01x20 - Don't Break the China/The Laughing Hyenas: Can't Take A Yolk

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Captain, there's something
stinky in the main cargo bay.

Well, Jim, you know what
to do with stinky cargo.

Yes, sir!

Come on, Bob. We
have another stinky one.

Ooh, boy!

Take it nice and slow, Bob.

You can never be too careful.

- Right, Jim!
- We should be able to spot...

I mean, smell that
crate a mile away.

Wait a minute. There it is!

New York City! The big apple.

My kind of town. The
empire state building.



Not to mention the
very tall palm trees,

the coconuts and
lots and lots of sand!

Wow, Manhattan
island sure is great!

Hmm... wait a minute,
my cherubic chum.

I think perhaps maybe we're
not on Manhattan island after all.

Oh, boy.

Ah. Here it is.

"How to cook
meerkat and warthog."

I will now present my
theory to you, Pumbaa.

- Ready?
- Ready!

What came first, the
chicken or the egg?

Wrong slide. New York City,
population seven million persons.

Desert island, population zero.

New York City, very
high skyscraper buildings.

Desert island, palm trees.

New York City, the
center of art and culture.

Desert island, sand.

This has led me to
a simple conclusion.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I
know, I know, I know!

We're not in New York City. We're
stranded on a desert island, right?

No. We're lost. Lost in time.

You see, somewhere along
our way, across the ocean or sea,

we must've passed through
a time warp, my porcine pal,

which sent us whooshing back
through history to Manhattan island

before it was all fixed up.

Gee, Timon, that
sounds complicated.

Maybe we should
ask him what he thinks.

Huh?

Might I be able to eat
ya, I mean, help you two?

Oh, yes. As a matter of fact,

my bestest, best friend and I
are looking for Manhattan island.

Uh, this is Manhattan island

and I'm, uh, one of
those tour guide fellas.

Hey, I'm no not-smart person,

but you sure don't look
like a tour guide to me.

Oh? What do I look like?

You look like some starving,
stranded shipwrecked guy

that could use a
bath and a good tailor.

Oh. I'll be right back.

- How's this?
- Now, that's better.

Good. You had a point.
Now, any tour guide

worth his saltwater knows
to see Manhattan island,

you begin with a ride
through central park.

So, everybody into the pot...
Uh, sorry. I mean, uh, carriage.

Yeah, boy! Let's go,
Pumbaa. Come on.

But, Timon, central
park? We live in a jungle.

We see trees and birds and
wildlife and muggers every day.

I wanna see the landmarks. I wanna
wake up in the city that never sleeps.

I wanna see a Broadway
show. Guys and dolls.

Hey, you think you
can score us some

tickets to a hot
Broadway show, fruitcake?

This must be a hot show,
Timon, because I'm sure hot.

Oh, you've gotta
expect some of these

outdoor seats to be
a little warm, Pumbaa.

After all, it's
"Shakespeare in the park."

Well, I don't mean to complain,

but our seats sure seem to
be pretty far from the stage.

As a matter of fact, I
can't even see the stage.

Oh, don't worry about
that. The show comes later.

Didn't I mention this
here's a dinner theater?

- Dinner?
- Oh, boy, oh, boy!

- When is dinner served?
- Soon. Very soon.

But first we'll start
with some appetizers.

And some salt, just a
pinch of pepper here.

Oh, boy!

Gee, Timon, it's getting
awfully very hot in here.

Try not to complain, Pumbaa.

These are the best seats he
could get on such short notice.

But dinner sure smells good.

Yeah! It sure does, pal.

It kind of smells like, uh...

Like, uh... Like,
uh, uh, uh... Us!

Timon, if I didn't know better,
I'd say he's trying to eat us.

Wow. I heard New York was rough,

but when the tour
guides wanna eat you...

I love barbecue.

But sometimes I eat healthy.

Hey, now I hate croutons!

Oh, boy! Double oh, boy!

Now, now, now... Wait a
minute, my hungry man.

You don't wanna eat us.

- I don't?
- He don't?

- No, you don't.
- Why not?

Yeah, Timon, why not?

Well, just look at
him. He's a warthog.

I mean, come on.

Who wants to eat anything
with the word "wart" in it?

I just the thought of Pumbaa should
turn your stomach upside down,

inside out, give
you the willies.

Oh, thanks, Timon.

Well, then, if I can't
eat him, I'll eat you!

Uh, you don't want Timon either.

And what's wrong with him?

Well, look at him. He's
all scrawny and skinny

and bony and thinny.

Yeah. Skin and bones. See?

I know the feeling. Well,
you may not be grade a,

but starvers can't be choosers.

Oh, what I wouldn't do for a big,
old, well-done New York steak!

If you don't eat us, we'll
help you get off this island

and back to the mainland
with all the main courses.

The mainland?
Alright. It's a deal.

But if it doesn't work, I
think you know this part.

Ready, Pumbaa?

I... Can't... Hold
it... Much longer...

Timon!

Please put your tray table and
seat in their upright positions.

In case the cabin
loses oxygen, use this.

And if there's an
accidental water landing,

this flotation device can
be used as a flotation device.

Here's a peanut. Bon voyage-y.

Pumbaa, I didn't say "go!"

Geronimo-h*-h*!

I feel like Cary Grant.

Pumbaa, the plane! The plane!

It better work
this time, kitty cat.

Tell me when, Timon.

Oh, no, you don't.
Give me those!

You stand on the other side.

Hey, Timon, I'm getting the feeling
you don't trust me at all anymore.

You're right.

Bon voyage-y. Again.

Hey, Timon, I don't think
it worked so very well.

Get the plane off me.

Hurry, Pumbaa! He hasn't quite
had the time to regain consciousness.

This time it's gonna work, or
my name ain't Timon Berkowitz!

Contract!

So long, fellas.

Oh, boy!

You did it! You got the
hungry guy off the island! Yay!

Oh, it must be nice to be
truly a smart genius, Timon.

Yes, it is,
Pumbaa. It really is.

But, Timon, I was just thinking.

Now that you've gone and made
the hungry man very happy and gone,

how are we gonna
get off the island?

Oh, your genius didn't
figure that out, did it?

Now we're going to starve!

We're going to be hungry and
wishing for food and there isn't any.

We're gonna starve!

Snap out of it, Pumbaa.

We'll be fine, good and okay.

We've got survival
instincts, you know?

We can build a shelter out of shells
and we can make sandwiches out of sand.

And even if we're here for


Pumbaa, it worked! It worked!
We caught it! We caught it!

Behold, the gourmetess salivati,
the most delicious bug in the world.

Hey!

What's the big idea?

Just a slip of the tongue.

Sorry, man. That
delicious bug of yours

just looked too darn
delicious to resist.

And I thought you were bad.

What kind of
animal is he, Timon?

He's an anteater.
And from the looks of it,

I'd say he ate the uncles too.

Say, you guys got
anything else to eat?

I'm famished, man

and I just don't got the energy,
you know, to get up, and...

Hey, forrest lump. You.

That delicious bug you
just ate was a rare delicacy,

hard to find and
even harder to catch.

Oh, they can't be
that hard to catch.

For your information, darling, just to
catch a glimpse of one takes agility,

cunning and split-second timing.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean for you to take offense.

What I meant to say
is that they can't be

that hard to catch
for a fella like you.

Moi?

I mean, you must
catch them by the dozen,

seeing as how you yourself
possess all those rare qualities...

Cunning, agility,
split-second...

Timing.

Well, yes, thank you, but, uh...

Why, you must be the best bug
catcher in the whole universe.

Pumbaa, am I blushing?

Well, I don't know if I'd go
so far as to say universe.

Maybe the tristate
area. The world, maybe.

The solar system I'd
consider. But the universe? Oh!

The best bug catcher
in the whole universe,

that is, next to him.

- Huh?
- You talking about me?

Why, sure. Look at you.

A regular bug-hunting
machine, with a powerful snout,

hooves like shovels,
razor-sharp vision.

He must catch a heapful of
more bugs than that little guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you kidding?

Pumbaa catch more bugs than me?

How do you think he got this
gut? Digesting, not catching.

In case you've forgotten, the
phrase isn't "eat like a meerkat."

It's "eat like a pig."

Say, you gonna just sit there
and let him talk to you that way?

He's right, Timon. You
shouldn't talk to me that way.

Oh, some thanks he's showing
after you went to all that trouble

to catch that rare bug.

Yeah, some thanks you're showing

after I went to all that
trouble to catch that rare bug.

But we caught it
together, Timon.

But I did most of the work.

You know I always do my
share of the bug gathering.

And more than your
share of the bug eating.

I could catch just as many
bugs as you if I wanted to.

Sure! In your
little picky dreams!

Now, now, now.
Settle down, boys.

No need for all
these fighting words.

I know of a much better
way we can figure out

which one of you is
the best bug catcher.

Now... the rules
are simple, man.

Whichever one of
you brings me back

the most bugs in
one hour is the winner.

- Any questions?
- What do we win?

What do we win? We win the
self-serving, ego-boosting satisfaction

of knowing one of us
is better than the other.

Mainly me better than you,
Pumbaa. Now just get ready.

On your Mark.

Get set.

Hunt.

It's a big log.

You need some help, Timon?

Help, Pumbaa? Don't you get it?

This is a contest,

a thing wherein one of us
seeks to outdo the other.

But don't you wanna
work together?

After all, we're still friends.

Yet that friendship is
temporarily null and voidified.

Hang up your hakuna matata hat.

It's me against you now.
Friend against friend.

But what about cooperation?

Pumbaa, don't start with me.

Do you really think I need your
help to catch bugs? Be serious.

So, you don't wanna cooperate?

No, I don't wanna cooperate.

Are you sure?

This is competition, Pumbaa,
the exact opposite of cooperation.

Well, if that's what you want,
Timon, then that's what you'll get.

No help from me.

Ugh!

Oh, man, it looks like
it's gonna be close.

I guess it's time to eat.

I mean, uh, count.

We'll calculate yours first.



Now for yours.

You had... 443 also.

How about that?

Looks like it's aqual-pasqual.

Even Steven.

- Even Steven?
- Yeah. Looks that way.

Guess we're gonna have
to have ourselves a little...

Tie-breaker.

Tie-breaker?

Maybe you two should try
again for another hour or so.

You know, gather
up some more bugs.

More bugs?

Now, now, fellas.

What are you gonna do now?

Nobody said I
couldn't eat the bugs.

We're gonna help you
UN-count those calories.

Get our bugs back!

Say, look, Timon.

It's the gourmetess
salivati. The one you caught.

And that means you caught
one more bug than me.

You're the winner.

Now I'm really hungry.

What do you say we call it even?

It's a deal.