01x12 - Simon the Pieman/A Mad Mad Tea Party

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR:
In the library of stately Wayne Manor...

...Bruce Wayne and d*ck Grayson relax
from their secret roles...

...of Batman and Robin.

Holy cupids, Bruce.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
I almost forgot.

Hope you didn't forget all those girls
who send you valentines every year.

Aw, I don't get that many.

Forget the hearts and flowers.

It's villains and brickbats time again.
Come on.

NARRATOR:
Now at Gotham Police Headquarters...

Valentine gifts for Batman and Robin...

...from the Joker, The Penguin,
The Riddler, and Catwoman.

Mm. I think we'd better open them
in the basement b*mb disposal lab.

NARRATOR:
in the shockproof fab...

...the Joker's Valentine gift,
a pack of cards, is opened.

The joker card exploded.

A booby-trapped valentine.

NARRATOR: Now, as The Penguin's
valentine is opened by remote control...

-Maybe it's a dud.
-None of Penguin's umbrella tricks...

...ever laid an egg before.
Let me try something else.

Clever. Now let's put
Riddler's puzzle together underwater.

ROBIN: Look, it's us.
-Riddler's little joke.

[expl*si*n]

Another bobby trap.

Designed to explode on exposure to air
once the puzzle was completed!

This is the Catwoman's valentine.

[MEOWING]

ROBIN:
A cat, wearing a valentine.

"Roses are red, violets are blue-o...

...and I adore the Dynamic Duo.

Signed, Catwoman."

Holy bad rhymes.

Wait. There's more.

Catwoman says though she's our enemy,
she admires us...

...and declares a Valentine's Day truce
between us.

A truce?

Can we believe it?

Look, she likes me.

Let's keep her for a good luck charm.

Only after she's checked from whiskers to
tail for booby traps, gizmos and gimmicks.

Valentina.
That's a good name for her, Batman.

But why should Catwoman declare a truce
and send us a Valentine's gift...

-...without a gimmick?
-Aw, she probably got a little sentimental.

NARRATOR:
Don't you believe it, Robin, for right now...

Mm. Purr-fect.

The Caped Crusaders are there...

...and the mail truck is way over here.

Go!

Stopping us triggered an alarm
in Police Headquarters, Catwoman.

Batman and Robin will be here
faster than you can say meow.

So they will.

That's all, my tabbies. Come.

It was the Catwoman.

But what took you Caped Crusaders
so long?

We were clear across Gotham
when we got the call.

[RADIO BEEPING]

-Police radio.
OFFICER: Calling the Dynamic Duo.

Catwoman pulling robbery
at Gotham Airport.

Holy double-cross.

Let's go.

The Caped Crusaders!

Faster!
We must make the cloverleaf before them.

Airport's on the other side of Gotham.
We'll never arrive in time.

This time, Catwoman's made a mistake.

There's only one road from the airport
and we're on it.

ROBIN: Gone. It's as if she knew
where we were every instant.

Somehow Catwoman's tracking
our every move.

And I'm afraid there's only one suspect.

ROBIN:
Not Valentina?

There're no tracker gimmicks on her.

Well, something's sure tipping Catwoman
to our whereabouts.

No, Valentina! Wait!

I better go get her.

Holy phantasmagoria.

Come on, glowworm,
we've gotta check you out.

NARRATOR:
Shortly in Police Headquarters...

BATMAN: There. That cat's fur is coated
with a chemical that gives off radio waves.

-So that's how Catwoman tracked us.
-If you don't mind, commissioner...

...we'll leave her with you for the time being.
Let's go, Robin.

NARRATOR: At this moment,
the sleek Catmobile is parked before:

CATWOMAN:
Spiffany's Gem Tower...

...chock-full of juicy jewels for the taking.

And the Dynamic Duo can't stop us...

...because right now,
they're moping at Police Headquarters.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Commissioner
Gordon's daughter, Barbara...

...arrives at Police Headquarters.

Babs, take charge of this feline.

I just got word Batman and Robin
have Catwoman in a trap at Spiffany's.

I'm on my way to help.

And don't let that kitty out of your sight.

Catwoman cornered
by the Dynamic Duo, huh?

That's one showdown I must be in on...

...as Batgirl.

-When I give the word, Robin, pounce.
-Check.

Uh-oh! The Dynamic Duo
are on their way here.

Catwoman to Catmen. Knock it off.

Okay, chum, now.

Catwoman's getting away.

Hang on, kitty.

Batgirl. I'll fix her.

GORDON:
Nice work, Caped Crusaders.

They're all yours, commissioner.
We're going after Catwoman.

She can't be too far ahead, Robin.

This time she can't track us
with that furry valentine.

Yeah, but...

Well, I really do like that cat.

NARRATOR: And that cat sure likes
the Dynamic Duo, foo much.

Enough to lead Batman and Robin
into bigger trouble...

...as she pinpoints their whereabouts
to the Catwoman.

Don't miss the exciting conclusion...

...coming up next.

NARRATOR:
Having subdued the Catmen...

...and turned the stolen gems
over to the police...

...the Dynamic Duo
now start after Catwoman.

BATMAN:
She can't be too far ahead.

And this time, she can't track us
with that furry valentine.

NARRATOR:
That's what you think, Batman.

Because not far ahead...

[CATWOMAN MEOWS]

That blip again.

The Caped Crusaders are after me.

Holy blowout!

Catwoman sabotaged our tires!

Activate hover jets.

CATWOMAN:
They're still after me.

Well, I'll fix that.

Here they come.

Right into my trap.

Now!

Batman, look. A net.

At this speed it'll wreck us!

Not unless the Bat-cutter doesn't work.

[YOWLS]

Foiled again.

-There she goes.
-She acts as if she's still tracking us...

-...with Valentina.
-That can't be.

We left that cat
back at Police Headquarters.

Now, I'll give them a valentine
they'll really hate.

Batman! Look out!

Look! A Cat-O-Ram!

Stand by for jet assist.

There goes our feline foe.

BATMAN:
She can't go too far.

Stand by for Batapult intercept.

ROBIN:
Holy roof hangers!

If we wiggle a finger, it's Fallsville.

Hang on, chum, I'll get you up.

Now I'll get rid of you Masked Meddlers
once and for all.

[LAUGHING]

Uh-oh, now we've had it.

Easy, Robin, I'm going to flip up.

[MEOWS]

[ROARS]

No! No!

Get away, you stupid cat!

Easy now. Steady.

There. Okay.

[SNARLING]

Okay, come on. Let's get her.

Uh-oh. We're surrounded.

Come on, hit them, chum.

[SNARLING]

NARRATOR: But now, Batgirl,
recovered from her fall, reaches the scene.

What a mess.

I not only let Catwoman clobber me,
but I lost that cat Dad gave me to watch.

[MEOWING]

The cat. And Catwoman.

This is my big chance to stop that witch.

[MEN GRUNTING]

That's that.
But Catwoman's given us the slip.

No, she hasn't. Look.

Looks as if Catwoman got a Valentine gift
after all.

But who racked her up?

There's your answer, chum.

NARRATOR: Not long after, with Catwoman
safely caged at Gotham City jail...

...in Commissioner Gordon's office...

BATMAN: Well, Valentina
almost got us trapped for good...

...by hiding in the Batmobile.

But she sure made up for it
by saving our hash on that rooftop.

One thing puzzles me.

How did that cat
get all the way across Gotham...

...after she escaped from you, Babs?

It's miles.

Uh, why-- Um...

I guess she just has a nose
for cat-tastrophies, Dad.

NARRATOR:
Gotham City International Airport...

...where crowds of citizens wait to welcome
the visiting maharaja of Typur...

...under the watchful eyes
of the Dynamic Duo.

Is it really true
the maharaja is never seen in public...

-...without the crown jewels?
-That's what they say.

NARRATOR: But as the maharaja's
jetliner approaches the runway...

...there is dirty work afoot
within another aircraft...

...at a distant part of the airport...

...directed by the cool, cruel,
villainous Mr. Freeze.

Alert the Jeep.

Yes, sir, Mr. Freeze.

Follow that Jeep.

Citizens of Gotham City...

...I, the great maharaja of Typur
greet you with--

Knock it off, Maha,
and get down here fast...

...before we put a bunch of holes
in your dress.

Look, they're taking him
into that black plane.

What's going on?

An abduction. Come on.

Into the plane, hurry!

You must be American gangsters.

Is wonderful.

I love gangster movies.

Too late. I suggest you alert all airports,
get search planes in the air at once.

Come on, Robin, to the Batplane.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay
in Gotham City, heh, Your Excellency.

I am enjoy.

Tell me. What gangster movie
you are making now, eh?

Movies? Are you kidding?

Where do we go now, Mr. Freeze?

-Double back and land at Gotham Airport.
-Gotham Airport?

The cops will be all over us
before we touch the ground.

No. They're looking for a black plane...

...but with a quick coat of frost,
we're flying a white one.

NARRATOR:
Holy Jack Frost!

The frigid fiend has done it again.

I can't see a thing in this fog, Batman.
Anything turn up on the radar?

Only search planes. Even the Bat-detector
doesn't pick up a black plane.

How could they have disappeared
so fast?

Any word yet, commissioner?

Nothing good, Chief O'Hara.

The black plane seems to have vanished.

Up and down, in and out.

You American gangsters do crazy things.

-Anything turn up, commissioner?
-Nothing, Batman.

-We struck out too.
-How could a big black airplane...

-...just disappear in thin air?
-It didn't disappear, chief. Look.

O'HARA:
Saints preserve us!

The paint's peeling off
right before my eyes.

That's not paint, chief.

-It's frost.
-Frost.

-Mr. Freeze.
-Right under my own nose.

Come on, Robin.
We've got work for the Batcomputer.

[DINGS]

Here's a list of land vehicles that can be
refrigerated enough to suit Mr. Freeze.

We'll pass this on to the commissioner,
then scout around on our own.

In the Batcopter?

Check.
And hook up the m*dget Bat-racer.

I've got a hunch it may come in handy.

Please, Mr. Gangster,
can you not make warmer this car?

Sorry, Your Majesty,
but I must remain cold or perish.

Batman, look down there.

BATMAN: A frozen food van.
Prepare to lower the Bat-racer.

You make very good stickup.

[MR. FREEZE LAUGHS]

Beautiful!

Hey, we're being followed.

Let me see that.

It's Batman. Head for the river road.

The fog coming in off the river
is just perfect for what I have in mind.

Excellent, we're about to enter
a beautiful fog bank.

First,
I'll make the road smoother for him.

And now, I'll freeze the fog bank.

Uh-oh, ice!

Mr. Freeze,
what do we do with Omar here?

-Bump him off?
-Bump off?

I've decided to put him on ice.

There's the van, Batman!

Heading for the old ice house.

Let's drop in on him.

Okay. Better turn up the Bat-thermo power
on your belt.

We'll no doubt get a cool reception.

Hey, boss...

...what shall we do with the raja?

Throw him into the river.

BATMAN:
I wouldn't do that, Mr. Freeze.

The Dynamic Duo!

Cool it, fellas.

No, I'll cool you.

You're losing your touch, Mr. Freeze.

What now, Batman?

First, revive the maharaja,
then turn our friends over to the police.

Well, all's well that ends well,
Your Excellency.

We recovered every last piece
of your crown jewels.

That stuff?

Is fake.

Give to gangsters.

-Fake?
-Sure.

You think maharaja is dum-dum?

I never even carry cash money.

[LAUGHING]