02x10 - Bad Fish

[bunniefuu]

[Laughter]

heidy h* gcia my

dear oh and it's good to see your

gassing up for a long evening of

festivities just you're like a greeting

card you say so much with so little and

you also fit nicely into an

envelope fit nicely into an

envelope okay

we what the hell are you doing what does

it look like I'm doing I'm decorating

for the big party tonight what no no no

parties ever well guess everybody knows

when you get Chris Peterson you get

parties I'm like a party animal like

that dog Spuds McKenzie only I've never

bitten a small child's head

off no no

no absolutely not

does that mean you like the

idea no way am I going to let a bunch of

loud rude fat UNC drunken strangers come

into my

house that was ironic wasn't

it well Mr party poer it's much too late

for that everybody in the neighborhood

was invited over a week ago I didn't get

any damn invitation sure you did what

here it is

jeeez come to the Ruby shindig at guss's

pad Saturday night play that funky music

white boy yeah yeah yeah love Chris PS

Black Tie required intestinal polyps

optional is that great you can hardly

read the news I had to spray paint it

across the headline here something about

a nuclear launch I don't know it's

always the same crap in this newspaper

anyway soon this place is going to be

crawling with everybody in the

neighborhood and you can help by helping

me put up this g*y and fested

[Music]

janner very good good and now for the

big

surprise a wheelbarrow full of

shellfish I got a great deal on this at

one of those old timey shellfish SL

muffler shops it's not the freshest fish

in the world but the guy assured me had

at least two or three more days to go

before it would cause permanent brain

damage plus he threw in this human hand

at no extra

charge all right all right you can have

the party on one condition all the

broads have to leave their coats and

purses in my bedroom and I get to keep

whatever I

find geez you know once again your

ability to find a selfish reason for any

Endeavor has made me as happy as a kid

buried up to his neck in sand

it's not really sand it's candy and it's

alive I don't want to know what that

means guess this is going to be the most

rocking as bopping as happening bash

since the premier party of Stroker

Ace I swear

it stand in the place where you live now

think about dire and wonder why you

haven't now stand in the place where you

were now face about the place where you

live wonder why you have people stand in

the place where you live

now about Direction wonder why you have

it now stand in the place where you were

now

face a place where you live wonder why

you have

stand in the place where you

are so

stand more punch no thanks my bladder

stretch tighter than dizzy glp's cheeks

during a

solo I should have known when I moved

into such a shishy neighborhood that

everyone would insist on showing up

fashionably late Chris 11:30 isn't

fashionably late no one is coming face

it they just hate your fat pot belly

guts and that goes double for

me very funny Mr jok mouth but maybe

there's a more realistic reason maybe

everybody forgot to set their clocks

back for the last 25 years and today is

really yesterday and they won't be here

till

tomorrow kid you're pretty good at not

facing reality but then I guess you'd

have to be otherwise you'd have eaten a

p*stol a long time

ago hey I know what it is nobody wants

to show up at a party in dullsville USA

let's put on some of that wacky music

the kids are listening to

[Applause]

nowadays that it great Acid

Rock don't get too close to the speakers

you'll blow your ears

out now this is going to draw everyone

to the neighborhood like flies to a fly

whouse that's having a half price sale

and they have really big

breasts the fly hookers not the fly

Johns you really got your finger on the

pulse of the nation

kid hey I think it worked I think I hear

somebody oh look somebody came

a and he thought it was a costume party

what a merry mixup okay who's in there

who's in there Chris it's a cat I know

what he's pretending to be silly I mean

who's in the costume

from the smell I think it might be Phil

this Phil is 300 lb I know that Gus but

he's also just the kind of prankster who

would cut off both his arms and his legs

and most of his torso so he could fit

into a cat suit okay Phill all right

knock yourself out the cheese is over

there and the women are going to be Phil

Phil where you oh look what your

doubting done you've driven him away

goodbye Phil good luck reattaching your

arms oh look he won't drop the ACT he's

peeing on your lawn

remember he did the same thing at the

Christmas party when he came as

Santa oh somebody else they're coming

Fast and Furious

now is this the Jones's costume party ew

it's a filthy stray cat get out of here

move it Sho Sho out out out Sho and stay

away from my corn patch or I'll blow

your paws

off seen one so fat in my life this

party is a total wash out how long you

going to keep kidding your

yourself I don't know probably till

about uh um

now oh you're right Gus you're right

nobody's going to come oh nobody loves

me I'm just a lonely forgotten nobody

there there oh thanks Gus you're right

I'm probably overstating things no I

thought you summed it up very well I

would have included the words worthless

and parasitic in there somewhere thank

you my kind

sir I'll get it it's probably that

stupid cat again I'm just going to have

to k*ll it there's no other way to deal

with them once they picked a

house hello Chris oh Sharon oh hooray

thank you oh when all is said and done

you're my one true friend oh and it

looks like you're hiding something back

there for me what is it come on let me

see it come on baby wants it

now a stink b*mb yes I was going to

throw it into the center of your party

what a fool I was to think your party

would have us

Center fine well I don't need you I

don't need anybody I'm just going to

k*ll myself with this with this rusty

old

sock you don't think I'll do it do you

just watch me boy are you going to miss

me I didn't expect this but hey whatever

it takes to get the job done I haven't

seen this upset since he got kicked out

of the simones Liberation Army maybe we

should try to be nice to him so we don't

have to answer a bunch of questions at a

cornner inquest

all right but just for a minute as it

tends to make me vomit hey Chris snap

out of it we'll stick around your party

for a while oh yippe yipp great I could

have been stuck down there all night Gus

you really got to get your socks

sharpened okay woo party party okay

settle down settle down everyone settle

down hey who wants to take a crack at

the jelli pinata you break it you eat it

okay line up no pushing forget it Chris

yeah nothing that expends energy kid oh

I get it you guys are saving yourselves

up for the favorite party

game bobbing for meatballs and mashed

potatoes go to hell I'd have to say

ditto on that you know the only thing

that I find mildly appealing is that

trough shellfish you bought how about we

eat most of that and call the night oh

please come on you got to give him

something and besides it's free great

Grand I love to play the Epic here okay

ah Bona petite folks e me Lads for

tomorrow we

die aren't you going to have any oh no

thank you Gus a true host lives only to

orchestrate the taste buds of his guests

besides shellfish goes straight to my

rear and I'm getting my driver's license

picture taken tomorrow so great more for

me you know Chris this fish tastes as

though it's gone bad like a couple of

days ago come on P it won't k*ll you

what you

okay not exactly well then why are you

still eating it

Gus

free I do so envy people that can lose

Consciousness whenever they want to

thank God I only had a couple of bites

of it

because what's going on what hey

maybe I should look at this as kind of a

blessing I mean how many hosts have the

opportunity to take life and then give

it back

again a chance to breathe life into a

dear old trusted

friend no I don't think so that's just

see what you got to read over

here

this where am I well Gess how the hell

should I know I don't know a big Square

wooden eagloo

who Gus and who am I and who are you

what is this the

SATs well for once I've come prepared

I'm

Chris what are we what are we doing here

well don't you remember we were in the

middle of a party and you guys were

eating some shellfish and then you

collapsed and now you don't remember

anything remember oh shellfish well that

explains why I'm so

horny

h

warning if allowed to sit around all day

in a wheelbarrow fish May spoil and

cause

amnesia

amnesia if only I knew what that word

meant it could be the key to this whole

thing boy here's another time I need to

know one of those big fat stupid College

words well that's it enough's enough I'm

going to go right ahead and

enroll

woo oh pH thank goodness you're still

here well uh it seems as though you two

are suffering

from

Amnesia oh darn I forgot to learn what

amnesia

means think of it I didn't learn a damn

thing at that college what a waste of

$57,000 Amnesia that's when people can't

remember anything which reminds me do I

know you where are we H so that's what

it

means very

interesting ah suddenly everyone depends

on little Chrissy Peterson a boy whose

party nobody wanted to show up at now

they may never leave or will they I

won't they who said that he said that

scared

myself yeah this Amnesia thing might

just turn out to be kind of interesting

after

all okay listen up kids you're Gus

bordon and you're Sharon Potter and I'm

Chris Peterson millionaire stunt man

half

Jackalope wow what an honor yes yes it

is and um we're the best of friends

really for some reason I'm

scared there's no reason to be scared I

mean after all I'm kind of your leader

you guys kind of idolize me that's

really I think and we were just in the

middle of having a party that you guys

were begging me to throw and we were

about to play our our favorite game

bobbing for

meatballs and I like that like it honey

you love it in fact you invented the

game oh well can't remember every game I

invented and Gus over there he's a

three-time champ oh okay last one is a

rotten

egg

I could begin to like

this yum

yum I was a college

graduate keep dancing woo keep

dancing are you sure this is our

favorite song of course it is don't you

remember

well even if it is shouldn't we take a

break we've been dancing like this for 3

hours straight that's right and we never

dance for anything less than 7 hours I

don't care what you two do but I refuse

to dance

anymore geez you know that's so unlike

you considering you're known far and

wide to be a sweet natured loving sweet

lovely Mother Teresa esque yet sexually

liberated agreeable

person really

yeah okay

oh congratulations to us all we' worn

out another copy of alley cat oh I guess

we have to take a break

now oh contr my friend don't you

remember we have a 3mon Supply in our

disaster

kit

head and here we

[Music]

go I don't remember remember did I

always want to blow my brains

out you think you're having fun now have

I got a day planned

for love is monkey SE monkey do that's

all it is Peaches love his monkey SE

monkey do what I lie to you love as

monkey SE monkey do that's all it is

Peaches love is monke see monkey do do

do do you want my

lovees do you want my rage or do you

really like to see me shake my

cage love is monkey SE monkey do that's

all it is Peaches love is monkey SE

monkey do would I love

you

monkey

woo you know I think this has been the

best day of my whole life except I'm

really beat I'm as tired as a moon rock

at an astronaut

convention get it because the astronauts

are throwing it around a lot it's being

handled quite a bit hey I got 20 more

pixie sticks I don't to give you some

pep hey anybody for a quick game a run

head first into the wall no Sharon not

now not time for that now time now for

nap no way we can't stop now hey come on

chis get up remember what you told us we

don't need sleep we are a super race of

sugar charged imbeciles yeah BL throw up

our whole schedule it's almost time for

our nightly dance

Marathon that song that song for infants

hey don't you ever say that about my

favorite song Gus Gus I was mistaken

that's not your favorite song in fact

you don't have a favorite song no you

know what your favorite thing is to do

it's to behave and take lots and lots of

naps listen kid I agree with you telling

me what I like and what I don't like I

know who I am I am Gus lard a*s

bordon Chase cars act like a trck and

give people like you endless horsey ride

and I am exactly the same way and if you

don't dance we're going to kick the snot

out of you

yeah yes

[Music]

sir my dream has become my worst

nightmare this is like an episode of The

Twilight Zone in Mama's Family all

rolled into

one

in other words my little plan seems to

have

backfired hey quit bog guarding that

wasp nest and give somebody else a

chance

man they're the

idiots putting a wasp nest on your head

is fun but everybody knows that's much

more of a Summer

Event I'm just going to grab me some

Devil Dogs and get the hell out of here

hey it's Chris Chris he hey Chris hey

buddy haven't seen you for a while how

about a horsey ride no no ride me ride

me oh no stop stop enough is enough come

on you guys aren't like this Gus Gus

you're an embittered ex- policeman with

a drinking problem and Sharon you're a

cold humorless neither of you has

any patience for me or my Shenanigans

and quite frankly at this point neither

do I any please if you have any decency

left in you will you please just go back

to the miserable rotten contemptible

people that you really are and who I

really

love I think someone's been hitting the

sauce jeez I I must be going mad really

quite mad is this what it's like to be

around me I finally understand my

childhood nickname run run it's

him wait a second there's one final hope

as the Stooges have taught us time and

time again banging people's heads

together might just help regain their

memory how do you guys feel now wow

Chris a fun new

[Applause]

game the only thing left for me to do is

go hide in the garbage until this blows

over I guess I really learned my lesson

this time there's no way I want to live

in a world full of Chris Petersons

although I'm not ruling out a world full

of ripped

tailor right

this WOW here's the label from that

accursed Seafood that started it

all take

that what's this a warning about the

warning as stated in the first warning

those who eat this rancid fish will

develop Amnesia however it will wear off

all by itself ah pH well that's a

relief what's this PS

but they will remember everything that

happened so don't mistreat them or make

them do any goofy crap or they may rip

your head

off hi guys done dancing so soon what

are you you you're doing something with

the head there and you're going to

you're going to do it God

no oh

hey oh oh watch out for the sprinkler

oh some back team after this

okay hey Shar

can

go

ah oh jeez watch oh oh you got me there

next Sunday night if they forget their

lines you'll see it because it's live if

the power goes out your TV will go dark

must be talking about rock and if an

audience member throws a pomr it hits

Rock in the head causing him to lose

feeling in the left side of his face and

he's rushed to the hospital but has to

wait for emergency surgery because he

doesn't have the right form and it turns

out the receiving nurse is his ex- high

school sweetheart who broke his heart by

running off with a guy named steu from

for way Indiana you'll see it that's not

likely to happen but if it does you'll

see it because it's live rock next

Sunday on Fox Charlie Hoover is next you

laugh at

hey ah

he