04x04 - Everybody's Entitled to My Opinion

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

said that
Helium Buffoon
was a bad movie.

Yeah.

And Helium Buffoon
was a great movie.

You love those stupid movies.

I do, but this one
wasn't stupid.

Brendon, you don't have
to say www anymore.

What? Why?
You can just say
the website name

without the www.

No, that's how you type
it in, Melissa, www...

I know that's how you type it,
but you don't have to say it.

I would know what you meant
without the www.

So no "Ws" ever.

Okay, Brendon, for the sake
of this conversation,

you don't have to say www
'cause I know what it is, okay?

And so does
the rest of the world.

But anyway, like I was saying,

I'm thinking of
writing my own review
and sending it in.

Because I was not happy
with what they wrote.

I think you should.

Well, I know.
I mean, I'm saying

I'm definitely thinking maybe...

That's a good idea.

I said that maybe
I might, you know?

You won't.
Excuse me.

We doing all right here or what?

We're fine.
How you doing?

You guys chatting it up?
Uh-huh.

Having a nice chit-chat, hmm?

Fine. Not our best.

A little back and forth?

Little tête-à-tête?
What?

Little dialogue, yeah?

What are you guys
talking about, soccer?

No.
No.

Because there's a game going on.

I was wondering
whether you'd like

to participate in the game.

Um... Is our soccer game

bothering your conversation?

Oh, no, no.

Should we stop
the soccer game
and gather around?

Maybe we should light a campfire

so you guys can
tell your stories...

No, this is... spin your tales.

No.

Regale us, Brandon and Melissa.

Coach, have a seat.
Relax. Come hang out with us.

Why bother getting
stressed out about...

It's a pretty quiet game.

Yeah, we kinda forgot
we were playing,
actually.

Hey, what do you think
this after-school assembly
thing is all about?

I don't know.
I hate after-school assemblies.

The rumor I heard is that
Principal Plum was fired,

and Mr. Lynch is gonna be
the new interim principal.

Mr. Lynch?
What? Mr. Lynch?

Yeah.
Lynch?

Lynch is about
as qualified
to run a school

as this soda can.

And I can say that
because I'm his
best friend.

I didn't know you were
best friends, coach.

We're not.
I'm his best friend,
but he's not mine.

Who's your best friend?

Right now, it's a tie

between this guy
I write to on
the Web.

He's from Sri Lanka.
He's nice.

And this guy who
hangs out at
the bar I go to

who is gonna supposedly

get me a free
battery for my car.

But, man, Lynch?

I'm sorry. But there
is no way in hell
Lynch is gonna be...

your new principal.

Interim principal, yeah.

Uh, well, yes, um...

that's what I was going to say.

You didn't let me finish.

As interim...

Interim principal.

Look, I said interim principal.

What's your problem?

I don't know.
Why are you
mad at us?

Yeah, why don't you
just do your speech?

Yeah, you're the principal.

Ahem. As interim
principal,

I intend to...

stern...

isn't soft, even
though my hands are...

Anyway, I...

All right, Lynch.
My buddy.

Interim!
I heard that! b*stards.

Okay. Let's see what we got.

Ahem.

"So, in conclusion,

"Yes, I know it's a funny way
to start a review,

"but as far as I'm conseened..."

Conseened? "Concerned...

"as far as I'm concerned,
there is no argument.

"Helium Buffoon is a funny,
smart, clever, hilarious,

"feel-good, high-energy
tearjerker

"that takes us on a crazy,
edge-of-your-seat ride

"through the world of
balloon delivery guys

"and turns it into
a crazy world of
"buffoon" delivery guys

when Jeb suddenly has
to take over the business."

Yeah.

Hey, John, you're taking up
two spaces.

Yeah? So what? I don't want
my car scratched.

Um, hello?
You can't do that.

Why don't you tell it
to the principal, four eyes?

Uh, boy, I didn't
expect to use up

the first 25 minutes
of class answering
one question,

but it was a very
good question, Brendon.

Thanks. I have
another question, too.

Hey, Fink...

Hey, class.
What's up?

What do you teach, Fink?

I teach... Science, right?

Yes.

I gotta borrow your
Bunsen burner.

I wanna burn some
stuff in my office.

Hey! Not that one!

Hey, kids.
No practice today.

But, coach, we have a game.

So no game today.

How come?

Because I gotta pick up

a brand-new free battery
from my best friend

who works at
the automotive shop.

Oh.

Whoo!

Uhh.

Come on. Come on.

Ha ha! I told...

Oh.

McGuirk, I can't
have you wreaking havoc
in my name like this.

Lynch, what are
you gonna do, huh?

Punish me? Make me
stand in the corner?

You gonna call my daddy?

You're making me
look bad, McGuirk.

What else you gonna do,
huh, Lynch?

You gonna spank me?
You wanna spank me?

Spank me.
McGuirk.

Here. Here it is.
Spank it.

Oh, stop. Stop.
Oh, McGuirk, come on.

Relax, buddy. I'm just
having a little fun.

You gotta lighten up, Lynch.

You're the man now.
This could be fun.

You just gotta take
advantage of it.

Please leave. I have
principal things that
I need to do.

Let's go do something.
Let's rob the safe here.

Do they have a safe?
McGuirk.

We'll take the money.
We'll go out.

We'll have a good time.
What?

Money equals fun.

We take the money
and then we go have fun.

McGuirk, how old are you?

Oh, I know what we can do.

We're not gonna do anything.

We can steal
the fire extinguishers.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Take all the fire
extinguishers out.

And where are you
gonna put them?

Bring them to my house...

and spray them at each other.

That is a prank that could
cause the school to...

burn down.

Oh, McGuirk. Please get
out of my office.

How can you not have
an opinion on anything?

I don't know.

What do you think of
my new earring?

Um... I don't know.

Well, what do you
think of my new hat?
I don't know.

What do you mean?
You have to have
an opinion.

No. No, I can't.

Nobody cares what I think.

That may be true,
but you should still
have an opinion.

You want my opinion?
Yes.

This sucks.
See?

Wait. That's not
in the script.

I'm talking about the script.

Melissa, it sucks.
You're right. Brendon,
you have to fix this.

Yeah, it's stupid.

Hold on.
In a minute, guys.

What are you doing?
Spell check.

For the script?
I'm working on
something, guys.

We kinda wanted
to finish this scene.

We'd like a little
direction, you know,
from the director.

Do it faster.
Do it faster.

I'm sorry. Are we
interrupting you

by making your little movie?

What? Okay, what?

You just totally
broke my concentration.

What are you working on?

Nothing. I'm just
writing a review.

What do you mean, a review?

likes my stuff a lot,

so they asked me
to write some stuff.

You're writing a review
for www.moviewiener...

You guys, you don't have
to say www.

I don't want to have
this conversation again.

What are you talking
about, Melissa?

You gotta say it.
You don't.

Because everyone knows
what it means.

How do you know it's a web site?

'Cause you say .com.

How do you know it's www?

Yeah, that's a good point.

Because it's just
one of those things

that when some things are
around for a long enough
time in society,

you can just abbreviate it.

Like, what else?
Like what?

You know what?
Say www. I don't care.

No. You know
what I'm saying.

No, forget it.
You're right.

In fact, don't say www.

Say World Wide Web
every time you say
a web site.

That's a total waste.

That's a waste of time.

Lynch, who is gonna stop us?

You run the ship.
You're the captain.

"Lynch."
Let go of that.

Do you know how long I've waited

to have someone on
the inside at this school?

Long time.

McGuirk, this is not a prison.

You're gonna get us both fired.

Let me sit in
the chair. Get up.

What?
Get up.

I wanna sit in the chair.

If I let you sit
in the chair,
will you leave?

Maybe.

It's a great chair.

I love this chair.
I have to tell you that.

I'm gonna pee in your office.

Wait. Where are
you going?

Tell me you never
wanted to do this.

That's not a real...
That's the only plant I have.

Shh. Shh.

I've never had a plant
in my office.

Lynch! Please!
Shut up!

Yeah. They're gonna
pay me $75, guys.

Are you serious?
Uh-huh.

Let me see that.

"So in conclusion..."

That's how you
start your review?
Yeah.

Because I have the final say.

It's catchy, I know.

It's kind of annoying, Brendon.

And then I sign it
"Movie Guy."

That's catchy.
But annoying.

Is "Movie Guy" your pseudonym?

No, no, no.

It's just a name that I'm using

instead of my real name.

I've never met anyone who
didn't have an opinion.

There's nothing in my
psychology books about it.

There's nothing I can do.

Doc, please don't say that.

Of course I could
call my friend
Dr. Schvitenousser.

He could help you.

Oh, call him, Doc.
Please, I'm desperate.

I wasn't trying
to insult you, Doctor.

I'm just saying with
a name like Schvitenousser...

You didn't think I'd
be Irish, did ya?

No.

So, would you be having
an opinion about me now?

Um, no.

Then you're an idiot, sir.

Um, are you a leprechaun?

Let me tell you, laddy.

An opinion is a thing
to be treasured.

But it's gotta come
outta here to mean
anything at all.

Was he pointing
to his butt?
Shh.

And cut. Big cut.

Oh, jeez.
Guys, guys.

Hey, that scene...

That was uninspired.

And though the story
held together...

I've seen better acting
on a postage stamp.

Brendon.
Yeah?

You're being
a jerk.
Yeah.

I'm just offering
my opinion, that's all.

You sound like one of
your stupid reviews.

Okay, okay...

I also don't get the analogy.

Do you want an opinion
on the script?

Because that is uninspired.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I've seen better scripts
on a postage stamp.

That makes more sense.

Maybe if you spent
a little more time
on your scripts

and a little less
time on your
reviews.

Okay. You know,
whoa. Come on.

Just take it
from Jason's line again.

And... action.

Brendon, can you
come here, please?

What do you want?

Right now.

Did you find my checks?

What?
What?

What did you just say?
What? What?

Aahhh!
What?

Nothing.

Brendon, get up here
and explain yourself.

All right!

So I thought
you'd be mad because
I'm just a kid.

Well, I wish you'd told me.

But no, Brendon,
I think it's great

that you're getting paid
for writing reviews.

I'm very proud of you.

Well, then you're
gonna love this.

They sent me press passes

to see the premiere of
All That Violence

this Friday night downtown.

Brendon, that's
an "R" -rated movie.

You better believe it.

Called All That Violence?

That could be violent.

See, that's
the ironic thing.
It's not that violent.

Well, I don't want you
knowing about irony.

How about nudity?

I read about that movie.

It sounds absolutely
inappropriate for children.

Yeah, but, Mom...
You're not going, Brendon.

I don't wanna go,
trust me, but...

That's perfect...
I've got a job...

Brendon, you're not going.

You're not going to a move
named All That Violence.

But Jason and Melissa can go.

I don't care what Jason
and Melissa can do.

Their parents probably
don't know it's called
All That Violence...

until I call and tell them.

Don't, Mom.

Brendon, ever since
you've started writing reviews,

you've been ignoring your work.

Yeah, Brendon,
and your friends: us.

We're pretty much your
only two friends.
Guys...

Let me say it in a way that
you can understand, Brendon.

Yes.

Www "you've been
ignoring us" .com.
Nice.

Okay.
www "I'm sorry"
.com.

But, guys,
I'm still taking you
to the premiere.

I thought you couldn't go.

Yeah, and how are you
gonna get there?

Your mom was supposed
to drive us.

No, no, no.
I have an idea.

Brendon, you gonna
disobey your mother?

Are we gonna steal a car?

Coach?

Coach, I have a proposition
to offer you.

Ahem. Coach?

Brendon, get out of my light.

Listen...

Did you say proposition?
Yeah.

All right, I'm all ears.

Can you pick me and Melissa
and Jason up on Friday...

That's actually kinda
gross, huh? I'm all ears.

What if I were
all ears, you know?

Can you drive us
to the movie premiere?

Ears instead of arms.
Ears instead of legs.

Just like a lump
of ears.
Coach...

Of course I'm drunk right now,

so that kinda stuff amuses me.

Coach, will you listen
to me, please?

Of course I'm listening,
Brendon.

I said I was all ears.

So you want a ride somewhere?

Yeah.
Where?

The movie premiere.

All right.
What's in it for me?

Huh. It's tempting.

All right. I'll do it.
What the hell.
Okay.

Now get back in my light.
I'm burning up.

Hey, interim,
Fink's here... again.

What is it, Fink?
Lynch!

What?

You gotta do something
about McGuirk.
Oh.

He burst into my science class
and started teaching again.

Okay, a quick science
lesson, all right?

Don't mix beer with scotch.

Why did that get no reaction?

- Everybody knows what beer is, right?
- Yeah.

- Everybody knows what scotch is.
- Yeah.

Don't mix 'em.

"Liquor before beer, never fear.

Beer before liquor,
throw up quicker."

Fink, everything will be fine.

I'll take care of McGuirk.

Lynch! Come on! Help.

Wait. I want you
to hear something first.

What about a boilermaker?

Those are good.

Isn't that beer and scotch?

Yeah, but it's not
one before the other.

It's together in one.
That's okay.

Is there a rhyme for that?

Yes.

Attention.
Attention, please.

Will Mr. McGuirk please
come to the principal's
office immediately.

Thank you.

Ha ha.
So what do you think?

Do I sound like a principal?

Yeah, I don't think
you have to put your hand

over your mouth like that.

Really? I think this
is the way it's
supposed to sound.

I think it sounds that way
because of the intercom speaker.

Oh.
Is that still on?

Oh, crap!

Okay, so we meet
at the soccer field tonight.

Right, and I'm gonna say
I'm staying at your house.

And what are you
telling your mom?

I'm saying that
I'm gonna stay
at Jason's house.

You can't stay at
my house, Brendon,

'cause my aunt
and uncle are there.

Right, but I'm not
really staying, though.

You can pretend to stay
at my house, Brendon.

Thank you.
Where are you staying?

I'm staying at my house

with my aunt and uncle
and my parents.

But where are you gonna
say you are when we're
at the movie?

When we're at the movie?

Then I'll be at the movies.

- Jason...
- What?

Nothing.

McGuirk, why are you doing this?

Look what I got you.
McGuirk...

This way, you don't
have to walk...

We don't have to walk
all the way to the lunch room
to get a soda.

You get one right here
in your office.

McGuirk, that is for
the kids to use.

I also made it so they're free.

They just come out.
Press.

Wow.
Soda.

That is pretty good.
Free soda.

That's pretty amazing.

But you know who loses in this?

I don't know. Who?
The kids. So what?

They have soda at home.

This belongs in their lunchroom.

Well, I'm not bringing it back.
It's too heavy.

McGuirk, I don't need
a soda machine in
my office.

I don't drink soda.

Lynch... Lynch, this is
like a clubhouse.

Just you and me.

Our own private club.

No girls allowed.

A soda machine.
It's great!

McGuirk, if you don't
stop this childish
behavior,

I'm gonna have to do
something drastic.

Oh, so this is the thanks I get?

Why would I be thanking you?

For being your friend, Lynch.

Oh, well, then, yes,
this is the thanks
you get.

What are you talking about?

We're friends, right?
Uh...

And friends steal things
for their friends.

McGuirk, you can't keep
doing things like this.

Why?
You think
it's for friendship?

Why, Lynch?
Tell me why.

It's bad.
It's a bad thing.

Who says?
Me.

I'm the principal.

I'm the principal.

People... You have to stop.

Turn around.
What?

Turn around.
You're being
very childish.

Turn around.
For what?

'Cause I wanna
show you something.

All right.
Now what?

Lynch! What are you wearing
under there?

What?

What are you wearing
under there, Lynch?

You do not need...

What are you wearing
under there?

Under where?

Underwear!
Oh! Ow!

The story was just
too hard to follow.

I've said this about
foreign films before.

If you're gonna go
through all the trouble
to make a movie,

you may as well
make it in English.

Hello, Brendon.

Oh, Mr. Lynch...
I mean, Mr. Principal.

I mean, Mr. interim...

Enough, Brendon.
I mean...

Thank you, Brendon.
Enough.

How come you're not
hanging out with your friends?

Uh, well, I've got some
work to do.

I'm writing reviews
for an on-line
movie web site,

You know, you don't
have to say www...

I like saying it.

Whoa!
Be careful.

Is there...

Is there something
you, you know...

you want?

No. I just needed to think.

You know, I used
to do my best thinking

on the monkey bars,
as I remember.

Suspending yourself
from these bars isn't
that hard, you know?

Hey. Hey...

Suspending someone else,
especially a friend,
that's tough.

Am I being suspended?

No, no, no.
Not you, Brendon.

No, it's a...
it's a faculty member.

All right.
Well, uh, I'll see ya.

See ya.
Nice talking to ya.

Uh-huh.

Oh!

Oh, crap!

I don't like this, Brendon.

Me neither, Brendon.

It's fine, guys.
Don't worry about it.

Coach McGuirk is late.
He'll be here!

I heard a long time ago
they found a head...

Jason, I don't want to hear
that kind of stuff, okay?

Melissa, I was just
going to say that they
found a headlight...

Oh.
Next to a body!

Jason!
A dead body!

Stop it.

Go ahead then.
Make jokes.

But did you know that teenagers

come here to get drunk
on Friday nights?

How do you know, Melissa?

My father buys for them.

That's ill*gal.

He's says they're just gonna
buy it in a couple years anyway.

It makes sense when he says it.

Now I know where to go.

Brendon, there's nothing worse
than drunken teenagers.

Thanks to your dad.
Yeah.

We can't stay out here.

We're gonna be eaten by
coyotes... and elk!
Elk?

It's rutting season.

They're extra dangerous
during the rutting season.

Your father probably
gives them alcohol.

Guys, quiet. Shh.

Oh, my God! Somebody's
coming to k*ll us!

Melissa, it's a car
full of elk!
Jason!

Who's there?
Drunken teenagers?

I wish. Who doesn't
love them?

Come on. Don't just
stand there. Get in.

It's rutting season.

This is exciting.
We're going
to a premiere.

A world premiere.

Coach, is something wrong?

Coach, talk to me.

The battery's dead.

I thought your friend was
getting you a new one.

Kevin? Some friend.
He wanted me
to pay for it.

- I want to go home.
- I don't.

Coach, coach. You're missing
the big picture here.

I have to get to that movie.

There's a convenience
store about ten minutes
down the road.

I'll go call for a tow truck.

Be here in 15 minutes.

15 minutes?

You guys wait here.

You're gonna leave
a bunch of kids alone...
in the car?

Yeah.
Not the first time.

Movie's starting.

I'll be fired from
writing reviews.

Brendon, there's
a midnight showing.

Jason, I wouldn't be able
to stay awake.

Brendon, what if I tickled you.

Elk!

It's just me.
Open up.

Jump is 50 bucks.

Uh... Buddy!

Right, right.
I got it. I got it.

So what's your name?
Tina.

Tina? Nice.

Wait. You're not
Tow Truck Tina, are you?

That's what it says
on my uniform.

I read about you.
I have your calendar.

You're amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
50 bucks.

Here's a hundred.
Wow. Tow Truck Tina.

I can't even believe it.

Will you sign this for me?

Sure. You got a pen?

Brendon.
In the glove.

Get me a pen right away.

You're all set.

Wow. I cannot
believe it.

You can't imagine
how many times I've...

you know.

I mean, you know, right?

Yeah, yeah.
People do that.

Crank it.

Yay!

Did it start?

Yeah.

Yay.

Thanks, Tina.
You were great...
and expensive.

Can we just go home now?

Hey, look, I'm sorry
you missed your movie.

If it'll make you
feel better,
you can blame me.

I'm doing it right now.
It's not working.

Hmm. That's too bad.

Listen, I think we just
all want to go home.

Can't we just
drive around
a little more?

I'm kinda up.

No!

Well, I hope you learned
your lesson tonight,
young man.

I, uh, sure did learn
my lesson, Mom.

If I do anything wrong,
you will rub my head.

Yes, I understand.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

What other lesson
did you learn, Brendon?

Don't, uh... Don't do things...

It'll come to me.

Aw.

That movie sucked.

I liked it.
You liked it?

I liked all
the violence.
It surprised me.

All right.

Hey, McGuirk, I was thinking.

Maybe there is something
I can do for you.

Oh, yeah?

How about I suspend you
for a week... with pay?

Ha ha!
Now you're talking.

Welcome to the dark side, Lynch.

And in my opinion,

Picasso was the worst
painter I ever saw
in my life.

And in my opinion,
Tango and Cash

was the best buddy-cop
picture ever.

This is fantastic,
Dr. Schvitenousser.

But how did you cure him?

'Twas easy.

I told him that everybody's
opinion matters.

I told him that, too,
but it didn't work.

Yes, but then I told it
to him a couple more times.

That's why you make
the big bucks.

Speaking of bucks,
do you like elk?

This is the worst ending ever.

In my opinion,
this is the worst
movie ever, Brendon.

Well, how do we end it?

Just shut off the camera.

That works.

Uh, no, it didn't.
Still on.

Hey, who wants a wine cooler?

Jason, where did you get
wine coolers?

Your dad.

Closed-captioned By
J.R. Media Group, Inc.
Burbank, CA

Please be in here.
Please be in here.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Until a qualified
principal can be found,

Mr. Lunch will take over
as interim principal."

"Mr. Lunch?"

I'm in Principal Monthly!

Yes!