01x09 - He Who Laughs Last

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

BATMAN: Greetings, Batfans.

This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New
Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our
never-ending battle

of good versus evil.

ROBIN: Ride with
us as we chase

the greatest array of villains
the world has ever seen,

proving that crime
does not pay.

BATMAN: Get set for
thrills and action.

Join me, Batman...

And me, Robin the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

ROBIN: ...in the super
New Adventures of Batman.

[SIREN WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

MAN [OVER PA]: Jailbreak.

Jailbreak.

Close all gates.

Guards, report
to your stations.

Jailbreak in Cellblock
C. Jailbreak.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

Here I am. Ha-ha-ha!

Over here.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, now.

Try and find me.

Over there.

Get the lights over there.

[LAUGHING]

Roses are red Ha-ha!

And violets are blue

Ha-ha!

You won't find me

You haven't a clue

Ha-ha!

Roses are red

And violets are...

[LAUGHING]

Hello down there.

I want to thank you

for a not-so-pleasant stay.

It's the Joker.

After him.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry, gentlemen, but
my Jokerplane is here.

And, ha-ha, I must be leaving.

[ALARM WAILING]

One last thing:

I have a message for Batman.

Tell him I haven't forgotten

who put me here in jail.

[LAUGHS]

Tell Batman that I
shall devote myself

to making him...

[LAUGHS]

...the laughingstock

of Gotham City.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

My newest invention, Robin:

helium paint.

Holy levitation.

BAT-MITE: Now that
is really something.

Hi, fellas.

Hey, look, I got a surfboard.

Easy there.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, cut it out.

You haven't seen anything yet.

Watch this.

Wheee!

[GIGGLES]

[CRASH]

Oh, no.

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry, Robin.

Holy aggravation, Batman.

What are we gonna do with him?

The question, Robin, is what
we're going to do with you.

[BEEPING]

Yes, commissioner? Batman,

you'd better take
a look outside.

Outside?

Take a look, you'll see.

I think we'd better get
up to the Bat-tower.

[♪♪♪]

"A challenge to Batman."

You think you're smart

You think you're witty

But I am the smartest
In Gotham City

So try and catch me

That is if you dare

But first I warn you
You'd better beware

Oh, yeah?

We'll see about that.

Go ahead, Robin.

For where there is smoke

There is also fire

That is your clue

And I am no liar

Holy Joker, Batman.

What do you think he's up to?

You never know with
the Joker, Robin.

[♪♪♪]

Let's go, Robin.

Bat-Mite, you stay here.

Where there's smoke, there's
fire, and maybe the Joker too.

[♪♪♪]

Batman calling
Commissioner Gordon.

There's a large fire
at the junkyard.

Looks like the
work of the Joker.

Better send out the
fire department.

Batman out.

I'm afraid Batman is
gonna have his hands full

with the Joker.

Maybe Batgirl can
be of some help.

[♪♪♪]

Holy burning trash.

I never thought that Joker
would do anything like this.

I don't think he
meant to, Robin.

Looks like he just wanted
a small blaze in there,

but the sparks jumped
across the road.

That's what happens
when you play with fire.

BOY: Batman. Batman.

A man asked me to give
you this. Thank you.

I couldn't wait
So please pursue

Pagliacci's my favorite

And it's also your clue

What's a Pagliacci?

It's a very famous opera.

It's the story of a clown.

No wonder the Joker likes it.

Tell me about the man
who gave you this.

Well, Spot and I were
playing over there...

Where's my dog?

[BARKING]

ROBIN: Great ba*ls of fire.

That dog's in trouble.

[LAUGHING] All right, all
right, you're welcome.

[CHUCKLES]

Batman, I think
you've made a friend.

BATMAN: Here you are, son.

Gee, thank you, Batman.

It's Batgirl.

Hi. Thought I'd drop by and
see what the Joker was up to.

Would you give
this to Batgirl?

Pagliacci.

It's an opera about a clown.

I know. I also know

that the famous Spanish
singer, Mucho Gusto,

is giving a special
performance today.

The governor, the mayor,

even Commissioner
Gordon will be there.

And the opera

is Pagliacci.

Then let's go.

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SINGING IN ITALIAN]

[LAUGHS]

[AUDIENCE GASPS] Batman.

What are you doing here?

Why, I'm here to make
you laugh, commissioner.

Always leave them laughing.

It's... [LAUGHS]

...it's... [LAUGHS]

...laughing gas.

Ha-ha! I can't help myself.

I don't know
what's... [LAUGHS]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

Commissioner. Officer,

arrest that man.

Batman?

That's right.

I want Batman arrested.

Arrested?

Holy false imprisonment.

Sufferin' Saturn.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

GORDON: All right,
Batman, I apologize.

But it sure seemed to be
you up there on that stage.

Well, things aren't always the
way they seem, commissioner.

You're right. But the Joker
made you look pretty silly.

And I sure wish I knew what
he was going to do next.

[LAUGHTER]

Now stop it, Giggles.

[LAUGHS]

You're making me laugh.

[LAUGHS]

Now you wait here. [LAUGHING]

Now stop that. This is...

[LAUGHS]

...serious business.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Sorry I had to do that,

but this location
must remain a secret.

I understand, Batman.

So this is the famous Batcave.

And where is Bat-Mite?

Here I am, with a small
present in honor of your visit.

Well, thank you.

What is it? Helium paint.

One of the inventions
we've been working on.

We? Listen here--

[BATCOMPUTER BEEPING]

BATMAN: Yes, commissioner?

Well, the Joker's
done it again.

Go out to the zoo, and
you'll see what I mean.

BATGIRL: Do you
mind if I stay here

and use the computer?

I have an idea.

Of course. Bat-Mite
can stay and help you.

Yahoo! Ha!

[♪♪♪]

[CHATTERING]

Holy float like a butterfly
and sting like a bee.

Batman, look.

[TRUMPETING]

BATMAN: Like an
elephant I never forget

So watch out, Batman

I'll get you yet

"Continued on next elephant."

When you figure
out What I intend

You'll spend your time
In search of a friend

"You'll spend your time
in search of a friend."

Holy weird riddles, Batman.

I don't get it.

Well, when the Joker
speaks in rhyme,

you can bet he has a reason.

Hey, look out for the
animals. Watch out!

Over there, Robin. [ROARS]

[LAUGHING]

Come on, Boy Wonder.

We have to catch him before
he spooks the other animals.

[ROARING]

[TRUMPETING]

[LAUGHING]

Holy pachyderms, Batman.

They're breaking out.

What'll we do?

We have one chance, Robin,
if I can contact the Batcave.

Batman calling Batgirl.

Batman calling
Batgirl, come in.

Go ahead, Batman.

Give me ten seconds,

then change the computer
mode to "music."

And then dial in "circus."

First music,

then circus.

Roger, Batman.

All right, Robin,
to the Batmobile.

[TRUMPETING]

Now for the stereo speakers.

And now for the Bat-Aerial.

Seven, eight, nine, ten.

[CIRCUS MUSIC
PLAYING OVER STEREO]

ROBIN: Batman,

they remembered
their circus act.

Of course, Robin. Once
you've been in show business,

you never forget.

All right, Robin, the
zookeeper will take over now.

Let's get back to the Batcave.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

There they go,
Giggles. Ha-ha-ha!

Well, now, heh-heh-heh!

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

[LAUGHS]

Not so loud.

BATGIRL: Then the Joker set up
the kangaroo and the elephants.

Now, look what happens
if we just keep

the first letter of each word.

BATMAN: "Joke."

He's spelling out "Joker."

Good thinking, Batgirl.

Holy alphabet.

Then R is next.

I'd better call
the commissioner.

[♪♪♪]

[AS GORDON] Yes, Batman.

I see. Then all we have to do

is figure out where
the R will be.

That's right,
commissioner. Any ideas?

Yes, several.

It could be the
railroad roundhouse.

Better send Robin there.

Don't you leave the Batcave

until I call you back.

Right, commissioner.

Robin, you and Bat-Mite take
off for the railroad roundhouse,

and watch your step.

No need to worry, chief.
I'll take care of him.

Whoops. [GIGGLES]

[LAUGHS]

Poor Batman.

By the time he figures
this out...Ha-ha-ha!

...I'll have Robin
thousands of miles away.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Sure looks quiet.

Sure does. Hey, look.

That's the boy we
met at the junkyard.

I'll go ask him if
he's seen anything.

I'll look around in the
railroad roundhouse.

Something's wrong.

I keep wondering
what the Joker meant

by "You'll spend your time
in search of a friend."

Batgirl, your father's
voice sounded strange.

I wonder...

Yes, Batman.

BATMAN: Commissioner,
no time to explain.

Did we speak a
few minutes ago?

No, we didn't.

I was afraid of that.

I'll call you
later, commissioner.

The last letter in
the Joker's name: R.

He's after Robin.

Let's go.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Holy Birdman of Alcatraz.

Open this door. Let me out.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

Not yet, Robin.

Ha-ha! You have a long
trip ahead of you.

[LAUGHS]

Here comes the express.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[LAUGHS]

Now we'll hook you up

to the end of the express.

[LAUGHS]

Have a nice trip.

[LAUGHS]

Bat-Mite, I'm in the boxcar.

See if you can switch me off

before I hook up to the train.

Hang on, Robin.

Come on, Spot, we
gotta save Robin.

Ohhh.

It's Batman.

There they go.

We'll hitch up
to Robin's boxcar

and take him with us.

[LAUGHS]

Take over, Batgirl.

Robin, help, help!

Hold on, Bat-Mite.

[LAUGHS] [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

Boy, am I glad to see you.

[BELL RINGS]

Well, Joker, we meet again.

The throttle's broken.

We can't stop.

Batgirl calling Batman.

The bridge is out.

Stop the train.

We can't stop.

The control's broken.

Batgirl, can you drop
me the helium paint

that Bat-Mite gave you?

BATGIRL: I'm on my way.

Well, Joker, we're
gonna fly you nonstop...

right back to jail.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, be quiet.

VOICE: Bat Message.

Bat-Mite, you certainly
were a real hero today.

Now close your eyes. I
have something for you.

All right, open.

You know, Bat-Mite,
for each hero,

there are usually a lot
of others who helped.

They're the unsung heroes.

We should all take turns
wearing this. One more thing.

See you next week.

[♪♪♪]