01x24 - The Importance of Being Norma

[bunniefuu]

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

Arr!

No!

Morning, starshine.

-Did we have a nice sleepy-weepy?
-Ugh.

It was great till the akey-wakey
by the witty-kitty.

Sorry, kid, but I know
you don't wanna miss school today.

Today's the day you put the "sis"
in the "sis-boom-bah."

-Yuck!
-Yipe!

JV cheerleader rush week!

-What to wear? What to wear?
-Huh?

-This? No, this. No. Uh-uh. No. Nope.
-Aah!

Coatrack, catrack.
What's the difference?

Oh, good, eggs. You girls went shopping.

Hilda did.
She needed special eggs for a spell.

Uh, a spelling bee.

I'm in charge of refreshments.
Everyone wanted eggs.

Well, I'm darn proud of you girls.

- Ah!
- You've been making an effort...

...to not take the easy way out
by using witchcraft.

-You're showing real maturity.
-Oh, no.

And setting a fine example for Sabrina.

-Ah, look what the cat dragged in.
-Himself?

Ah, the witty little barbs.

Salem, where's Sabrina?
She's gonna be late for school again.

Morning, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda,
Uncle Quigley.

No time for breakfast. Grab something
on the way. Have a nice day. Bye. Peace.

Well, well, well.

And what's our favorite little witchling
hiding behind her back?

It's-- It's a fashion statement.

Right now it's saying, "Save me!
This thing just landed on my head!" Ha, ha.

Sabrina, you're not seriously
going to wear that to school, are you?

You'll give the family a bad name.

And that's not easy when eight generations
have been burned at the stake.

Well, then what am I supposed to wear?

I've gotta find some way
to get the JV cheerleaders to notice me.

This is induction week...

...when the junior varsity cheerleaders
pick a lowly few from our class...

...to audition for next year's JV squad.

Gah, this could make or break
my whole junior high career.

Ah, and I thought
it was just a funny-looking hat.

It's more than a hat.
It's a statement about individuality.

It says,
"Hey, you cheerleaders, look at me.

I am Sabrina Spellman,
my own person."

It sets me apart.
It's tomorrow's look today.

And for once, I'll have the jump
on that snobby Gemeni Stone.

Dear Sabrina:

As you know,
that hat was the last straw for me.

You are way too cool.

I can't compete with you,
so I have given up.

You deserve to be a cheerleader,
not me.

I've moved to Alaska,
where I'm working on the pipeline.

Well, gotta go.
I'm about to be eaten by a polar bear.

All the best.

Yeah, yeah, very touching.

The point is, why do you need a gimmick?
Why can't you just be yourself?

Uncle Quigley, you are so naive.
Junior high is not about being yourself.

It's about peer pressure
and trendy advertising...

...and all the things
that make America great.

It's not what I think of myself that matters.
It's what everyone else thinks of me.

Ah, well, consider me enlightened.

And if I don't even get the chance to try out
for the cheerleaders...

...I'll be spending another year
as honorary mayor of Wienerville.

How about a little help here?

-How about Spookie Jar?
-Hmm.

A little magic?

Sorry, Sabrina...

...but until your mother gets back
from whatever lost city she's digging up...

...I'm in charge.

And I promised her no magic
from your dad's side of the family.

Besides, you don't need witchcraft
to know that cool doesn't come from a hat.

Trust me.

Cool. Oh, wow.

Gem, that hat is so awesome.

What a rad look.

You are so cool,
even for a seventh grader.

Wow. That Gem sure has some cool hat,
huh, Sabrina?

It's like a statement about individuality.
It sets her apart.

It says,
"Hey, you cheerleaders, I'm Gem Sto--"

Grr. I see the hat, Chloe. Thanks.

Just look at her...

...kissing up to those privileged,
pom-pom-pumping powder puffs...

...like she's already a member.

-It's so ick.
-Ugh, you're right.

She's being, like,
a total and complete phony.

And she's so good at it.

Face it, Chloe.

The JVs don't even know I'm alive.
What chance have I got?

Bye-bye.
- Don't forget...

...my daddy's yacht next Friday night.

-Oh, hello, Smellman.
-Huh?

So glad to see
you've made bail again this year.

Oh, my gosh.
Sabrina, they're coming this way.

This is like the most socially significant
moment of your entire life.

-Whatever you do, look cool.
-Ah!

- But--
Look cool.

Uh, uh, uh--

Whoa. Unh.

-Sabrina?
-Oh, my gosh. Calista Ultrabril'iant.

The most socially prominent girl
in the eighth grade...

...is actually talking to you.

Ooh, this is so cool, I can't stand it.

Uh, did I just say all of that out loud?

And in superfluous English.
Sabrina, a heads-up to you.

We're considering granting you the, well,
some might call it privilege...

...of auditioning for next year's squad.

We have just one opening
for a new member.

Most of the squad
have to repeat the year.

Being a social icon
can put such a damper on study time.

It's down to a choice
between you and Gem Stone.

-Oh.
-And I mean, let's be honest.

Gem is the heavy favorite.

Especially since she gave us all
cell phones and matching leather jackets.

-I'm sure you understand.
-How could I not?

However, as part of our SCIPSO...

...or Snowball's Chance in Palm Springs
Outreach program...

...you still have one eensy-weensy,
remote, pathetically small chance...

...of being chosen,
no matter how unlikely.

You hear that? You're as good as in.

It's all about class, Sabrina.

We'll be making our final decision
this week.

Until then, we'll be watching both you
and Gem carefully...

...to decide which of you has the....

R-I-G-H-T S-T-U-F-F.

Right stuff, right stuff. Right stuff!

Huh? Ah. Ooh.

Wild.

Hey. Circus folk. Cool.

So, Sabrina, wanna help me
put mashed potatoes in Pi's gym shoes?

Ow. Hey, that hurt.

Heh, heh. Harvey can be so droll.

As if I would ever do
such an uncool thing. Tcha.

Put mashed potatoes
in someone's gym shoes. Right.

-How about creamed corn like last time?
-Ugh.

Stick with what you know, I always say.
Ow. Hey.

Since when did I become
Harvey the human soccer ball?

Well, Sabrina, don't let us get in the way
of you and, uh, Pelé.

Until next time,
remember, we'll be watching....

Y-O-U, you, you!

Y-O-U, you!

Very smooth.

And I don't think they even noticed
the sock on your head.

D'oh.

They've gotta pick me or my life is over.

No, no, no.

Ow. Hey.

-Thanks. Walnut?
-No, thank you.

Suit yourself.

Aah! Ow.

Sorry. Sinuses.

That's okay. It made me forget
how much the walnut hurt.

Hey. Aren't you Sabrina Spellman?

It's me, Norma Alphalinear,
from the first grade.

Norma? Holy cannoli, it is you.

-What are you doing here?
-Just transferred.

Gee, Sabrina,
I haven't seen you in 6.3 years.

Hey, remember
when you used to eat paste?

Sure. Want some?

Ugh. No, thanks. I'm trying to quit. Heh.

Well, I see that you're just as colorful
as ever.

Thanks. I like to think so.

How about raisins?

Why, hello, Spellman.

Who's your new little friend?

Norma Alphalinear.
Glad to meet you. I'm not new.

- Wha--?
- Me and Sabrina go way back.

Hey, Sabrina, remember
when Ms. Beezer wouldn't excuse you...

...to go to the potty
until it was too late--?

I'm sure we'd love to hear
the rest of the story.

- Perhaps next time. Ta-ta.
- Ugh.

So horrible. Her teeth. Horrible.

They had no glistening sparkle.
I don't feel well.

Oh, no. Don't look.

It's terrible. So not sparkly.

Ah, Sabrina.

I see you've met our new arrival.
Oh, how fortunate.

-Oh, yeah. We're old friends.
-Marvelous.

You know, I was going to ask Gem Stone
to be Norma's student guide...

...but since you two are already acquainted,
who better to show her the ropes?

-Hey, great. You mean--?
-Exactly.

For the next week...

...I want you and Sabrina
to spend every waking minute together.

Hmm.

Oh.

Huh?

-Whoa!
-Oh, no.

Whoa.

Hmm.

Huh?

- Oh, Sabrina, we were wondering....
- Yeah?

Aah! Her face. Horrible. So horrible.

Hey, Sabrina, wanna see my ant farm?

You carry your ant farm with you?

I promised I'd take them to the zoo.

Hmm.
Looks like I made the air holes too big.

There's ants everywhere!
They're all over me!

Get them off! Get them off!

But Norma's my friend.

She's loyal and trustworthy
and fun to be with.

Mm-hm. So is my beagle.

Sabrina,
you have just got to get rid of her.

She's the biggest social liability
since dandruff.

Sabrina,
we'd like to have a word with you.

It's about your taste in friends.

Dear, dear Sabrina,
we're only trying to help.

Take our advice.

If you expect to even have a prayer
of trying out for the squad...

...you'll simply have to jettison
that Norma creature.

Look, I know she's a little weird--
Okay, a lot weird.

But you just don't throw somebody away
because they don't fit the mold.

You do if you wanna be
a JV cheerleader.

Hi, all.

Hey, Sabrina.
You wanna hang out after school?

I think my hermit crab's having twins.

Uh, Norma, this is not a good time.

Oh. Well, okay.

Then how about tomorrow?
You can help me build the crib.

Um, actually, Norma,
I'm sort of busy then too.

In fact, I'm gonna be kind of busy
for a while.

You are?

Oh. I see. Sure, sure. I understand.

Uh, well, see you.

You've made the right decision.

- Yeah! Whoo!
- That's right. That's right.

So anyway, I just don't know
if I made the right choice.

I mean, is it wrong to go for something
you really, really want...

...even if it, you know,
might sort of hurt someone else?

I think you already know
the answer to that, Sabrina.

Wait a minute.
Hold on to your broomsticks, folks.

I have an idea.
What if I could get Norma to try out too?

That would solve all my problems.

Huh? Hello? Earth to Sabrina.

I think you've got a better chance
of getting Hannibal Lecter...

...in the Greendale Chili Fest.

But what if I work with her, mold her,
do a complete makeover...

...teach her how to act cool, the works?

If the cheerleaders accept Norma,
we could still be friends...

...I could still try out,
and I'd be helping her to be more popular.

And what if she doesn't wanna
be more popular?

But everybody wants to be popular.
Don't you see?

I've just been focusing
on my own shallow needs...

...when I should've been focusing
on her shallow needs.

You know, maybe Sabrina's got something
with this makeover idea.

Then it's settled.

First thing tomorrow,
we start Operation Norma.

But, Sabrina--

Trust me, Norma.
This will change your life.

Don't you want that?

- Uh, I--
- Of course you do. Now, just sit still.

Sorry, Sabrina.
This is worse than we thought.

Her geekiness is too overpowering
for mortal means.

Afraid so.

Maybe it's time
for more extreme measures.

Oh, no, no, no.

You know we're not supposed to dip
in the Spookie Jar.

We'll get in trouble.
We always get in trouble.

That's because you always rat us out...

...the second Uncle Quigley sweats you
about anything.

Hilda, we're on witch probation.

Do you wanna stay
a teenybopper forever?

Don't you ever wanna be green
and warty...

- ...and wrinkled like we used to be?
- Hmm.

Of course I do.

-Ah, you're right. We better not.
-Thank you.

Now, that's the last I wanna hear
about the Spookie Jar.

If you'll excuse me, I have homework.

Last one to the Spookie Jar
is a rotten dragon egg.

It is written.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

I don't like to be disturbed
while I'm washing my hair.

With just a sprinkle, use this spell

To make a geek seem really swell

Her popularity all will praise

More and more with passing days

Beware

I hate when it does that.

Huh? Unh!

Well, how do you like that?

I guess even magic can't take the "eek"
out of "geek."

Oh, well. Well, thanks for trying, guys.

Come on, Norma. I'll walk you home.

-Hey, I like your hair.
-Gee, thanks.

Not you. Her.

Maybe he's on his way
to get new glasses.

Sabrina, Norma.

We see you two are still hanging out.

Oh. Uh, hi. No, I, uh--

-Norma and I weren't really--
-How delightful.

Norma, where did you get
that adorable outfit?

It's exactly what I'm looking for.

Oh, yay! You go, girl.

And that hair.

You've got to give me the name
of your hairdresser.

I simply must have those shoes.

Huh?

The spell, it must be working.
She's-- She's popular.

Hairdresser? What's a hairdresser?

Oh, that is so enchanting.

Can you show me
how to make that delightful sound?

What sound?

Wow. That spell really works.

Hey, looking good.

Oh. Well, thanks, Harvey.

-Not you. Her.
-Huh?

-Norma, you doing anything Saturday night?
-Oh.

Ow. Sabrina.
What is it with you and my shins?

Oh, hello, Spellman. Calista, girls.

I've just finished paying
for all your clothes and--

Not now, Gem.
Can't you see we're talking to Norma?

You're doing what?

Oh, you mean Norma.

Wow. She is so cool.

What style, what panache,
what charisma.

You know, this spell could get annoying.

Gem, Sabrina,
we've come to a decision.

It's unanimous.

Our new JV squad member
will be Norma.

- All right!
- Of course. It's only right.

She's so totally Norma.

Wait a minute.

I don't wanna join any squad
without Sabrina.

In that case, what can we say?

Of course Sabrina may join too.
We'll have to downsize Cheryl.

-It's only right.
-Norma, did you hear that?

We're both gonna be cheerleaders
next year.

The pinnacle of eighth-grade royalty.

We didn't even have to try out.
Isn't that great?

-Yeah. I guess.
-Wha...?

Norma! Norma! Norma!

Norma! Norma! Norma!

Oh, wow. Look at that.

Did you hear what she said?
She's totally cool.

- The coolest.
- Right on.

-Norma.
-How's it going, Sabrina?

How come you're here by yourself?

What happened to your mob
of screaming fans?

I had to get away from them all.
They were driving me crazy.

-I wish they'd just go away.
-Go away?

But you're the most popular kid
in the school.

Maybe in the country.
Everyone wants to be cool like you.

Yeah, I've noticed.

You know, I used to like being me...

...but now that everyone else is just like me,
it's no fun anymore.

Norma, don't you understand?
Being popular is not about fun.

Well, then what is it about?

Well, it's about, uh....

Ugh. I'm not really sure,
but everybody wants it.

Well, maybe you do, but I don't.

I'm tired of being popular.
I just wanna be myself.

See you, Sabrina.

Norma! Norma! Norma!

Whoa.

Oh, man. The spell.

It's not exactly what I had in mind.
It didn't change Norma.

It made everyone else like Norma.
What have I done?

- There, there, Sabrina.
- Huh?

It's not what you've done.

It's what you haven't done.

You haven't become like Norma.

Harvey. What's happened to you?
You're Norma in pants.

Come on, Sabrina.

Isn't it time for you
to get with the program?

You need to be just like Norma too.

Join us.

Join us.

Normachaka! Normachaka! Normachaka!

Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda, not you too.
Can't you do anything to help?

Sorry, Sabrina,
but you're on the fast track to Normaville.

But I don't wanna be like Norma.

Well, to quote a 12-year-old...

...who's recently blossomed a pumpkin
on her head...

...it's not what you think of yourself...

...but what everyone else thinks of you.

And we think
you need to be more like Norma.

-Hi, Sabrina.
-Huh?

-Got any gum?
-Norma. Why are you tied up?

Because even she isn't Norma enough.

-But she is Norma.
-Heh. Apparently, I'm last year's Norma.

Popularity is a funny thing.

Don't worry, Sabrina.
Soon you'll be just like everyone else.

But I don't wanna be like everyone else.

I don't even wanna be cool.
I just wanna be me.

Me, me, me.

- Huh?
- Hey.

- What happened?
- Huh?

What's happening?

- What's going on?
- Ew.

What am I doing at the geek version
of The Grind?

Aah! I was standing with those icky,
lesser, not-pretty people.

Ugh. So horrible.

Geeks? What geeks?

It's just me and Norma, ourselves.
Right, Norma?

Oh, and, Calista, Norma and I
don't wanna be on the JV squad.

We found out that we don't need
to be like everyone else to be cool.

I seem to have lost my ant collection.
Would you help me find it?

- Well--
She'd be happy to.

-I would?
-Yes.

Come on, Norma.
I think I found one already.

Heh, heh. Freaks.