03x01 - Sharon Sharalike

[bunniefuu]

♪

[ Cackling ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Car honking ]

Yeah!

Stage 15
complete.

Excellent.

There hasn't been a monster yet
that could get the best of...

Evan? Evan
wagner?

The schoolbus
is here.

You're going
to miss it.

Did you make your bed
and clean that room?

Ooh, I forgot.

Sorry, I guess I was just
too caught up in my homework.

Evan.

I'll clean it tonight, honest.

Would I lie to you?

Have a good day.

And please, eat your lunch.

[ Sneezing ]

It's as good as gone, mom.

And take care of that cold.

Here he comes,
folks.

The prince of purgery,

The lord of the lies,

Evan wagner!

Ta-da!

[ Cheering ]

Hello, evan.

I've been waiting for you.

You're late.

What's your excuse this time?

Um, sorry, it's just that,
uh, my mom is real sick,

And I've been taking care

Of things while
she gets better.
Hmm.

Hi, guys. Who's the new driver?

He looks like a real stiff.

Search me.

Never seen
him before.

Evan, how did you do on

The big assignment...
It's due today.

I haven't even started it.

Miss burns assigned that
homework two weeks ago.

She isn't going to like this.

Hey, we're
talking about

The king here.

He'll just give
her some rap

And buy himself
more time,

Am I right?

What can I say?
Lying comes easily to me.

You name the excuse, no matter
how wild it sounds,

And I'll get miss burns
to believe it.

Really? Any excuse?

You name it.

Ok, you asked for it.

I've got one.

Monsters ate my homework.

Monsters ate my homework, huh?

Do I sense a hint of...

[ Imitating clucking ]

You're on.

Whoa! Ugh!

[ Laughing ]

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I don't know about you,boils and ghouls,

But I think it's time
for yours ghouly

To teach our fibbing friend
the terror of his ways.

A little lesson from
the cryptkeeper's school

Of hard shocks.

[ Cackling ]

All right, class,
that's all for today.

Please place your assignments
on your desks.

I'll be coming around
to collect them.

It's show time.

He'll never pull this one off.

Evan,

Did you complete
the homework I assigned?

Yes, I did, miss burns, but...

But what? Where is it?

You won't believe me
when I tell you.

Try me.

They took it. It's gone, and
I worked so hard on it, too.

They? Who are they, evan?

The creatures, the bogeymen.

Things that come
for me in the night.

[ Laughing ]

It's not funny, it's awful.

They come when I'm asleep,

Alone in the dark... They come

For food, and I have
to feed them.

Anything I can grab.

[ Gasping ]

Because if I don't...

Evan, are you trying to tell me
that monsters ate your homework?

I knew you wouldn't believe me.

My parents don't believe me,
nobody does.

[ Pounding ]

I see.

Well, in light of this,

I don't think we have
any other choice.

You have until monday
to redo the assignment.

[ Gasping ]

But no more
excuses, young man.

[ Bell ringing ]

Class dismissed.
Yeah.

[ Dale ]: if I hadn't
seen it with my own eyes,

I wouldn't have believed it.

You are truly the lord
of the lies.

My mom is making liver
for supper tomorrow.

Can you come up with
something to get me out of it?

Sorry, I don't do
dinner theatre.

Ha, ha,
good one.

Look, I'd better
let you go.

That assignment
isn't going

To write
itself, right?

The assignment? As if.

What, you mean,
you're still

Not going
to do it?

Why should i?

Fun is fun
and all, evan.

You dodged the
b*llet for now.

But sooner
or later,

It'll catch up
with you.

How soon they forget.
I'm the king.

Come monday I'll give miss
burns some brand-new excuse

And get out of it
all over again.

I can't believe
she bought

The first one.

Me neither.

I mean, who'd believe a bunch
of brain dead monsters

Could get the better of me?

[ Imaginary tires screeching ]

Hold on a sec, dale.

Something's going on here.

[ Grunting ]

Ah!

This is going to sound crazy.

I think there's
something under my bed.

Ooh, maybe it's
the monsters.

Yeah, monsters.

Hmm.

[ Yelling ]

[ Grunting ]

Dale, help me. It's real.

It's after me!

What, the monsters?

Yes, they're here.

They're coming
for me.

[ Roaring ]

Ahhh!

Dale, you got to help me.

Man, you are too much.

No, it's the truth.

They're really here.

Yeah, right, pal, later. Ha, ha.

Dale, wait!

It's no lie.

♪

Ah, ahhh!

Who are you, what do you want?

Where is it?
Yeah!

Hand it over.

Come on, kid, we have many
more stops to make.

Where is it?

Where's what?
Don't play
coy, boy.

The homework! We're starved!

Is it math? I hope it's math.

Integers are my favourite.

Uh...

I can see that you are
somewhat confused.

Allow me to make
with the introductions.

I am lusus, and this
is my associate...

Mr. Feral.

You, you're monsters.

Homework-eating monsters,
to be exact.

But... Whoa!

Monsters aren't real.
They don't exist.

[ Laughing ]

"Aren't real",
he says.

That's rich.

It is to laugh.

Monsters are real, evan, my boy.

All different
kinds.

You got the pet eaters,

Your bike eaters,
your doll eaters.

And homework eaters, like us.

Which brings us back to why
we have paid you this visit.

We have received information
that one evan wagner...

Which is you...

Did willingly and with malice
of forethought accuse us...

Which is we...

Of eating your homework.

Since no such homework
has passed our collective lips,

We fear that you may have
misrepresented the facts.

You see, evan, children down
through the ages have exploited

Our good names in order to avoid
persecution for not completing

Their homework...
And have paid the price.

I just can't stand kids lying
about homework, capisci?

But I don't have any homework
to give you, really.

That is
unfortunate,

For I fear that if we don't
consume some homework soon,

Mr. Feral and I will
be forced to eat

Whatever we can get our hands
on, if you catch my drift.

No, wait, hold on, you guys.

You don't understand.

A monster did eat my homework.

It just wasn't you.

It was a weird, horrible
flying bag-of-bones

That swooped in through the
window and took my homework.

I do not believe it.

But it's the truth.

You have to believe me.

Would I lie to you?

Easy, kid, we believe you.

It's that no good
double-crossing skeletole,

I don't believe.

Skeletole?

Skeletole?
I hate skeletole.

Let us go, kid.

We're going to take you
for a little ride.

Wait, what for?

Skeletole's got the homework.
You don't need me.

On the contrary.

We have suspected said skeletole
of muscling in on our territory

For some time now.

And now, we have the proof.

A flesh and blood witness.

You.

[ Yelling ]

No, please, let me go.

I'm not supposed to go
anywhere after dark!

[ Yelling ]

[ Gasping ]

Now let us
locate skeletole

And extract from his bony hide
what is rightfully ours.

What is
this place?

Ah, it's what bad dreams
are made of, kid, ha, ha, ha.

Stay close.

We cannot have our
meal ticket turn

Into some other monster's
meal, capisci?

Ahhh!

Do you not hate it
when that happens?

After them!

All right, edmund, we saw that.

Cough it up, he's ours!

You heard us, edmund,
do not make me come in there.

Ahhh!

Thank you.

I'm alive? I'm alive!

For the moment.

And only if we get what we want:
i.e. The homework...

And on
that note,

By the by
there, edmund,

You wouldn't happen to know
the whereabouts

Of that snake-in-the-grass
skeletole, would you?

According to this, beloved bony
man skeletole is dead... Again.

Apparently, the tragic victim
of one anthrax's feeding binges.

He will not be missed.

How could he
have stolen

Your homework
when he was

Sleeping with
the fishes?

Yeah!

You haven't lied to us,
have you, kid?

Huh? Have you?

No, but come to think of it,
just after skeletole stole

My homework, he was attacked

By an even bigger,
scarier monster.

It must have been
this anthrax guy.

[ Laughing ]

Well, there is a bright
side to all this.

Anthrax doesn't eat homework.

So he's probably stashed it
at his place.

Let us go.

Wait, where are we going now?

To see anthrax, where else?

Ahhh!

Anthrax doesn't not
like to be disturbed.

But he too is a beast
of business.

And we have business to propose.

We have nothing to fear.

As long as he has the homework.

He has the homework, right, kid?

Yes, of course he has it, but
what if... Oh, I don't know...

Anthrax says he doesn't
have the homework.

What if he pulls a fast one?

We won't let him get
away with that.

Certainly not.

That would leave us no choice.

We'd have to
up the ante.

Yes, but what could we,

Poor, humble homework eaters,
have that that terrible

Flesh-eating anthrax
could possibly want, huh?

Say, kid.

What are you, 80, 90 pounds?

♪

[ Roaring ]

This, this isn't helping.

You guys can't just hand me
over to anthrax.

Why not?

Because, because it's inhuman.

Well, duh, we are inhumans,
are we not?

Ha, ha, ha.

[ Roaring ]

You guys, I've got something
I need to tell you.

You can't trade me
for the homework.

Sure we can.

That way, everybody gets
a square meal,

And everybody goes home happy.

Except you, of course.

No, you guys don't get it.

What I'm trying to say is
there isn't any homework.

There never was.

I lied when I told miss burns
that monsters ate it.

I lied when I told you skeletole

Took it... I lie
about everything.

We know, we read your file.

You have a long history
of fibbing to save your skin.

But it ain't going
to work this time.

This isn't a lie,
it's the truth!

Would I lie to you?

Zip it,
he's here.

Evan, anthrax. Anthrax, evan.

[ Roaring ]

Ahhh!

We are here to propose a trade.

The kid for the homework.

What homework?

You know,
the homework

That skeletole
had on him.

When you saw fit to consume
him the other day.

Skeletole barely had any meat
on him, let alone homework.

And as a result, I find I am
in the mood for seconds.

Even thirds.

Staff meeting.

[ Mumbling ]

Uh, excuse us a moment.

There's
no homework?

You lied to us?

Yes, that's what I've been
trying to tell you.

Well, you should have
tried harder, and sooner.

I'm sorry, I promise
I'll never lie again

For as long as I live.

Which, under
the circumstances,

Will not be much longer.

[ Chuckling nervously ]

It, uh, would seem that our
information was inaccurate.

Please
forgive us

For disturbing
you.

Hey, forget about it.

Could happen to anyone.

But since you're all here,

How about coming in for a bite?

[ Yelling ]

Every monster

For himself.

Which is the interspacial
rift between that

Which is
our world

And the kid's
bedroom?

The what?

The door out of here.

[ Roaring ]

Whoa!

Yee-haw!

[ Yelling ]

Did we lose him?
Is he gone?

It would seem so.

Looks like it's clear
sailing from here on out.

Paddle faster!

Must paddle faster!

[ Panting ]

Hey!

We got away!

I'm home!

Man, am I ever glad that's over.

As I are
we, evan.

This has been a trying day
for all of us.

One that we will gladly
bring closure to.

Just as soon as we get
what we came for.

Oh, come on, guys, I told you.

I lied about everything.

I'm sorry, but there
isn't any homework.

Not yet, there isn't.

We came here for homework... And
homework is what we will have.

You will start with 20 or 30
pages of english literature...

Hold the
shakespeare.

Followed by 50 columns
of math, two cups of chemistry,

And a side of phonics.

♪

[ School bell ringing ]

Good morning, class.

Good morning, miss burns.

Good morning, evan.

Do you have something for me?

It's show
time again.

He'll never top
that last excuse.

The assignment?

Oh, yeah.

Here you go, miss burns.

Sorry for getting it in so late.

That's quite all right, evan.

My, my, I must admit,
I didn't quite expect this.

Yeah, we expected another
one of evan's whopper excuses.

Like "monsters
ate my homework."

[ Laughing ]

No, believe me, miss burns.

My fibbing days are over.

I've learned my lesson big time.

That's good to hear, evan.

Might I ask what brought

On this
welcome change?

Well, I guess I found
out the hard way

That one lie always
leads to another,

And that pretty soon, you've
created a real monster...

Maybe even two.

Oh, yeah, if it's not
too much trouble,

Could I get a copy of that?

Two copies, make
that two copies.

I guess you could say that,

Thanks to his
monstrous adventure,

Evan finally learnedfright from wrong.

He found out that lies have a
way of coming back to haunt you.

[ Cackling ]

Well, boils and ghouls,
that's our gory story for today.

Hope you had a real scream.

Until next time,

This is the cryptkeeper saying,

Creepout of trouble,
because I'll be watching.

[ Cackling ]