with a monster.

Come on, Winston.

Peter isn't that bad.

Ha-ha, very funny, Ray.

Yeah!

Very funny, Ray!

[giggles]