03x13 - The Milkman Cometh

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

♪ ♪

[thud]

[sighs]

[drawer slides]

[slams]

[clears throat]

[clatter]

Oh, my beauty.

Oh, you're so... [smooches]
gorgeous, plump beauty.

Baby, baby.

Mama's going to give you
a bath.

Ooh.

First, I'm gonna clean you,
then I'm gonna wash you.

Chicken soup every day.

[chops loudly]

[rock music plays]

Nice.

[snorts]

Hey, Ma, have you seen
my new lipstick?

No.

Uh, put your things away.

Then you'll be
able to find them.

DAUGHTER: I put it away.
It's gone now.

[sighs]
[cleaver chopping]

MOTHER:
Where are you going?

You know, Myron's coming over
to talk to you.

Oh, please.

I mean, what could that geek
possibly have to say to me?

That's no way
to talk about Myron.

He's a very wise man.
He's a scholar.

Well, I'm meeting Barry.

Why doesn't he pick you up here,
like a respectable young man?

Where is he
taking you?

You know, that jacket does not
go with your underwear.

Only a mother that loves you
will tell you the truth.

And the truth is,

you look terrible.

Your poor father in his grave
must be turning nauseous.

I don't want you
to see Barry anymore.

He doesn't treat you
like a lady.

Look at me when I talk to you.

Ma, I'm 21.

Are you sure?

Old enough
to pick out my own clothes

and my own boyfriends
without my mother's help.

As long as you're living
in this house,

you'll listen to what I say!

Well, then,
maybe it's time to leave.

Madlene!

[door opens]

Don't do anything
you wouldn't want

to show on network television.

[door slams]

You better stop nagging her, Ma.

She means it.

Let me tell you something,
young man.

Only a mother
that loves you nags.

When I am dead and in my

grave someday,

you won't hear me
nagging anymore.

Maybe.

[doorbell buzzing]

That must be Myron.

[buzzing continues]

I'll get the door.

[buzzing continues]

My mother wants to know
if she can borrow some salt.

You tell your mother if she
wants to have a good neighbor,

she'll have to be a good
neighbor herself.

When she brings back

the two dozen eggs
she took from me last week,

that's when
you can have the salt.

[whines mockingly]

What a sweet little boy.

[door closes]

What did I
live my life for,

but to nag my children
to greatness?

What are you reading?

I'm reading about

mulching.

What does a-a good dentist need

to know about mulching?

Ma, I told you. I'm
changing my major
to agriculture.

I'm not gonna spend
the rest of my life

telling people
to rinse and spit.

Dentistry is the new frontier.

Who influenced you to do such
a terrible thing like that?

Ma, I made
my own decision, okay?

I-I want
to do something meaningful

with my life.

Meaningful? Saving people's
mouths is very meaningful.

Who wants to live in
a world without good
gums and good teeth?

Not me.

[rock music plays]
Ma, my mind is made up.

Sweetheart...

over my dead body.

[music mutes]

Thanks, Ma.

MOTHER: I've been so
upset, Myron.

I don't even have the strength
to take out the curlers

from my hair.

In the old country,
your word would be law.

Your children would put you
on a pedestal

and shower you with honors.

Pedestal?

I would be happy if they would
just give a listen

to what I have to say.

Nobody loves their children
more than I do.

But they shut their ears
to whatever I say.

It hurts me.

As the prophets say,

"How sharper is a serpent's
tooth than a thankless child!"

That's very deep.

But forget about

my wounded feelings
for a moment, Myron.

It's about Madlene.

She and her boyfriend...
I'm afraid that...

And she's
threatening
to move out

of the house.

Now, why would a young girl want
to move out of the house

if she... weren't doing
something

that her mother
can't even spell?

And my college boy--
my genius--

behind my back, he stopped going
to dentistry classes

and he started studying lettuce.

He wants a career
in salad making.

I-I can't tell
anybody but you this.

You're my only hope.

So, what would you
like me to do?

You know things. I want you
to give me something

to make my children
listen to me.

You would like to resort
to, uh, higher powers?

I do.
Oh...

In that sphere,
there are many, many dangers.

It must not be entered into
lightly, Pearl.

I have to save my children,
even if it means dying.

God forbid.

Pearl,

I have something here

that I carry with me
at all times,

for fear that it might fall
into improper hands.

But I give it to you, Pearl,

because I know that it'll
help you with your problems.

But Pearl, I warn you--

you must be very, very cautious.

What is it?

You'll soon see a big difference
in your children, Pearl.

This is it?

Nothing more?

It's more than enough,
believe me.

And I've said it
again and again.

Be careful what you wish for.

You might get it.

[gurgling]

[vacuum cleaner whooshing]

SON:
Ma... Hey, Ma!

What?!

It's too loud.
I can't concentrate.

You know, you read too much.
All that agriculture nonsense.

You're going to ruin your eyes.

[sneezes]

You see? You're
wearing yourself out.

You have a cold already.

[sneezes]

Mom, it's from the dust
you raised. I'm not

sick.

Why do you turn
that thing up?

You want to shut
your mother out?

That's not friendly.

You know, when you're
a lettuce picker,

you won't be able to
afford such luxuries.

I'll do without.
[scoffs]

Fat chance.

It's my fault.
I spoiled you.

[sneezes]

I gave you and your sister
everything you wanted.

You don't even know what
life is like without a

television set...

a VCR...

a radio...

a telephone.

You know, this apartment
doesn't come with

telephones.

You need money
for that, too.

[sneezes]

Oh, you are sick.

It's a good thing I have
some chicken soup going.

Mom, chicken soup
is not the universal antidote.

Oh, yes, it is.

[door closing]

PEARL: You're going to sprain
your ankle in those shoes.

[son sneezes]

Where are you going?

Why don't you stay home
with me and clean, Madlene?

No can do, Ma. I got
another date with Barry.

PEARL: You're looking for
trouble, young lady,
or should I say

"young woman"? You know, I'm
not so sure you're a young lady

anymore, are you?

MADLENE:
Leave me alone, Ma.

Why should the farmer
buy the cow,

when he can get
the milk for free?

That's disgusting.

Don't come back unless
everything is intact.

And you, young man,

I'm going to give you some
chicken soup for your cold.

[sneezes]

[Madlene screams]

Madlene!

What happened?
My ankle, Ma.

[son sneezes]
Ooh!

I'm gonna call
the doctor.

[son sneezes]
[Madlene moans]

[son sneezes]

PEARL:
It's gone.

The telephone.

[son sneezes]
It's gone.

What?

[sneezes]

Ma, look.
The TV's gone, and the VCR.

[sneezes]

Oh, my God.
We've been robbed!

Help!

Help! We've been robbed!

[son sneezes]
Richie?
Richie, be a good boy.

Go tell your mother
to call the police.

We have been robbed.
They've taken everything.

Even the telephone.

[chuckles]:
No way.

One of these days, your face
is going to get stuck that way.

[muffled whining]

Ma, what's wrong with him?

[muffled grunting]

It's working.

[muffled moaning and crying]

You did this to him.
You told him that his face

would stay that way, and it did!
[sniffling]

And you told me I'd
sprain my ankle!

[wailing]:
I'm blind!

I can't see!

I ruined my eyes!

[son moaning]
You did this!

[Richie grunting]
She put a curse on us.

[son sneezes]
Quiet!

[muffled sniffle]

Oh.

Chicken soup is the
universal antidote.

Bring the boys over here.

Yeah, right.

Eat.

[drawer slides]

Help your brother.

I can see.

Now, the next time I ask you
to do something for me,

you'll remember
this, won't you?

Yes.

Shut the door!

And you,
my darling daughter,

how's your ankle?

[clacking]
[door opens]

[door shuts]

[doorbell buzzing]

That must be little Richie.

Good boy!

You're on time today.

Bring me back a nice loaf

of pumpernickel bread.

Fresh baked today.

It's so nice being treated
like a grand lady.

Madlene,

remember to clean
the bedrooms.

A little housework
never k*lled anyone.

[door shuts]

Marc, I'm afraid of her.

Where'd she get that
thing around her neck?

Myron-- it had to be.

Sick, old weirdo.

Yesterday, she told
Brenda Liebowitz

that cold food gives you
a bellyache.

Ten minutes later, they
carried her out on a stretcher

and pumped her stomach--
food poisoning.

You know, Mom told Aunt Rita
that she'd blow up

like a balloon
from drinking that diet soda.

Now she's floating
over New Jersey.

She's got us where
she's always wanted us.

[clacking]

Mmm...

Ma, it isn't fair.

You're working me like a sl*ve,

while you go out
and get your hair done.

Look, I'm all sweated up.

Horses sweat,
ladies glow.

[eerie buzzing]

Ma, she looks
like a neon sign.

Okay, ladies don't glow.

[buzzing stops]

I haven't seen Barry
in five days, Ma.

I know how close
you two are.

I am going to do everything
I can to get him to make an

honest girl of you.
You stay away from Barry.

Do you think that
I would do anything

to hurt my future
son-in-law?

[mouthing]

Yes, I want you
to call up Barry,

invite him for dinner
tonight, and then I
am going to give him

every fair chance to do
the right thing by you.

["Bridal Chorus" plays]

PEARL:
You know, Barry,

when a young man gets as
close to a young woman

as you've gotten
to my daughter,

the gentleman usually
buys the lady a diamond ring

or reserves a hall
for the wedding...

if you follow my innuendo.

You're talking
about getting married.

Right.

Mrs. King, I can't do that.

Look, I'm just an associate
plumbing inspector.

I don't make, uh... [squeaks]
for a salary.

[slurping]
Charming.

Uh, surely your parents
can help you.

[chuckles]: Yeah, if
I really need it.

They could loan me some bucks.

I guess, um, I'm just not
ready to get married yet.

But when I do,

your little Maddie
will be first on my list.

[giggling]

Can I have another
piece of that?

Another?

You're gonna turn
into a slice of date nut bread.

[laughing]

[gasps]

[screaming]

[whimpering]

Oh, Barry.

Look, look what you did.

I'm sorry, Madlene.
[doorbell buzzing]

[gasps]
That's the door.

Madlene, I'm sorry.

[whimpering]

Oh, baby, I'm sorry.

Oh, it's little Richie.

Here.

I've been riding my bike

for three hours
looking for that.

Nobody in Brooklyn bakes
fresh bread on Tuesdays.

Oh, well, thank you for
going to so much trouble.

Here, this is for you.

A dollar?

A lousy buck?

I rode my bike clear to Queens
looking for that bread.

I'm late for dinner.

My mother is
gonna strangle me!

And you hand me one buck?

Keep it!

Oh, calm yourself.

Look, he's having
a conniption over a tip.

[gasping]

Oh, my goodness.

H-H-Here's another dollar.

Bye, Barry.

Oh...

[sniffles]

PEARL [voice breaking]:
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

[sobbing]

I just wanted my children
to listen to me.

Pearl, darling, please.

The serpent's tooth
is a powerful charm.

Too powerful.

Isn't there something
you can do?

Ma, take that thing off,
before you hurt somebody else.

[sighs]

Ma, please, give
it back to him.

No!

Ma!
Ma!

As God is my witness,

I won't wear it anymore,
but Myron gave

it to me
as a present.

I wanna keep it as a pet.

It belongs to your mother now.

Hopefully... you've all
learned a lesson

from this sad experience,
and from now on

you'll live
in peace and harmony.

The serpent's tooth
is a powerful

reminder that children, children

should honor
their parents

and prosper.

From your mouth to God's ears.

[celestial music plays]

Ma, put that thing away!

All right.

[sighs]

You're such a beautiful girl.

Why do you hide it
under all that makeup?

Uh-huh.

And take your hair
out of your eyes.

And cover yourself up--
you can see Cleveland!

No.

Aha!

Can't resist, can you?

You just love that power.

Mom, what do you wanna do--

k*ll me because
you don't like my hair?!

No, don't say that!

I love you!

[sobbing]

If any mother loved a daughter
as much as I love you,

may I turn into
a pillar of salt!

[whooshing]

Uh, listen, Ma,
I-I gotta get going now,

but I'll be home
before dinner, okay?

MARC:
Yeah, Ma, I gotta

go, too.

I got a class.

[smooches]
[smooches]

See you later, Ma.

Later, Ma.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

PEARL: What good children.

It was worth it.

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.