01x05 - The Works.... In Wax

[bunniefuu]

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[Scary laughter]

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Greetings.

Today on "culture crypt"

We present a selection

From one of the classics.

Our tale is called "the"

Sleeping beauty."

It begins... Once upon a slime,

An evil spell was cast

On a beautiful and very rich

Princess.

She fell into a deep sleep

And could only be awakened

By the kiss of a handsome

Prince.

However, her castle was

Surrounded by a thick, dark,

Impenetrable forest, in which

Lurked unspeakable horrors.

For a hundred years, many

A brave prince tried to rescue

The sleeping beauty.

They were never seen again.

You see, entering the thick,

Dark, impenetrable forest

Meant only one thing...

Certain death.

Certain death.

Not a possibility of death,

Not a chance of death,

But certain death.

I don't like those odds,

Chuck.

It's charming!

My name is prince charming!

What?

The name our parents gave

You wasn't good enough?

No, it isn't.

I've changed it to charming,

Or as the french say,

Charmont.

Charmont?

Your accent is

Excruciating, melvin.

I can change my name if I want

To, little brother.

After all, I am the first

Born.

By ten seconds!

Big deal!

I-i-i mean we are twins.

Not identical!

Whoa!

Whoaaa!

Easy, splendor, easy.

A-a-and what's with this

"Splendor" business?

I thought that nag's name was

Steve.

I'm partaking a romantic

Quest here, melvin.

Whoever heard of a romantic

Quest partaken by a prince

Named chuck, on a horse named

Steve?

No time to be lying around,

Melvin.

Ooof!

I've got to pass

Through the dark, thick,

Impenetrable forest, enter

The castle, find sleeping

Beauty, awaken her

With a kiss, inherit

Her fortune, and live happily

Ever after... And all before

My next tanning session.

B-but the dark, thick,

Impenetrable forest... I-i-it

Means certain death to enter.

So... You lead the way.

Me?

Yes, my silly, sissified,

Shrimp-sized sibling.

I'm determined to cure

You of these irrational fears.

Onward!

This first born stuff

Drives me up the wall!

Ten seconds.

Ten lousy seconds!

Timing, melvin.

Everything in life is timing.

A-a-a hundred other

Handsome princes have

Attempted to pass through this

Forest, never to be seen

Again.

Oooh... That really oughta tell

Us something.

A-a-and the whole idea

Of kissing somebody who's got

A-a-a sleeping sickness!

What if it's catching?

Aaah!

[Snoring]

Of course, it might be hard

To tell the difference.

[Eerie noises]

This place is f-f-full of fun!

Chuck!

Chuuuck!

[Snoring]

[Beast whimpering]

Heh-heh-ha.

Y-y-you're nothing

But a bully!

Nothing but a coward!

Heh-heh-heh, afraid

Of a little... Aaah!

Snaaake!

What?

Chuuuck!

Chuuuck!

Roots!

Roooots!

Ooof!

Roots.

Roots.

Handsome check!

Egad!

I am in desperate need

Of a dye job.

When is my next hair

Appointment?

A-a-a week thursday.

Thank goodness!

Wake us when we get

To the castle, melvin.

Ten seconds.

Ten lousy seconds!

Aaaaaah...

I told you there was

Nothing to be afraid of,

Melvin.

We could pass through that

Forest in our sleep.

In fact, we did pass

Through it in our sleep.

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Some of us did.

We look marvellous

By moonlight, don't we,

Splendor?

Ya finished with... Aah...

The cup?

Be quick about it melvin.

Oh, I look terrible.

I-i-i need sleep.

A-a-and fresh vegetables.

Aah... And a vacation!

Chuuuck!

[Gasp!]

Chuuuck!

Wait!

The river!

The water!

The bridge!

I'm quite capable

Of identifying these things

Myself, melvin.

But it's not safe!

Ahhhhhh!

Whoaaa!

Melvin?

Melvin!

What did you do to the bridge?

Well, now all I have to do is

Hack my way through

These... These... What do

You call these vine thingies?

Impenetrable.

Well?

Well what?

What are you waiting for?

Start hacking my way

Through those impenetrable.

M-maybe we should wait

Until morning.

Oh stop being such

A coward!

You see, melvin, that's why

I am a handsome prince,

And you're a... A melvin.

[Horse neighs]

Careful with that thing!

Sorry.

Ahh!

Oh, I told you to be

Careful, melvin.

Go put a band-aid on it,

Or something.

I'll hack my way

Through myself.

But it's not my...

Quiet!

I'm trying to hack.

Ch-charlemagne... The vines

Just opened up!

You see, melvin, all it

Takes is a little effort.

Very little.

Melvin!

Well, go ahead.

Go ahead what?

Knock on the door.

Just knock on the door?

Just waltz up to a castle

With a hundred year curse

On it, a castle with a nasty

Reputation for making handsome

Princes disappear, not

To mention their twin brothers

Not identical... And just

Knock on the door?

Do I have to do it myself,

Melvin?

Oh... Ohhh... We can't have

That.

Hmmm, that's odd.

She's supposed to be

The sleeping beauty.

Doesn't sound like she's

Sleeping.

A-a-and she doesn't sound

Like a princess.

She snores!

I don't think that...

I suppose there are worse

Things in life.

Such as?

Why don't we find out.

After you.

Ooof!

Melvin, you all right?

Just peachy.

Well, here we are.

Yes, here we are.

I suppose we should call

Out, or something... Announce

Our presence.

What should we say?

How about... Come and get

Us?

Aaaaaah!

A-a-although a

Blood-curdling scream is just

As good.

Gadzooks!

Look at all this gold

And silver and...

Put it in your pack,

Melvin, as much as you can.

What for?

I-i-if the legend is true,

Then after you kiss

The princess this will all be

Yours anyway.

Oh, yeah.

Well, just in case.

In case the legend isn't

True?

No, in case she's not

The beauty she's supposed

To be.

Oh, good thinking.

There must be a hundred

Rooms off this hall.

A-a-a hundred and four,

Actually.

And we have no idea which

Room sleeping beauty's in.

That's not exactly true.

Y-y-you see, before we left,

I made a quick trip

To the architectural library.

We could check every single

Room.

But that would take hours.

I took out the castle's

Blueprints...

Instead, I'll rely

On something that's never

Failed me in the past... Pure

Princely deductive reasoning.

Eenie.

Meenie.

Minie.

Moe!

This room!

No, not that...

Melvin!

That wasn't sleeping beauty's

Room.

No, that was the

Uh... Uh... Uh... Bat room.

Huh?

Aah-aah-haaa!

What's wrong now, melvin?

You don't wanna know.

Chuuuck!

This is velvet, melvin...

Not burlap.

Wait a minute, melvin.

According to your blueprints,

Sleeping beauty's room is

In the fourth sub-basement.

Or it might be through this

Door here.

Wind?

Wind.

W-w-what are ya doing?

If anybody tries to sneak

Up on us from behind, they'll

Have to go through me to get

To you.

I see.

Like... Like a human shield.

That's the idea.

There she is!

Ooof!

Look, melvin!

Look!

She is a beauty.

A-a-and she is sleeping.

What hair!

What skin!

What a face!

The dress is a little dated.

She's been here

For a hundred years!

Righto.

Well, time for the big kiss.

But first, makeover!

Mousse, gel, lotion, oil,

Spray, spritz, paste, floss,

Gloss, roll-on, powder,

Lipstick.

What was that last one?

Breath spray.

Hmmm... Wintergreen.

Handsome check!

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check, check, check, check,

Check.

Check.

Check!

[Smooch, smooch, smooch].

I'm just warming up.

Please, melvin, a little

Privacy.

Sorry.

Melvin!

Sorry.

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What?

Huh?

Who?

Boogiemen, dragons, ghosts,

Ghouls, mutants, ogres,

Spectres... Uh-oh!

You're so handsome!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Nothing wrong with her eyes,

Melvin.

Chuck, sh-sh-she has

No reflection.

I am charmont.

That's charming.

And she speaks french.

Chuck!

She... She doesn't reflect!

I don't care about

Her mind, melvin!

How about another kiss?

I-i-i don't think

You should kiss her, chuck.

She's a vamp...

E-e-excuse me.

Melvin, get lost!

Look, chuck.

It says right here,

In the encyclopaedia daemonica

A complete compendium

Of the unnatural: the only

Thing other than the invisible

Man that has no reflection is

A vampire!

Don't be ridiculous,

Melvin.

She looks nothing like that!

Except for the over-bite.

Aaah!

Chuck!

Chuck!

I knew you wouldn't abandon

Me, chuck...

Without your mirror.

Wait for me, chuck!

Hurry, melvin, hurry!

Sorry, too late!

Chuck!

Chuuuck!

Poor little fella.

Hey, I like this room.

Ah-hah!

Stay back!

O-o-or I'll stake you!

I-i-i will!

Ah-ha-ha-ha...

Oops, wrong end.

Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Handsome check!

Ha-ha... Hi, guys.

Nice room, isn't it?

Although you probably don't

Appreciate it as much as I do,

Seeing as you have

No reflections.

Hmmm... Didn't notice this

In the blueprints.

Melvin!

Guys, this is melvin.

Melvin, may I introduce

You to the... Uh... Living dead.

I-i-i wish you wouldn't.

Melvin's blood is much more

Your type... Type o,

As in... Oh, that tastes good!

I think I hate you, chuck.

Splendor!

Chuck, wait for me!

Too late!

Ten seconds.

Ten lousy seconds!

Timing, melvin!

Timing!

[Vampires hissing]

I'm getting a little tired

Of thisss!

You're tired?

Of course you're tired.

I-i-it's almost morning.

You... You really shouldn't

Drink before you go to bed.

Accidents, you know.

[Vampire screaming]

Egads!

This might be the real

Sleeping beauty.

Then again, it might be

Another vampire.

Kiss her.

Don't kiss her.

Kiss her.

Don't kiss her.

Awww... What the heck!

My prince!

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Too bad about poor melvin,

Eh, splendor?

Oh well, at least we managed

To get outta there with what

Really counts... Handsome

Check.

Splendor!

You!

The both of us!

Do you know what this means?

Aaaaaah!

No more handsome check!

Good for melvin.

Nice guys do finish first.

What a pity about charming's

Princess.

Who could have guessed she'd

Be such a pain in the neck!

Too bad charming had such

A "vein" personality.

He was a suitor she could

Really sink her teeth into.

Hee-hee-hee-hee...

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