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02x13 - Clip Show

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Get a Life". Aired: September 23, 1990 – March 8, 1992.*
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Chris Peterson is a carefree, childlike bachelor who refuses to live the life of an adult.

02x13 - Clip Show

Post by bunniefuu »

stand in the place where you live now

think about Direction wonder why you

have now stand in the place where you

were now face think about the place

where you live wonder why you have

people and in the place where you

live

out dire wonder why you have it now in

the place where you were

now out the place where you live wonder

why you have stand in the place where

you

are so

stand

boy this is so cool my first plane ride

and to such a neat place too Iraq it was

so nice of my daddy to suggest it the

Disney Land in the Middle

East oh boy how they're going to Bow and

scrape and kiss my pinky ring when they

hear I'm from

America ah o Nature Calls too many free

Sprites

Bo they sure make these bathroom doors

complicated luckily I'm not an idiot

otherwise I couldn't get it

open jeez the guy before me left the fan

on an inconsiderate

b*stard

know starting to get a feeling that

maybe this is a little too big to be a

bathroom that was a weird way to spell

bathroom on that door back there what

was it e x i t now if I spell that out

phonetically that sounds like

exit which means I must be

falling which means I'm going to

die

I'm God so how long do I have to scream

before I hit the

ground I'd hate to die with a sore

throat oh jeez I got a long way to go my

life is starting to flash before my eyes

for some reason I can only remember

things that happened about a year and a

half

ago yep I can't remember anything before

that time Larry and I got stuck on that

stupid roller

coaster oh we're going to die up here

we're going to die don't say that Larry

don't say that we all right listen we

need to keep our strength let's let's

eat we need to ration what little food

we

have

that is so

cool screw it up again you

idiot now that's kind of

odd this wind is really messing up my

hair which reminds me of my old male

modeling

days this is so wonderful I can't

believe I'm actually modeling and I'm

really good at it too aren't I you know

what why didn't we take the tie off

throw it in the air go nuts for yeah

great terrific idea should have thought

I'm new at this but H

that okay take your shirt off

right do what take your shirt

out you said you're a professional model

man we got to have this for the ad well

nobody said anything about taking the

shirt off don't worry about it you're

doing

fantastic there it is yeah well that's

fantastic this is what you're talking

about something like

[Music]

this

[Music]

yeah no that's it I'm not modeling

anymore for the two of you oh I guess I

just have my first taste of the filthy

side of this business need I remind you

sir I am a male model not a male

prost*tute

when I die they'll have to replace me

with a new paper boy but it'll be a

human being this time I made certain of

that here comes paper boy 2000 you son

of a

[ __ ] my God is gone goofy

honest

a oh no paper Bo pass is headed right

for that baby

carriage boy that was close can you

imagine if there had been a baby in

there the really tragic part is that

when I die all my driving skills will go

with me so much for the

seminars I think you're going to be

pretty impressed at how good I am behind

the wheel not that that matters much

these days I mean with these new airbags

you can pretty much crash full speed

into anything and walk away right Mr

Peterson sit there quietly while I

finish filling out this information

sorry

what is this one of those nine Shooters

Mr pet give me that you idiot that is a

felony Mister geez I'm sorry I thought

you knew what I was doing you know it's

not good for a cop not to know if

somebody's taking their g*n is that why

they put you on this [ __ ] detail Mr

Peterson this is a duty of all state

troopers

yeah I believe that one I just love all

those episodes of Beretta where he gave

the driver's

test despite the fact that I'm falling

in the wrong direction I'm pretty sure

that I'll go to heaven because of all my

social work with the Youth of Greenville

kids come on let's get in a semicircle

we're going to have a little bull

session come on just pull the chairs

around that's it f around like that go

find some

[Music]

room

yes young lady in the provocative

sweater why you still a paper boy

yeah all right okay you guys want to

hear a little something about me fine

I'll play I'll go first let's see all

right well here's something something

I'm not very proud

of it took me 10 years before I was able

to shower in the

nude because I was sure that you know

that thing where the where the water

comes out

of that there was an eye in there

watching

me

sorry oh boy that feels so much better

to get that out okay all right who has

the guts to go

next okay I can see this is going

nowhere Let's uh let's try a little role

play maybe that'll help hey why you

always getting down on me and my friends

come on in snake mommy's just putting on

her panty

hose mom why are you always putting down

me and my friends snake would you be a

love and zip mommy

up that's great oh that's good you're

getting some real emotions out I think

there was a little progress made here

today you know we're not such a tough

guy after all are

[Music]

we okay Mr Bazooka Joe just for that you

don't get this back till the end of the

day unless I crash through the roof of a

theater I guess my days on the stage are

over living in a zoo you can be very sad

people stare at you and make you

mad oh how I wonder what they would

do if animals stared at them like they

were in a

zoo how do you like

it when we stare at you it doesn't feel

good now isn't that true

how

you scare you it doesn't feel good now

is that

true you lousy b*stard I'll k*ll you all

right glce that ought to do it let's

go wow that was great sometimes the

production values of my life simply

amaze me

sure wish there was a way out of this

predicament I know I'll just flap my

arms and fly

away why didn't I think of this before

it works it

works

damn just my luck to fall out of a plane

during hunting

season oh

smarts buet

oh now I feel great boy it's a wonderful

day to be

alive except for that terrible nagging

feeling in the back of my mind now what

was

that oh yeah I fell out of a plane and

I'm plunging my death that's

right I bet hitting the ground is going

to sting which reminds me of the sting

but I don't have any rights to any clips

from that so watch

this hi guys Welcome to My Sting I mean

My Sting s i I mean my my stinking

room got about 30 seconds to make this

deal or I'm out of here okay okay let's

do it come on over

Tom why don't you sit right there on the

sofa and think you come on over here and

you have a seat right next to your buddy

Tom and make yourself comfortable and

just for me Vic why don't you just

position your body that way that'd be

great fix

that okay and Tom you're right there

here we go I've got the

all right

now let's see here's blocking the

camera wow look at all these watches

that I just paid

for whoa whoa whoa wait a minute here

what what

what okay guys before you jump to

conclusions I have to wear a concealed

police mic microphone for medical

reasons I'll never forget the time I won

a weekend with Martin mul boy did we

click I hope I haven't made a horrible

mistake here are you allowed to eat ham

s oh yes ma'am I can eat ham really for

some reason we thought you were Jewish

you are from New York no from St Louis

you people done your

homework I'm not Jewish okay I think we

hit a sourat look can we just eat from

start the last thing I had was a hot dog

at the

airport we thought we'd have you say

grace tonight Sandy it's an honor we

only bestow on special

guests oh

jeez oh

jeez uh look why don't we all just uh

meditate silently to

ourselves I'm I had a feeling you'd crap

out on the

prayer sure hope I don't land in the big

city they ain't fond of me there m no

sir Watch Hey look it's gone my wallet's

gone help please help please

I well top ofth the morning officer om

anything going on here that'll put me on

the map well the Saints be praised if it

isn't B Evans the reporter from the

evening star okay all right I've got to

keep my wits about me well I'm like a

rat caught in a maze say I smell a

story

po stupid

b*stards Chris we have your wallet we

brought it for you from home

Chris did you hear that he didn't lose

his wallet he left it at home get

it

wait a

second what these morons don't realize

is that I still have the key to the city

we changed a lot idiot oh

jeez come on guys let me in huh please

come

on okay fine I'll just wait out here

until you change your minds and I can

wait believe me I've got all the time in

the

[Music]

world well I know fre people who are

definitely more the loss of a fellow fat

a*s my construction worker

buddies they were even more magnificent

than I had imagined I had read every

book and seen every play and movie about

construction workers yet nothing

prepared me for the incredible surge of

joy and awe I felt when these glorious

mythical creatures walked through that

door the first thing my heroes taught me

was an important and essential lesson

how to act crude and obnoxious to the

various women who passed through my yard

for no apparent

reason shake it honey through the Wild

Thing

Mama yeah work that thing sister

W that's right you got it honey if

you're selling I'm

buying oh eat that cheese lady uhhuh

pluck that banjo yes you have very nice

looking shoes

Miss

the good thing about all this is that

there's plenty of room to die not like

that time I was cramped up in that

little

submarine the eyes Ro back in the

head the shark's eyes they're not like a

human's eyes they're black there's like

a doll's

eye and then you hear that horri

horrible high pitch

scream you go in the cage cage goes in

the water shock in the

water

and now get ready for the feel-good

experience of the

season

oh I'm keeping

him I guess when I sum it all up I've

had a great

life

oh

oh

oh

ow

H [ __ ]

off

wo oh what oh

Je

oh

ah what do you got

no

the okay uh oh

I got to give myself a

stitch that's so

funny but what about the time I fell out

of that silly

plane that was great I wonder how I got

out of that

one oh yeah I

didn't

well looks like the ground is coming up

pretty

fast farewell world I still love

you hey what look for once I didn't die

I landed on one of those discarded beds

from the classic TV series Love American

Style I guess I'm blessed after

all

I see trees of

green red roses

too I see them blue

for me and you and I think to

myself what a

wonderful I think to

myself what a

wonderful news update well you've been

hearing about it all evening The

Simpsons dog is missing and there's a

substantial reward offered for his what

that oh uh I've just been informed that

apparently there is no reward offered

but that shouldn't stop you from joining

the search on an all new Simpsons this

Thursday stay tuned now for the Sunday

comics tto Fox 21 Birmingham