02x07 - Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure in Babysitting

[bunniefuu]

I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire

And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!

Together we are Wyld Stallyns!

Greetings, Excellent Ones.

Whoa!

♪ Life can be all you want it to be

♪ When you follow your dreams

♪ Join a team and always believe

♪ And soon your dreams will be reality

BILL & TED: Whoa!

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team

♪ They'll stay together

♪ Friends forever

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team

♪ Cruising in their time machine ♪

Party on, dudes!

Excellent!

(GRUNTING)

Three, two, one. Ground zero!

Wyld Stallyns rule!

BILL: Hey, dude! Over here!

Huh?

Bill, my friend, how did you get in there?

Be cool, dude. I'm live!

Excellent!

I've rewired our amp for the new Wyld Stallion Beyond Stellar Sound!

No way!

Yes, way, Ted! Listen to this!

BOTH: Wyld Stallyns rule!

Whoa!

Bogus.

Ted, my excellent friend, that was one hot solo!

I think my guitar is having a nuclear meltdown!

This is most heinous!

We must find another guitar

or this could be the untimely end of Wyld Stallyns!

This calls for some serious thinking.

I know!

BOTH: Frosted slushies!

(BOTH SLURPING)

Bill, my friend, Hunkman is having a most triumphant day today.

BILL: No way, Ted! Look out!

Ah!

BOTH: Bogus!

Hey, guys! How's it going?

Mr. Morris, on behalf of Ted and myself,

I would like to express my gratitude to you

for bringing this most excellent pastime to the Kozy Korner!

Well, I always wanted to contribute to the educational enhancement of kids.

I was really into Hunkman comics when I was a teenager.

I knew you were indeed a dude with exceptional taste!

Well, catch you later.

Later, friendly videogame owner dude!

BOTH: Whoa!

Greetings, my excellent friends.

BOTH: Rufus?

How'd you get inside the adventurous world of Hunkman?

I let my fingers do the walking.

Quick. Activate the force shield!

Rufus, look out!

Thanks, guys.

Rufus, you want to play a game?

Not today, fellows. I have come to remind you of your grave situation.

BOTH: Bogus! The guitar!

Exactly. If Wyld Stallyns doesn't appear

at the Battle of the Bands on Saturday,

it could cause a most devastating chain of events,

leading to the end of future civilization as we know it.

Find a guitar.

(LAUGHING)

I just love a family night of home movies.

Now this is one of my favorites.

BILL: Totally wimpy.

PRESTON: Now watch this! This one's great!

(MISSY LAUGHING)

MISSY: Oh, look how cute you were!

(LAUGHING)

BOTH: Hey!

TED: That's the most excellent guitar I've ever seen, Mr. Preston!

BILL: Dad, I didn't know you had an electric guitar!

Well, I did.

(BOTH GROAN)

I wonder if I ever remembered to deduct the damages from your allowance.

Where are we going, dude?

Ted, my friend, the Destiny Dudes have smiled down upon us.

Excellent! How?

We are going to go back in time and get that totally triumphant guitar!

You mean, those totally non-triumphant pieces of the guitar, dude.

Well, we'll just have to rescue it before it becomes pieces.

1975, here we come!

This time travel is most expedient!

It feels like we never left!

Hi. You must be from the, uh, babysitting agency.

You're late! We said 7:00 sharp!

BOTH: Huh?

It's just that we're a little anxious.

This is our first night out in months.

Now the wives are out playing tennis!

And we'll be down at...

BOTH: The Green Onion!

Now here's a list of instructions.

The bottles are in the refrigerator

and the diapers are in the top drawer.

We'll be home by 10:00.

(BABIES GURGLING)

(BOTH GASP)

BILL: Look! It's our own little dude selves!

BOTH: Excellent!

Hey, we were totally cute!

Ted, only totally cute babies

can indeed become the kind of dudes we are today!

Da-da!

Da-da!

Ted, I don't think they recognize us.

I know! Let us introduce ourselves.

I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan! And together we are...

BOTH: Wyld Stallyns!

(CRYING)

I guess we have not developed our most excellent taste in music yet.

Ted, I think they're still hungry!

Uh, it says here the baby food is on the second shelf.

Pulverized prunes, pureed popcorn,

boned bananas and beans.

I don't know, Bill. This sounds totally dangerous.

Chow down, little dudes.

No!

That is not how you do it, dude. Watch me.

Here comes the train!

No!

I mean, here comes the airplane!

Open up.

Look, baby Bill. If you eat this,

you will grow up to be one totally excellent dude!

Bill, my friend, that was amazing child psychology!

I tell you, me and Mr. Spock go way back!

(GIGGLING)

Yuck! Bogus, Ted! Taste this!

No way, Bill!

(COUGHING)

Ted, I wonder if all this mushy food

prevented our brains from reaching their full triumphant intellectual potential!

Hey!

I looked for the guitar, dude! But I couldn't find it!

Ted, it most definitely must be here!

Huh?

Excellent reflexes, Ted, my friend.

Hey, maybe the little dudes will tell us where the guitar is!

Will you please tell me where daddy's super-valuable guitar is?

No!

No!

Bill, my friend, you have to reason with them.

Now listen, little dudes.

You want Wyld Stallyns to play at the Battle of the Bands contest, do you not?

No!

No!

Ow! Dude, I'm afraid their cuteness rating is dropping rapidly!

Maybe they don't know what a guitar is!

BOTH: No way!

(BILL & TED COUGHING)

(SNEEZING)

They're gone!

Stop, little brat dudes!

Which way did they go?

Most definitely that way!

BOTH: Huh?

BOTH: Bogus.

Our former selves were obedient, cooperative, cuddly, little dudes.

BOTH: Not!

(BABIES GIGGLING)

BOTH: Huh?

(BABIES GURGLING)

Baby Bill?

Baby Ted, where are you, little dude?

(BABBLING) Guitar.

Ted, this is a most triumphant moment!

Agreed!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

We're sorry we're so late.

We're from the babysitting agency. But who are you?

Uh, allow us to introduce ourselves.

I am Bill S. Preston.

And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan.

You mean, we're supposed to babysit you?

Well, uh, no, well, in a way. Yes, but...

Uh, ladies, uh, let me explain.

He means, uh, our baby brothers!

Oh!

We'll take care of this.

(BABIES GURGLING)

Quick, Bill! This calls for some music.

Where do the CD's go?

Bad news, dude. Vinyl!

Friday Night Virus? Don Revolta? Who he?

I don't know!

You are so cute!

Yes, you are!

(BABIES LAUGHING)

Ted, my friend, we never knew how good we had it.

Wow! You have the new Don Revolta album?

He's my favorite! I'll start it!

(SHOUTING)

Come on, let's dance!

Bill, my friend, I think we're in serious trouble.

Just dance, dude.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

This disco beat is most melodious!

BOTH: Not!

(SHOUTING)

(GROANING)

Dude, we have got to get out of here!

I'm beginning to grow fond of this bogus disco beat!

Ted, this is most heinous!

We've got to save ourselves before it's too late!

Hey! Where are you going?

Wait! We didn't show you the disco dip!

Disco dip?

Great, uh...

We'll go get some chips.

I cannot believe they do not know what frosted slushies are!

But time traveling always makes me hungry.

Well, how about these cupcakes?

A most heinous substitute.

Hey, look, dude! It's Hunkman!

Hey, how's it going, Mr. Morris?

Huh? Oh, okay, guys.

How is your most excellent videogame business going?

Pretty slow. I don't know if these things are ever gonna catch on.

Let me assure you, they will change the lives of children throughout the world.

And in a most triumphant way.

So follow your dream!

Thanks, I will.

Okay, Burt, where is it?

Uh, where is what?

You know! Today is Thursday

and every Thursday the new Hunkman comic comes in!

So where is it?

Uh, sorry, pal. We're sold out.

Sold out?

I'm afraid so. We just sold the last one.

But I've never missed an issue!

Well, Ted, I guess it's time to return to the land of our former selves.

It's a good thing we got away from that disco music.

Agreed! We could've been influenced beyond repair!

And then we would not be our really neat selves anymore!

Ted, you just said, really neat.

I did not! I said totally neat! Didn't I?

BOTH: (GASPING) The babies!

They will learn to like disco and say "really neat"!

This is most heinous.

We have left ourselves at a totally vulnerable age!

We must go back!

Our very excellence is at stake!

Patty-cake, patty-cake, wash your feet!

Hey! That was fast!

Are you guys ready for another dance lesson?

Bodacious babes, you have been most instructive,

but we will have to look you up at a later date.

Much later!

So we'll stay with these little dudes and you can leave.

Well, aren't you gonna pay us?

Yeah! You owe us $4.

Uh, pay them, Ted.

I spent all my money buying the food, dude!

Hang on, bodacious babysitter babes.

Mine! Mine!

Sorry, little dude, but I promise you will thank me for this someday.

(SHATTERS)

TED: I cannot find the remote control!

BILL: It most assuredly must be somewhere.

Not unless...

It hasn't been invented yet.

BOTH: Bogus!

Well, how do we turn the TV on?

BOTH: Show off!

Big Bird.

Bird, Bird!

Dude, this is getting serious.

BABIES: Big Bird, Big Bird!

No, you don't want Big Bird. You want music videos!

There must be something wrong with the reception.

Tune it in. I think I see something.

Yeah, I think it's that new group, Static.

No, dude. That's Janet Dachshund.

I've seen this one before!

Ted, my friend...

Yes, Bill, my friend?

We're just watching snow.

I cannot believe it. No wonder we are so cranky!

BILL: No wonder we cry all the time.

BOTH: No music videos!

BILL: This was, indeed, the most prehistoric of times.

Uh-oh! Bill, where are the babies?

BOTH: Whoa!

No! No!

(BOTH WHOOPING)

BOTH: (GASP) Oh, no!

The guitar!

We have got to get these little dude brats to sleep

so they won't hurt themselves!

Ted, my friend, I've got an idea.

You watch our younger selves

and I'll go get a most stellar, soprano governess babe

to take care of the little dudes.

♪ Sprinkles on cupcakes and housebroken puppies

♪ Snow drops and gum drops and sweet, little guppies

♪ Cute baby gerbils All covered with fluff

♪ I can't get enough of my favorite stuff

(SNORING)

♪ Soggy old cornflakes and tiny mosquitoes

♪ Long games of rummy and breakfast burritos

Huh?

♪ Bunnies and berries and birdies and babies

♪ Dollies and lollies and cats without mittens

♪ Warm, scrambled eggies And steak that is tough

♪ I can't get enough of my favorite stuff ♪

And the Papa Bear dude and the Mama Bear dudette

and the little Baby Bear dude-ito

got a lifetime supply of Frosted Slushies and lived happily ever after.

More!

That was one totally uncool babe.

At least she is no longer with us.

Dude, find me another book.

I've already read this one 57 times!

Wait, I've got it.

How about Hunkman?

Excellent!

It was an ordinary day in the city.

Hunkman was bulking up at his favorite donut shop,

little knowing that the fate of the world hung on his very next bite...

(CRASHING)

Stop, little dudes. Quick! Do something!

BOTH: Oh! Oh!

(GUITAR CRUNCHING)

Ted, my friend, I think this calls for a most hasty departure!

PRESTON: Who threw my guitar out the window?

Hey, Bill!

This is the last time we'll see them before they're us!

True, dude. And there's so much we cannot teach them.

LOGAN: Hey, come on. What is... Where is everybody? What's going on here?

PRESTON: What going on here? Hey, somebody! Answer me! Please, hello?

Hello! Is there anybody? What, am I talking to myself?

Later, little dudes!

Be excellent to each other!

(BABBLING)

(GROWLING)

Oh, oh, party on. D-d-dudes.

Huh?

Huh?

Bill, my friend, that was without a doubt a most expedient getaway.

Hey, guys, I hear you've entered the Frosted Slushie

Battle of the Bands contest this Saturday.

Unfortunately, Mr. Morris,

I think the Wyld Stallyns have come to a most untimely end!

Gee, guys, that's too bad. I know how much you, you...

Do you know what that is?

TED: It's just a Hunkman comic.

My friends, I've searched everywhere for this comic

and it's even in mint condition!

Please! Please, I'll give you 400... No, 500...

No, uh, wait! Uh, 600 and not a penny more!

But, Mr. Morris, you can have it for...

How about 700?

My excellent friend, your offer is irresistible!

♪ You can be You can be a hero!

♪ You can pass the test when you do your best

♪ You can be You can be a hero! ♪

BOTH: Wyld Stallyns rule!

Party on, dudes.

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team ♪