03x18 - Bad Lex

[bunniefuu]

-[electricity crackling]

-Let's move, team.
See you on the other side.

-[whooshing through portal]

-Come here! Ah!
-[smooching]

-Whoa! Wait a minute.
Are those two...?

-Married? Yeah.
You're the last one to know.

-f*ck!

-[whoosh]

-It's done.
The League of Freedom

has returned to the past.

With any luck, they'll see to it
this future never happens.

-[warbling]

-Did they do it?
Saturn, Groaner--

do you feel different?

-[screeching]

-Oh f*ck me.
What did those idiots do?

-[roaring, flesh tearing]

-E--Everybody cool out.

Titanium Lex,
you are under arrest.

We--We can do this the hard way,
or we can do this the easy way.

-No. My way.
-[shing]

-Pointy spiky thing,
pointy spiky thing!

-What? Oh!

-Holy sh*t!
-Heh.

-Aah! Ooh! Aah.

I'm, uh, I'm fine.
I'm-- I'm--

Great!

-Let's get the hell
out of here!

-[screaming]
-Ah! This is bulls--

-Haven't you heard?
Buster Nut is exit only.

-[lasers firing]

-Aah! Oh!
Oh, no! I liked it!

-[chomping noises]

-[sighs]
-Chet: Aah!

-Uh, is surrendering an option?

-What should I do then?
-Something to get me outta here.

-Mind if I hop on?
This is rough terrain,

and I'm wearing
f*cking clown shoes.

-[dramatic music playing]

-We lost her.
-Are you sure?

-Yes, I'm sure. Can you
not second guess everything I--

-[chittering, screeching]

-Well, I guess I'm the as*h*le.

-[whoosh]

-[theme music plays]

-Robobot: It's done.
The gene ripper is complete.

-I have to say, it's an
impressive piece of engineering,

even for me.

-You are talking about
the weapon you designed

to k*ll your
adopted daughter, right?

You forget a weapon only works

if you have
the courage to use it.

I'd be more than happy
to pull the trigger for you.

All you have to do
is unlock this door.

-Hey, maybe we hunt up one
of those Hannibal Lecter masks.

She's awfully chatty.

-Hannibal could still
talk in that mask.

-You got the point.
Everyone got the point.

-Devizo, we don't
have much time.

-But you were captured!
How did you defeat Optima Rex?

-With a little help
from their friend, I did it.

-And I delivered the final blow,

proving the strength
of Meta Zenith--

-Out of my way!
I gotta take a leak.

-Well, that blew my moment.

-Agony and his team
are after Lex.

If they find her
before we do-- what?

-Sgt. Agony's
cybernetic eye is designed

to broadcast video
in times of duress.

We intercepted the signal.

-Yeah, this is bulls--

-Lex, no!

-[chomping noises]

-Her transformation is complete.

-My God, she's
mutated the ability

to turn other organisms
into drones.

Costa Rican wasps have
displayed the same ability.

-Robobot: We've got a hit
in the tracking devices

in the League of Freedom
West costumes.

-They are uniforms!

-When GQ swings by
for the photo sh**t,

I'll make sure that's clear.

The signal is weak, but...
Oh, my!

-Mount Stonewall!

-Isn't that where they store
the nuclear weapons

you tried to use
to blow up the world?

-I was having a bad decade.

Everyone close your mouths.
We're all alive, aren't we?

Besides, those nukes are useless
without the command codes,

which were destroyed
when the mansion burned down,

unless Lex made a copy.

-Which would've taken 30 seconds
and a $200 Chromebook,

so I think it's
safe to assume...

we're f*cked.

-Hey, you ever wonder
how much radiation

these decommissioned nukes
put out?

-No, I'm a United States
Marine, not a hypochondriac.

-[coughs]

-Another tooth?

-Oo-rah.

Wait, Sgt. Agony?

-[eerie music plays]

-[hissing]

-Okay, that is not the password.

-[g*ns c*ck]
-Whoa! Aah! Oy!

-[scanner beeping]

-[door opens]

-And your usefulness is done.

-Aah!
-[grunts]

-[computer whirring]

-[missiles beeping]

-Heh.

-When we do find Lex,

we'll need this power retardant
to bring her back.

-Rex, with Lex so far gone...
-It's not going to be enough.

-You both told me this stuff was
worth risking our lives for.

-Another one
of your lies, Devizo?

-No, it was because
I still had hope...

for the woman I raised
as my daughter,

but she is gone, Rex.

-She is not gone until
I say she's gone.

Does everyone hear that?

-[beeping]
-Guys! Guys!

I know where they're going.

-Yellowstone National Park?

She's going to destroy
our greatest national treasure!

-Steve Zahn?
-Old Faithful,

the tireless geyser ejaculating
the spirit of America

into the star-spangled sky
every hour on the hour!

-Yeah, Steve Zahn!

-Ya know, I'm gonna ask everyone
to take a fiver on the talking.

Yellowstone sits on top

of an extinction-level
supervolcano

that erupts every


That is unless an underground
atomic blast sets it off.

-Expelling billions of tons
of ash into the atmosphere,

destroying all life
on planet Earth.

-Not all life.
Insects would survive.

And me, too.
I'd probably be okay,

but I'd miss you guys.

-Come on, there's
no time to waste.

-Rex, we're talking about
the fate of the human race.

And Old Faithful, which, I have

to reiterate,
is quite impressive.

-Lex begged us
to build a gene ripper

specifically for
this possibility.

-All right, everyone listen
and listen good.

I've saved the world
thousands of times.

-Uh, maybe drop a zero.

-Still, how many times
have you saved it, Devizo?

-Um, I failed to blow it up
once. Does that count?

-We do this my way.

I'm going to bring
my daughter back alive,

and that thing isn't coming
anywhere near her.

Now move out!

-So does all of Yellowstone
smell like deep-rotten a*s?

-That's the sulfur, dear.
It's a natural wonder.

-Daddy, look!

-[dramatic music plays]

-God, even Yellowstone
has Cirque de Soleil?

-[blast, expl*si*n]

-Move, mammals.
-Mom: Oh!

-Way to go!
Hell of a cast!

Never really thought clowns
were funny, though.

-[Groaner roars]

-And he just proved my point!

-[dramatic music plays]

-The caldera lies dormant.
It hungers to extinguish

the flame that lives
in the blood of mammals.

But the volcano sleeps.

Today, it wakes!

-Mom, mom! Look!

-Yes, yes.
We're all very excited.

Look, did you see
a team of bug people

come through here with--
-A butt-ton of nuclear weapons.

-Oh my God, I thought
they were circus tents.

-Well, you were alarmingly off.
Happen to see where they went?

They're kind of trying
to destroy the planet.

-b*stards! They ripped a hole

right through
America's greatest treasure!

A moment, Rex, to shed a tear?

-No, there's no time to waste.

-[dramatic music plays]

-[missiles clang]

-[flesh rips, chittering]

-They're here.

-[grunting]

-Welcome them.

-Be careful, there could be
volcanic sinkholes anywhere.

-We're not in Subtopia, Liplor.
This is America!

As long as we're
tucked in her bosom,

we have nothing to fear
but fear it-- ahhhh!

Whoa! We're in Hell!
Hell, I tell you!

-Shh! Do you hear that?

-[insectoid chittering]

-[scary music plays]

-Lex's welcoming party.

-[roars]

-Then let the hurling
of boulders begin!

-Wait, wait, wait, wait!
He's still just a prop comic!

-[grunting]

-Holy sh*t!
Do what you gotta do!

-Robobot: Lex's venom appears to
have augmented their strength.

-[grunting]

-I'll alert
the Department of No sh*t!

-[grunting, groaning]

-I know you're
in there, Groaner.

If what we have
means anything at all,

I need you to be str--
Uuuggggghhhh!

It got in my mouth!
Puh! You piece of sh*t!

-[grunting]
-[roaring]

-Aah!

-[laser blasts]

-Rex, there's no time for this.

They'll have to
handle it themselves.

-We're going after Lex.
Mop them up.

I'm counting on you!

-[beeping]
-Hmm?

-[lasers power down]
-Devizo?

-[dramatic music plays]

-I see.

It's a deal.

-The warheads are in place.

We'll feel barely a tremor,
but we'll have lit the fuse.

Within hours, there will be
the biggest eruption

mammal eyes have ever seen.

Months later,
they will be extinct.

I will have birthed the planet
my mother yearned for,

that my future self dreamed of.

-[electronics beeping]

-Fifteen seconds from now.

-Bzz.
-Fifteen minutes!

This is a U.I. problem.
That's not on me.

-Lex!
I won't let you do this.

-Aww, it's the two apes
who dare called me daughter.

This is not your concern.

This is the business of the
entognathans, the arthropods.

-Those are large words
for insects.
-I got it.

-There is no stopping
the coming storm.

-[whooshing]

-Now I will allow myself
one last indulgence

and eat you both!

-Ring, something something ring.

-[throwing blades buzz, fizzle]

-Ah, this sucks! Ah!

-Ah! We're losing to
a bunch of c*ck!

-[gasps]
You son of a b*tch!

Those stalagmites belong
to the American people!

-[grunting, punching]

-America!
-Whoa, wait! I'm not a bug! Ugh!

-Do you trust me?
-Not even in the smallest way.

Ugh! Aah!

-I understand that you're upset,
but maybe take it out on them.

-Aah!

-[suspenseful music plays]

-[grunting, punching]

-Ha!

-Hey!
It's time to take your medicine.

-[grunting, punching]

-[shrieks]

-Lex?

-[breathing heavily]

-Are you okay?
-[hisses]

-Rex, you--
-Idiot!

-[groaning]

-I am the spawn of Frau Mantis.

Your daughter is dead!

-[grunting, punching]

-Now die.

-[grunts, hisses]

-Get away from him!

-[dramatic music plays]

-[coughing]
Devizo, no!

-I raised you, dear.
I taught you how to walk!

-Now I teach you how to kneel.

-[punching, grunting]

-The claw or the fire?

-[magma expl*si*n]

-The claw then.

-American Ranger:
Okay, time out!

Since when do we cut each
other's heads off like animals?

-Most likely since Lex
became an animal.

-Well, I don't like it,
but it stops right now.

-Cooch: Hell yeah!

-[punching, grunting]

-Just what do you think
you were doing?

-Trying to save your life.

-Why would you do
something like that?

-Maybe because I'm
your friend, goddammit!

-[dramatic music playing]

-Zenith, get to
that control console!

Hit that dome
with everything you've got!

-[whoosh]
-[punching, grunting]

-And what about your
murderous bug daughter?

-Debbie: That's none
of your concern.

She's mine!

-Debbie Devizo.

-What did you do?

-What I had to.

-I've beaten you before.
I should've k*lled you then.

-Yes, you should have.
-[gene ripper c*ck]

-[grunting, punching]

-Debbie wants to k*ll Lex
with that thing. Stop her!

-The woman who took down
our entire team. Fantastic!

-Cooch, Liplor!
We've got to subdue Lex.

-But you ain't got no powers.

-Then I die trying.

-[hisses]
-Liplor: Aah!

-[grunting, punching]

-Lex, come back to me.

-Maybe try that before
the three punches to the face?

-Rex: Aah!
-Rex!

-[punching, grunting]

-I can finally tell you this.
I f*cking hate cats!

-Hey, I'm a cat.
-Jesus Christ!

-[punching]
-Cooch: Aah!

-Stay away from my friend!

Whoa!

-[hisses, chittering]

-No... please!

Lex... no!

-Aah!
-Liplor, no!

-[grunting]

-No!
[sobbing]

-Cooch, no!

You've got to let him go.
He's gone.

-Like Brad?

-[sad music plays]

-Yes, just like Brad.

-I can't do that, Rex.
Not again.

-Cooch!

-Black Saturn: Aah!

-[punching, grunting]

-Debbie, no!

-[dramatic music plays]

-You can't have your daughter
and the world, Rex.

-Aah!
-[shield shatters]

-It is not wise to stand
against a god.

-[groans]

-Stand with us then.

-[chittering]

-Great, we're fighting
a deity now.
-We got this.

-How can you possibly
believe that? Aah!

-Do not fail me again.

-[warbling]

-Robobot:
I'm sorry, Lex.

But this is what you wanted.

-[dramatic music plays]

-I know you, Lex.
I know you're still in there.

I can't just--

-Robobot...

You're a fool.

-[Robobot clangs, fizzles]

-Robobot:
Lex...

Lex, I have to tell
you something.

Something I've felt for a long
time, but couldn't say.

-[grunting]

-I studied you.
You trusted me.

-[grunting, fizzling]

-Lex, I love--

-[grunts]

-[clanging]

-I love--
-[short circuiting]

-Robobot!

-[electricity fizzling out]

-[grunts]

-No!

-It's over then.

-No...

The insect in your daughter
knows only hate.

The Heartshine might subdue it.

-You gave up your heart stone
and the Heartshine with it.

Is this your revenge?

Teasing me with hope
before the world ends?

-Debbie: The heart stone
spreads love

by sapping the goodness
from another.

My revenge will be destroying
you as you destroyed me.

I've seen the man you've become.
You like playing the hero.

I'll give you Lex back,
but every last trace

of love and goodness
in you will be gone.

-[dramatic music plays]

-[grunting, punching]

-[evil chuckling]

-Lex... please!

Stop this!

-Stand aside, friend.

-What? What's going on?

-Good bye.

-[dramatic music swells]

-[shimmering sound]

-[zaps]
-Devizo: Ugh!

-Devizo!

-It's the only way.

-Aah!

-[warbling, rumbling]

-[screams]

-[groans]

-[Heartshine powers down]

-[breathes heavily]

-[groaning]

-Lex?

-Dad?

-[beeping]

-How?
-Debbie...

She cured you.
She cured you!

-Oh, Dad, I can still
feel it inside me.

-[sighing]
I'll always be half insect.

-No, Lex!

-I can't stop it!
I'm sorry, Dad.

-Lex, no!

-[gene ripper c*ck]

-I'm sorry.

-[gene ripper blasts]
-Aah!

-No!

-Ugh!
-No...

[sobbing]

-I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

-[continues sobbing]

-I'm so sorry.

-[sobbing]
No!

Please, God, no!

-[dramatic music playing]

-[sobbing]

-My daughter!

[sobbing]
Why?

-[dramatic music playing]

-[crying]

-[shimmering sound]

-Rex!

-Rex, your hands!
I saw it first!

-[electricity crackling]

-[expl*si*n]

-[panting]

-You're alive!

-Oh great! And I'm hugging
my dad, naked.

-[grunting]

-Cooch!

-[grunting]

-You saved me!

-Of course I saved you.
I love you, man!

-Cooch, that could be a problem.
My genitals are terrifying.

I don't even like
touching them myself.

-[laughing]
Not like that, dumbass.

-Oh, thank God.

-[grunting]

-My friend, you were right,
and I owe you everything.

-Lies!
It must k*ll you

that I survived
your daughter's madness.

-Devizo, what are you--

-I hate you, Rex.

I hate you more
than you will ever know.

I take joy in saving this world
only so I can destroy it myself!

Come Injustice Club,
we have evil to do.

I said come!

-Black Saturn:
Groaner...

-I'm sorry Saturn, the boss
isn't always right,

but the boss
is always the boss.

-Let him go.
He's earned that.

And we have
fallen comrades to bury.

-[dramatic music plays]

-All right,
all of you come here.

-I love you guys.

-[dramatic music swells]

-[monkey chatters]
-Man: Stupid monkey.

-[paper tearing]
-[monkey cry]

-[slap]