03x11 - Broken Dreams

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪♪

Brendon.
Shh.

This isn't easy.
Shh.

I only have one arm, you know.
Is this a rehearsal
or are we taping?

Shh!

You have nothing to
worry about, mr...
Fitzpantson.

Mr. Fitzpantson.
Doctor, will I be able
to read with my new brain?

Oh, yes, of course.
Of course.
Doctor?

Will I be able to drive
with my new brain?

Well, um, I'm gonna say yes.

Doctor?
Yeah.

Thank you.
Don't thank me.

People, people. Are we ready?
Thank her.
Dr. Savesalot.

Are you talking
to my patient?
Yeah, I was but...

Don't talk to my patients.
How you doing, buddy?

I guess I have some
second thoughts.

There's nothing to worry about.
I am a sublimely learned doctor.

You guys seem
like a crack team.

My "knowledgeableness"
is surpassed only

By my proficiency
in the area to which
I am heretofore noting

As that being of
"intelligence transformation."

I told you she was smart.
I.e., Brain replacement.

What?
Listen to me, junior.

When I'm finished with you,
you'll be the envy of all
the idiots on your block.

Wow.
Uh-huh.

There are a lot of idiots
on my block.

So that's good news.
Yeah.

Doctor?
Nurse?

You said
you were a doctor.
He told you he was a doctor?

I called him a doctor.
And I didn't correct him.

It's true, that's guilty
by association. Isn't it?
Therefore...

I'm a nurse.
I'm an idiot,
so I don't really know.

Let's get started.
Doctor, I think, um...

Did I say you could think?
Look, I am the specialist.
Okay, numbskull?

Doctor, how can you perform
delicate brain surgery

With one arm in a cast?

Um, brendon,
it's not in the script.

Just for the record,
neither is you calling me
a numbskull.

But my character
would've said it.

Anyway, jason, don't mention
melissa's cast, okay?

But, brendon, whether
I mention it or not,
the fact is

We have a brain surgeon
that has a broken arm.
Is that directed at me?

Of course it is.
Of course it is, melissa, yeah.

Who else has a broken
arm here? Just you.

It's true.
I should be the smart doctor
because I have two free arms.

And melissa should be
the idiot patient.
No way.

Listen. I'm gonna go ahead
and cut right now

Because none of this
is usable.

So, mr. Fitzpantson,
in a little while you're gonna
wake up with a new brain.

Isn't that exciting? Ow.
Sorry.

Brendon.
Sorry.

Yes, that's very
exciting, doctor.

All right. Let me check
some vital things here.

Melissa, quit it.
It's not me, it's brendon.

Sorry, sorry.
Ow!

Sorry.
That was me.

You guys, this is
your last chance for me
to tell my story again.

Oh, yea.
Yippee.

I was getting my skate
from under the car.

Yippee!
And my dad didn't see my arm.

Yea!
And then he backed up
over my it.

Wow!

You wanna hear it
one more time?
Yeah!

I was getting my skate
from under the car.
Yippee! Yippee!

And my dad didn't see me.
Whoopee!

And he backed up
over my arm.
Yeah! Ohh!

I once had an operation
on my peeny.

Do you guys want
to sign my cast again?

Yippee! Yea!

Dear... Perry.
All right, that's enough.

Look at her. Thinks
she's so cool because
she broke her arm.

Yeah.
She's totally playing it up.

I'm not signing
her stupid cast.
I know, you said that already.

I'm not signing it, brendon.
I know.

If she comes up to me and wants
me to sign her cast, I say no.
Well, don't do it then.

I'm not doing it.
You're entitled to not do it.

I'm not signing the cast.
Don't sign it.

You don't have to sign casts.
Just 'cause someone
broke their arm...

Just 'cause someone
broke their arm...
Everybody has to sign it.

So don't sign it then.
So I'm not!

Well, don't then.
Then I won't!

Hey, jason,
you wanna sign my cast?
Okay.

Boy, breaking your arm sure was
a good way to avoid taking
that science test, huh?

You think I would break my arm
on purpose just to not
have to take a stupid test?

Hey, I'm just saying,
if you did, pretty good plan.

It's just a test, brendon.

You can say that because
you're smarter than...

What?
What?

What were you gonna say?
I don't... I dunno.

I think you were gonna say
something about me
being smarter than you.

Yeah, right.
Why would I say a lie
like that?

Because it's true. I mean,
I am smarter than you.

Really, melissa?
Well, let me ask you this.

Mm-hmm?
Statement.

Let me make this
statement to you.
Okay.

I'm faster than you.
Here I go!

See.
Way faster.

What did you get on
the math test last week?
I got an "a".

Yeah, as a matter of fact,
I had an "a" too.

I had an "s,"
but who cares, you know?
I have plenty of letters.

S-m-a-l-l.
Brendon small, that's me.
Gotta go.

This is awful.

Melissa, get in there
and replace janine.

Coach, my arm's broken,
remember?

Your arm is protected
by a cast.

It's safer than it was before.
Now get in there.

I don't think
it's a good idea.
All right, fine, fine.

Go to the sub shop and get me
a steak and cheese,

Peppers and onions,
and hots, large.

Do you have any money?
No.

Neither do i.
Well, go to your locker
and get some.

How much does a sub cost?
I don't know,
about eight dollars.

I only have like a dollar.
You have a check?

Do I have a check?
Yeah.

No.
Have you ever filled out
a check before?

My dad lets me put
in the date sometimes.
Here's a check I found.

It's blank.
Fill it out to the sub shop.
Okay.

They'll tell you the amount.
You write that in right here.
Okay.

Then you write it out, which
I always thought was stupid.
Then you sign it.

I sign it?
Sign it this name on top.

Okay.
Mr. Lynch?

Yes, mr. Lynch.
He gives me his checks
sometimes.

We share.
Okay.

Go. Brendon! What the hell
are you doing out there?

Get over here!
Is your head in the game,
brendon?

What?
Is your head
in the game, brendon?

I think so.
You look like you're
day dreaming out there.

I have a big science
test coming up.
So what?

So what.
Yeah, so what?
This is a soccer game.

Oh.
Do your science test
in science class.

Play soccer out here
on the soccer field.

Hey, coach,
do you think I'm stupid?

Of course you're stupid,
brendon. All kids are stupid.

Every single kid
out here is stupid.
Yeah.

I'll tell you something,
brendon, I've got a big test
coming up too,

But I'm not distracted...
I'm focused on the game.

Really, you have a test?
Yeah.

A lifeguard test.
I'm gonna be a lifeguard.

You're gonna be a lifeguard?
That's right.

You're gonna be a lifeguard?
That's right.

No offense or anything,
but don't you have to be
in shape or something?

No, that was 20 years ago.
You had to be in shape.

Well, why do you wanna
be a lifeguard?
For the money, brendon.

I didn't think they get
paid that much, coach.

Look at this.
I see it.

Lifeguard saves
this kid's life, right?

His parents were rich,
so they gave the lifeguard
a million dollars.

Wow. That is
an ugly kid, coach.

Yes, it is, you're right.
But apparently they love him.
Yeah.

So all I gotta do is save
some rich kid's a*s,

And then I'll be rich, brendon,
living on easy street.

Coach?
Yeah?

They wouldn't give me the sub,
but they gave me this.

Wow.
Well, go back and
give them this check.

Okay.

You're not dumb, brendon.
You're... You're creative.

Uh-huh.
Creative people don't always
get good grades, you know?

They just, uh...
They're different.

It's like cooking, brendon.
You don't measure.

You would be a person
who would just throw
something in a pot

And you'd come out
with a beautiful dish.

That's the kind
of person you are.

The classroom's too restrictive
for you. That's probably
what it is, you know?

You need to be
an expressive person.

You need to...
Brendon!

What? What?

That's disgusting.
Sorry.

Two more minutes.
Keep the bricks up,
keep 'em over your head.

Very good.
Mr. Mcguirk,
get in the deep end.

What are you doing
in the shallow end?

I thought we were supposed
do it in the shallow end.

No, you're supposed to be
treading water. Get in in
the deep end, mcguirk.

Oh, boy sinking,
sinking, sinking.

Mcguirk, kick your feet.
Help!

Kick 'em.
Help me!

Somebody help him!

Man, I need a break.

♪♪

♪ The world's got you down
but that's okay ♪

♪ You feel like you just
wanna run away ♪

♪ Puts on your pants, boy
show 'em you're strong, boy ♪

♪ One leg at a time ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪
♪ you got nothing else
to lose ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪
♪ what else you gonna do ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪
♪ you gotta fly so high ♪

♪ Like a rocket
in the sky ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪
♪ where's it... ♪

Oh, mom.
Don't mind me.

I was just...
Just, uh, studying.
Did I wake you up?

Wake me? It's 5:30.
I just came to tell you
dinner's ready.

5:30?
Yeah, 5:30.

It feels like I've been
studying for hours.

Nope.
About ten minutes.

This is easy.

What are you doing, brendon?
Hmm?

You're not smart.
You're stupid!

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Aah!

So it's a story about a girl
with an iron claw.

It'll be called,
the girl with the iron claw.

I like it.
I thought you might.

So, how's the studying going?
Great!

Brendon, do you want me
to help you?
No.

Are you sure?
I don't need
your self-pity, melissa.

It's not self-pity, brendon.
It's just pity.

Morning.
Jason!

What happened?
What?

Oh, you mean this?

Did you break it?
Oh, big time.

Snapped it right in two.
I'm shocked.

Jason! Jason,
did you break your arm?
Jason, same question?

You bet.
You bet, guys.

Jason, follow-up question.
Can we sign it?
Can we sign it?

Please, please,
please, please.

Okay, okay, okay,
one at a time.
Yea!

Everybody gets a chance
to sign jason's cast.
Hey, melissa.

Hey, jason.
How's it going?

Fine.
I'll be with you
in one second.

I'm just going to have
everybody sign this baby.
This bad boy.

Then I'll head over
to you guys. Huh?
Uh-huh.

You look nice today, melissa.
Thank you.

That's a cute little outfit.
Thanks.

It's quite a coincidence, huh?
I break my arm.
Jason acts jealous.

Then he shows up
with a broken arm.
You think he's faking.

I don't know.
I don't know.
But, yeah, I think so.

Uh, here we go.

Um, before I get started,

I just want to say that girl
did a really good job
with the, uh, breathing.

Let's give her a round
of applause for...

All right.
So... Come here often?

Or should I say
drown here often?

Um, instructor, can I talk
to you for a second?

Uh...
What's the problem?

I can't do this...
With the doll.
It's disgusting.

We sterilize it
after each person.
Still, I don't care.

I don't care who's been there
before. It's the act itself.
It's disgusting.

Mr. Mcguirk, you are here
to save people's lives,
you understand me?

Right, right.
It's just I can't kiss a dummy
in front of kids.

I mean, they're all kids.
Mr. Mcguirk, you are
not kissing a dummy.

You are breathing
into it, trying to
resuscitate it.

All right.
Do you understand that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you've cleaned it, right?

Of course, we sterilize
it after each kissing.
With alcohol.

Well, you said you don't kiss.
It's pretty much kissin'.

It is?
Well, what's a kiss anyway?

Yeah, but...
Puttin' your mouth on somethin'.
Maybe you are kissin' it.

I thought you breathe into it.
You breathe into someone when
you're kissin' 'em, don't ya?

You do? I don't.
I do.

I hold my breath.
I breathe into 'em.

You do?
Well, that's probably
your training,

And you should,
you know, punch out.

Well, maybe that's
a problem I have.

Maybe I shouldn't breathe
into people when I'm on a date

After havin' a couple
of drinks with them.

Has anyone ever said,
like, don't do that anymore?
Yes.

When you're kissing them?
A couple of women have backed up
and said what are you doin'?

That's probably a sign
that you're doin' it wrong.

Well, I say give me
another try.

Let me see if I can do it
without breathing into you.

Then what happens?
I breathe into them.

All right, brendon breaks his
arm to avoid the science test.

Take one.

Man, that's far.
You know what? Cut!

Stupid calcium.

I can't believe this guy's
gonna have a new brain.

What did I tell you
about talking?
Sorry.

No, I can't.
I can't do it.

Can I say something?
Go ahead.

What's the matter?
I went out with stanley
fitzpantson years ago.

He's so stupid
he doesn't even remember me.

He left me at the altar.
He broke my heart.

I can't give him a new brain.
He doesn't deserve it.
But he already paid.

Then I'll give him
something else. I'll give
him this towel instead.

He's not going to like that.
Just hand me the towel, fool!

I don't even know why
I'm talking to you.

I could get a baboon to do
what you're doing. And
they'd probably do it better.

Cut.

Was that good?
You improvised a couple
of things at the end.

But it felt right.

So, how's the new brainer?
I feel great.

Oh, my god! Penelope?
Penelope savesalot?
You remember me?

I guess with my new brain,
I can remember things again.

I remember we were supposed to
get married, but I got lost
on the way to the wedding.

Penelope, will you marry me?

It was a long time ago,
stanley.

But, penelope, I love you.
But you're still stupid.

Oh, what have I done?
What is she talking about?

I'm not stupid anymore.
I have a new brain, right?

She lied to you.
You didn't get a new brain.

You got a... Towel.
A what?

A towel.
Say again.

She gave you
a towel.

I can't hear you.
You're mumbling.
Listen to me!

- Yes.
- She gave you a...

I still can't make out
the last part.

Watch me now. It's wet in here.
I need something to
dry me off.

A towel.
Tattle. Tattle?

Towel.

I stuck a towel on your head!
You have a towel for a brain!

No! No!

What have I done?
Oh, me too!

All right, everyone.
Good luck on your tests
tomorrow.

You believe we gotta
learn all this crap?

You're a good swimmer
by the way.
Thanks.

I like the way you flip around
when you get to the other end
of the pool.

I tried to do that,
but I kept hitting my head.

I'm actually feeling
a little faint, woozy.

Well, good night.
Am I going to bed?

Hey, coach,
you still here or what?
Uh...

How many fingers am I holding
up? One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.

Who are you?
What's happening here?

Gravity...

Force of attraction
by which terrestrial...

Okay, look, I cannot
study here. Can you drop me
off at the library?

You okay?

I've never actually heard you
say that word before.

Listen. I wanna go
to the library...

Mom, that's so annoying.
Okay, okay, okay,
I'm sorry. All right?

Will you just take me... There?
Where do you wanna go?

Just to the library.

Mom!
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
No more. I'm really sorry.

Okay, can you just please
take me to the library?

See, I didn't do anything.

What, am I supposed
to be proud of you?

Why do you wanna go
to the library?

Because I have to study.
I have to... Okay, it's starting
to get wet over here.

Brendon! Brendon!
What?

What are you doing here?
Shh!

Sorry. My fault.
I forgot it was a library.

Why don't you
crucif... Fy a guy
for fu... Nothing.

What are you doing?
I came here to study.

Yeah, me too.
What a couple of losers
we are, huh?

Coach, you're bleeding.
Do you know that?
Yeah, I know.

Men bleed, brendon.
It's what we do.

I'm gonna find
a quiet corner.

Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
What? I gotta...

Come here.
Okay. What?

Look what I did
to the card catalog.

I took all the cards out
and threw 'em all over. Huh?

Isn't that hilarious?
No one will ever be able
to use this again?

Coach, you're really
angry and weird right now.
Brendon.

What?
Let's get out of here.

Why? I have to study.
'Cause they're not
like us here.

But I have...
Brendon, we're different,
all right?

What do you mean?
We're not "studiers."

We're not the worker ants.
We're the queens.

You and me
are the queen bees.

Yeah.
What does that mean?

We should be running it, man.
We can't be doing this.

But I have to...
Sticking our noses
in books.

We're not like that, man!
Shh!

You shh! Brendon.
Get on my back.

And let's get the hell
out of here.
I'm not getting on your back.

Get on my back
and let's go, man. Let's go!

Get on my back
and let's ride.
Shh!

I'm talking here!

Okay, I gotta...
I gotta go study.

I'm gonna take a nap,
all right?
Okay.

Meet me later.
All right.

Melissa.
Hi.

What are you doing here?
I'm trying to find
a good book to read.

Man, how many books
do you read?
A book a month.

A... A book a month?
Mm-hmm.

Wow. It would take me
a year to read a book a month.

Well, look who's here.
If it isn't
mr. And mrs. Library.

Hi, jason.
Hi, jason.

Did you guys
hear what I said?
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Hey.
Yeah?

What are you doing?
I'm here returning
a book.

What book?
Oh, it's just a book
on nothing.

Is that a book on how
to make your own cast?

Well, I should get going.
Gotta get this back by...
Oh, my god. It's already late.

I'll walk you out.
That's okay. I can
make it on my own.

No, it's my pleasure.
I'll see you, brendon.

How's the arm?
Still broken?

Oh, ow.
Yeah, still broken.

♪♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪

♪ Trust yourself ♪

You're smart, don't "vorry."

Alan einstein?

No. Albert einstein.

Wow!
Brendon, trust yourself.

Thanks.

Do you have a quarter
for the bus?

You take the bus
when you're dead?
Sure.

I don't have any money.
A quarter for the bus.

But I don't have any.
A quarter for the bus.

I don't have any money.
A quarter for the bus.

"Quarter for the bus.
Quarter for the bus."

The end. Brendon?

What?
The end.

What are you reading?
Quarter for the bus.

Why are you reading me that?
I'm trying to sleep.
Just thought you'd like it.

Yeah, but... Whatever.
I gotta study.
I gotta wake up.

Brendon, it's a memoir.
Okay.

Of a bus driver.
It's good.

All right, I'll read it
sometime, but just...
Man, I gotta study.

Hey, buddy.
What?

What?
This was our first
book club meeting.

All right.

Oh, forget it.
I've studied all I can study.

I can't study anymore.
I'm just gonna have to
trust myself.

Yeah!

Ow!

No more... Oh!
Ow!

My arm!

Brendon,
what are you doing?
Hold it a sec, I'll get it.

I still can't believe
you broke your arm.
Good timing, brendon.

What do you mean?
Just break your arm...
Science test.

Hey, I studied for that test.
I was ready.

Brendon, it's fine.
If you don't
wanna take the test,

And then you fake break
your arm, it's totally cool.

Right, melis'?
Yup.

It wasn't my fault
that I fell, okay?

Right, right, right.
Brendon, let me run the camera.

You can't do it
any better than me.

Oh, yeah?
I knew it.
I knew you were faking.

No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
I knew it the whole time.

I kind of suspected
it too, jason.

No way, brendon. No.
Melissa, no.

Yeah.
No. No.

I knew you were faking.
You signed my cast.

You cried for me.
We knew, jason.

You know what
you didn't know?
Melissa?

You faked the whole thing?
Yup. Made it all up.

Why would you do that?
To avoid taking
the science test?

Nah.
Then why? For the attention?
I don't understand.

Mmm, not really.
Then why?

I dunno.
Felt like it.
You're evil.

That's not cool.
You lied.
It is. It's totally evil.

You had a cast on
for like three weeks.

I just wanted to shake
things up a little bit.

That's weird.
It's psychotic.
Jason, you did the same thing!

Yeah, but not so long.
It was a much shorter lie.
It's the same thing.

It's not exactly the same.
Melissa, you're not
off the hook.

Brendon, you did it too.
Yeah.

You're acting so high
and mighty.
No. This is real.

I actually broke my arm.

Right, brendon.
So is mine.
Mine too.

No, it isn't!
Mine's real!

Let's all just admit we all
faked it. We take off our casts.
No!

Look at me and melissa.
Ouch.
Let me put my cast back on.

I'm brendon.
I'm melissa.

Look, guys! Look! Look!

I have x-rays!

He really did break
his arm. What a sucker.

There. Saved.

I can't help you.

You didn't pass the written,
the oral, or the physical.

Sorry. You are
not a lifeguard.

All right, all right.
I get the message.

Every man has his price.
How much you want?

I'm sorry, i...
Name it.

I do not work that way.
Give me a number.

I do not work that way.
Give me a number.

Ten thousand dollars.
You got it.

That's a check.
That's a check.

Donald lynch.
Yes.

It's my company.

Hey, you, kid.
Stop flailing around.

All right, kid,
I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'll save you.
You better be rich.