03x05 - The Newlywed Game

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

All I wanted was a
nice little ceremony,

you know,

a few intimate moments
with Pam and myself.

By the time her mother
finishes with this whole thing,

it's gonna be a media event.

Well, Ralph, that's
what mothers-in-law

are for, you know?

To plan big weddings
and tell you how you're

bringing your kids up lousy...

and give you weird
stuff for Christmas.

I just think I'm getting too old

for "Here Comes The Bride,"

and cans off the back of
the car and stag parties.

Wait a minute, Ralph.
Nobody's too old

for a stag party.

Come on, Bill. I mean, those are

for 20-year-old kids.

I mean, it's the last chance
to get drunk and throw up...

before they have to
start acting responsible.

Maybe kids are into it
on that level, but, I mean,

grown-ups, you know, I mean, uh,

over at Kosinski's
party last year?

We had a lovely buffet,
some very fine entertainment.

Yeah. A lovely buffet?

You served beer and sandwiches,

and you had some bimbo
named Trixie jumping out

of the middle...

of a giant cream
puff. That was just

because a couple of the...

I had nothing to
do with that, Ralph!

Two guys got out of line
and wanted to make a joke,

that's all.

That's what I'm
talking about, Bill.

I mean, I'm getting
too old for that,

and I think it's all right
for some guys, but it's just

not for me.

And don't get any ideas.

Who, me?

Oh, come on.

You think I'm into
cheap shots like that?

Gee whiz, Ralph.

So who are these guys
you're supposed to meet

out here?

I don't know. Guy on
the phone only said,

uh, he had information...

on these two
counterfeiters I've been

trying to get a lead on.

If I wanted it, I had
to show up out here.

I figured you could, uh,
holograph off this guy and, uh,

pick up any information
he forgets to tell me.

What makes you think he's
gonna talk with me around?

- Well, he will if he
can't see you, Ralph.

- Oh, I got you. Yeah.

Wait a minute.
What am I hiding for?

I don't know, Ralph.

Coming from that hole

in the roof!

Ralph? Ralph, what's going on?

- What do you got in there?
- Stand back, Bill!

What's up? What's happening?

Nobody here.

- But there's a machine
g*n rigged up in the loft.

- With nobody... Whoa!

Ralph, that thing

is gonna trash my car!

I can't afford to
lose another one.

You gotta do something!

What?

A rigged machine g*n
with a tracking scanner

and a truck on remote control?

What's going on
here? What is this?

Can you vibe this thing,

get a picture off it?

I already did, Bill.

There's nobody here, nothing.

I got to get back to Pam.
She's stuck at the house.

Well, um...

♪ And let me sit beside thee ♪

♪ In thy eyes see the vision ♪

♪ Of our paradise ♪

♪ Hearing God's message
while the organ rolls ♪

♪ It's mighty music
to our very souls ♪

♪ Oh, promise me Oh, promise ♪

♪ Me ♪♪

Oh, Eleanor, that
was just beautiful!

Oh, don't you think so, Pam?

Well, I don't think
I've ever heard it sung

quite like that before.

- Oh, thank you.
- To be honest with you,

Mrs. Pilburn,

I was looking for a bit
more contemporary music.

Oh, that's no problem.
I do all the pop hits.

I think I want to
talk to my fiance

about the music.

I think it's very
important, Mother,

for the groom to be in on
as many of the decisions...

- regarding the
wedding as possible.

- Oh, yes!

But wh-what... what about Ralph?

When will he be here?

Soon. Would you excuse me

for a moment?

I think the cat wants in.

Ralph, what are you doing
crashing in here like this,

and in the suit?

Honey, don't break out in hives.

Nobody saw me.

My mother and Mrs.

Pilburn are in the house.

Couldn't Bill have
dropped you off?

Well, something really
weird happened to us.

And Bill wanted to
get back to the bureau

as fast as he could.

Who's Miss Pilburn? She's
the lady my mother wants

to have sing at the ceremony.

What? Singers, come on, honey.

You know how I hate that.

Couldn't we get a
band or something?

I know. I know.

Pam? Coming, Mother.

Hurry. Okay.

Okay. Let's go.

Oh, Ralph, you're here!
Oh, Eleanor could have

sung for you.

- I'm, uh, sorry I missed that.
- All right now, darling,

I'm off.

Now, if Daddy calls,
will you please tell him...

that I have gone to
put a deposit down

on the reception tables.

Reception tables?
Well, uh, I have some

card tables in the garage.

How many do you need? Oh.

Well, uh, let's see.
There's four people

at a table.

- And there are 200 guests and...
- Uh. Uh.

Two hundred guests?
I thought this was

going to be intimate.

Pam, we were only gonna
invite our closest friends.

Ralph.

You just cannot limit
your guest list to only

a handful of people.

You run the risk of offending
some of your friends that way.

Well, excuse me, Mrs. Davidson,

but I run the risk of
offending all of my friends.

- I only invited Bill, Ray
and a couple of kids.

- Oh, dear.

Well, then, maybe
you can start phoning

some of them.

Well, anyway, I'm off.

Now, darling,

will you please make a decision

quickly on Mrs. Pilburn?

Bye-bye! Good-bye.

Uh, excuse me, Pam,

but I thought this
was going to be

a very intimate thing,

and now all of a sudden
it's getting all out of hand.

Ralph Hinkley? Yes.

I'm from Nuptial
Video. I can either leave

the equipment here...

or take it straight
to the church.

What's the word, pal?

Showtime!

Now on this one, the
b*ll*ts appear to be

bouncing off the chest.

A lot of work has been done
to advance the simple idea

of a bulletproof vest,

- and this may be an
example of the latest model.

What appears to be incredible

may not really be.

In a crisis situation,
a person's strength...

may increase to a
phenomenal level.

You say this Ralph Hinkley's
a schoolteacher, who's

never been with the F.B.I.?

The bureau has no record of him,

strictly freelance.

Now, as far as we know,
there is no explanation

for this phenomenon.

Also, this is the only
function in which the

Agent Maxwell is never involved.

Now, you said you had

motion pictures of this man.

Okay, give me a
minute! I'll get it! I'll get it!

I'll get the door.

Okay, listen up, boys. We
got a little problem here.

My daughter called
off the wedding.

Uh, no, Mr. Davidson,
it's worse than that.

Ralph's gone
egghead on us again,

and he doesn't
want a stag party.

What? What is that?

All right. Don't go folding up

the tents yet.

I mean, we're gonna give him one

whether he likes it or not.

It's just that, uh,
it's got to be a real

special surprise, that's all.

Hey, we got Boom Boom La
Belle. I mean, what could be

more special than that, huh?

Hey, man, I say we should
dump this hotel room action...

- and go someplace,
like, you know, classy.

- Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. This happens

to be mine and Mrs. Davidson's

hotel room,

and it was classy until
you people took it over

for this silly party.

Yo, what's going on with Mr. H.?

First, he doesn't want
us at his wedding.

Now, he doesn't,
uh, want a stag party.

I mean, that's practically

anti-male.

Well, uh, you
know, Ralph's weird.

He thinks he's too
old to have any fun.

But, uh, the truth
is, he's just a kid.

So, who cares what
he thinks anyway?

He's got to loosen up.

Oh, boy. They don't
make these things

the way they used to.

You know, maybe Mr. H.

Has got a point.
You guys dig these?

Somebody writes "Help Me"
on the bottom of Mr. H.'s shoes.

I mean, what is that? That

has got to be the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.

Trust me, I've had a lot of luck

with this gag.

Look. This is supposed

to be a surprise tonight, right?

How are we gonna get
Ralph here without him

knowing about it,

- What if he's got plans
tonight or something?

- Oh, don't worry about that.

I'll get him here all right.
He's probably just, uh, sitting

around the house anyway...

with his head in the oven like
every groom the night before.

Hey, listen. I'm getting

married tomorrow, and I
would like you to be there.

It's kind of late notice, but
we had a bit of a problem

with the invitations, and, uh...

Well, actually, what
happened is they left

my name off, so, uh...

Well, yeah. Well, listen.

If you can make
it, I'd really like it.

If you can't, uh, I
certainly understand.

Okay. Bye-bye.

I feel so stupid calling
my friends like this,

the day before my wedding.

I feel like I'm
taking out an ad.

I'll get it.

Hey, Mike. Ralph Hinkley.

How you been, pal?

Is he here?

Yeah.

You know, Bill,
I'm not so sure this

is such a great idea.

I mean, I was thinking about
these buddies in college...

who threw a stag party
for a friend the night

before the wedding.

They got him drunk
and put him on a plane

to Hawaii.

Two hours before the
wedding, he's stuck

in the Honolulu Airport.

What's going on here?
First, he doesn't want

a stag party.

Now you don't want one. Come on.

We wouldn't do that
to Ralph, anyway.

Who can afford, uh,
plane fare to Hawaii

for a gag?

Come on. Denver, maybe.

Oh, yeah, Mike. Well, gee.

I mean, I certainly understand.

I wouldn't want to
come to my wedding

if I had Stones tickets either.

Hey! Uh, all right.

Talk to you later.

Honey, I'm just kidding.
We'd both go to the concert.

Oh!

We got a case here.
Let's get the suit

and get going.

Bill, I helped you with
a case this morning!

Come on!

It's the same case! I got
a new lead on the caller.

We got to go shake him down.

Come on. Let's go!

Ralph, it'll do you some
good to get out of the house

for a couple of hours.

It'll get your mind off the
wedding and everything.

I'll get the suit.

- Bill, I got a lot of
people I have to call!

- Oh, forget phone calls.

Nobody is going to come to
your wedding that you call...

at the last minute
on the telephone.

- Nobody.
- Here's the suit.

You know, this is very strange,

you giving me the suit.

Well, I've got a lot
of things to do, Ralph,

and you'll only get in the way.

Now, you and Bill go
and take care of the case,

and I'll make the rest
of the calls for you.

See? Everything is hunky-dory.

No problem.

Now you have fun. I mean,

uh, get those bad
guys, Ralph. Yeah, right.

We will.

This is very weird.
I mean it, Bill.

No Hawaii.

Uh, okay. And no Denver.

How about Kansas City? Bill.

♪♪

Uh, Rodriguez, that one's got

alcohol in it.

Come on, Mr. Buck. You
know, this is a stag party.

Yeah, uh, sorry.
You're underage.

Which one did you say
had the, uh, stuff in it?

Here, take mine. Thank you.

Well I'll tell you,
Mr. Davidson,

you know, uh,

it's really a big responsibility

working with these kids.

It takes a lot of patience
and understanding to get right

down there on their level.

"On their level," I
see. You know, Ralph's

really good at that.

At getting on their
level. I can believe that.

He really brought out

a lot of their maturity.

Maturity?

Come on! It's a party!

Well, the party better
be over by 11:00,

because that's when
my wife gets home.

Right now, I'm going out
and get a little fresh air.

There's my man!

Boo-Boom Boom?

Bill, this isn't another
anonymous tip, is it?

No. This one's legit.

Did you ever figure out
what that was all about

this morning?

I gave the remote control
unit to the lab for analysis,

fingerprints, stuff like that,

I'm going try to
trace it to the owner.

You know, Bill, this kinda
looks like the place that

Pam's parents were staying at.

If I'm not mistaken... I
hope we don't run into them.

I mean, that's all
I need right now.

Oh, no.

I think they're in the big place

over on Wilshire.

Uh, Ralph, cool it.

Just easy now. Real
easy. Real... easy.

F.B.I., official business.

Uh, yeah. I'm really losing

my touch, all right.

What is going on?

Hey, where are you guys

taking us?

Shut up and get moving.

Surprise!

I don't

believe this!

Were you surprised?
You didn't expect anything?

No! I had no idea.

Well, we figured since
Maxwell was throwing

Ralph a stag party...

that we should
throw you one too.

And wait till you see what
the really big surprise is.

You mean, this isn't it?

Oh, no.

This one's gonna knock
your socks off, Pam.

You wait right there.
Wait right there.

Janice.

Hello? Hello, Pam?

Yeah, it's, uh, it's Ray Buck.

What's going on? You sound like

you're in a disco.

Uh, no, Ray. It's just

the stereo.

I like to play it loud.

What's up?

We were just wondering what
happened to Ralph and Bill.

- They haven't showed up yet.
- They left over an hour ago.

Uh, maybe they had to stop
and get gas or something.

Uh, I'm sure they'll be there.

Pam, are you sure
everything's okay?

Yes... Yes, everything is fine.

Great, uh...

Look. Don't worry about them.

They'll be there any minute.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

Janice!

Well, is he coming or not?

I think so. I couldn't
hear very good.

I didn't know Pam
played her stereo so loud.

Oh, my God!

Alice? Oh, you don't know...

Alice, I wasn't expecting you.
Ralph was supposed to be...

Thanks for the dance.

Excuse me. Nice...

Bill, would you tell
these guys that I'm getting

married in a couple of hours?

Okay, boys, uh, my
partner here is getting

married in about 18 hours.

We got to speed
this thing up here.

Nobody's gonna
believe this story...

if he shows up
at the church late

or not at all.

Ralph, I'm still not getting

a reading here.

Give me this thing.
We're getting out of here

as soon as I get the suit on.

Yeah, right.

Oh, great. What's the matter?

Bill, this is not the suit.

Wha...

Ralph, that's not the suit!

I just said that.

Well, what are you...

"Here's the suit I'll be wearing

on our wedding night.

"Hope you like it.
Happy stag party.

Love, Pam."

Oh, I get it! Bill,

this whole thing is a
charade to get me down here.

You're gonna throw
me a stag party, huh?

Nope.

I'll bet now any
minute there's gonna be

some dancing girls...

come prancing through this door.

I hope. Kid, I'm
telling you, from

the second we hit that hotel,

this whole scenario
has taken a sharp left

into the twilight zone.

Here I am in the middle

of nowhere...

the night before my wedding.

I should be home having
a nice quiet evening

with Pamela.

All right! All right!

All right!

Hi.

I'm Richard. You wanna dance?

Of course, and there's
Mean Chuck Chapman

who we nailed last year.

Remember him? He'd have
enough dough for a latch-up like this,

but I... I don't think
he's got the brains.

What about those counterfeiters
we were after this morning?

Could they have done this?

Oh, boy, look at here!

Well, just come in,
uh, door number three.

You boys come back
to finish up on that little...

fun conversation
we started before?

Don't antagonize the guys.

Mr. Hinkley. Mr. Maxwell.
Could you come with us, please?

Listen, pal. I'm not going

anywhere with you,

till you tell us what this thing

is all about.

And who's the...

Wha...

U.S. Marines?

What is this? Gentlemen!

Please, come in!

Welcome, gentlemen. I
apologize for the delay

and the confusion.

I hope it hasn't
inconvenienced you.

Matthew Powers? Ralph,

this is Matthew
Powers, secretary...

I mean, former
secretary of state.

- I can see that, Bill.
- And you're

Agent William Maxwell.

And you, you must be
the famous Ralph Hinkley,

schoolteacher extraordinaire.

I think we should have a
drink and toast the celebration.

You... You heard about

my wedding?

Yes, I did. Congratulations.

Sorry you had to
miss your stag party.

But, uh, actually,
I was referring

to our new alliance.

"Alliance"? What new
alliance is that, sir?

Between you, Mr. Hinkley and me.

You see, we are aware of Mr.

Hinkley and his
magical red suit.

Cheers, gentlemen.

And from now on, Mr. Hinkley

is a direct employee...

of the president of
the United States.

First of all, I
should welcome you

to the Presidential Bunker,

the place where the
White House staff will come

in case of nuclear attack.

Oh, we're in Utah, huh?

Well, well, Mr. Maxwell.

I guess Washington's best-kept
secret isn't a secret anymore.

Oh, well, sir, I don't think
there's necessarily anybody else

that knows about it.

I just stumbled across it,
uh, last year when we were...

When Mr. Hinkley

graciously lent his services...

in order to prevent
World w*r III.

A belated thank
you, Mr. Hinkley.

Do you know about the
missiles and everything?

It was when I first got
the idea that perhaps...

we were experiencing
something more than

just good luck.

The president and I
decided that I should retire

from the administration...

and dedicate my time
to proving the theory.

The report of my failing health

was just a ruse.

And ever since last
year, I've been studying

this remarkable phenomenon.

After this morning's
experiment at the farmhouse,

I decided it was
time to bring you in.

I get it now!

It was your guys that gave
me the anonymous phone tip.

It's starting to make sense.

From now on, all of your
assignments will come directly

from the White House.

You'll no longer be wasting
your time on routine drug busts,

bank robbers or kidnappers.

Good! Well, all that stuff's

important too.

Because I-I... I think
I can do a lot of good

for the Department of Interior.

I mean, we could work
on a smog solution...

Uh, Ralph,

Come on. Take it easy.

We'll get to all that
stuff. And, uh, ecology...

He's a real nice kid, sir.
You're gonna like him a lot.

But he's got funny ideas.
He wants to save trees

and whales.

I have to move out of the
fed office and get an office

in Washington, D.C., is that it?

That really won't be
necessary, Mr. Maxwell.

You can go back to doing
whatever you were doing

before you met Mr. Hinkley.

Oh, well, I...

Uh, well, what do you...
What do you mean?

I'm not in this?

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but the suit only works on

Mr. Hinkley, does it not?

Uh-That's true.

Yes, but we...

See, we... we were there,
and we got the suit together,

and, uh, w-well, uh-uh...

Well, Bill helps me iron
out a lot of problems.

He's like a coach!

Yeah, we're probably...

We're a team.

Yeah, that's it.

See, we are.

Well, now, wouldn't
want to split up a team

that works now, would we?

So, with that out of the way,

why don't we get on
with our first assignment?

Where is the suit, Mr. Hinkley?

Um, could we use a phone?

- Hello?
- Pamela?

- Uh, is that you?
- Uh-huh.

Oh, you sound kinda funny.

Are you all right?

- Who is this?
- Uh, it's Ralph.

Hinkley, your fiance.
You sure you're all right?

Oh, hi, honey.

How was the party?

Were you surprised?

How did you like my surprise?

Yes, yes. It was very cute,

very cute indeed.

Uh, listen, Pamela. I
need you to do me a favor.

Uh, and I'd like it to
be done right away.

Oh! They sent you
to Hawaii, didn't they?

Hawaii? No, no. I-I'm in Utah.

Utah?

I am gonna k*ll Bill!

Pamela, I want
you to take the suit...

and bring it to the corner
of Wilshire and La Cienega.

And two guys in a black
limousine will take it from you.

You got that?

Wilshire...

and La Cienega.

10-4, good buddy.

I am so drunk.

Shall I introduce you

to your first assignment?

Here we have the Arctic.

The United States
has reason to believe

that the Soviet Union...

has started, if not
already completed,

building m*ssile silos
at the North Pole.

If that's true, we're
talking about m*ssile silos

practically over our heads.

Wow. What we want you to do,

Mr. Hinkley,

is fly a reconnaissance

mission for us...

wearing this. Uh, what is that?

A special helmet-mounted
camera, much like the one

skydivers use,

but with a much more
advanced camera.

With you flying
right over these silos,

you'll be able to get
pictures that'll provide us

with pinpoint accuracy.

Our latest
surveillance reports...

indicate that the Russians
are getting restless...

Possibly an attack.

That's why we need
those pictures right away.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Uh, go along and,
uh, talk him through it?

That's the way we usually do it

on most missions.

We have a special
way of communicating,

It's all set.

It really won't be necessary.

Mr. Maxwell.

We'll give Mr. Hinkley

a homing device that'll
get him back to base.

- The rest is up to him.
- Well, oh, okay.

Now, all that we
need is the suit.

Yeah, make this Jackson
Sundown on the third.

He's a mudder. I don't know.

Wha... Pamela.

You all right?

Ooh, the light.
Either, turn them off,

or put that hood back on.

Hi, honey. How are
you doing, sweetie?

Why don't you sit down.

That's it? You got

the suit? Gimme.

Yes.

What time is it? I
need a cup of coffee.

Boy, you look terrible.

It's almost 5:00 a.m.

I suspect Miss
Davidson is suffering

from wedding-day jitters.

Yeah. Sit up. Here you go.

Thank you.

I bet you hear this a lot.

But you look just
like Matthew Powers.

Cou... Counselor, it
is Matthew Powers.

Bill and I are working
right for the president.

Yeah, no more sneaking
around. They know about the suit

and everything.

We're finally a
legitimate outfit here!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Okay.

Okay, this is your
takeoff and landing spot.

Put this on. Okay.

There's your eyepiece.

And here's your homing device.

Okay.

We'll be waiting for
you when you get back.

Good luck.

Uh, extra weight...

throws my center of gravity

forward.

I had this same problem
in the beginning, but I think

I got it under control now.

See ya.

♪ This world of ours

is one in a million ♪

♪ Stars above us shine like
a billion candles burning ♪

♪ Just for you and I ♪

♪ I'll make a wish
to last forever ♪

♪ Just one wish will do ♪

♪ That everything you dream ♪

♪ Comes true ♪

♪ This love of ours
comes once in a lifetime ♪

♪ Clear and bright and
warm as the sunshine ♪

♪ Waking up a world
that waits below ♪

♪ And morning
breaks a day begins ♪

♪ And all the world seems new ♪

♪ And everything you dream ♪

♪ Comes true ♪

♪ Yes, everything you dream ♪

♪ Comes true ♪♪

Done!

Congratulations, Mr. Hinkley.

You've served
your country well...

Both you and Mr. Maxwell.

The president will be pleased...

when I tell him that the
mission was a success.

Do you think that there's
ever chance that we could...

get to say hi to... Ronnie?

I'm afraid he's not
here at the bunker.

And, uh, unless I'm mistaken,

you and Miss Davidson have
a rather important function...

to attend at 7:00 tonight.

What, you mean, we
just march out of here?

That's all there is to it?

- Aren't you gonna relocate
us or give us funny new names?

Why would we do
that, Mr. Maxwell?

It would only create
unnecessary suspicion

and attention.

When we need you and Mr.

Hinkley, we'll be
able to find you.

And we'd hope that you'd
all keep this a top secret...

That you'd tell no
one... or the mission

will be scratched.

Oh, if there's one
thing we're good at,

it's keeping the suit a secret.

I hope you'll forgive
me, but I still have

to blindfold you...

for the return trip,
since this is a top secret

installation.

The president
prefers it that way.

Oh. Well.

Well, I guess if the
president wants it,

it's uh, his scenario.

Thank you for your
understanding, and,

most of all, for your help.

Good day, and happy wedding.

The mission was a success.

We'll begin developing
the pictures immediately.

Never mind how
I got the pictures.

I got them, and
that was the deal.

You'll receive them around
2:00 a.m., Moscow time,

so alert the Kremlin.

Good-bye.

You know, it's not like

I don't feel honored.

I mean, working
for the president

is a really big deal, but...

do you realize the
problems I'm gonna have

with my personal life?

I mean, I'm already having
a hard time dealing with you.

- Yeah.
- Hello, uh...

You've been awfully quiet.
You got something on your mind?

I don't know what it is. Uh,
I can't put my finger on it.

What time is it?

Uhh, it's 2:30 almost.

Ohhh. That means that
I only have four hours...

to get ready for my wedding.

You know, when you think
about what we all went through

in just one night.

I mean, we all went
to Utah and back,

and I went to the North Pole.

Wait a second! That's it!

That's what's bothering
me! It's the time!

What? Yeah, I didn't

think about it before.

When the guys took us
out, I didn't know where

we were going,

but, then, when the counselor
showed up, it didn't ring right!

- There's no way we were in Utah.
- You oughta know, honey.

You were out there.
Were we in Utah?

I don't know, I, uh,

I think so. I mean, they
told us that we were,

and I had, uh, no
reason to doubt them.

And besides, I was using a
homing device, and I wasn't

paying attention to the ground.

It all looks the
same to me. All right,

help me with the timing.

How far is it from L.A.
to the Utah border?

Well, let's see. It
takes about 45 minutes,

uh, to get up to Las Vegas,

and then at least another
hour to get up across the border.

Yeah, that's right, and
that's by commercial jet.

Only we were in a helicopter.

- What about you, Davidson?
- Helicopter.

Okay, that's it. There's no way

we were in Utah.

Which means there's
no way we were

in the Presidential Bunker.

But, Bill, why would
they hood us then?

Uh, why would Powers
do any of that stuff?

I don't know, kid. I don't know.

All I know is...

you took some photographs
of something at the North Pole,

and I sure wish I could get
my hands on those snapshots.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore!

Alice, Boom Boom
was just a gag for Ralph.

Ha!

She was just sitting there,

nothing to do!

I decided to be a good
host, and I asked her to dance

until Ralph got there.

But he never got there!

Look. If your idea
of prancing around...

with some bimbo
named Boom Boom...

is an idea of having a
good time, then I'm not

going to interfere.

Alice.

Who is the guy in the bathing
suit standing there with you?

Who is that?

Oh, good, here they are!

Ah!

Ralph? Pam?

Bill, just forget about
it. We'll straighten it out

after the wedding.

Darling, where have you been?

Well, I'm gonna
be toddling along.

Uh, lot of stuff to do.

- As the fellow says,
"I'll see you in church."

Maxwell, no later than 6:00.

6:00. Got it.

Does anybody know

who this guy is?

Uh, now, you didn't just run off

and get married, did you?

Oh, Mom, of course
not. Bill just took us out...

for a little brunch... A drink.

Uh, champagne brunch.

Well, Boom Boom certainly
missed you last night, Ralph.

Who's Boom Boom?
What I want to know is,

who is the guy in the picture?

Well, let's just forget
about what we did last night.

Let's worry about
the wedding, all right?

What a good idea.

Come along, dear. Uh, Will.

Who is Boom Boom? I don't know.

Pamela, I swear. I don't know.

Who is this guy in the picture
that you and your mom are

standing here posed with?

I don't know.

Yeah, well, I'm, uh, calling

in our mutual marker here.

It's seesaw time.

Is it your turn already?

Afraid so. I need a little

information here...

about these, uh, m*ssile silos
the Russians are building...

in the Arctic
Circle, North Pole.

Where did you hear that?

A little bird told me. Come on!

From whom?

I'm asking this stuff,
and you want some news.

You got to dish a
little back this way.

Maxwell, this is top secret

"informaciono."

You've got to tell me
where you heard it.

Because if it's true,

- we're in big trouble.
- What do you mean,

"if it's true"?

Oh, this is awful.
This is just awful.

You don't have
clearance to know this.

Bill, we've got silos
in the North Pole.

Uh-Uhh...

W-We? You mean, us,

U.S.?

Project Polar Cap,
top secret project that

started about a year ago.

Now, please, Bill.
Who did you hear

this rumor from?

Matthew Powers.

We have problems. What kind

of problems?

Maxwell. I was on a routine

phone tap into his office
and picked up one of his calls.

Buddy of his at the Pentagon.

He found out those
silos belong to the U.S.

Not only that, he
named you. Damn it!

I wonder what tipped him?

I was sure a flag-waver
like Maxwell would have

fallen for it.

Well, why did we bring him in?
Why didn't we just get Hinkley?

Oh, I tried. I didn't want
to make them suspicious.

I wanted them to feel
they were actually working

for the United States.

Do we bring them back in?

That's not exactly easy.

We've got to get them when
Hinkley isn't wearing that suit,

or we haven't got a chance.

The wedding! Pardon me?

Hinkley's getting married

at 7:00 tonight.

I doubt if he'd wear the
suit underneath his tuxedo.

We could get all three of them.

Find out which church,
and you and Campbell

get out there immediately.

I don't know if Campbell's
out of the laboratory yet.

And finish developing
the pictures after you bring

back Hinkley and the others.

Now, get going!
And whatever you do,

don't miss that wedding.

♪♪

♪♪

I don't want to
panic you, Ralph,

but your wedding
is 10 minutes away,

and your best
man isn't here yet.

Oh, great. Great.

Pam told him no later than 6:00.

I better go look for him.

Oh, great, Bill.
You did it again.

Really, Pam, where
did you and Ralph

go this morning?

I told you, Janice.
We went to brunch.

I'm sorry, lady, I
don't mean to interrupt

or anything...

Counselor, I didn't know

you in that.

Hey, where's Ralph?
Where's the groom?

Bill, where have you been?
I told you no later than 6:00!

You re not even dressed! Listen.

If I don't find Ralph,

we got big problems here!

If I don't get him back
on the case immediately,

we can wind up spending your
honeymoon at Leavenworth.

What?

Uh, Janice, my bouquet...
I forgot my bouquet.

Would you go get it for me?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you. Now, what are you

talking about, Bill?

Ralph! You're not
supposed to see

the bride before the wedding!

♪♪ Honey, what's 30 seconds?

Bill, you're not even dressed!

Come on. The wedding

is about to start!
Ralph, we blew it.

We're in deep, deep trouble!

♪♪

What is that noise?
It's Miss Pilburn.

It means the
wedding's gonna start.

What do you mean,
we've blown it?

The m*ssile sites that
you took pictures of were

not Russian m*ssile sites.

They were ours... U.S. sites.

Oh! What would
Matthew Powers want

with pictures of our silos?

Because Matthew Powers
is not on our side anymore.

That's the whole
point. He did not quit

the administration.

He was canned. They fired him.

There was a whole big
inside scam going on.

They let him go if he
would go out quietly,

but he's a sellout
to the highest bidder.

That means the
Russians in this case.

That makes us traitors.

Only we got to get back to that,
uh, bunker before those guys

get to us!

Pamela? Oh, Pamela, my darling,

there you are! Oh!

Is-Is everything all right?

Yes, Mother, everything's fine.

Oh, come on, darling.

They're just about to seat
me! Oh, we're going to start!

Come on, darling.
Where are you going?

We got a crisis here!

You have a crisis,
Bill. I have a wedding!

Oh, boy.

Come on, Bill. We'll solve it

after the wedding. You're

not even dressed! Come on!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪ Love you, baby.

I love you too, Daddy.

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today...

to join this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

Two people who love each other,
who want to confirm that love...

in front of you, their
friends, and God.

May I have the rings, please?

What's the matter? Huh?

Uh, oh!

Powers's hit squad
just showed up.

They're in the back.

- Mr. Maxwell, the ring?
- Oh! Uh!

There you go, sir.

Okay. Okay.

Take care of it.

Repeat after me.

I, Ralph Hinkley, take
thee, Pamela Davidson...

I, Ralph Hinkley, take
thee, Pam Davidson...

They're coming around
the back carrying the mail.

They're gonna try to
do something, Ralph!

To be my lawful wedded
wife, in sickness and in health,

for richer, for poorer,

till death do us part.

- I, Pamela Davidson,
take thee, Ralph Hinkley...

- Ditto for her.

- What?
- Oh, that's good!

You got the rings on? Okay!

Well, everything's
cooking then, right?

Uh...

We have to speed
this up a little bit, sir.

Uh, folks, you've already
seen this a million times

in the movies,

and, uh, it's, uh, he
does and she does

till death do us part.

Thanks, Chaplain!
We really appreciate it!

Come on, kids.
Let's hit the silk.

Bill!

We've got to get these
g*ons away from here before

somebody gets hurt!

Now, come on! Ralph!

I now pronounce you

man and wife!

Okay, can we... can we...
Please, we can do this

in the car! Come on!

- Let's go.
- Okay, thanks.

Uh, is there music?

We got to get some music here.

Ha-ha.

Wait a minute now. Hold it.

Hold it now. Hold it.

Wait a second. Keep
moving backwards.

♪♪

What a mess. Hey, whoa!

Hey, buddy? Hey, you!

Who are those guys?

Those are the guys in the back!

All right,

where's Powers?

Where's the bunker? Tell him!

I'm choking!

Thirty-five miles east of
Mojave, in the mountain.

All right.

- Bill, save me some cake!
- You guys do this

a hundred times!

I only get married once!

What am I gonna tell my daddy?

Counselor.

Everybody has their
little disappointments,

right, boys?

You think this is
funny. I don't even think

I'm married!

This is Powers.
Emergency situation.

Stand by for photo transmission.

You ever have one of those
days when nothing goes right?

I am so exhausted, and my arms

hurt from all that flying.

Yeah, how about

poor Mrs. Pilburn?

She got an arthritis
attack from having to play

the wedding recessional so fast.

Too bad she just

didn't lose her voice.

No, Ralph. She tries.

I can't wait to see the
videotape of the ceremony.

Oh. Yeah.

We're probably the
only couple in America

whose wedding photos...

will look like a fire drill.
Yeah, but then you're probably

the only groom in America...

who saved the world
between the wedding ceremony

and the reception.

Yes, and I get tired just...

Thinking about it.

You know, honey.
When I was a little girl,

I used to fantasize
about my wedding.

I never dreamed it
would be like this.

But then, I never dreamed I'd
ever meet someone like you.

I love you, Ralph.

Ralph?

Mmm, my hero.