03x06 - Black Widows

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[dog barks in distance]

[humming]

[dramatic music plays on TV]

I'm getting ready
to go to work, Mama.

I hope you make my coffee
before you leave, baby.

[humming]

You know, Mama,

two whole pots of coffee a day
is not good for you.

But I get thirsty, baby.

But it sends that blood
pressure of yours sky high.

And by the time
I get home from work,

coffee's
stone cold.

Well, it don't get cold
if it's in my thermos.

[men shouting
and g*nf*re on TV]

Oh, Mama, I wish you'd
get out a little more.

I prefer
to let the world come to me.

But the trouble is, the world
don't come to you, Mama.

You're here alone all day long.

But I've got my TV,

and sometimes people do come.

Why, Reverend Joy stops by
almost every morning.

Well, that's true,
I guess, Mama.

Oh, put out a second cup for
Reverend Joy, will you, honey?

[sighs]:
Okay.

Poor man is so short,
he can barely reach
that top shelf.

WOMAN: Oh, Mama,
when we lived in Maine,

you said it
was too cold
to go outside.

And then when we lived
in Alabama,

you said it was too hot.

And then when we moved
to Oregon,

you said there was too much rain
and the ground was always wet.

[sighs]
Well, Mama,

here we are.

We are in dry, sunny California.

[country music plays low]

And you still do not step one
foot out of this trailer.

What is this behind me?

Audrey?

I said,
"What is this behind me?"

Why, that is a window, Mama.

And the sun comes
pouring through,

and it warms my face,
and I have everything I want.

Even if I don't go parading

up and down the sidewalks
of California

on a skateboard,
wearing some skimpy dress.

You might have some
fun on a skateboard.

Besides...

I just worry about
you being lonely.

Mm, honey,

I told you, I prefer
to let the world come to me.

[knocking at door]

See?

I know what
I'm talking about.

[door creaks]

Good morning.

Oh, we don't
want nothing.

MAMA:
Oh, that's my company
for today, honey.

You let him in.

[country music continues]

MAMA:
Hello.

Won't you have a seat?

Don't you buy nothing, Mama.

You have just the one
daughter, Mrs., uh...

Webster.

Us Webster women don't
ever need more than one.

Hmm.

So, of course, we never
have more than one.

Uh, does your daughter
go to school?

Night school.

Oh, then, this book

your daughter will love,
Mrs. Webster.

She'll love it...

Not in my house.

I don't allow any
k*lling in my house,

especially spiders.

Spiders are good
luck for a house.

Would you like
some coffee?

Uh, y-yes, ma'am.

[thud]

Uh, as I was saying,
Mrs. Webster...

Cream?
Uh... uh, no.

...that this set
of books will proo...

Sugar?
Uh, no.

[hisses and squeaks]

[yelling]

[squeals]

[applause on TV]
GAME SHOW HOST: Okay, Jack,

let's have our next contestant
for I Dare You.

[electronic tones play]

[electronic blip]

Susan Alexander...

[woman squealing]
I dare you!

Beautiful day out, Mama.

That's what
the weatherman said, too.

[applause on TV]

Won't you let me open
that curtain?

No, Audrey.

It puts a reflection on the TV,

and then I have
to stretch my neck

in order to see what
the contestants are wearing.

HOST: And the family?
SUSAN [laughing]:
I hope so.

HOST:
Would you like to say hello
to them out there?

SUSAN:
Um, hello, George. [laughs]

HOST: Okay, Susan, you know
how we play the game.

You have six darts, and there
are nine balloons on the board.

Under three balloons,
there are prizes.

Pop those three, and you will
win a chance...

Mama?

...the grand prize,
a brand-new car...

What is this?

Oh, that's a book
about the stars.

Yes, I can see that, Mama.

What I'd like to know is,

why are there four of them
in the trash?

Well, that salesman left them
here this morning.

[game show host speaking
indistinctly]

He left 'em...
or you bought 'em?

I didn't buy nothing, Audrey.

You told
me not to.

HOST: Susan, you've got to hit
the board to pop the balloon!

Mama?

[tones sound on TV]
[Susan squeals]

[man speaks indistinctly on TV]

[sighs]

This is not a 15-day
free trial, is it?

Because they are not
gonna want to get them back

after I spilled
coffee grounds all over 'em.

Well, he said
they was free.

Mama, that man
was a salesman.

Why would he be
giving stuff away?

Who can figure out why
any man does anything?

I never did
understand men,

not even when I was
married to one.

Do you understand
men, Audrey?

[Susan squealing]

Now, Mama, are you
gonna get dressed?

I hadn't planned on it.

Any reason why I should?

We're gonna get some more
company tonight, Mama.

[electronic tones play on TV]

[host speaking indistinctly]

You're not talking about
that thin man, are you, Audrey?

I am.

And Robert's not any thinner
than I am, Mama.

That's just because you don't
eat the right kinds of foods.

Now...

if you ate the
right kinds of foods,

you'd be fat like me.
[laughs]

And never stir from my chair?
Oh, Mama!

Who'll go out and work, then?
You tell me, please.

Who will go out and work

and buy the groceries?

Oh, Mama, Robert is
gonna rewire that TV set

so that you can
change the channels

without even getting up.

Oh, Mama...

Robert is real sweet.

Are you going to marry him?

I might.

[electronic tones play on TV]

[sighs] Oh, Mama, I think
he's gonna ask tonight.

[knock at door]

MAN:
Hello?

Audrey?
Mrs. Webster?

Anybody home?

Well...

let the thin man in, Audrey.

I'm stuffed.

No, you're not.

Audrey ate twice as much as you.

Oh, I eat and
eat and eat,

but I have never
found anything

that would stick
to my bones.

I'm not going to allow
my little girl to marry a man

that's got
no meat on him.

Mama! He hasn't even
asked me yet!

But you knew I was going to ask,
Audrey; you knew I was.

I-I-I told her
I was going to ask.

She knew.

Now, Mama,
I told Robert

that I would
not marry him

if you didn't give us
your blessing.

I said I'd walk
out that door over there

and never take another step
in the trailer park again.

And don't think that
I would be leaving you, Mama.

I couldn't take away
a mother's only child.

Well, this trailer's
much too small.

Of course!

Robert is gonna buy us
a double-wide, Mama!

With a dish.

A dish?

The biggest damn satellite dish
money could buy.

150 stations, guaranteed!

A double-wide
and a dish!

Oh, Mama, we could
all die happy.

It's not enough.

Mrs. Webster,
listen to me now.

If-If you let me marry Audrey--

and if Audrey lets
me marry Audrey--

I promise you,
I'm gonna get fat.

A-As fat as a pig.

I'm gonna have thighs
like-like Cincinnati hams.

I don't believe
you can get fat.

I think there's something
wrong with your blood.

My mama was fat.

M-My mama looked like a pillow

with a string tied
around the middle.

My mama was so fat,
she died of high blood pressure.

Well, that's
a good sign.

So, Audrey, it looks like if you
and me are gonna get married,

I'm going to have to have some
of that strawberry shortcake.

Oh, well, then,
give him two pieces, Audrey,

because if you two

are going
to get married,

I want to have to widen the
church aisle for this thin man.

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

Mmm, this is the best
wedding cake I've ever tasted.

[chuckles]

[sobs]
I just love
this kind of icing.

[blowing nose]

Mildred, what's wrong?

[crying]

Oh, now...

All mothers cry.

Robert's a, a fine boy
for your Audrey,

and, uh, he-he's a fine boy
for you, too.

[crying]

I know it.

You know it. Uh...

Gosh, everybody who came
to the damn wedding knows it.

[laughs]
[sobbing continues]

Excuse me.

Uh... Audrey tells me
that...

all three of you
are going to be moving

into a double-wide,

just as soon as they get
back from the honeymoon.

[crying]
[chuckling]

Um, w-where are they going?

Big Sur.

Big Sur.

Hmm...

[groans]

Big Sur.

[Audrey screams]

[clattering]
Uh...

[Audrey and Robert grunting]

[chuckles nervously]

[clears throat]

Uh, it seems that the newlyweds
haven't quite gotten away

on their honeymoon yet.

[Robert moans]

[clattering]

[Audrey grunts]

[whimpering]
Um... uh...

[chuckles]
[blows her nose]

That's, that's all.

They're just,
uh, on their way.

[Audrey screaming]
[clattering]

[sobbing]

[Robert moans]
Uh... uh...

He's-He's a fine boy.

He's a fine boy, uh, Mildred.

[sobbing]
And, um, well, your Audrey--

well, sh-she's a
very good girl, too.

Uh... I know it and, uh,
and, uh, you know it.

[chuckles]

Every damn body that's ever seen
the two of 'em together--

they know it.

[Robert screams]
[clattering]

[door opens]

Audrey?

Mama...

why didn't you tell me?

["Bridal Chorus" playing]
MILDRED: I didn't tell
you because, well,

I wasn't sure
it was going to happen.

I'm not even sure
what did happen, Mama.

Well, you finally found
some food you like to eat,

that's all-- some food that'll
put some meat on your bones.

Oh, Mama, it
was horrible.

I ate and ate and ate

till there wasn't
anything left.

It was like I was
licking the plate.

Poor Robert.

Oh, the first time's
hard, I kn...

What?

But don't you feel
much better?

I feel like I just swallowed
a horse... without chewing.

Oh, Mama, that
was Robert.

MILDRED:
It's hard, baby. I...

I know it.

Mama, you really
should have told me.

If you would have told me,
I could have...

Could have what?

[sighs]

I could have married somebody
I didn't like.

I could have married
a m*rder*r or something.

But you loved Robert.

Didn't do him

much good, did it?

Mama, what did you mean
by "first time"?

Now, Audrey,

every family has
its little secrets.

Well, this just happens
to be ours.

Now, I don't know
much more than you,

but if you have
some questions,

I'll do my best
to answer them.

That encyclopedia
salesman?

I remember him.

So, you don't have to be
married to him to...?

Well, now the best
as I can figure out,

you have to be married
to the first one.

Then, after that, it don't
much matter, I guess.

Oh, it was a real bad thing
that happened, Mildred.

E-Everybody says it.

Worst thing they'd heard
in a long time.

Oh, yes, it was.

How's Audrey taking it?

Well, it was a shock,
but Audrey's a strong girl.

She'll pull out of it.

Oh, yes, I know she will.

And bodies do
wash up, Mildred.

There-There's some
comfort in that.

[sighs] I just hate hearing
stories like that:

"Young Man Drowned
on Honeymoon."

Robert was a sweet boy.

Just couldn't fight
that undertow.

Ah, grief weighs heavy
on a honeymoon widow.

I know. I was one, too.

Oh... like it runs
in the family.

I'm afraid Audrey won't
be joining us this evening.

She's not quite feeling herself
these days.

Oh, y-you mean, she's...?

Mmm.

[sighs]

Man, that'll be a
real comfort, won't it?

He's gone, baby.

I told him you weren't
up to company.

Mama, if this is a
little girl inside me,

I don't want her.

Why, Audrey, how can you
say such a thing?!

Because she could
be like me...

and like you.

She'll grow up,
she'll fall in love,

she'll get married,

and then, on her wedding
night, she'll... she'll...

Mama, what if I have
a little boy instead?

No! It's going
to be a little girl,

and she's going to be
just like you.

And you'll love her, and...
and she'll love you,

and you'll be good
to her,

and she'll be good
to you.

And when the time comes,

you'll tell her all the things
that I've told you.

And that's all
there is to it.

♪ Fly, ladybird, fly ♪

♪ Your daddy's hanging high ♪
[baby cooing]

♪ Your mommy's shut
in Moscow town ♪

♪ And Moscow town is
burning down ♪

♪ Fly, ladybird, fly. ♪

[knocking at door]

Shh.

Shh.

[hushed]: Everybody's thrilled,
Mildred, just thrilled.

How's Audrey doing?

It must have been
awful sudden,

if she didn't get
to the hospital.

Oh, yes, it was sudden.

Hard labor?

Medium-hard.

Oh, I thought so.

People did hear
some screaming.

Well, uh, can I see
the baby?

[baby crying]

Ugly little thing,
isn't she?

Not as ugly
as Audrey was,

and Audrey turned out
just fine.

Of course, she did.
Of course, she did.

It's the ugly ones
that always make it
to Hollywood.

Everybody knows that.
[chuckles]

[clears throat]

Can I, uh, can I speak
to Audrey?

Oh, I wish you would.

She's feeling low.

Oh, probably wishes
that Robert were here

to share... that
little miracle.

Go ahead.

She's expecting you.

Audrey?

Audrey?

Audrey?

[doors clattering]

Uh, Audrey child, now...

y-you shouldn't be sitting here
in, uh... in the dark.

Um, uh, let me get a light
switch here. Um... uh...

Audrey?

Audrey?

Audrey?!

[hissing]

Audrey?!

[Reverend Joy screams]

[baby cries]

Well, I don't care
what he says.

You are the cutest little thing

and the prettiest little thing
I ever laid eyes on.

[whimpering]

Well, now it wasn't so bad
this time, was it?

[sighs] No.

But Mama, I liked Reverend Joy.

Oh, we all liked Reverend Joy,

but now we can't start
using up our neighbors,

or we're just going
to have to move on.

Strangers are much better.

[baby cooing]

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.