01x07 - Partners in Peril/The Underworld Underground Caper/The Ghost of Kilbane Castle/The Monster Molecule

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR: Gotham Square,
where city officials are gathered...

...to honor Gotham's
two most famous citizens.

Batman and Robin are due
any moment now, Mr. Mayor.

Fine, commissioner, fine.

Dad, look up there.

GORDON:
Great day. Toy umbrellas?

BARBARA:
It's the Penguin.

[LAUGHS]

We must do something quickly.

You're too late.
The Penguin's made his escape.

-Not yet. Robin, activate Batapults.
ROBIN: Check.

Bull's-eye.

[PENGUIN SHRIEKS]

Here, now. What are you doing?

Returning the statues
and delivering you to the police.

Guess again, Masked Manhunter.

The Jokerplane.

[LAUGHS]

ROBIN:
Yeow!

BATMAN:
Batachutes.

Well, we saved the statues.

Yes, but we've lost our man.

NARRATOR: Soon, in a deserted carnival,
the dread duo becomes a terrible trio.

Remember the rules
of our contest, Riddler?

Sure. The one who pulls off
the most daring crime...

...will take over Gotham City's
crime empire.

[CHUCKLES]

Right. You muffed your chance,
bird-brain.

Now let's see who gets
the next crack at it.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

Your turn, puzzle-puss.

[CHUCKLES]

Just watch me go.

What do you think
that devilish duo's up to?

Beats me. We'll just have to play it cool
and see what develops.

NARRATOR:
You won't have long to wait, Batman.

That night, near the underground vaults...

...where Gotham Laboratory stores
its precious fissionable material...

HENCHMAN:
Almost finished, Riddler.

[CHUCKLES]

By now my riddle-clue should be
reaching the Masked Manhunters.

-Addressed to me, commissioner?
-Yes, it just arrived by messenger.

-Read it to me, please.
-"Batman, riddle me this.

What is found beneath the ground?

-It rhymes with malt and salt."
-What's up?

The Riddler's given us
a real brain-teaser this time, Robin.

GORDON:
Can you figure it out, Barbara?

No, Dad, and I haven't time
for games now.

Must rush back to the library. See you.

I get it. “Vault" rhymes with
"malt" and "salt."

Right. Now where is a vault
"found beneath the ground"?

-The storage vaults of Gotham Labs.
-Good thinking, chum.

RIDDLER:
Peekaboo.

[RIDDLER CHUCKLES]

GUARD 1: The Riddler.
GUARD 2: Another Riddler!

GUARD 3:
And another. And another. And another.

What's going on here?

[CHUCKLING]

I warn you.
Stop, or we'll sh**t you all down.

Fire!

They were just balloons...

...filled with sleeping gas.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, men, into the vaults.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile in the hushed
atmosphere of Gotham Library...

Salt. Vault. And there's only one
underground vault in Gotham City.

I don't care if the Dynamic Duo
like it or not, Batgirl is joining them.

RIDDLER: There's a fortune
in plutonium stored here.

Don't overlook a single drop.

BATMAN: Didn't you overlook something?
RIDDLER: The Caped Crime-Fighters.

Riddle them with your fists.

ROBIN:
Punny man.

-Puny joke, Robin.
-Look out.

One Batarang coming up.

[YELLING]

-Batman. The Riddler's gone.
-He couldn't have gotten very far.

ROBIN: There he is.
-He's as good as caught.

-Ugh. My eyes!
BATMAN: Where did that come from?

-Sorry, Batman. I was only trying to help.
-And you did.

-You helped the Riddler escape.
-Easy, Robin. It was an accident.

I'm more concerned
about this crime partnership.

Now it's my turn to try for king.

And for my caper, I intend
to wipe out Batman and Robin.

The big question is why have
our three arch enemies joined forces?

Perhaps they mean to throw you off-guard,
so they can perpetrate a massive caper.

d*ck:
Alfred's got a point, Bruce.

BRUCE: No, I think they're up to something
much bigger than robbery.

NARRATOR: As Gotham Bank
readies an armored-car shipment...

Watch this magnet operate.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

GUARD 1: Look out.
GUARD 2: The Jokemobile.

GUARD 1:
The Jokemobile.

[BAT-SIGNAL BEEPING]

JOKER:
Good, there goes the Bat-Signal.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

RIDDLER: Good? How do you
hope to outrace the Batmobile?

PENGUIN:
While dragging the armored car?

Bird-brains, I want Batman
to catch up to me.

-I don't get it, Batman.
-Nor do I. This seems too easy.

Those bat-birds are gaining fast, Joker.

[LAUGHS]

Relax, I've prepared a fitting
gambit for them.

And this will flip them.

[LAUGHS]

Holy flip-overs!
How do we get out of this one?

Farewell, Cowled Crusaders.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR:
Is this really farewell?

Has the Joker finally had the last laugh
on the Cowled Crime-Fighters?

Don't miss the thrill-packed conclusion
coming up next.

NARRATOR: The Dynamic Duo,
in hot pursuit of three arch villains...

...who've stolen an armored car
full of money...

...are taken by surprise when a drawbridge,
triggered by the Joker...

...springs open suddenly,
flinging the Batmobile high into the air.

Farewell, Cowled Crusaders.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

BATMAN:
Activate hover jets.

ROBIN:

-They're back on the road.
-We're finished.

I'll release the armored car.
Maybe we can lose them.

NARRATOR:
But what's this? Another complication?

-Attention, Joker.
-Who's that?

PILOT:
This is a friend.

Take next right turn and...

Look, a secret entrance.

Where could they have vanished to?

Where in blazes are we?

[CATWOMAN PURRS THEN LAUGHS]

JOKER:
The Catwoman.

ROBIN: Holy needle-in-a-haystack.
We'll never find them now.

BATMAN: You're right, chum.
I'm afraid we've lost this round.

You heard about our contest?

Yes, and I knew
you couldn't succeed separately.

So now I offer you a deal.

What sort of a deal?

To join me in a scheme
to take control of Gotham City.

-All three of them have teamed up?
BATMAN: Right, commissioner.

I suggest the entire Police Department
be placed on 24-hour alert.

Paralyze the Police Department?

Brilliant idea, my felonious feline.

But how do we accomplish that feat?

Destroy mobility,
eliminate communications...

...capture weapons.

But you must strike swiftly.

[PHONE RINGS]

Gordon here. What? Who is this?

Hung up. Hmm.

Commission Gordon to Batman.

I've just received an anonymous tip...

...that the Penguin plans to wreck
the Police Communications Center.

We're on our way.

And so am I, Batman.

NARRATOR:
Hurry, crime-fighters.

For this little man waddling into the
Communications Center is up to no good.

Only authorized personnel permitted.

I've authorized myself.

-It's the Penguin.
-Stand back.

I'll electrocute
the first bird who approaches.

Try us, Penguin.

ROBIN:
Aim at one, and the other will get you.

And if he won't, I will.

ROBIN:
Nasty little man.

What's your hurry?

[PENGUIN YELLS]

Stay a while. He's all yours, officers.

MAN [OVER PA]: All points bulletin.
Proceed to junction at...

...Main Street and Gotham Boulevard.

[CHUCKLES]

Are they in for a surprise.

That last signal may tie in with a tipoff...

...that the Riddler's planning
to foul up police transportation.

NARRATOR: Now a mass of police cars,
responding to the Riddler's phony signal...

...rush into his trap.

[SIRENS WAILING]

RIDDLER: Let's see you riddle yourselves
out of this maze, my friends.

-Activate the Bat-dozer.
ROBIN: Bat-dozer operative.

[YELLS]

RIDDLER: Ooh!
-Welcome aboard, Riddler.

He's all yours, Batgirl.
See he's safely tucked away in a cell.

NARRATOR: And right now at the entrance
to the Gotham Police Arsenal.

What's that? A mechanical Joker toy.

Another anonymous tip?
It's just plain crazy.

Crazy or not, we've got to check it out.

It's a time-b*mb. Scatter!

JOKER:
Follow me, boys.

Now let's load up
all those beautiful weapons.

Mind if we join you, Joker?

Here's your net result.

HENCHMAN: Ow!
-sh**t them down.

Without g*ns?

Here, fellas.

Have some more g*ns.

Please, Joker, don't go away mad.

You female...

GORDON: That's correct. I was tipped off
to every one of those crimes.

-Which one of you creeps ratted?
-The Riddler.

Me? Why you...

Hold it. How could any of you
squeal on all three?

Right, it had to be someone else.

ALL:
Catwoman.

Look, down there.

That must be Catwoman's hideout.
Set instruments for automatic hover.

[ROBIN YELLS]

BATMAN:
A camouflaged tiger trap.

[CATWOMAN PURRS]

Now Catwoman shall reign
as queen of the underworld.

Unless...

[CHUCKLES]

...you can escape
those razor-sharp fangs below.

[CATWOMAN LAUGHS]

-Bat-torches, Robin.
ROBIN: Roger.

Catwoman, look.

[GROWLS]

They've melted the steel teeth.

[GROWLS]

We'd better get out of here.

-She's getting away.
-Wanna bet?

[CATWOMAN SCREECHES]

Congratulations, Masked Manhunters.

Once again, you have averted catastrophe.

Thank you, sir, but I think
Batgirl deserves some credit.

-Don't you, Robin?
-Well, I suppose so.

I often wonder who Batgirl really is.

NARRATOR:
The big circus comes to Gotham City...

...and everybody who loves a parade,
even the National Guard...

...has turned out to welcome
the performing animals...

...and the beloved clowns.

Okay, gentlemen,
let's get this show on the road.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

[ANIMALS GROWLING AND ROARING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING AND SHOUTING]

Get those animals under control.

Use weapons if necessary.

Bruce, look at this, quick.
The circus parade.

The animals have stampeded
and the crowd is in a panic.

We'd better lend a hand, chum.

Oh, I do so love circuses.

They're such fun.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

I've done my job. Now you do yours.

Have no fear. The Penguin's here.

[CHUCKLES]

I beg your pardon, sir,
but you're standing on my tank.

Your tank? What are you talking abo--?

In you go, gentlemen.

I've, uh, concluded my negotiations
with the National Guard.

[CHUCKLES]

-What do we do now?
-Since these are trained animals...

...If we get the leader of each group
under control, the rest will follow. Come on.

ROBIN:
You look like the boss, all right.

I'd better come up
and have a talk with you.

[ROARS]

Easy now, Jumbo.

[WHIP CRACKING]

Come on now, Tabby.
Set a good example for the rest of the boys.

Sit.

That's it. Now make a right turn.

[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING
AND LION GROWLING]

Now the rest of you guys, get in line.

All right, pussycat, do your stuff.

Okay, you cats, follow the leader.

Now let's find out what happened here.

[PENGUINS SQUAWKING]

What's that funny noise?

HENCHMAN:
I can't hear nothing over this rattle trap.

-Hey, Pengy, we're being followed.
-What?

Well, two wonderful little birds.
How delightful.

[PENGUIN CHUCKLES]

HENCHMAN: They might give us away.
Maybe I'd better blast them, huh?

Are you kidding? Let them come along.
Then I'll have someone intelligent to talk to.

-Much damage, commissioner?
-No, Batman, surprisingly little.

But there were two
rather strange occurrences, Mr. Mayor.

-Such as?
-One, the National Guard tank is missing.

-What else, commissioner?
-Also missing are two circus penguins.

Penguins, eh?

[PENGUINS SQUAWKING]

I tell you, Pengy, with this baby...

...we're going to pull the biggest bank job
since Bonnie and Clyde.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

JOKER: For those of you who haven't
figured it out yet, this is a holdup.

GORDON: The tank was used to rob
the Prairieview National Bank.

ROBIN:
That's just a few miles outside Gotham.

Right. Now I think the picture
is in focus for me, commissioner.

Yes?

This is the work of the Joker
and the Penguin.

-How do you figure that, Batman?
-First...

...who could better impersonate clowns
than the Joker and his bunch?

Second, it's my hunch that in the confusion,
the two trained birds...

...mistook the Penguin for their leader
and followed him when he stole the tank.

And now we know
what they wanted the tank for.

What now, Batman?

Please call the circus and ask them
to lend us a baby penguin.

We'll take it from there. Come on, Robin.

-We're coming to the hideout, Joker.
JOKER: Drive right in.

Then go back and clean up our tracks
to the highway.

It's easy to follow the tank tracks,
but I still don't get this Penguin.

-What's he for?
-He takes over when we run out of tracks.

What's your hurry to divide the loot?
Don't you trust me?

Do you want an honest answer?

[BABY PENGUIN SQUAWKING]

Oh, look, a baby bird.

You imbecile, do you think the woods
are full of wandering penguins?

This one was sent out to track us.

Hey, Joker, I seen the Batmobile outside.

JOKER:
So, the Dynamic Dodos found us.

Well, we'll make them sorry they did.

Man the tank.

Do you think they're in that cave,
Batman?

BATMAN:
That answer your question, chum?

They're trying to ram us.

No use, Joker.
They'll drive circles around this tank.

JOKER:
Only if they can see it.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

A smoke b*mb!

[ROBIN COUGHS]

-I can't see!
BATMAN: Watch out. Here it comes.

ROBIN:
We're going over!

Pull the chute. Ride her down.

We did it.

[PENGUIN CHUCKLES]

We've done in the Dynamic Duo.

Sort of makes our day, doesn't it?

[LAUGHS]

HENCHMAN:
Hey, look. Batman.

JOKER:
Run him down.

BATMAN:
This ought to choke him up.

ROBIN:
Come on, baby.

[GRUNTS]

You pinheaded Penguin.

Of all the fat-headed fowl, you are the--

Why is this my fault?

JOKERS:
You and those idiotic birds of yours.

[PENGUINS SQUAWKING]