05x04 - Elementary My Dear Winston

[bunniefuu]

["Ghostbusters" playing]

Ghostbusters!

[screaming]

There's something strange

In the neighborhood

[Slimer screaming]

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

[alarm blaring]

There's something weird

And it don't look good

Uh-oh!

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

[siren blaring]

[growls]

[Slimer] Luigi, jump!

[screams]

I ain't afraid of no ghost

[screaming]

I ain't afraid of no ghost

[Slimer] Ghostbusters!

Yeah!

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

And me! And me!

[bubbling]

Look at that.

You hooked a monster, reel him in.

[screaming]

Where am I?

Tell me or I'll rip your lungs out.

[stutters] New York.

New York? My kind of town.

[evil laughter]

[continues laughing]

[screaming]

Hound!

[growling]

Good dog.

The journey from England

has left me with a great appetite

for evil.

There is evil here, Hound.

Find it.

[growls]

[vehicles honking]

[screaming]

[car honks]

Hey, you're on the wrong side

of the road, you jerks.

I say, how rude.

To you, too!

This traffic is atrocious.

Get on your own side, you bloody fool.

Tell me, Holmes,

how shall we ever find

Moriarty in a city so uncivilized?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

Manhattan is an island

with most of its docks at the south end.

Moriarty has always

been most at home in the dock district.

Therefore we shall go south.

- [tires screeching]

- [cars crashing]

[hound snarling]

Good dog.

There is evil aplenty in that building.

I can feel it.

[Ray] Hut one, hut two, hike!

Slimer, go out for a long one.

[speaks gibberish]

- [sloshes]

- Aw!

Would you guys teach Slimer

something less messy?

Like checkers?

I got it.

Aww

Nice try, Slimer.

I think he's getting better.

Would you like to borrow my glasses?

Not so good, huh?

Maybe we need some special plays.

- Egon?

- All right, huddle up.

If we shift our line 12.3 degrees

to the right while faking left,

pass the ball diagonally

to the axis of movement

at precisely the speed of light

while converging from all possible points

on the nucleic perimeter,

the opposing defense

should collapse completely.

- Of course, there is a slight danger

- [computer crackles]

that all of known space

could collapse with it.

Maybe checkers isn't such a bad idea.

Nah, we just need more players.

Hey, Peter!

Peter?

- Earth to Pete,

- [music playing in headphones]

wanna play some football?

Ah, football's for wimps.

I'm listening to a real hero.

- Who's that?

- Fang Moskowitz.

- The punk rocker?

- Yeah.

Anyone who can sing "Baby, punch my face"

in front of those fans is

some kind of brave.

[wind whooshing]

Oh! Grab those, will you, Louis?

I got it.

Yay, huh!

Ugh.

Louis, I'm impressed.

You're so athletic.

[nervously] Thanks.

- [breeze blows]

- [shivering] Ooh, what was that?

An early winter?

Egon, this is April.

[shivers]

Ooh, did you feel that?

Like a blast of cold air?

Ah, this is perfect.

A place full of evil energy

just waiting to be released.

Concentrate, Professor.

Concentrate.

Come on, Winston. Give us the long b*mb.

[Slimer] Yeah, Winston, the long b*mb.

- Wow! What an arm!

- Wowie!

Oh!

[alarm blaring]

The containment.

Hey, what's going on?

Why won't it open?

There must be some sort of safety device.

Go!

[Winston] Move it, guys.

Or we're gonna be up to

our eyeballs in ghosts.

[alarm stops]

I wonder what could've

moved the release lever.

This. Your long b*mb

almost blew up in our faces.

Good thing we have a

time delay on this sucker.

We were five seconds away

from wall-to-wall ghosts.

- Huh?

- What?

I know most accidents occur in the home,

but come on.

My word, we're being shot at.

Never mind that, Watson.

Watson?

[screaming]

Hold it. What was that?

Is ghost central

cutting an off-ramp through here or what?

I don't know, Peter.

But for some reason our

beams couldn't touch them.

There was something very

familiar about those guys.

Who are those trigger-happy fools?

Ghost hunters, if I read their sign right.

Excuse me, old boy.

What is it, Holmes?

Hmm

A clue, Watson.

A very interesting clue.

Off we go.

Bearing dead ahead.

Nah, it couldn't be.

[alarm blares]

Uptown. Museum of Crime.

- [siren wailing]

- [tires screeching]

Hey!

[screaming]

Well done, Hound.

The stench of evil is very heavy here.

And now, I shall feed.

[crackling]

[evil laughter]

[siren wailing]

Much better. Much better.

Soon, I shall be ready to

give the world a big surprise.

[evil laughter]

Two vaporous full torso apparitions.

Well, double the pleasure, double the fun.

Odd. I can't get an accurate reading.

Uh-oh!

They've made us.

Let's fry that floater.

And your little dog, too. [laughs]

[fires proton g*n]

[coughs]

[Egon] No wonder the meter was off.

They're more of that new ectoplasm.

Just wait till your father gets home

and sees this mess.

You pathetic hacks

are way out of your league now.

You think you're dealing

with some petty ghost.

I am the Napoleon of crime.

The Napoleon of crime?

Yeah. And I'm the Caesar of salads.

Give me your best shot, big guy.

I think you're all mouth.

Whoa!

[Peter] Ah, maybe I was a little hasty.

Hey, look out!

Gah!

[grunting]

[whimpers]

Phew.

Phew, at least he has lousy aim.

Don't count on it.

Watson, the blade. I'll get Moriarty.

[snarls]

[Watson screams]

Watson

[growls]

Unhand me, you miserable cur!

I'm coming, Watson.

Hold it. He didn't say, "Mother, may I?"

[Winston] Peter, don't!

No!

Bingo!

At least we got one of 'em.

You guys don't know

what's going on, do you?

What's the problem, Winston?

Yeah, whose side are you on?

Ours or the ghosts'?

One of those ghosts saved

our lives, remember?

Yeah.

Look, guys, I know this

is gonna sound strange,

but I think those two ghosts were

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Oh, cut it out.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson?

[chuckles]

Don't you just love this guy?

He is such a kidder.

Yeah, such a kidder.

Look, Winston, I know

you read a lot of detective mysteries,

and sure, they did call that

class six spook Moriarty,

which was the name

of Sherlock Holmes' arch enemy.

Say, Egon, maybe Winston's onto something.

Impossible, Ray.

Sherlock Holmes

and Dr. Watson were fictional characters.

They never really existed.

Ergo they could not be ghosts.

And this sucker is definitely a ghost.

I'll dump it in the containment.

- [violin music playing]

- [gasps]

OK. Somebody explain that.

Or change it to another station.

It's him. It's Sherlock Holmes.

He was not only a great detective

but he also played the violin.

Hey, are you crazy?

[Holmes playing violin]

[all gasp] Whoa!

[stammers] Mr. Holmes?

Yes?

Wow! It's really him.

Astounding.

But, how can you fiddle around like this

when Moriarty's kidnapped

your best friend?

In the books,

playing always helped him think, Ray.

True, and in order to put things right

I shall require a guide

who knows this city.

You, Mr. Zeddemore.

How did you know his name?

Elementary, my dear Spengler.

Your names are sewn on your coveralls.

Oh.

- Will you help, Winston?

- Yeah, sure.

It'd be an honor, Sherlock.

Now, quickly,

drive us to your city's largest library.

The game's afoot.

[speaks gibberish]

Did we see that,

or has my brain finally

snapped like a twig?

Egon, you said this was impossible.

I can only offer a theory.

Belief made manifest.

Say what?

Even though there was

never a real Sherlock Holmes,

millions of fans believe in him.

Right. The London post office gets

thousands of letters every year addressed

to Sherlock Holmes.

Precisely.

And it appears this collective belief

has somehow given Holmes and Watson

a quasi reality.

Of course, these free-roaming archetypes

aren't exactly ghosts as we know them.

That's why our packs don't work on 'em.

Well this is just great.

I mean, who are we gonna

be fighting next? Darth Vader?

Right now, I'm more concerned with

what's happening to

Winston at the library.

[sputtering to a halt]

What happened to the car?

Moriarty is absorbing

all spirit energy in the vicinity.

Quickly.

What is this?

Sort of a historical play.

Where's Moriarty?

Nearby, I can sense it.

[woman] Yoo-hoo! Excuse me.

Oh, dear. Surely you can't be

Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz?

Indeed not, madam.

I am Sherlock Holmes,

and this is Dr. Winston.

Oh, strange.

That makes three participants

who aren't on the list.

- Three?

- Well, yes.

You two plus Dr. Jekyll over there,

uh, or was it Mr. Hyde?

Moriarty!

[books whooshing]

Man, we're gonna need some reinforcements.

[tires screeching]

[Ecto-1 brakes]

Brings backs memories, huh, Egon?

Our very first case started here.

Yes and they still won't

give you a library card.

[screaming]

Ah, the old place hasn't changed a bit.

Somebody's doing some heavy reading.

[books hovering]

[howling and crackling]

[fires proton g*n]

[whistles]

[growling]

- [shelves banging]

- Uh-oh.

[Peter screams]

How come I never get hit by paperbacks?

Ugh, what happened?

- Where's Moriarty?

- Gone.

What did he want here?

Crime books.

He was absorbing their evil energy.

With enough energy he can solidify.

Become a living person

and the greatest criminal mind in history.

That's why I must stop him.

But the last time you met Moriarty

in one of your books you both died.

At The Reichenbach Falls.

A popular misconception.

But this time it's no book, my friend.

I believe he's

headed back to your firehouse now

to feed on the energy

of all the evil ghosts there

and complete his transformation.

He's gonna open the containment.

Oh, no.

Ecto-1 to central. Calling central.

Come in, Janine. Over.

Uh, one small question, guys.

What happens when we find Moriarty?

I mean, our proton packs are a joke.

But your trap worked on me.

It should also work on Moriarty,

if we're not too late.

[on radio] Janine, do you read? Come in.

Not now, Egon. I'm busy.

[growling]

Louis, do something.

C-coming.

- [fires proton g*n]

- Whoa!

[screams] Help!

Hey! Hey! Help! Let me outta here.

Hound.

- [bang]

- [snarls]

Fun comes later.

Right now, we have more

important work to do.

Destroy them.

[Janine] Louis.

[hound snarling]

[bangs]

Psst, ready, Slimer?

[whispers] Yeah. Drop, drop.

[hound snarling]

[trap crackling]

[groans]

[Slimer grunts]

I say, thanks, old boy.

No problem, old chap.

- [alarm blaring]

- Moriarty!

[alarm shuts down]

[ghosts clamoring]

We're too late.

[moaning]

Moriarty is solidifying.

[ghosts howling and squealing]

We have to close the containment.

[fires proton g*ns]

Hang onto something, Slimer.

Here comes the long b*mb.

[containment whirs]

Good arm, Winston.

What?

[Holmes] Moriarty,

give yourself up.

Never. I can still beat you, Holmes.

It's over, Moriarty.

Yes, for you. Out of my way.

Not this time, Moriarty.

[whimpers]

You should've stayed in our books.

Are you mad? You'll k*ll us.

We were never alive.

Sherlock, don't!

I must, Winston.

Just like The Reichenbach Fall, remember?

[screaming]

- He did it.

- Yes.

And now I must join him.

Thank you, my friends.

Especially you, Dr. Winston.

Honor's all mine, Dr. Watson.

[containment shuts down]

Phew!

Ugh.

[grunting]

Phew!

I can't believe we

just put Sherlock Holmes

and Dr. Watson into the containment.

Hey, believe it, man. Check it out.

[reading]

Wow.

You have to admit,

we did make beautiful music together.

[violin playing Ghostbusters theme]

[groans]

You were saying, Winston?

How about that?

Lunch time already. Gotta run.

Yeah. I'm hungry myself.

Yeah gotta go!

Yeah, that is right!

[theme music playing]