02x10 - History

[bunniefuu]

I am george washington.

And I am picasso.

And I'm annie oakley.

All:
and we're going to destroy
the human race.

Yes, i, george washington,
born in 1492,

Freer of the sl*ves
and the first president

Of this our country.

Though savagely impeached
for the sh**ting of abe lincoln,

I will lead us into
the demise of all humans.

I am picasso.

I cut off my ear with a razor
in a major shaving accident

And mailed it off
to an ex—girlfriend

Just for laughs,
and I guess I paint, too.

Next!

That would be me, annie oakley,
skilled shootist,

Who was orphaned at a young age.

Living a hard life,
my only salvation

Came at the hands of
daddy warbucks, who took me in

And forced me to sing.

And now I seek my revenge
on the human race.

Revenge, the time is now!

Yes!

But I must insist we vote,
for we must uphold democracy.

Aye.

Aye.

Aye.

Wait, were we agreeing to vote
or was that the vote?

Hey, something tells me that
those guys are up to something,

Eh, captain of outer space.

They seem like they're up
to something, starboy.

My money is on them being
up to something, but what?

Eh, captain of outer space?

But what?

Something, my brother,
my actual brother.

Then we've got to do something,
eh, captain of outer space?

Like what, starboy?

We have to stop them.

But what if they k*ll off
the human race?

They won't, if we
stop them first.

Yeah, I'm not——
well—...

We stop them
before they k*ll everyone.

And I'm sorry, why not after?

Because they will have
done that thingy.

The thingy.

Yup.

Okay, let's back up
a little.
Okay.

I'm not exactly following you.

I want you to talk to me
like I'm a child, okay.

Okay.

My, aren't you a big boy.

You mean like that?

That's good.
Sure.

Okay.
Keep it going.

You have very nice arms.

Uh, that helps.
Okay.

♪ Starboy ♪

♪ And the captain
of outer space ♪

♪ They fight the mighty fight
in the night ♪

♪ And drown the hands
of evilness in sight ♪

♪ They're rascally badgers
of medium girth ♪

♪ They're saving the planet
and also the earth ♪

♪ But beware fine heroes
of the evil down there ♪

♪ Of washington, picasso,
and annie oakley over there ♪

♪ The three of them are evil
and evil are all three ♪

♪ But they want to destroy it ♪

♪ They want to destroy it ♪

♪ Starboy ♪

♪ And the captain
of outer space ♪

♪ Starboy ♪

Look, we're being
watched by starboy

And the captain of outer space.

Then they must know
of our plan.

Not to worry my evil ones.

We've yet to reveal
our biggest secret.

Bring in the hostages.

I'm shakespeare.

And I'm oliver twist.

And I'm the mermaid queen.

Help us!

Yes, if anything should
happen to us

While we innocently
destroy the human race,

The hostages get it.

And we start with shakespeare.

No, I'm too young and I'm still
writing my masterpiece

Called, "cats."

And you'll be next,
oliver twist.

Fine with me.

Silence.
Ooh!

And finally,
you, the mermaid queen.

But I'm not doing nothing wrong
and neither do the other four.

The other two.

Three.

Other——
two.
Three.

Two? I'm sorry.

I have a trouble
with the mathematic.

Look, I am just saying, please
don't k*ll the mermaid queen.

You interfere and they get it,
understand starboy?

Well, it looks like we're up
to our cuffs in danger,

Eh, la capitan
de la utro espacio?

Righto, starboy.

Right now, I'm rounding
the jefferson's space plane

Towards earth.

Great.
Fantastic.

That's all taken care of.

Now. Yep.

Right.

Now, go get me a lemonade, huh?

Yeah, lemonade.

Yep.

What?

No, you get your own lemonade.

I'm busy flying the space plane.

Yeah, uh—huh.

Hey, you know something, cap?

You're a good little
go getter, you know that?

You're a one of a kind
good looking,

Good old fashioned, funny,
smart, good looking go getter.

And I mean that
about what I just said.

Well, thank you, starboy.

Yeah.

Now go get me a lemonade, huh?

Right.

Your lemonade, sir.

Hey, thanks a hundred, cap'um.

Mmm, yes, good stuff there.

Hey, wait a minute.

How did you get me
to get you lemonade?

Huh.

♪ Well, I'm glad you asked
about that thing ♪

♪ 'Cause what I'd like
to do is sing ♪

♪ A song about getting people
to do stuff for you ♪

♪ By using compliments
even if they ain't true ♪

♪ 'Cause you look like
you lost some weight ♪

♪ Now my lick my hands
and paint that crate ♪

Okay.

I gotcha.
Oh.

See, now you try.

All right.

♪ You look great in that shirt ♪

♪ Now help me hem
my brand new skirt ♪

Okay.

♪ You have very nice
cheek bones ♪

♪ Now help me co—sign
this bank loan ♪

♪ 'Cause a compliment
will get you far ♪

♪ Even if it's just a lie ♪

♪ 'Cause your skin's
as soft as buttermilk ♪

♪ Now help me
paint my thighs ♪

♪ You've got to compliment
'cause it's not complicated ♪

♪ If you want some lemonade ♪

♪ You've got
to start manipulating ♪

♪ We wish it was different ♪

♪ But that's the way
it seems to be ♪

♪ 'Cause you need
to compliment ♪

♪ 'Cause that's what
people need ♪

Starboy: yeah.
Captain: gotcha.

Lynch:
so, uh, I get the sense
that you're struggling

With your times tables.

I will admit there
is a small problems

With the mulplitications.

Well, uh, yeah.

Uh, let's look at your last
couple of test scores, huh?

Okay.

Oh, boy, oh, look at that.

I have no idea I let
myself slip like that.

Right.

Well, what do you think
we can do about that?

We work on
the mulplitications.

Is that what you mean?

Mm—hmm.

And our pronunciations.

Yeah, that's what
I think so.

Right.

Failing.

Homework.

Much, much more homework.

Detention.

Failed everything.

That's no good.

Melissa:
brendon. Brendon.

Brendon.
Yeah?

What up?
You okay?

Yeah, I hope he doesn't
talk to me next.

Why not?

Because I hate discussing
grades with mr. Lynch,

Particularly my grades.

But he's the teacher.

Exactly.

You know, he's got
the upper hand.

He knows my weaknesses.

Melissa:
brendon, why don't you
just do your homework?

Why, because I try never
to take my work home with me.

But it's called homework.

It's a life quality
issue, melissa.

Brendon.

You're failing history.

Does this come as
a surprise to you?

No.

Well, you've done
pretty much no homework

And you don't study
for any tests.

Well, I don't like
to over prepare.

Well, you're in
no danger of that

Because you're failing history.

Yeah, can we lower our voices?

Because this is personal and
everybody probably heard that.

Lynch:
brendon, why don't you study?

If you just study, we wouldn't
be having this conversation

And nobody else
would be hearing it.

You know, I've gotten
that before and—...

Lynch:
brendon, here, look.

The question was,
on this test here,

Who was the first president
of the united states?

You wrote, "yes."

Yeah, well, that question
wasn't very specific.

Well, how about this:
the question was,

Who wrote hamlet?

You wrote, "the pope's cousin
count popula, a magical monster

With pencils for arms."

I'll be honest, mr. Lynch,
I made that one up.

Okay.

Look, I want us to work
and this and I'd like

To start tutoring you
after school.

Oh, I don't——i don't know.

Oh, you don't know.
You don't know.

I actually already have
a tutor, mr. Lynch.

Oh, you already
have a tutor, huh.

Who's that?

I've got to admit, brendon,

I'm a little disappointed
in you.

I thought we worked on history.

Well, you know, the few answers
that you told me were wrong

And most of the other stuff
you told me never came up.

Right.

What did I tell you again?

Brendon:
about the area 51 stuff
and the conspiracy theories.

Well, all that stuff is true,
brendon, all right.

That's the stuff they don't
want you to know about.

Right.

Probably why they
failed you, you know.

Right.

Because you were in on it.

Now you're complicit,
now you know.

Right.

Now you're singled out.
Sure.

Mcguirk:
you've got to watch your back.
Brendon: right.

Remember what I told
you about area 51?

Yeah, that's where they
store the frozen bodies

Of the aliens that
landed on earth.

And what about area 52?

That's where they
store the frozen bodies

Of the ill*gal aliens.

Very good.
Right.

It's also a porn movie.
Right.

Now why can't you
do that on a test?

When you're talking
to me, it's easy.

All you have to do is
write this stuff down.

I would have had they
asked me about it.

Mcguirk:
well, what did they
ask you about?

Historical figures.

Now, that's not important.

Brendon: yeah.

What, like jimmy hoffa?

Did they—...

No, more like washington.

Well, then just plug in
the area 51 answer.

Mm.
Right.
Yeah.

Did they ask you anything
about sam adams?

I know about him.

He was a brewer and a patriot.
And I know what he looks like.

It's on the label.

Yeah.

Had funny hair.

Yeah.

You want to go see a movie?

Sure.

All right, let's hit it.

I wonder if you're
a little preoccupied.

Yeah.

This is crazy,
but maybe you might be

Working a little too much
on your films.

That's what people say, but,
mom, I'm getting pressured

By melissa and jason to bring
these movies in on time

And under budget.

So there's, you know,
I've got to—-

I don't mean to sound like
a broken record, brendon,

But you know, I think it's
great that you're failing.

You think it's great.

Because I'm gonna save
so much money not paying

For you to go to film school.

Mom, I don't think I
have the energy right now

In my life to be
tutored, you know.

But what about all that
energy you aren't using

On your homework.

That's what——mom,

That's a different
conversation entirely.

You could use a little
of that energy to get tutored?

Yeah.

You're just——
now we're just

Talking in circles,
you know, so—...

Well, you know what, brendon?

Yeah?

I say you're going
and that's final.

♪ Starboy ♪

♪ And the captain
of outer space ♪

Evil george washington.

Yes, picasso?

I believe now is
the time we set aside

For k*lling off the human race.

Yeah, let's get cooking already.

Okay.

Hold your horses.

Hold on to them, annie oakley.

Well, if we're gonna do it,
let's do it now,

Because I've got a lot
of stuff to do today.

Please, my evil friends,
one moment.

You know, we've talked a lot
about destroying the human race,

But have either of you
thought about how we'd do it.

I thought we'd use rocks.

Rocks.

Annie:
lots of rocks.

No, you idiots.

Rocks!
Washington:
we're not gonna use rocks.

I've collected many rocks.

Rocks!
Washington: no rocks.

Where are you guys from?

What I would like to do now

Is introduce you
to my k*lling machine,

Who also happens to be
my favorite kitty.

Please put your hands
together for mr. Pants.

Mr. Pants.

♪ I'm mr. Pants
and I'm comin' to get ya ♪

♪ You better run for your life ♪

♪ You better run
or I'll catch ya ♪

♪ I got paws like a cat
'cause that's what I am ♪

♪ I'll blow up on the carpet
and scratch up your hands ♪

♪ I'm the roughest, toughest
kitty in the land ♪

♪ My name is mr. Pants,
I'm the kitty cat man ♪

♪ Nobody's gonna stop me
from havin' my way ♪

♪ My name is mr. Pants
and have a nice day ♪

♪ You'll scream for your life
'cause you won't be happy ♪

♪ My name is mr. Pants and I'm
actually kind of crappy ♪

♪ Mr. Pants is my name
and I'd like to say hi ♪

♪ Give me a call
and we'll hang out sometime ♪

♪ I'm mr. Pants ♪

♪ I'm the roughest, toughest
kitty in the land ♪

♪ My name is mr. Pants,
I'm the kitty cat man ♪

♪ Nobody's gonna stop me
from havin' my way ♪

♪ My name is mr. Pants
and have a nice day ♪

Mr. Pants.

Washington come on.
Yeah.
Washington: give him a little.

Help!

Oh, we nearly forgot
about our prisoners.

Well me and picasso decided that
instead of keeping them around,

We'd just slowly k*ll them now.

Oh, right.

We forgot to tell you that.

We didn't think
it'd be a problem.

You're not mad are you?

Well guys, i——i have to admit
I'm a little disappointed.

I thought we made
decisions together.

Well, you were in the bathroom.

Still, you couldn't have
waited till I got out?

You do take forever
in the bathroom.

Annie:
really.

I don't know, you two guys.

I don't——i'm a little, you know,
disappointed in you two.

You know, I am
george washington.

Here we go.

Hey, come on.
Let me finish.

Okay, pull it together g.w.

Okay.

Okay, so we're k*lling the
hostages, well where are they?

Uh...
Washington:
come on.

I thought you——
washington: annie oakley.

'Cause I was out
when you did the—-

This whole thing
is falling apart.

That's not my fault.

Yeah, it's never
picasso's fault.

Picasso——what are you an angel?

Hey, look.

Oh, they they are.
They they are.

Help, we're being
lowered into the acid.

Yeah, we're being
lowered into it, guys.

Yeah, very slowly.

Yeah, speed it up.

You are crazy.

Slow it down.

No faster.

Oh, no.

We need the starboy and
the captain of outer space

To help us out here.

Starboy:
come on, let's go,
captain of outer space.

I can't figure out what to wear.

I feel fat.

Save us!

That's it, if you're
going to take forever,

Then I'm having a hot dog.

Captain:
okay, me too.

Help.

Mm, how do they make
hot dogs anyway?

Who knows, maybe
they're born that way.

That is the cutest thing
you've said all day.

Thank you.

Help!

Starboy, seriously, we should
stop screwing around

And go find out how
hot dogs are made.

That's the best idea
you've ever had.

And now we're back.

Oh, yeah, that was
just what I needed.

That didn't help
the feeling fat part.

Yeah, I might take a nap.

I'm gonna make you some tea.

Hey, thanks.

God!

Oh, god, it burns.

Hot, hot, hot, hot.

It's like we're dead.

Right, we forgot.

We have to save them.

Yes, starboy,
but how?

But how?

We have to learn the evil
historicical figuresses
weaknessesses.

What?

Starboy:
we have to learn
their weaknesses.

We do.

Yes, cap'um.

I suppose we should
get cooking on that.

Let's go back to
the hot dog factory.

Okay.

So then tell me what you
know about washington?

It's a junior high.
Mm.

It's on washington street.
Mm.

Was a——he was the one that
discovered washington state.

And I don't know, I guess
he was the first president.

Yes.

And—...

He's, uh, evil.

You know, brendon, a lot
of this information

Is actually in your book.

Lynch:
remember those things
with the cover like on them.

Er, the books.

Yeah, remember the one
that says history

And it has washington
on the cover.

Yeah, um, I got that somewhere.

Yeah, that's the history book.

Okay.

Lynch:
brendon.
Yeah?

Do you feel like you
get easily distracted?

Let me put this another way.

You get easily distracted,
did you know that?

Well, let me ask you something.

Do you know how
hot dogs are made?

Lynch:
mm, I think we're gonna have to
find a way to get you to focus.

On what?

On what.

On what do you think?

On what do I think?

Yes.

Yes as in correct.

Yes as in correct.

Now, what do you think is
what you should focus on.

Yes as in correct on
the what do I think

Is what I should focus on.

Mm—hmm.

On those grades of mine.

Yes, as in correct.
Brendon: yes.

But I think the problem here
is that you have

A hard time paying attention.

On that, what I think is
yes, as in correct.

Look brendon, I wouldn't
be trying to help you

If I didn't think I was smart.

Well, I appreciate that.

Hey, brendon,

What are you angry
at me for, all right?

Well, I never said
I was angry.

Well, you're angry
because I gave you

The wrong answer that one time.

You gave me wrong answers,
but I'm not mad.

I'll tell you something else.

I should be mad at you
because you're the one

Who started seeing
this other tutor.

I'm——i'm not seeing anybody.

Who is it?

You know what,
I don't want to know.

I'm just supposed to be
your soccer coach.

That's what I get paid for
and I figured I could make

A little money on
the side tutoring you.

But I also felt sorry for
you because you're slow.

Oh, what are you
getting all bent—...

Hey, who are you calling slow?

You.

Huh, real nice.

Yeah, yeah it is.

Yeah, real nice.

I'm not the slow one.

Yeah, so this is it then.

Mcguirk:
yeah, this is it.

Great.
Nice knowing you.

Okay, I'm willing to put it
all on the line, okay.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Tell your tutor I said "hi."

Well, maybe I will.

Well, go ahead and say it.

Well, maybe i——okay.
Okay, goodbye.

Mcguirk: bye—bye.
See you later.

Walk away.

I'm walking.

And pardon me for caring
about your well—being.

What?

I said, pardon me for caring
about your well—being.

What?

That's what I get for
trying to help someone.

Are you talking to me?

You probably don't even know
who did the gettysburg address?

Yes, I do.

Mcguirk: oh, yeah, wh?
Nixon.

That's correct.

And who taught you that?

Uh, you did.

Yeah.
That's right, I did.

Oh, man.

Well, I'll accept your apology.

Let's hear it.

I'm sorry.

Mcguirk:
no, let's hear the address

In the nixon voice
that I taught you.

Nixon impression:
I'm not a crook.

Quickly captain, untie
them as fast as you can.

Yeah, we'll do.

Mr. Pants, there they are.

Get them.

Starboy and
the captain of outer space

Will soon be no more.

Ha, ha, ha—...

Get them, mr. Pants.

Captain:
nice knowing you, starboy.

I guess I'll see you
on the other side.

Of what?

Get them, mr. Pants.

Wait.

I have a plan.

Pardon me, mr. Pants.

Have you been working out?

No.

Because i——the reason
I say that is

Because you have
a great physique.

What are you
talking about, starboy—— oh!

Compliment him.

Yeah, so, mr. Pants,
are you a model?

No.

Do you have any head shots?

Starboy and I
are making a film.

Yes, we——we are film makers.

Well, we're producers.

Well, yes, and he's a star.

Oh, no, they're confusing
mr. Pants with compliments.

Don't listen, mr. Pants.

♪ Well you're a pretty kitty
now get those guys, ♪

♪ Put them in a box
and tape up the sides ♪

♪ Now throw it into space,
shall we, straight up there ♪

♪ Because you're a pretty kitty
with pretty kitty hair ♪

♪

Oh, no.

We're in outer space.

Brendon, uh,

You mind coming up
here for a second.

I'd like to discuss the history
test you took yesterday.

Oh, man.

I failed, didn't i?

Well, well, not so fast
there, little mister.

Why don't you
take a look first?

I got an f.

Congratulations.

I'll see you after school today.

Looks like we won, hey starboy.

Yeah, it does, old friend.

Yeah, it does.

What now do we do?

We wait and we sit and if
evil comes, we'll be ready.

Yes, ready because nobody
can beat us, starboy.

Not even our forefathers.

Or our foremothers.

Huh.

Foremothers, huh?

Yeah, I wanted to be equal.

Yeah.

Did you enjoy it?

Yes.

It——it was a little confusing.

Well, I mean, it's a kind
of movie you have to watch

A few times to totally get.

Uh, I'm sort of concerned
though about your brains.

What about them?

I'm concerned that they
might have been damaged.

Oh, so you've seen my test.

I don't think that counted
as a test because in a test

You're supposed to
answer the questions.

I know.

You did not
answer the questions.

I know.

Though you did diagram
the sentences of the questions.

Yeah.

Which you did wrong.

Am I in trouble?

Well the bad news is
that you are grounded.

What's the good news?

I'm not letting you use
your camera for two weeks.

I think that's still bad news.

Trust me that might
be good news.