05x16 - Raphael, Turtle of a Thousand Faces

[bunniefuu]

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[shouting]

Arrgh. Avast, ye lubbers.
Keelhaul the mizzenmast.

Whoa, dudes,
it's Long John Turtle.

Where's your parrot,
compadre?

Harr. What are ye grinni''
at, ye scurvy swabs?

Hey, nice wooden leg,
Raphael.

But don't forget to screw it
back on the TV table

when you're through, huh?

Oh, man!
You guys peeked.

Whoa. Better not
bug him, dudes.

He might make us

walk the plank
into the bathtub!

Very funny. Ha ha ha.

I'm dying of laughter.

What got into him?

Apparently, you have
hurt his feelings.

I always figured
he had a hard shell.

Raphael?
Are you all right?

Oh, sorry, sensei.

I guess I was a little steamed
because I blew my assignment.

Your...assignment?

I'm taking a correspondence
course from Pinkerman's
Private Peepers

to be
an undercover detective.

Oh! A detective.
Why, my student?

So I can make more
of a contribution to
the mean green team.

You know,
something special.

[chuckles]
But each of you
is already special.

Maybe. But I'll be the only
master of disguise.

Raphael? Uh,
we just wanted
to apologize.

We didn't know you were
actually serious

about this disguise thing.
Well, I am.

In fact, I'm going to prove
I'm a master of disguise.

I challenge you guys
to pick me out of a crowd.

Say, in the park.
In a half hour.

And if we do it?

Then it's free pizzas
for everyone.

Whoa, done deal, dude.

I think you're making
a serious mistake, Raphael.

Yeah? We'll see about that.
In the park.

Sir! Sir! Dogs are
not allowed in our bank.

Oh, yeah?
Says who?

Says me, and I am
a vice president.

Guards!

[growls, barks]

[screams]

[whimpers]

Now, I'd like to make
a withdrawal.

Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.

Oh, please, please.
Fill it up.

[laughs]
Now, this is what I call
"convenience banking."

[barks]
Let's go, boys.

Sergeant, do you have
any leads as to who
pulled off the bank robbery?

Yeah, we think we've
found an important clue.

A dog crunchy?

There's only one criminal
who eats these things,

and that's Mad Dog McMutt.

You done great, boss.

This is just
the beginning, boys.

Now we're ready to pull off
the caper of the century.

The Museum
of Natural History...

and a lifetime supply
of priceless bones.

The perfect heist.

And I do mean "hoist."

[laughs]

[barks]

You guys go
fuel up the chopper,

while I take myself
for a little

stroll in the park.

Hmm. Let me see. Which one
of these lawbreakers

should I disguise myself as?

No, too easy. Too handsome.
Ugh. Too ugly.

A-ha. The perfect face.

Mad Dog McMutt.

♪♪ [humming]

Yeah, a few more bags
under the eyes here,

and...voila!
[chuckles]

[Imitating Mad Dog]
All right, you
doubting tortoises,

here come Raphael,
Turtle of 1,000 Faces.

[laughs, howls]

Irma, I couldn't believe it.

Today, I caught Vernon
moving my office
furniture out,

and moving his in.

Ah, he could at least
have had the decency

to wait till you're
officially fired.

Which can't be
too far off.

My ratings are slipping
faster than soap
down a bathtub drain.

Hey, April, it's not
your fault the competition

has a talking mynah bird
for a weatherman.

Yeah. And Mr. Universe
in a tiger skin

doing their
political analysis.

[sighs]
Oh, I hate sweeps week.

Let's face it, Irma.
If I don't come up

with a great story
by the end of the day,

I'm out
of the news business!

Gosh, April.
Hey. Isn't that--

[gasps]
Mad Dog McMutt.

The one the police
suspect pulled off
that bank job today.

April, I hope you're not
getting any dumb ideas.

Do you realize,
if we can catch him

taking a bite
into crime, it'll be
the story of the year!

Huh-huh.
You're getting dumb ideas.

Wrong, Irma.
I'm saving my job.

[yawning]
Yeah, well, there's
nothing as relaxing

as a nice stroll
in the old park

when you've been
working like a dog.
[laughs]

Well, send me to Kansas
and call me Toto.

Look at the size
of that bone.

Hey, how about sharing
a little bit of that
bone with me, pally?

[growling]
Mad Dog McMutt...

don't take no backtalk
from man nor beast.

[barks, growls]

[screams]

[groans]
[growls]

How weird. McMutt was
right up the path from us,

and now he's gone.

How come I think of that
as good news?

[Raphael laughs]
Oh, boy, am I gonna
enjoy this--

Those guys'll
never recognize me
in this disguise.

Look, Irma.
There he is.
It's McMutt.

Whoop-de-doo.

[Michelangelo]
Oh, bodacious gag, dudes.

Shadowing Raphael,
the Master of Disguise.

It is kind of
a dirty trick.

But all's fair in
w*r and pizzas.

Well, our amigo left behind
a totally radical clue.

This must be who's Raphael's
made up to look like.

Compadres, this is going
to be a piece of cake.

We better find the boss.
It's gettin' to be that time.

There he is!
Hey, boss.

We been lookin'
all over for you.

Boss? Me?

Yeah, Mad Dog.
We work for you, remember?

Mad Dog?
Oh, yeah, right.

[growls, coughs]

Mad Dog. That's me.
Now, what do you punks want?

Oh, I know how hungry
these walks make you.

So I brung you
some doggy snacks.

D-Doggy snacks?

Yeah. Now open wide.

It's your favorite
flavor-- groundhog.

[choking, coughing]

Come on, boss.
We gotta get going.

Yeah. We're pulling off
the caper of the century.

Remember?
[cackles]

Uh, what's the big hurry?

Are you guys, what,
double-parked or something?

[laughing]
You're some kidder, boss.

Yeah.
[chuckling]

Pretending you forgot about
the caper of the century.

[laughing]
Did you hear that, Irma?

They're planning to pull off
the caper of the century.

Are you sure he didn't say

"kibble of the century"?
Come on!

This is the big story
I've been hoping for.

Okay, guys, now let's
keep an eye out

for someone who looks
like this Mad Dog McMutt.

This'll be too easy.

I could taste
that pizza now.

[whimpering]

[groans]
What happened?
How did I get here?

There he is, compadres.
We found him.

I'll have my pizza
with tuna fish,

peanut butter
and grape jelly.

Make that two.
Three.

Who are you guys?
Better yet, who am I?

Forget it, Raphael.

The loss of memory bit
won't work.

And changing your voice
won't help either.

Yeah, you lost
the bet, dude.

Now, come on! I'll help you
take off your disguise.

[grunts]
What a gnarly nose, dude.

It's stuck on
really tight!

[barking]

I'll teach you!

[barking, yelling]
Dude! Dude! Watch--

Oh, dude, look out.

Hey, come on, Raphael.
Don't be such a sore loser.

Is that my name?
Raphael?

[laughs]
What a stupid moniker.

Uh-oh. That's a pretty
nasty lump he's got
on his forehead.

Then he really did
forget his name.

More than that,
he forgot his voice.

Oh, okay, boss.
We're ready to hit
the museum.

Uh, the museum?

Yeah, the chopper's
all gassed up.

And I planted
the dynamite.

Dynamite?
You okay, boss?

I think I could use
a little fresh air, you know?
[growls]

[barks]

[laughs]
"Fresh air!"
What a card!

Have a liver-flavored
crunchy, boss.

Do they happen to come in
pepperoni and cheese flavor?

[laughs]
What a kidder.

Pepperoni and cheese.
[continues laughing]

[Irma]
Haven't we got enough
of a story already?

Irma, I just know
there's a major news
story developing here.

[Irma]
A giant fire hydrant?

Now, what makes me think
that's the hideout of a crook

who looks like
a Bassett hound?

[April]
Look. They're pulling
into the garage.

[Irma]
Great!
Now can we go home?

Sure, as soon
as I get my story.

Hey, are you guys trying
to suffocate me, or what?

We're bodyguards, remember?
We're guarding your body.

Yeah, well, scram,
before you give me
claustrophobia.

Sure, boss.
Whatever you say.

You want we should
warm up the chopper?

Yeah, whatever. Go on.
Just beat it!

[door slams]
Wow.

[normal voice]
I never thought I'd
get rid of those guys.

[growling, barking]

[imitating McMutt]
Hey. I thought you mugs
were leaving.

We came back when we heard
the guard dogs barking.

Right. Yeah, sure.
The, uh-- The guard dogs.

[laughing]
Somebody must be
snooping around.

[glass breaking]
[guard dogs barking]

Yeah, there's something
funny going on here.

It's coming
from the next room.

Look, boss.
We got company.

[giggling]
Hi, fellas.

I'm April O'Neil,
your roving reporter.

Ha, ha, ha. And I'm
Irma, her terrified
roving assistant.

And ladies, your
roving days are over.

[laughs]

Yeah, I guess I got
to be this guy Raphael,

if you're all
so sure about it.

Sure we're sure.
Trust us, compadre.

Once we figure out
how to get that makeup
off you, then--

[snarling]

Oh, great.

Raphael.
Are you okay?

Raphael. Who's Raphael?

Oh, no. Not again.

Oh, wait a minute.
I remember that dog.

All right!
You got your memory back!

Yeah, I sure did.

[barking]

What do you want to do
with these snoopers, boss?

Uh, you two get some rope.
I'll keep an eye on 'em.

What do you got in mind
for them?

I'm gonna take 'em for
a little walk in the river.

With cement leashes.
[laughs]

[howls like a dog]

[cackles]

Good idea.

To think the first time
I saw him,

I wanted to scratch
behind his ears.

[door slams]

[normal voice]
It's me, guys.
Raphael.

Raphael? As in,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

You know any other
green-skinned Raphaels?

Let's get out of here!

[McMutt]
So, how'd you fellows
figure out I disguised myself

as this McMutt guy?

[laughs]
Easy, Raphael.

First we shadowed you,
and then we found
the Wanted poster.

What Wanted poster?

This Wanted poster, dude.
Look familiar?

Oh, no! That means my boys
must have hooked up

with this Raphael clown
instead of with me.

[growling]

Oh, no.
That guy must have been--

The real McMutt!

Let's go, Turtles.

[All]
Turtle power!

[Leonardo]
We've got to stay
on McMutt's tail!

Right. If Raphael is
with McMutt's g*ons,

he's in terrible danger!
Look out, dude!

[honking]
[Michelangelo]
Oh, mega-bummer.

He got away!

What do we do now?

The Turtlecom!

Maybe April can tell us
McMutt's whereabouts.

Calling April.
Come in, April.

[growling, barking]

And here's the rope
you asked for, boss.

Yeah, don't you want
to tie 'em up?

Uh, yeah, right.
Yeah, sure.

Tie them up. Yeah.

[Turtlecom warbling]

Hey, what's going on?
What's with the pager?

Hello, April.
Come in, April.

[gasps]
A talking turtle?

What? Uh--
I don't believe-- Get--

Let me see that stup--
What is this?

Grab him, boys.
He's some punk named Raphael.

Oh, he is, eh?

Hold onto that mug.

I got a bone to pick
with him.

[screams]

I'll get you for that.

Huh? A frog?

Boy, if there's
one thing I can't stand,
it's losing face.

Wow!
[grunting]

Come on, let's lose
these losers.

They can't do this
to Mad Dog McMutt!

You're darn right, boss.

So what do we do now?

We set the dogs on 'em.
[laughs, howls]

Yeah. Good idea.

So long, snoopers.

[beeping]

April, where are you?
Speak to us!

[dogs barking]

Oh, no.
McMutt's guard dogs!

Look! A way out!

Come on, door!

Why are we panicking?
They're just dogs.

Right, and King Kong
is just a monkey.

We made it!

[McMutt]
Welcome back, snoopers.

You're just in time to join us
for the caper of the century.

Oh, yeah? And just
what makes you think
we'll go along with you?

All right!
Just curious.

All right, in there.

Ow!

Boy, I expected economy class,
but this is ridiculous.

At least they could have
given us window seats.

What's going down, dude?
Any luck yet?

If we can just home in
on April's Turtlcom--

[beeping]
There it is!

Head for midtown.

Put the pedal
to the metal, dude!

Yes, sir, today is
my day to howl.

[howling]

Museum of Natural History,
here we come!

We found it!
McMutt's hideout.

[Michelangelo]
Well, I'll be doggoned.

A building shaped
like a fire hydrant?

[Donatello]
Uh-oh. I have a funny feeling
we just missed our flight.

All right, fellas.
Time for the Turtle Blimp.

That's it, boss.
The Museum of Natural History.

[McMutt laughing]
All right, boys. Time
to blow the dynamite.

Yeah, bon appétit!

[McMutt laughing, barking]

That broke the museum
loose from its foundation,

now comes the heist.

You go keep an eye
on that storage compartment.

We don't need
no surprises.

Right, Mad Dog.

[Mad Dog howling]

Michelangelo
Holy guacamole!

I guess Mad Dog doesn't like
to pay the admission fee.

[Leonardo]
They're firing at us.

It looks like a laser cannon.

We can't fire back.
They've got Raphael
and April.

Oh, no. They're
firing at somebody.

Hurry, April.
You almost got it.

[ropes creaking]
You did it!

Now me!
And me.

[knocking]
Yeah? What do you want?

[imitating Mad Dog]
It's me, you bum.
Let me out of here.

But boss, we thought
you were flying this chopper.

No, but you two
are gonna be flying!

Now let's stop
those cannons.

I don't know how much
longer we can dodge
those laser cannons.

Wait a minute.
There's Raphael.

He's telling us
to close in on 'em.

Here we go!

Peek-a-boo.
Hey!

You're all through!
Hey!

How'd you snoops
get loose?

Well, I never give away
professional ninja secrets.

Now set this thing down,
McMutt.

[chuckles]
And how you gonna
make me, wise guy?

That's how!

Back off, Turtle.
We got the drop on you.

You guys should have quit
while you were losing.

[laser firing]

Hey, we're goin' down.

We're going to crash?

Well put.
[laughs wildly]

[Women screaming]

[sighs]
We made it. We're safe.

We may have made it,
but we aren't safe.

Inside, you boneheads.

Come on, Fritz, Waldo.
We'll pull the caper
of the century yet.

A Turtle getting
nabbed by a dog.

The S.P.C.A is gonna
hear about this.

Turtles, fight with honor!

Cowabunga!

Come on. Hurry up, you mugs.
My trigger finger's
gettin' itchy.

[gasps]
You beast!

You'd actually steal
a priceless dinosaur skeleton?

[laughs]
You bet!

Bones like this
only come along

once in a million years.

Why you low-down hound dog.

How could you destroy
public property like that?

Ow!
[howling]

Yeah! Way to go, Irma!

I don't believe it.
I actually did something right.

Yeah, well, it's the last thing
you're ever gonna do,

'cause you're all headed for
that big pound in the sky.

Oh! That does it!
I'll take care of this.

Hey-ya!
Hey-ya!

Hey, what's goin' on?
You are...

[yelling]

...on a trip
to the penitentiary.

[growls]
Whoa!

[grunts]

Hey, hey, help me!
Let me out of here!

April, where did you learn
those ridiculous ninja moves?

Hey, if you're in
enough of these episodes,

some of it's bound
to rub off.

[laughs]
Yeah, some of it.

Are you guys all right?

Oh, they're better off
than the dinosaurs.

No contest, amigo.

The dinosaurs have been
dead for millions of years.

Outstanding job, compadre.

Hey, it wasn't just me.
April and Irma deserve
the credit, too.

They helped capture
McMutt in...their own way.

Uh, McMutt? Who's McMutt?

My name's Raphael.

Oh, no, not again.

[April]
And that concludes
our exclusive videotape

of the capture of
Mad Dog McMutt.

This is April O'Neil,
signing off.

Thanks, fellas.

Oh, don't mention it,
dudette.

What was the thanks for?

Well, because of that story,

Burne Thompson signed April
to a brand new

three-year contract.

Truly a satisfactory
conclusion.

But why is Raphael
not here to share
this happy occasion?

He's decided to give up
private investigation,
Master Splinter.

Yeah. Now the dude
is taking up chemistry.

Excellent. The study
will open up many
new doors for him.

[screams, groans]

It'll open up
a couple of walls, too.

♪♪ [theme]