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01x10 - Heartless Hal

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Garbage Pail Kids". Aired: June 7 – October 29, 1988 .*
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Series stars the characters Split Kit, Elliot Mess, Terri Cloth, Patty Putty, and Clogged Duane as gross-looking kids with abilities to help others.

01x10 - Heartless Hal

Post by bunniefuu »

all right everybody up we're gonna play

Simon Says Simon Says touch your toes

Simon Says touch your nose touch your

knees you're out I didn't say Simon Says

Simon Says hands on hips Simon Says Puck

your lips you're out Simon and say to

take your hands on your hips Simon sits

down Simon Says stand up Simon Says spin

around Simon says don't get dizzy Simon

says don't get sick stomp your feet

I didn't say Simon Says

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

this is the neighborhood by day bustling

with business lemonade business but the

Lemonade game is a tough game

not everyone plays by the rules for now

it's midnight and terror strikes

[Music]

[Music]

let's get out of here

[Music]

even the light of day can't stop the

merciless attacks

[Applause]

it's time buy your lemonade from Al

Capone

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

wave can no one avenge these wrongs

where are Elliot nest and the

inventionables

sh**t you're blowing my cover come on

get out of here

[Music]

[Applause]

I can't be out of a*mo already

I'll take a glass of lemonade

are you sure what terrific back there

thanks I hope you like it

this stuff is terrible sour seeds what's

going on here I'm so sorry today must be

a bad here I'll give you a

Nickelback I think there's dirty

business going on here whatever could

you mean by that this tastes like Al

Capone's bathtub lemonade that's what it

is isn't it

I'm being forced to sell it it's a juice

racket

alcapow huh that big cheese thinks he's

moving in on my neighborhood he's got

the wrong idea

unmentionables we've got a problem

anybody got any ideas how to catch Al

kapow it's my experience that when one

wants to catch crumbs they contact a

pigeon I take your meaning I'll talk to

Stu pigeon the stool pigeon

[Music]

what makes you think are you really

think this everybody knows you'll

trade secrets for bread especially

crusty bread and what do you got to

offer Pumpernickel

nickel I'll talk here's the deal and

compose Hitman Frank naughty is the

enforcer of the lemonade record follow

him and you're sure to find us still a

still what the lemonade still I still

don't know where to find him nutty still

lives with his parents all you do is

stake out his house follow him and he

sure to lead you to the big cheese

elkapow himself good we haven't had a

stake out in a long time

this is the best steak out in a long

time

think he's coming out there he is

there's nutty and stay away from the

potty mix the bad bunch of nuts I got

you baby

I mean mother

[Music]

yucky rubbish there goes the

unmentionables

[Applause]

there he goes

now listen to me Elliot and hear me good

don't bust a bathtub still unless you're

willing to get soap in your eyes I'm

willing let's do some good

what's that stuff it's the secret

ingredient that makes my lemonade sour

at half the price vinegar

open up this is a bus

[Applause]

you're not going anywhere look the Pal's

getting away

[Applause]

[Music]

I won't be humiliated like this I want

that Elliot and this guy rubbed out I

know a masseuse who gets a good rub down

masseuse I don't want to massage him I

want you to finish him understand I want

his bike smashed I want his tree house

wrecked I want his baseball cards torn

up I want his comic books burned you get

it got it good go get him

[Music]

either we have a serious termite problem

or

look out get him

[Music]

[Applause]

if you are trying to put the squeeze on

me I'm not impressed don't worry you'll

be impressed soon okay boys

you are under arrest kapow if you don't

give up it's going to be next bed at six

o'clock double homework the whole nine

yards I won't go back to taking notes

see that hole when I say the word duck

down and go with the flow now

the ba*ls

get down

[Music]

we'll see who gets who

you stay with them I'm going after the

baked cheese

you can't touch me once I cross the

border

I have to catch him before he climbs

over the fence and gets out of the

neighborhood

munch my dust unmentionables

[Music]

stop now and I'll go easy on you I'm pop

banana around here nest

[Music]

I'll be back sucker well it looks like

he beat us get your foot out of my house

who said that hey not me I did you know

what me and your house do you likewise I

don't want you in mind no certainly not

wait a second do you like cheese

okay

[Applause]

nobody stops the big cheese

[Laughter]

I mention the most you gotta save me

[Music]

this is the place

hello Albert who are your friends these

are the unmentionables well if they're

unmentionable then how come you're

mentioning them the fact is we're

bringing your son to justice justice

what kind of trouble are you in

we'll tell you all about it over a glass

of lemonade

so you see Mr and Mrs kapow little Al

has been a very bad boy oh we're shocked

Albert just for that you're going to be

aged aged grounded and if you don't

Shape Up young man you're going to end

up sliced grated process pasteurized and

maybe even stuck in little cellophane

wrappers

thank you don't mention it

Vicky are you taking your bath kids have

you ever wished you could be two places

at once well now you can with the fake

rubber blow up kid

[Music]

time for bed Vicky asleep already see

what a hot bath will do before bedtime

so lifelike you'll fool your own mother

and now it's time for a garbage pail

groaner

[Music]

sneaking cookies I caught you red-handed

right huh

you want bread

is red I told you so

[Music]

I've got a special easy Valentine

kit wouldn't have wasted your time

aren't you giving me a Valentine's card

I didn't get anybody a Valentine's card

I hate Valentine's Day it's mushy and

yucky that's telling her kid

here happy Valentine's day anyway

boys

this is what I think of Valentine's Day

come on let's get to school

thank you

[Music]

oh they hate Valentine's day huh

[Applause]

I'm happy the spirit of Valentine's Day

and you shouldn't be so nasty

Valentine's Day get lost

[Music]

[Music]

so he wants to play rough huh okay

[Music]

what's with him

can I carry your books to school Patty

can I why should I let you I'm sorry

about before please let me carry your

books to school Valentine

really do you mean it of course I mean

it Valentine

weird

yeah it could be fun

[Music]

come on you love birds hurry or we'll be

late for Miss Gallagher's class what's

the difference as long as we're together

did you hear that New York

[Music]

Curry

and you've missed the test

but we're only four minutes late

too bad tests over and you all failed

detention for all of you

[Music]

looks like she could use a lesson in

love too

foreign

attention

detention on Valentine's Day don't be

silly what about the tests we failed

what Tess there'll be no more tests ever

this is even weirder than kit yeah but

this could be good

recess early though exchange Valentines

good morning Mr mellow Happy Valentine's

Day

[Music]

uh Happy Valentine's Day Mrs Gallagher

might not be so great after all

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh isn't kid a dream

[Music]

I lost so I could be with you

a liar

liar that it was in and I said it was

though oh kid do something okay for you

[Music]

hey hey be nice

I can't look I think these two need a

dose of love

[Music]

what were we fighting about yeah it's

only a game yuck now I really can't look

wow you're a wonderful kid aren't you

ever doing it a bit you're just jealous

me jealous of what of me and kit is

not between those two it isn't

how can you even think that I'd be

jealous of you and Kids when

I'm in love with kit

he's mine

look at that Patty and Terry are

fighting over kids we better do

something

yeah I don't know what Terry sees in him

he's head over heels in love isn't it

wonderful

everyone's in love

yuck let go of him you let go of him I

saw him first what do you want with him

Terry I want to be your Valentine

I'm sorry Elliot but my heart belongs to

kit

ain't love Grand now it's your turn my

turn for what

who did this didn't you now it's my turn

oh

you'll never catch me

go find your own girl Dwayne you don't

understand and this isn't you it's that

Cupid yeah Cupid it's Valentine's Day

ain't love Grand

[Music]

Terry

[Music]

be mine love Elliot

sorry Elliot I'm already kids

[Music]

I'll show her

[Music]

kids

Patty what are you doing over there

[Music]

it's nothing

[Music]

cut it out

class hello Mr mellow

very funny class

Belle

[Music]

Ville

be my Valentine Melvin

[Applause]

so come on Milton her up please Mrs

Gallagher not in front of the children

there's no escaping true love Melbourne

[Music]

now then where were we we were teaching

class

[Music]

rats excuse me apart me uh I'm sorry

excuse me pardon me

she loves me she loves me not Elliot

pull yourself together

there's nothing you can do he's under my

power and he's in love

I'm gonna make everyone fall in love

[Music]

Elliot don't you see you're not really

in love it's this heartless Cupid oh dry

up Dwayne

Terry Terry Terry

now that's it I've done my job

everyone's in line

you call this love oh my God

I don't know what went wrong what are

you gonna do well if I sh**t him again

they'll go back to normal then what are

you waiting for

[Music]

what am I doing

[Music]

who kissed you you kissed me

girls girl girls

take it easy there's plenty of me to go

around

who wants you Terry will you be my

what Elliot never mind you better get

out of here before everyone realizes

what happened and who did it right

thanks and Happy Valley Wednesday kid

[Music]

what

didn't you mean any of those things you

said about me being your Valentine uh

I've gotta go I'll call you later Patty

if you tell anyone I said this I'll deny

[Music]

roses are red violets are blue I still

hate Valentine's Day but I like you he

likes me

[Music]

wow yeah

[Music]

today's Garbage Pail award goes to the

neighborhood Grouch first he complains

that you play too loud yes

kids are making too much noise

many complaints on Halloween

there's no treats here take your racket

someplace else

so today's award goes to the

neighborhood Crouch for solving his own

problems

laughs

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]