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02x01 - Caddy on a Hot Tin Roof

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Life with Louie". Aired: September 2, 1995 – March 2, 1998.*
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Based on the childhood of Anderson, growing up with his family in the fictional town of Cedar Knoll, Wisconsin during the early 1960s, although Anderson himself was actually from Saint Paul, Minnesota, also situated in the Midwestern U.S.

02x01 - Caddy on a Hot Tin Roof

Post by bunniefuu »

let me tell you about my family

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like every other community in the

country

my hometown was basically two times

there was the rich Cedar Knoll and not

so much seeded sure there was a

difference but me my friends we didn't

care the rich had their way of life and

I was perfectly content with my place in

the world dude until the day I

discovered my friends were a run or two

above me from the social ladder horn

when he near horn for you were blessed

with the big mouth yes I'm sorry Louie

we just don't have that kind of money

lying around but all my friends have new

horns my your friends had new

motorcycles would you want one too whoa

yeah fired she wanted to clone school

only so I got a horn there so little

Tommy big birthday coming up ah that's

right it's a big old five you're coming

to my party aren't you

of course hey here's the thought one he

asked mom and dad for a new bike horn

for your birthday then give it to me hey

here's a thought

not a chance whoa is worth a tion

eight years old horn was what gonna be

Louie I've been thinking about this

whole bike horn issue really this is

something you need for safety right

absolutely

your father and I talked last night and

we decided you should have this Louie

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[Applause]

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where have you been it's a crowded world

Louie face the facts you need a horn I

only have 38 cents I'm broke

penniless get it I'm destitute without

capital damped out hard up I'm a guy

down on his luck what are you saying you

don't have 750 you're a quick one a

financial problem Louie Bobby you should

have come to me I got just a solution I

know some people oh yeah

Godfather's in a roll hey because what

are you doing here this is my cousin

Marvin he's gonna give us some catting

jobs

forget it goon Wald what I was 9 years

old

dear lady Bert your hair is the color of

sweet equals I'll do it jeez you write

one lousy love letter the first lady and

you pay for it your whole life right now

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golfers come by look us over and choose

it we spend the rest of the day in the

sunshine

earning tips hey you wake up no you're

invisible twin brother but but I'm an

only child

come on I ain't got all day always in

such a lousy mood they're not so bad the

guy you really want to look out for is

Jojo stamatopoulos who's that the top

golfer in the club he's got a horrible

temper rumor is he once got so mad when

he missed a two-foot putt they buried

his caddy in the sand trap on the 14th

hole whoa what's he look like

he's a big guy always wears a cap

you know any meenie miney moe catch

shake carry fight at toe if he hollers

let him go out goes white oh you all

right buddy on your feet you said out

goes why oh you so traditional eeny

meeny miny rolls I'm in the clear

let's go wise guy uh excuse me

they're clubs your job is to carry the

clubs what I'm supposed to be your caddy

and carry your clubs jeez pump your pay

me double I don't know about you kid I

think there's a sand trap out here with

your name on it

all right Louie give me a tea J huh give

me a tea J are you listening I said give

me a tea hey I'm guessing this is gonna

be a long day

I'm feeling like I need a 4-iron Louie

I'm feeling like you don't have one

what no oh yeah you're right

against this stiff when better give me a

2-iron sorry Oh where's my two hour

well you used it on the 10th hole yeah

and whoa no I thought you were done with

that

so you left it there I'm supposed to

carry these things every hole what's

left a putter I'm under fair way what do

you expect me to do it up butter hey

Jojo scared of a little water

Jimmy the worst Kenny I know Hey Hey

look at that

nails Louie get over here little bunny

it's hard to believe but even after all

you put me through I'm on the verge of

my personal best boy for you sir

tell me something son how would you like

to spend the summer with me as my

exclusive kid there's a dream come true

well let me just think about it oh no

you're just a lucky charm I've been

looking for a kid you sure you won't

reconsider I'll make it worth your while

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hey wake up wake up hey brunwald you

ever hear of a doorbell I don't want to

wake everyone up sorry Louie let's go

the bikes door open at 9:00 sorry goon

gotta work today go buy one for me would

ya

you can keep the change kid sure Louie

hey who wants ice cream so I joined the

working world my job title full time

lucky charm

the caddying got easier and I quickly

learned my way around a golf course a

tee as it turns out isn't just the 20th

letter in the alphabet the winds at your

back mr. snow mapa was I think you might

want to try the for wood good suggestion

Louie and call me Jojo you got a Jojo

now I take it back looks like it'll

break about ten inches you're right how

about brunch Louie

my treat you ever have strawberries and

cream sure more I'm stuffed

I couldn't eat another bite well guys we

got a 1250 T up time you gotta be kiddin

another 18 it's right you don't become

club champion by sitting on your keister

all afternoon eating strawberries and

cream

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honey I'm home how about a cold one I

don't have to get it yourself

hey Dad be a sport go get me a cold one

what then there's another five-minute

for you make it snappy boxes Fairbanks

come see it comes huh Andy I'm worried

about Louie all this caddying it's

changing him and for the better to the

kid greased my palm it's just that right

yeah I think I should have held out for

10 he seemed so different don't worry so

much

he's never same although Jojo was having

his best season ever and he said it was

all because of me

I was his lucky cat so he let me have

full use of the club hey don't scratch

anything I wanted I could just charge to

his account officially I was still an

employee but I felt like a member

all right you wanna toss the pigskin

around KITT sorry dad

no can do I'm on the clock Willie light

of my life favorite son want to watch

the Knights never marathon I need some

beat then don't love to dad but

someone's got to bring home the bank I'm

wrong there what am I chopped liver

well my broker says stick with the

t-bills of blue chips and the plastics

forget this plastic nonsense it's

computers now my guy gave me the inside

word a company called IBM I'm telling

you dad computers they're the way with

the future

Jojo says so thanks for the tip Lily

I'll invest my mistake hey honey

how much am i mister three dollars and

Oh - oatmeal delights computers growth

industry never heard anything so

concerned about making money Louie

Jojo says the way to judge a man is by

the size of his wallet hmm Jojo says a

lot doesn't he mother welcome we don't

have strawberries and cream for

breakfast well because they're too

expensive

geez everything's too expensive for you

guys no strawberries and cream no eggs

benedict no hot tub in the bathroom

Louie that's enough

hey Tommy give you five bucks and you

run down to the deli and pick up some

law I'm busy my birthday party guest

list second drafts for ten Andy

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Henri pull in here do me a favor Louie

give my car wash well I thought I was

off-duty

you're not off-duty until I tell you

you're off-duty understand see this this

means I own you now don't skip on the

elbow grease

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14 you're always working Louie never

even see you anymore

sorry guys Jojo says I shouldn't waste

my life hanging around with immature

kids or never gonna amount to anything

no offense none taken yeah why should we

be offended by that cuz he said we were

immature in wanna Mountain that was

sarcasm toddler Tommy's birthday party

starts at noon sorry mother I'll be on

the 10th tee at noon did you forget my

birthday absolutely not

I got you a gift yeah but that's it

right now here you go coming through

sign here yeah a jumble night sniffer

thanks Louie they forgot to remove the

price tag no I told him to leave it on

so Tommy would know how much I love um

happy birthday kid see you later

I'll save you a piece of cake Chloe no

one needs cake anymore I'll be having

chocolate mousse at the club fine I

didn't want you to come anyway Louie

what I'm gonna be late

someday you're going to learn there are

some things in life that are more

important than money I know it's just

that it takes a lot of money to buy all

those things

ciao mother

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Thank You caddying today what is going

on we figured a big shot like you needed

a bench all to himself

yeah we're not mature enough to sit with

you that was sarcasm in case you didn't

notice

watch this I had a wind cut it Louie hey

Louie what do you think huh oh nice shot

mr. storm operas

come on Louie that's it

you mean you're finally going to tell

Louie he's got to quit his caddying job

no I mean I'm taking up golf it gets

having too much fun

good morning sir going to a carnival

careful with this beauty she's a classic

Oh scratcher can I help you yeah where

do I tear up are you a member you know

Louie's dad yes and I'm sure Louis

whoever he is is a real proud Andy

Anderson wait I couldn't help noticing

the family resemblance

I'm Jojo looking for a game you can play

with me my treat

now let's go find you a caddy I've got

one in mind

Louie Homer can this choice be on your

father Louie who's been paying y'all

something oh and who's been feeding on

your home

think about responsibility Louie while

telling you Jeff Fred who's your pal

never mind man who created you but I'm

nothing

wise choice

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oh happy day this could take a while

Louis hope you brought a book hey down

try keeping your head down this time

I've been playing this game since before

you were born what do you think came up

with that keeping your head down idea

what kind of sample parks are close to a

golf course you did dad that felt good

this is it time clinching the title

today Louie break out the bubbly Louie

oh no is your shoe so much bend your

knees pendulum motion

hey people pay you for this kind of

advice

feels like a little head wind I'm

thinking at 3-wood what do you say Louis

hey mr. Anderson ah I think I can see

China Oh keep your feet together elbow

down focus be on the ball Louie I'm

gonna give you about three seconds to

make a decision here

now who are you working for me club

champion or him mr. journey to the

center here hey that's my dad you're

talking about caddy

think about the money Louie don't work

for me you don't get the money smart

person told me once there are some

things in life more important than money

oh yeah name one dignity just for the

record mr. Stamatis I totally disagree

with Louie and so with my expert caddy

and I was able to turn dad's terrible

golf game into a terrible golf game that

caused less property damage

I think you might want to adjust your

grip you sure you don't want the five

wood here kid

take this and start digging a hole in

the sand trap on 14 you see that Lois

you're looking at this year's Club

champion guess I don't need you anymore

huh you know what I think Lois you

weren't lucky at all it was me me all

along I was the one helping you up I

know your old man look like a pro out

there but the truth is that was my first

time golfing yeah you know it's a thanks

for helping me look good you're a great

son dad you don't have to tip me it's

not a tip that's your share of the

profit profit from what that stock tip

you gave me I only had enough for one

share but the crazy thing skyrocketed

and then split thanks dad there's

there's a passing fad if I ever heard

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guys I'm glad I found you I really want

to apologize you were a jerk you're

sorry you'll never do it again

right well yeah but don't you want to

see me grovel of course we do but

there's no time groove all sent us to

find you he said it was an emergency

well where is he the golf course hole 14

hole 14 that's a sand trap

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[Laughter]

that's for calling me immature whoa

trick like that you certainly proved me

wrong

you got some sand in your hair

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