03x06 - Goin' on a Holiday

[bunniefuu]

You touch-A my car, i break-A your face.

It's bob and david.

Hey, thank you
very much.

All right, hey!

Thanks, good
to see ya.

Oh.

Oh, you guys, we got
such a great show tonight.

What an exciting show, and it's
truly special for david and i,

Because both of our
families are here tonight.

Hey, bob.

What- Can we- Shouldn't
we- Let's introduce them.

Oh, ok. You want
to see them?

Yeah. All right.

Say hi to my family over here.

This is my mom, my dad,
my sister and my brother.

What's up, guys.
Thanks for coming down.

Jeez, david,
what happened?

Hmm? Oh, you mean...

Oh, i-I-I got all
the recessive genes.

I mean all of them.

Yeah.

Well, this is
my family, uh...

My mom, my sis, my
grandpa, timmy, hi.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wait a second.

Bob,

You never told me your
grandpa timmy was elderly.

Yeah, so?

That means you're part
old. You're not pure.

What?

It's in your blood,
you're one-Quarter old.

So what if i'm part old?

Man, haven't you heard
about the coming age w*r?

Here, read
nathaniel justin's pamphlet.

Preparing for the coming
w*r with the elderly."

"54 percent, 1982,
rump roast."

It all makes sense.

The oldies are not goodies.

Yeah, we have
to prepare.

Youth is truth.

I wish "old"
rhymed with "lies."

Youth...

Boys, boys.

Old people don't want to take
over the world. That's silly.

I mean, we're- We're
weak, we're feeble.

False teeth speak
false truths, bob.

Bobby?

I- I saw something printed.
I can't trust you.

Well, look
here. Wh-

Look. Ice cream money.

Ice cream!

No, bob, don't-

Let's face it, folks,

Would a world run by old
people be such a bad thing?

It would certainly
be more peaceful.

Clothing styles might change,

But people would
be more polite.

See you later, dear.
Good-Bye, dear.

Bye, dear.

There would be bowls of
hard candy at every corner.

And whether you
walked or drove,

You'd get to your destination
at the same time.

Every morning, at 6:30 a.M.,

Everyone would wake up.

Start your day, don't
sleep your life away.

And testicular electrocution
would be administered

To all those who
get into monkeyshine.

I scream, you scream, we
all scream for ice pops.

Tooter's ice pops.
Made with real cream.

Bills! Bills! Bills!
Bills! Bills!

Honey, could you
turn down the t.V.?

Oh, i'm sorry.

You know how the commercials are always
louder than the programs. Heh, heh.

Honey, are-
Are you ok?

You seem kind
of distracted.

I'm fine, i'm fine.
Everything's fine.

Is everything
ok with you?

Oh, me? Yeah. Yeah,
everything is...

Yeah? 'Cause
you seem a little...

Everything's fine.
Ok.

Hello?

Uh...

Hello, yeah,
um, mmm-Hmm.

Uh, let me check.

It's the neighbors. They
want to know if we have any...

Chutney.

What are you doing?

I told you never
to call me here.

What?

No! Don't you dare come
over here. Don't you-

Hello? Hello?

So, are they coming
over for the chutney?

Uh, no.

Uh, we're all out.

Are you kidding me? I just bought
a ton of it at the price club.

Uh, but i just
thought, uh...

What is chutney again?

A kind of sauce?

I'll get it.
I got it.

Hello?

Oh, oh, yeah,
hold-

It's the neighbors. They're
calling back about the chutney.

Yeah, i told her.

I just bought a ton of
it at the price club.

Heh, heh. Yeah, um...

What are you doing? I told
you never to call me here.

Listen to me. I'm here with my wife. You
- Hello?

Oh.

Uh, they found their own chutney
right after they hung up with you.

So, that's that.

So that call was
about chutney?

Yeah.

No. Yes!

Is that- You said
chutney, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I said chutney.

That's what it was.

I definitely said chutney.
Chutney.

Oh, no!

I'm sorry, i just
had to see you.

I told you never
to come here.

Look.

We have to talk.

Wait a minute.

Chris, you
know lee?

No more lies, tracy.

I've been having
an affair with lee.

This is so funny.

Hey, wait a second.

Stop it, stop
laughing. Listen.

This is...

This is hard. I...

I love you.

And i love-
Wait, me or her?

Oh, both of you. I...

Look, i know this
seems crazy-

That was a great
movie, todd.

Yeah.

Lee!

You know lee?

You know lee?

You know lee?

You know lee?

I thought i'd never
see you again.

We're supposed to
go out tomorrow.

No, no, i meant todd.

Lee, my daughter!

I'm trying to
take a nap!

Lee! Oh, heavens!

Hi, hi, nana mccrudden.

Jesus, lee!

Look, i'm sorry. I have
something to tell all of you.

Oh, sweet gerald.

That's almost
everybody,

So i'll begin.

Look, please, sit down.

I've been seeing
another family.

What?

I'm sorry. I-I didn't
want anybody to get hurt.

Especially not
great aunt margery, who...

Who couldn't
be here, but...

I have to do
what's right for me.

It's funny.

You'd like them. They're
actually a lot like you.

So, it's over,
just like that?

It's best this
way. You'll see.

Lee, we just came from
the doctor. We're pregnant.

Lee!

I trust you'll do
the honorable thing.

Hello.

Excuse me.

What?

Uh, do you work here?

Yeah. I said, "what?"

Ok.

I'd like to see
my photos, please.

Oh.

They're under the name,
"the national aeronautic-"

Yeah, yeah.
Space pictures.

How do you know?

Did you look at them?

That's not our policy.

These have chocolate
fingerprints on them.

What kind of film
did you use?

I am not paying
for these.

Touche.

These are the latest pictures
from the mars probe,

Nasa's most recent
triumph in space.

The mercury project,

The apollo missions,

And the mars probe.

Now, nasa embarks on its most
daring and exciting project yet.

Thank you very much. We
have an announcement to make.

Uh, on july 4th
of this year,

America will blow
up the moon.

We have the technology.

The time is now.

Science can wait no longer.

Children are our future.

America can, should, must,
and will blow up the moon.

Yes, and we'll be doing
it during a full moon,

So we make sure
we get it all.

Blowing up the moon fever has
gripped the entire country,

Including the president
himself, guy whitey corngood.

Let's do this.

We are just ecstatic,
our whole family.

We're gonna have a party
and watch the moon blow up.

I'm gonna to bake a cake in the
shape of the moon blowing up.

No more moon!

When i was a boy,

Blowing up the moon was
just a beautiful dream.

Now it's science fact.

This is the moon blowing up,

And this is me smiling.

♪ whoo! Look out moon,
america's gonna get you ♪

♪ gonna go kaboom, it
was nice to have met ya ♪

♪ 'cause ya don't mess around
with god's america ♪

Oh, i've been saying we
should do this for years.

I walked on the
moon. I, uh,

Did a pushup,
ate an egg on it.

What else can
you do with it?

"Exploder one" will carry
enough dynamite

And nuclear charges to blow
up the moon 50 times over.

The president himself will
announce the rocket's countdown.

Get ready.

Once the ship is in space,

Galileo, the great-Grandson
of ulysses,

The first monkey to travel in
space, will push the launch button.

And grace flicks, the
olympic gold medal high diver,

Will do a difficult
triple aerial pike

To signal that the mission
has been a success.

We're ahead of schedule,

Uh, way ahead of schedule,
but we're having fun.

Ken, here, is talking to galileo.
The monkey knows sign language.

And, uh...

What? What's funny?

Uh, galileo
just asked why.

He said, "why are you
blowing up the moon?"

Yeah.

Controversy,
and america reacts.

The monkey sure took the
fun out of everything.

Yeah, we have this
whole party planned.

Well, there isn't going
to be any party now.

♪ hey, mr. Monkey,
don't be askin' why ♪

♪ don't you know
you can't mess ♪

♪ with american pride ♪

We think the monkey
is 100 percent right.

We're spending so much money, millions
of dollars to blow up the moon,

When there's so much right
here on earth to blow up.

Uh, mount everest,
the north pole, etcetera.

We're earthlings, let's
blow up earth things.

We're earthlings, let's
blow up earth things.

When all seems lost,
the country's top minds

Come up with
a last-Minute solution.

We're replacing
galileo, the monkey,

With mr. Wiggles,
the monkey.

Uh, mr. Wiggles comes
to us from the circus.

He does tricks
and most importantly,

He doesn't know
any sign language.

He'll do the job,
no questions asked.

Tonight, we will
blow up the moon.

Hey, they did it, sir.

What?

They blew up the moon.

Is that an idea?

No.

You're all pathetic.

You haven't come
up with one idea

That my 8-Year-Old daughter
couldn't come up with.

You call yourselves
junior executives?

You're senior jackasses!

Can i say something, boss?

It better be an idea.

Yeah, it is, sir.

Here's my idea.

How about instead of you
sitting on your big, fat a*s

And bitching like
a spoiled brat,

You actually chip
in and help?

I can't believe
what i'm hearing.

Siminson,

You can just go to your office
and clean out your desk,

'Cause you're movin' up to the top
floor. You're my new vice-President.

What?
You've got spunk.

You mean it?
You betcha!

Uh, uh, i-I agree
with siminson, sir.

This is clearly not the
best way to get work done.

Oh, yeah? Well,
you're fired.

Huh? No.

No, i just meant
what he said-

Sir, this is crazy. You
can't fire him for that.

You dare to question my judgment
in front of all these people?

That takes guts, peabody.

I'm giving you a raise and that
corner office you've been askin' for.

What? Wait.

Wait, so...

You're giving him
a promotion for-

Shut up, you don't exist.

Hey, you can't talk
to him like that.

You're right.

I could use a guy like you to
kick my a*s every once in a while.

I'm giving you
a promotion.

What the f*ck?

Wha...

Why are you firing me and
giving these guys promotions?

I could use
a guy like you...

As an example!
You're still fired!

Sorry, man.
That's bullshit.

I heard that. You're right,
it's bullshit. I'm promoting you.

Again?
Yes!

Cool!

You know, sir, you
already promoted him-

Are you telling me
how to run my business?

You're fired.

Oh, f*ck you.

Amen. Re-Hired.

Wait, wait, but, sir,
this isn't fair.

"Wait, uh, but, sir,
this isn't fair."

That's you.
Still fired!

Well, i'm glad
i'm fired!

Because, uh...

Because this company
is run by a lunatic.

You've got guts...

The guts of a man
who's fired.

Fine, man.

I'm outta here.
That's fine. You know,

You need help and i-I
really hope you get it.

Wait, don't go.

Now, go.
You're fired.

as*h*le!

Still fired.

Oh!

Now, ahem, who
wants a car?

Oh! I would like one.

Shiny, new car.

Um, uh,
this is wrong.

This is wrong and i'm
not afraid to say it...

Fired!

Oh!

This is bullshit!

Have you been fired,
mistreated,

Or injured on the job?

If so, call my offices.

Hi, i'm don pratt,

And i want to help
you with anything.

I can do chores,

Listen to your stories or
just mess around with you.

We can rent a video,
clean out a backroom,

Or act out the lyrics to
popular songs on the radio.

I'll do anything with you, that
you want, that is legally allowed.

Listen to what
this guy has to say.

I'd been in an
auto accident,

And i saw don pratt's ad on t.V.

I called him up,

And he came over and
we watched t.V. Together.

And then he went out and
bought us some sandwiches.

I thought he was a lawyer.

Pratt promise number one:

I am not a lawyer.

So you don't have to worry about
me hangin' out at an office,

Or boring you with
stories from work.

I live with my mother,

And i can get anywhere
within a 30-Mile radius

Anytime she doesn't
need the car.

I got fired from my job and called
don pratt at 11:00 in the morning.

By 11:30 he was
at my house.

We went to lunch and he told
me the plot to star trek 6.

He didn't hit on me, but i
was afraid he was going to.

I am not interested in
a sexual relationship,

Nor a long-Term one.

That's pratt
promise number 2:

Positively no sex.

I am just there
to hang out with you

For as long as you want.

I called don pratt
and he came over

And stayed around
for the whole weekend.

He helped me
weed my garden.

He read magazines
one afternoon.

I thought he'd gone home.

One night, at dinner,

He started acting out
song lyrics from the radio,

And that was funny.

He's funny-Lookin'.

We were just about
to ask him to leave,

But, uh, he had-
He'd already gone.

Pratt promise number 3:

You don't have to ask me
to leave. I get the message.

Remember the 3 promises.

I am not a lawyer,

I won't try to
have sex with you,

And i will leave when
things get uncomfortable.

Beware of other people
who make these promises.

They either want
to have sex with you,

Or they're a lawyer.

Call me now, i'm
at home right now.

The offices of don pratt
do not exist.

Call him now. If his mother
answers, hang up quickly.

There is no charge
for his services.

You're watching


With your host,
kennard finneran.

Hello.

Tonight we are proud to showcase
the work of the director,

Famous mortimer,

Truly a director of his time,

The 1970s.

His first major film

Was inspired by the then
slightly popular fad of streaking.

It is entitled,
bare ambition.

In this first scene,

The young hero,
jimmy montello, returns home

After successfully streaking
a high-School football game.

Let's take a look.

Hey, pop.

Jimmy,

You was out there
streaking again, wasn't you?

Oh, pop, you should have seen
me. It was a great streak.

You would've been proud.

I sl*ve 12 hours
a day making pepper

To put clothes on your back

So you can go out,
taking them off?

But, pop, mom always said
i should try for my-

Don't talk about your mother
without your clothes on.

I ain't gonna spend my
life stinking of pepper.

I'm gonna be the
best, you'll see!

Oh, god.

A chilling moment.

In this next clip,

Jimmy heads off to
the local streaking bar

To talk streaker talk
with his streaker friends.

It's here he meets
his nemesis,

A ruthless streaker by
the name of coco robins.

Hey, jimmy.

Hey, good
streak tonight.

Hey, jim, that streak
was out-Of-Sight.

Yeah, that was
totally nude, dude.

You sure slapped some
meat in their eyes, jimmy.

Yeah, it was all right.

Hey, jimmy, isn't
that coco robins?

Yeah.

He's the number one
streaker in the country.

Jimmy, i think
he wants you.

Yeah. Maybe he
wants some advice.

All right, sandy.
That's enough.

Listen, kid, i'm the only
streaker in this town.

I better not catch you streaking
when i'm streaking. You hear?

You'll see.

Yeah, everyone will see...

Me.

Now put your clothes on.

No!

Put 'em on.

Ooh, la, la!

Hey, hey, come on.
Let's get outta here.

Indeed.

The story continues
with jimmy taking on coco

In the world's first olympic
streaking competition.

They both lose to
a man from kenya

Who is more comfortable
with his nudity than they are.

In the end, the 2 become
fast friends.

Now, for some reason, mortimer
made a sequel to bare ambition.

It was shot over the course
of the following weekend.

The sequel is set in the
director's own vision of the future.

Jimmy and coco have now become
world-Famous billionaire streakers,

And twin emperors of the
unites states of meximericanada.

The film opened in 1978

In over 1000 theaters, and you
are the first people to see it.

Here, now, a taste

Of streak-Dome '97.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right,
listen to me, listen to me.

I can get you 100
streakers by christmas,

Or i can get you 10 streak
bots by noon, thanksgiving.

Yeah, well they
are robots,

But each one does the
work of 100 streakers.

All right, you got a deal.

Hey, coco, do you believe
we've come this far?

Who would have thunk
it, huh, jimmy?

Hey,

Did you read that t*rrorists
have overtaken sector 5?

Yeah, they took pope stephanie
the 12th as a hostage.

Oh, what the-

In accordance with the proclamation
of senior potentate grandpa,

The elder, this
establishment is shut down.

Officer, please.

Silence.

Yes, it's pretty
ridiculous.

In the film,
mortimer predicts

That the elderly would rise
up and take over the world.

In fact, his paranoia
was so great...

Grandpa timmy, bob!

David, listen to them,
they mean business.

This show must
be shut down

In accordance with the protocols
of the elders of elders.

Article 17-"B":

All t.V. Must be nice

For the nice people.

Confiscate
this equipment.

Testicular electrocution
for all.

No. No.

No!

Well,

That's our show.

It will be different from now
on, but we think you'll like it.

♪ going on a holiday

♪ going on a holiday

♪ hey, there,
what do you say? ♪

♪ we're going on a holiday

♪ going to yellowstone

♪ going to wisconsin dell

♪ going to valley farm

♪ we're going to ranson mall

♪ doesn't matter
what you say ♪

♪ we're going on a holiday

♪ going on a holiday

♪ going on a holiday

♪ hey, hey, what
do you say? ♪

♪ going on a holiday

♪ going on a holiday

♪ going on a holiday

♪ doesn't matter
what you say ♪

♪ going on a holiday ♪